Doesn't Know How to Date...
 

It’s come to my attention as of recent that I don’t know how to date anymore.


I was in a serious relationship for about four years. And I guess during that time the dating world changed. And no one fucking told me. Almost immediately after that long relationship I ended up in another relationship that as some of you may recall didn’t end very well. I basically got severely taken advantage of by a needy little twit that used her looks to get other people to raise her son. So that part I understand… No more chicks with kids.

After spending a couple months alone I decide that I should be okay enough to try dating again. I meet a nice girl through a DJ friend of mine. We hang out a little bit. I think things are going good. Doesn’t seem to be too crazy. She’s a female. She has to be a little bat-shit crazy. Then out of the blue last night she says, “You’re being too clingy.” I don’t even know what the fuck that means. Cause I was standing next to her at the bar? Cause I was holding her hand? So I back off and let her and her friend go off and dance…

See, I used to pull ass like it was my job. I was fighting ‘em off with my cock left and right. Now I can’t seem to hold a girls interest for longer then it takes to ask if I wanna super-size my Mcrib meal. I don’t get it. Has it all changed so much in four years that I’m no longer charming? I see beautiful girls with dirty, shaggy haired guys wearing their little sister’s pants and ripped up t-shirts. People don’t have class anymore. I get passed over cause I keep my clothes neat and wrinkle free. I like to bathe and understand the importance of regular haircuts. I don’t know… maybe I’m just getting older and can no longer identify with youth culture. But for fuck sake… I’m only 27. I shouldn’t be pissed off about all this for another 4-5 years.


Before I get off on rant here I’m gonna pose my question(s). What is it to date someone? How do you know if you’re actually dating someone and not just fucking once in a while? And for all you bastards under the age of 25, any new rules of the dating world I should know about? And please, buy pants that fit. You look fucking stupid and I don’t wanna see your underwear.

Don't write off women with kids.
Just the chicks with kids.
Some moms are awesome.

I never got the whole "are we dating?" thing. To me and friends I've had this discussion with, "dating" includes going places together that you enjoy, fun things, etc. rather than just "hooking up" or drunk dialing for booty calls.
Women are weird. Men are weird. Put them together and who knows what's going to happen.
"Clingy" has been, in my experience, a euphemism for something else or an excuse to get away for a bit. And rarely has it been used legitimately.
Except for the guy I caught in my underwear drawer the second time we met.
He was clingy. And on wiki if you look under bat-shit-crazy.
You know, WK, more women than not appreciate a man that takes care of himself, has pride in his appearance and others' perceptions of him.
Ego can be sexy or it can be a major turnoff.
It sounds like you're not meeting people of your caliber in the locations you choose.
That is the hardest part of dating, in my opinon... where the hell are you supposed to meet people?
Good luck.

And, I'm going to second the pull-your-pants up thing... it's the Law here. Cops can ticket you.

Thanks noodle...



And why is no one responding to this?

Have you considered they are overlooking you because they believe you are prettier than them? I know that sounds idiotic but I have heard it said many times by females. I applaud you in taking pride in your appearance but maybe it is too overwhelming for some.

As far as when you are in a relationship. In my experience usually somewhere down the line(generally after four dates and a lot of phone calls) there is a conversation somewhere along the line of, "Are you seeing anyone else?" "Do you want to see anyone else" "Are we a couple now?" It can be sort of awkward but there is a point after more than a few dates where each needs to understand where the relationship is headed. Is just fun or either of you are wanting more commitment than someone just to hang out with.

As for her, maybe she is more social when out in a group. Some couples I know when they are out in groups are almost never right with each other, others are inseparable. Maybe she isn't a touch-feely person out in public, particularly around her friends.

World's King, I wasn't responding as I had to think on it a while. It is hard to speak on dating when you have been involved in a relationship for a couple of years. I can't speak for everyone else's reasons for not responding.

can´t say i´ve really got any fucking idea how the game is played nor do i care. the women i´ve had interest in have all been no-fuss in this respect. the only thing i would suggest is to carry on and do it your way.

This thread makes me sad. ):

Wish I could help you here WK, but I wasn't much into the dating world before I met my gf, we just hit it off so well that it wouldn't make sense not to be dating :p

I'd swear that finding someone to date is purely by chance.

The nice ones are taken.

The pretty ones know it, and exploit it.

I just got lucky and plucked one that was too young to realize that she was both before she started dating me.

I don't know how to date either. I've literally never done it.

But I grieve that we live in a world where The King can't go home with fresh strange every night.

Hmm... I do believe you have something here. I've noticed, that particularly with urban, neo-yuppie and the more upwardly mobile pseudo-hipster trim, "boyfriends" have become almost an accessory, like a fancy mobile phone or the newest trendy handbag.

The "stop being so clingy" barb screams this outlook; you're here with me but you're not with me.

My advice? Move out to the country, son.

I hadn't thought of it that way.. but you may not be so far out there. Though I don't know how WK would feel resigned to the standard jeans and tight t-shirt corn-fed(and no that doesn't necessarily mean fat) country girl.

It's payback for all the easy ass that you claim you used to get.

So now you have to work at it...oh the horror.

WK, I'm assuming this is WQ your referencing? If not, then I guess I missed something recently. If so, I'm sorry it's not so good any longer. I really can't speak to the dating scene b'cuz I've been with the hubby for coming up on 20 yrs. I can speak about my perception of you in the years I've been a member of TFP.

In spite of your cockiness (which I enjoy by the way:thumbsup:), it's the occational threads of yours like this one that show you are just like the rest of us...normal. Dating is just like us human's, imprecise and imperfect. Your personal hygiene and grooming would be a plus in my personal opinion. Any chick that thinks otherwise is an ass and not worth your time or effort.

Shit, I thought I had some advice but now I'm at a loss; brain fart.

Oh, thanks for making me feel old as dust, for fucks sake I'm only 37!:p

Ali

I was at work, not ignoring you.

My dating advice might seem archaic, since I've been off the market since I was 92. But I'll try. Have you matured or changed your tastes/priorities since you last dated? It's possible the women you would be interested in (and vice versa) no longer frequent the same playgrounds you are going back to. Kind of like a 30 year old woman trying to shop for clothes in the teenie bopper stores. Would you consider joining a group, or taking a class at a community college, for something you find interesting? You might meet a girl in your class who shares your other interests as well. Even if she turns out to be just a friend, maybe she has friends you could meet through her.

I hope my advice helps you, because it didn't do me one damn bit of good. :D I was a serious jerk magnet.

What finally worked for me was dating (and marrying) one of my best friends. Do you have any female friends that you would consider dating?

It's not an easy post to answer.

When you were using your shlong like a cruciform, you may not have really been dating. Shoot, I may not have been dating when I was doing the same (only with more hair on my head). Dating for me became less mutual fun and more marriage try-outs at a certain point. Not that I wanted to get married, mind you, but finding someone that kind of arrangement could work with means some serious compatibility. We're in school anymore. We're 25 now. Sure we can keep on shlong-slaying, but the number of women interested in that kind of thing drops off after maybe 22 years old, speaking generally.

So what's dating? I dunno. I could give you my subjective impression, but I don't think there is some checklist that counts for everyone. Do you like each other? Check. Are you both working on being all fucked up? Check. Do you have each other's best interest at heart? Check. I guess that's dating, but it might not be for you.

We love you, WK, but we know who you really are. :surprised:

Could it be that you show new women see the bitter and impatient side of you and, hence, don't give them the opportunity to see the rest of you?

I wonder why you think it's about your grooming. I'm not 25 but my daughter is. I've seen her date well-dressed guys and some shlumpy-looking guys.

The difference between dating and fucking? If you see one another on a somewhat regular basis and do something more than fuck, you're probably dating.

Hey it could be worse... you could be me.

I've moved to Chicago 6 months ago and can't seem to meet anyone. Hell I can't even find a drinking buddy. At work I'm a manager, so am not inclined to get blitzed with those under me. The only person at my level is 55 years old, so he's not really feeling it either. I don't mind going to the bars by myself occasionally, but if I meet a cool group of guys am I supposed to ask for their numbers to hang out? That's kind of crossing a"not cool" line there.

As for women, can't meet them either. I work in foodservice, so all I ever deal with are male chefs or restaurant owners. If I go to the bars alone, I'd immediately turn into that creepy guy which makes the girl and her friends uncomfortable when I approach them.

Seriously.. shaddenfraude (sp?)

People are shallow. And the hipster youth scene is one of the most shallow. It fuckin' bites and I'm supposedly of this generation.

We could philosophize about the change in dating scene, but screw all that head-fuk analyzation.

This is just one chick, man.
Its a tough dating world out there, but try to have fun.
My personal opinion is that it is best to cultivate one's self and then go looking for love. If you're happy with who you are and have your interests and philosophy down, then you should draw those who have similar minds.

Keep your chin up, bruddah!

I hated dating because it was always a game. Even if the person said from the start that it wasn't. Good luck!

Start a band, put out an add on Criagslist. Post your first single.

WK, could it be the place you were? If you've been out of the game for a while then you may need to find a bar that doesn't cater to the emo/hipster clingy jeans crowd and more of people your age. I'm 26 and if I was single now I would not be going to the same bars I did when I was 21-22. I bet a change in venue would help immensely. If you're ever in the bay area we'll get a drink some where appropriate :)

I've never dated. Had 5 girlfriends, lived with three girls, plenty of misc hookups, am married with a kid...never dated. Never had a 'first date omg wut to wear'. Yeah.

Maybe I'm just weird though.

I guess I'm too paranoid for dating.



I seem to have a hard time letting things take a natural course. I'd much rather be in charge.

Do any of your other friends dress like you do? Maybe they could point you in the direction of a nice girl (don't choke) who dresses similar to you? As your friends where they met their girlfriends, if the girls are along your line of preference.

If it was that simple I would have taken care of my problem a long time ago.



I'm finding that I don't really know what my type is. I tend to go for younger girls. But that has it's obvious problems. I find most females my age to be stuck-up and boring. None of it has to do with how they dress and what type of music they listen to. It has everything to do with maturity level. If I met a 21yr old that's on my same level then things would be okay. But most aren't. And saddly I'm finding that females that are closer to my age can be just as immature.


I was discussing this point with some gentlemen last night. We found that guys tend to mature more during their 20s then women do. We looked at our current dating situations. All three of our girlfriends were still in school with no end in sight. And all three of us had finished and had found good paying jobs. Both of them own houses. So we sat there and watched the three girls run around and acted like 20yr olds again waiting for them to ask for more money. And I understand that that is a horrible generalization but for the most part it holds to be true.

this sentence makes me wonder what the actual problem is.

time to look in other places or drop the defensive attitude.

How am I being defensive?


And the actual problem is that I don't like stuck-up or boring people.

to say that the majority of women your age are stuck-up and boring is a bit of a rich statement to make and i´d really be surprised if you actually believed that yourself. it sounds just like an excuse to date younger women. been there done that and won´t be going back for 2nds. the women i know around my age are fun. perhaps we just move in different social circles ;)

If I didn't believe it I wouldn't have said it.

King, what do you mean by "anymore", is it to say that before you used to actually like the company of others while you hung out or you were all in it for the conquest, the game, the chase.....

If the latter, you and I are somewhat the same, I don't like dating, did it once, hate the game, like twisted mosaic, I lived with 3 relatives, (All girls) and I'm a cynic so; Only misc hook ups for me, maybe when I get someone who I will actually be open to, then, maybe, we'll "Date". But like bear cub said, purely out of chance.............

Yup. This is the way it is man, and it's not going to get easier. I started having to resist femmes at about the age of 20, hit a few years of the same, then got myself tangled up in a couple of long term relationships til about your age, sir.

Where'd they go? It used to be easy? Wha? Wha? Wha?

FF a few years, a few femmes, but nothing remotely like the heyday.

:'(

Maybe we need to form a support group for single men who wear belts.
-----Added 10/9/2008 at 02 : 18 : 17-----
Dude. You're in iceland.

Scandinavian lasses are... different.

*ponders going back to Finland for the 99999999999th time*

It sounds like you need a new place to look for women. I don't know where, but its not there.

I'm gonna try the old folks home...

I currently work at a nursing home and 98% of the employees are women, so you can always try volunteering in your free time, but the nurse aides/CN's/RN's/LPN's/ are super aggressive. So if you like super aggressive women, give that a go.

It was more of a joke... but thanks for the advice.

I think you just have to let it happen by chance and not force it so much.

As for the girl, were you holding her hand in public? I feel that a lot of people my age tend to be really turned off by PDA, maybe that was the problem? Just don't be so touchy-feely while around lots of people.

I'm exactly that way, I hate when my boyfriend gets too clingy in public (which he doesn't very often anymore), but I still love it when we're alone.

That's rather childish. Sorry.


"You can be my boyfriend... but only in private."

For some it's uncomfortable displaying affection in public at particular levels, it's not childish, it's how someone feels based on how they were raised.

Well you are going for the younger women...

I tried to answer your question, not be insulted. I'm trying to figure out the woman's point of view, and I was thinking that could be a possible reason as to why she got all weird.

Holding hands isn't a big deal, but I suppose it would depend on how long you were seeing each other.

I'm sorry... I wasn't saying you're childish.