Finding the right one?
 

kk

You're in high school. Why in God's name would you be looking for the "right" girl now?

College is a night and day difference as long as you select your friends carefully. There are groups of those like yourself, and then there are those who look for a continuation of high school, just with more drinking. I used to be able to pick out who's who on the first day of class within about 2 minutes of peering around the room.

Finding the right woman is like finding the right watch. Find several of good quality, narrow it down to the ones you generally prefer and that fit with your wardrobe. Get the best one you can afford. Then take good care of it.

See, isn't that easy?

It's not so much about the right ONE, but about the right TYPE. It helps a lot if you really know what that type is for you. Time and experience will help with that requirement.

I was you in high school. To a tee; add two inches in height.

Listen, the problem is half their problem but also half yours. Your attitude toward dating, and the women around you in general, is probably a good reasons why women aren't chasing yourself down. Have confidence but give people chances. They might leave 25 cent tips but they may also be great in other ways. Make some friends; you're not above anyone.

A girl I dated for a long time that I just recently split with was a girl who I thought was not my type; in fact I ignored her and went after some other girl. She was the best thing to ever happen to me.

You're in high school. They're looking for the "bad boy". Personally, I'd not give it another thought until university/college. Besides, you have plenty of time! :) I didn't meet my first girlfriend until I was 24; well out of university, job in hand, career planned out.

The "right" one will come along eventually. I'm still waiting, myself. Meanwhile, I just continue with my life wherever I choose to go (and wherever it takes me). You should do the same...

meh, the rest of life can also be like high school, but the good part is that it is a high school with hundreds of millions of people, so you get a much better chance to choose who you spend your time with. As much as some people believe that women are complex and peculiar creatures, I have found that your best chance of attracting women is to have an identifiable image--be something, whether it be an athlete, writer, cynic, doper, programmer, photographer, whatever. It doesn't matter what you are, as long as you aren't just bland and boring. Plain nice guys get nothing. Nice guys who are SOMETHING, get recognized. You will never attract all the girls anyway, some girls would turn down a date with Brad Pitt of Tom Brady. Shoot, take photography classes (most chicks are flattered to be subjects, especially if it is arty), work on a political campaign (girls like guys who stand for something), find a sport or activity that you excel at (even solo sports like golf are OK), If you have an interesting life people will want to be around you, and it will keep you from looking for girls, which paradoxically is attractive to women. Just my $.02. good luck.

fix the holier than thou attitude and all will be well :)

Sounds like you are very mature for your age :) I think things will definately change for you as far as finding the right girl. It may or may not happen in college, but I wouldn't worry too much. You have many many years to concentrate on other things first.

That seems like a huge generalization and a ridiculous cliché to me. Did you ever actually meet a girl in high school that was into "bad boys". Most of the "good looking popular types" dated the guys who were good looking, hard working, charming and funny guys. The "Guys who will end up pumping gas" had a harder time getting girls then I did unless they were chasing freshmen.

I think it's the acceptance of clichés that make living in reality the hard part. I would suggest not listening to this dude.

That is great advice on the other hand. Life just happens. Drop that need for things to happen and the holier then thou attitude and let shit happen.

I have a good friend just like you who is my age named Pat. He is 3 seconds off of being an olympic swimmer. In fact he was beat by the guy who finished 0.9 to get fourth. He is "ripped", intelligent, super kind. Really nice guy. But he doesn't believe in himself, tries too hard; acts like if he doesn't force it to happen then it won't happen. And although life doesn't just happen dude, you also can't force it. Work hard but only when the opportunity calls.

My advice?

Don't worry about it. You're a senior in high school, you have your whole life ahead of you, and you're worrying about this?

as neflyte put it, the right one will come eventually, but for now, focus on your self for a bit as you finish high school and begin your life.

There is no right "one". Maybe there will be "ones" instead? Sounds like more fun for someone as young as you.

Also, finding the right one, is not only about them, it's also about you and your level of maturity, and ability to compromise to be with another.

You will never find the perfect girl. You may find the one you fit with remarkably well.

You sound like an attractive guy. I wouldn't worry about it. Surely there are girls you haven't noticed just waiting to pounce on you. Just open your eyes a little more. Ok, seems like some of the girls you've been around aren't the sharpest. But they are there, trust me. There's all types everywhere in the world.

And when you see a chance to chat to a girl you think seems nice, take it. It's all about opportunity and knowing what you want. And also about being comfortable with who you are.

time to nitpick
some friend you are, accusing all your friends of being man-whores while you stand on the pedestal lookin gdown with distain. i think i have the biggest problme with that part of the post. dude, because you have friends who have slept with / been in a relationship with more than one woman it doesn´t mean they have no respect for women. this sounds more like jealousy to me.

i´m sure no more than the average. if that really is the case why are you so worried about the women at your school? you should be looking elsewhere where the grls are more pure and clean. join a religious cult would probably be my best advice.

seriously, drop the "my friends are badass and i´m pure" attitude. why are you so threatened by the last girl telling you how good looking your friends were? would you prefer her to be dishonest? was she just like the rest anyway? and if that´s the case why were you with her?

dude, seriously. you talk about respect for women then go on to say you think youære not bad looking. how is this relevant in any way? do you think women only go by looks?

no. with your attitude things will not change. i guarantee it.

see my previous post

use your 6'2 athletic body on the dancefloor of your local clab and open your mouth to reveal your white teeth to some girl and use your voice to talk to her as a human not as some mythical creature that exist on fluffy white clouds. chicks are humans too ;)

erm, then give us something to work with then.....

Those statements were most likely the last of my bitterness from high school. The women at my school were pretentious and shallow. I simply couldn't compete.

So, you advise not to listen to me, yet I have great advice? :) Kinda confusing, eh?

Hence "on the other hand". Your first statement was exactly what you said, "bitterness"; it had nothing to do with giving this guy advice. I didn't think he should confuse your bitterness for serious advice.

Then you followed it with decent advice, so I figured I should say "I agree" to show you that I don't think everything you said was bad advice. Apparently the separate quotes didn't get this across to you. Sorry.

Don't worry about it.
As soon as you do that, it will work out.

I finally gave up trying hard to get a girlfriend, and ended up accidentally meeting a girl who lived 5mins away, is beautiful, intelligent and now friends with my friends.

Isn't US high school 17 and 18 year olds? It's surely too early to find "the one" now!

At college there probably would be more opportunity for some action. I think in higher education people mature a bit, so there might be less of the immature stuff you currently see. And obviously at college there would be different student societies you could join and find girls of like interests.

Before you go to college, just please for Christ's sake fix your woman like attitude. Right girl...shittt mann, u wont ever find A girl.

With that said, you are exactly the kind of a guy, a girl looks for. So when the time is right, you'll find someone who is as emotionally blown about Mr. Right lolll, until then chilllll sonnn.

My question is, why would you WANT to find "the right girl" in high school? It's wayyyy too early for that. Most people don't end up marrying anyone like the people they dated/liked in high school--and if they did, then they often end up getting divorced 5-10 years later when they change (like all 20-somethings do) and end up resentful and regretful of not getting to explore and live the single life. No, not everyone is like that--but enough to make a difference. Work on you, as an individual, and the rest will come with time. There's a reason why the average age of a first marriage is mid-20s.
-----Added 22/8/2008 at 05 : 44 : 01-----
What is this "woman like attitude" you're talking about?

Pick up a copy of "The Game" by Neil Strauss. You'll probably have some major issues with the attitudes toward women shown in the book, but it will give you a great insight into the psychology of dating. Plus it's a really great read.

You know stereotypically, it is a woman who generally wants Mr. Right.
-----Added 22/8/2008 at 05 : 54 : 48-----
The Game by Neil Strauss, amazing book. It is absolutely hilarious. Changed me in many ways. I used to think exactly like the creator of this thread but it really opens your eyes.

There's a theory, where guys who lose their virginity at the age of 13-15 look at women much differently than guy who dont and esp the one who are still virgins. It says that the virgins look at woman highly. They think their body is holy and what not, losing your virginity is a big thing... u know the jazz.. but in reality, sex is really nothing more than a "workout", and a woman is no different than a man. they are just as horny, if not more.

Yeah, that book sounds like complete and utter BS if you actually want to find a girl worth talking to. Maybe if you just want to go out and bang chicks, it'll work, but I doubt it. Real, quality women don't put up with game-playing bullshit or guys who think they are pick-up artists. Period.

The key to meeting quality women is meeting quality people. And in college, there is definitely more opportunity to widen your social circle. Join activities you like. Get involved. Volunteer. Intramural sports, hall council, student government, academic student groups, community service groups, etc--these are all great ways to meet people in general. Don't sit in your dorm room and expect people to come to you, though admittedly having a cool gaming console, games, and a nice TV doesn't hurt your chances of having people come to you (just make sure to lock up your room). Mostly, though, it's just about putting yourself out there, which is what you should be doing as a freshman anyways. Don't rely on your classes for making friends either, though definitely try and pinpoint who in your intro classes are also in your major. Eventually, once you get that good circle of friends going, they'll introduce you to girls they think you'll like. The biggest thing you can do for yourself is to become good friends with a girl, and not worry so much about meeting Ms. Right or Ms. Right Now. It's been my experience that when you go out with the mindset of meeting one of the above, you're doomed to fail, but if you just go out to meet people, the person you're looking for will fall right into your lap.

Snowy beat me to it. This "Game" stuff is bullshit--again, unless you're just looking to add notches to your belt. In which case, nothing I say about this topic is going to mean much to you.

"The Game" is a narrative- sort of a documentary of a bunch of pick up artists. It directly addresses some of the shallowness and emptiness their approach to life creates. It's a little like Kerouak's "On the Road" in that respect. It does however have certain grains of truth that our young friend could benefit from. Like it or not we all respond to certainl stimuli and social situations in predictable ways. If it helps him learn how to be confident and show folks how interesting he is, he'll attract more friends of both genders. You don't have to be a "playa" or use people to benefit from some of the ideas.

I would like to second what some others have stated. You're very young and have a great deal of youth remaining. Live it while you can without worrying about picking up girls. Do interesting things, meet interesting people, and spend time with those that you enjoy. One of them may turn out to be a girl who finds that you're pretty awesome yourself.

Finding someone is not like learning how to drive a car or mastering calculus. You go out, do things you like to do. Eventually you will meet someone who I would assume shares in similar interests. You take it from there. It doesn't happen overnight, it isn't some sort of miracle that happens, it just.. does. Relax, you have a lot of time to find a partner. In the meantime just go out and have fun.

I'm pretty sure that The Game was actually written by Tucker Max using a pseudonym. The actual author comes off as a big enough asshole to make it conceiveable. And having the unfortunate opportunity to have Tucker Max drink with me a few years ago, I know firsthand what an absolute dickhead he is.

If you're just looking to get laid, this might or might not work for you. If you have any - at all - hopes of her not wanting to naw her own arm off in the morning to get away from you, then don't waste your time.

Stop talking about it and go out and find someone. If you won't accept less than perfection and ask us why you're not finding the perfect girl while you're in high school you're going to be spending a lot of lonely nights with your hand and a bottle of lotion. This has all the hallmarks of a "nice guy" complaint without calling yourself a nice guy.

The way you're going, you're me in high school. For your own sake, stop now. The last girl you were with probably talked about your friends because you were too concerned with trying to be Mr. Perfect and not concerned enough with putting yourself outside of your comfort zone. Being attractive isn't enough, you need to figure out what makes you appealing and figure out how to project those attributes to people in a way that seems appealing.


Same exercise I give every time one of these threads comes up; you have five seconds to answer the question once you read it. Post what you actually thought or you're just cheating yourself.

Spoiler: you and I are hanging out, I see one of my friends and step away to talk to her for a minute. She walks over to you, introduces herself, and says, "MSD told me I should get to know you. Why does he think I would like you?