Preparing for your first time - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

paddlepop · 01-10-2008, 09:19 PM

Hi everybody!

I've read a lot of useful info on this site. Thought I might try my luck and ask for some advice and recommendations.

Me and my hubby-to-be are saving ourselves for marriage, which is in 6 months. I know all the stories of first time pains and bleedings. However, is there anything I can do from now so that the whole pain aspect is reduced? I've heard of lube, taking it slow and recently, getting to know your body (like fingering etc).

Also, how long will it hurt for? I want to be able to enjoy my honeymoon, and not be hobbling everywhere lol. Also, can I actually make it a pleasurable experience?

Thanks for reading

Plan9 · 01-10-2008, 09:28 PM

Many here agree that communication of desires and expectations with your partner is the most important thing you can do regarding sex.

Understand that sex is learned through experience, not something with which people are automatically programmed. It gets better with time. Much better.

The first time is probably going to be uncomfortable, maybe embarrassing, maybe a little weird. It's okay, though... you'll definitely do it again.

Remember that this activity will be and will continue to be one of the most satisfying and exciting things in your personal life. It's bomb-diggity, yo.

There's a reason everybody makes a lotta noise about the variety of sexual activities... it's the best thing that mankind has done since walking upright.

Martian · 01-10-2008, 10:53 PM

Crompsin's reply is shockingly well thought-out.

I don't really get the whole 'saving yourself for marriage' deal. Not to get down on you or your husband; it is your choice to make, after all. On the other hand, sex is what it is. I don't know anyone who brags about their first time, as it's not generally very good. And the more you build it up, the higher your expectations will be. Turning it into some kind of ritual just seems like a bad idea, as far as I'm concerned.

My ranting aside, the best advice has already been given it seems. Go slow, communicate, etc. Not being a woman I don't really have any advice regarding the specifics of the discomfort you'll feel, but it's my understanding that the first time nearly always sucks but that it gets better fairly quickly after that.

Also, huge yes when it comes to self-exploration. Masturbation is not a dirty word. See, guys are pretty easy to figure out when it comes to making us happy in the sack; the way to do it stands out a bit, if you catch my meaning. Women are a lot less obvious and it's also my experience that there's a lot more variation in what women prefer, sexually speaking. So how can your husband be expected to get you all wet and wild if you don't even know how to do it for yourself? Figure out what you like and don't like in advance so that you can make his job a bit easier when the time comes. If you can communicate to him what revs your engine you'll both be better off.

Starkizzer · 01-10-2008, 11:12 PM

Well if it makes you feel any better not every woman has pain or discomfort the first time. For me there was no pain, no bleeding, no saddle sore walk afterwards. However, this could be because of many reasons, I was no stranger to masturbation, and my fiance and I were intimate for a year before we actually had sexual intercourse. Plus body shape and size has alot to do with it I think.
*Side note of something I just remembered my mom said to me (shes a teacher and has taught many sex ed classes so I got the schpeal too) when a woman is aroused her vagina will increase in size and relax to allow in the penis.
Good luck, don't think about it hurting when the time comes, the stress will probably just ensure that it will, and have fun with your new hubby!

paddlepop · 01-11-2008, 12:00 AM

Thanks for such quick responses guys

I'm pretty prepared on what to expect the first time I guess, I just want to make it as 'good' as possible. I really hope I'm like you LC!

My fiance is a really good bloke, he's very into taking his time and making me feel comfortable. We havent really been intimate sexually, no third base or anything. He gets really excited, and he wants to be able to control himself so that we leave it to the wedding night. I was thinking of building it up slowly over the next 6 months so I'm more used to him?

Also, any advice on how often to do it after the first time? Once a day? More/less? How long from personal experience are you sore for afterwards? One friend told me it hurt her for a month, but that seems like a bit much!

Oh, and do hotels charge extra if you ruin their sheets with blood lol!

genuinegirly · 01-11-2008, 12:16 AM

Good thing you've found TFP. Plenty of information and friendly people here to help you figure out how to make your wedding night fun and the most comfortable possible.

I cannot relate the massive amount of blood and tears that my first several times entailed. This will most likely not happen to you. I was not adequately prepared with foreplay or with lube, and chose a man who was much too large for my body type.

Take it slow. Learn how to turn each other on between now and then. Figure out what it takes to make you tick before you jump in with him. Be prepared with ample KY Jelly.

I have a few friends who are in your boat (waiting/waited 'till marriage). Words from a friend to another friend:

Quote:

My first time to the gyno... they recommended stretching myself out a bit so sex wouldn't hurt as much at first, and gave me some plastic tube things to do it with at home. It helped a lot.

How often? How many times?
As often as the two of you want. Some guys can't/don't want to peak more than three times per 24-hour period. And if he's a virgin, too, expect those to go quick. Be prepared for him to become sore or raw long before you want to stop. That's when the dildo comes in handy.

Starkizzer · 01-11-2008, 12:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by paddlepop

Also, any advice on how often to do it after the first time? Once a day? More/less? How long from personal experience are you sore for afterwards? One friend told me it hurt her for a month, but that seems like a bit much!

Oh, and do hotels charge extra if you ruin their sheets with blood lol!

Do it as often as your heart or other areas desire! And as stated before I didn't feel any pain afterwards.
Have you had regular gyno check ups? Was there any discomfort? If not you may be ok. My mom is on the small side and has problems with sex and gyno visits, and shes to small to use certain feminine products. Whereas I have no problem with any of them, but I must be an okay size.

Buying a nice dildo, if your okay with that idea, would help you and your to be hubby get more intimate, stretch you out a bit and eliminate the blood on the sheets dilemma.
If you don't like the dildo idea just grab a towel to put under you.

01-10-2008, 09:19 PM	#1 (permalink)
paddlepop Upright	Preparing for your first time Hi everybody! I've read a lot of useful info on this site. Thought I might try my luck and ask for some advice and recommendations. Me and my hubby-to-be are saving ourselves for marriage, which is in 6 months. I know all the stories of first time pains and bleedings. However, is there anything I can do from now so that the whole pain aspect is reduced? I've heard of lube, taking it slow and recently, getting to know your body (like fingering etc). Also, how long will it hurt for? I want to be able to enjoy my honeymoon, and not be hobbling everywhere lol. Also, can I actually make it a pleasurable experience? Thanks for reading

01-10-2008, 09:28 PM	#2 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Many here agree that communication of desires and expectations with your partner is the most important thing you can do regarding sex. Understand that sex is learned through experience, not something with which people are automatically programmed. It gets better with time. Much better. The first time is probably going to be uncomfortable, maybe embarrassing, maybe a little weird. It's okay, though... you'll definitely do it again. Remember that this activity will be and will continue to be one of the most satisfying and exciting things in your personal life. It's bomb-diggity, yo. There's a reason everybody makes a lotta noise about the variety of sexual activities... it's the best thing that mankind has done since walking upright. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake." Last edited by Plan9; 01-10-2008 at 09:34 PM..

01-10-2008, 10:53 PM	#3 (permalink)
Martian Young Crumudgeon Location: Canada	Crompsin's reply is shockingly well thought-out. I don't really get the whole 'saving yourself for marriage' deal. Not to get down on you or your husband; it is your choice to make, after all. On the other hand, sex is what it is. I don't know anyone who brags about their first time, as it's not generally very good. And the more you build it up, the higher your expectations will be. Turning it into some kind of ritual just seems like a bad idea, as far as I'm concerned. My ranting aside, the best advice has already been given it seems. Go slow, communicate, etc. Not being a woman I don't really have any advice regarding the specifics of the discomfort you'll feel, but it's my understanding that the first time nearly always sucks but that it gets better fairly quickly after that. Also, huge yes when it comes to self-exploration. Masturbation is not a dirty word. See, guys are pretty easy to figure out when it comes to making us happy in the sack; the way to do it stands out a bit, if you catch my meaning. Women are a lot less obvious and it's also my experience that there's a lot more variation in what women prefer, sexually speaking. So how can your husband be expected to get you all wet and wild if you don't even know how to do it for yourself? Figure out what you like and don't like in advance so that you can make his job a bit easier when the time comes. If you can communicate to him what revs your engine you'll both be better off. __________________ I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said - Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

01-10-2008, 11:12 PM	#4 (permalink)
Starkizzer Hi floor! Make me a samwich. Location: Ontario (in the stray cat complex)	Well if it makes you feel any better not every woman has pain or discomfort the first time. For me there was no pain, no bleeding, no saddle sore walk afterwards. However, this could be because of many reasons, I was no stranger to masturbation, and my fiance and I were intimate for a year before we actually had sexual intercourse. Plus body shape and size has alot to do with it I think. *Side note of something I just remembered my mom said to me (shes a teacher and has taught many sex ed classes so I got the schpeal too) when a woman is aroused her vagina will increase in size and relax to allow in the penis. Good luck, don't think about it hurting when the time comes, the stress will probably just ensure that it will, and have fun with your new hubby! __________________ Frivolity, at the edge of a Moral Swamp, hears Hymn-Singing in the Distance and dons the Galoshes of Remorse. ~Edward Gorey

01-11-2008, 12:00 AM	#5 (permalink)
paddlepop Upright	Thanks for such quick responses guys I'm pretty prepared on what to expect the first time I guess, I just want to make it as 'good' as possible. I really hope I'm like you LC! My fiance is a really good bloke, he's very into taking his time and making me feel comfortable. We havent really been intimate sexually, no third base or anything. He gets really excited, and he wants to be able to control himself so that we leave it to the wedding night. I was thinking of building it up slowly over the next 6 months so I'm more used to him? Also, any advice on how often to do it after the first time? Once a day? More/less? How long from personal experience are you sore for afterwards? One friend told me it hurt her for a month, but that seems like a bit much! Oh, and do hotels charge extra if you ruin their sheets with blood lol!