Broken Battery-Operated Boyfriends
 

Maybe it's the fact that I have a smooth spot like a Ken Doll or that I'm not in touch with my hair care products to the degree of being a viable coveted dating option over a goofy friend... but I have a lot of female acquaintances. Self-disclosure is a major hobby of women, I've noticed. They all wanna tell me about their sex lives (or lack thereof if that might be the case) like I'm a pastel-wearing flamer named Juan VonLimpwrist.

Broken sex toys seems to be a constant theme when they're whining to me.

What the hell do women do to those damn things?! I've heard quite a few stories about the failure of plastic playthings. I mean... a vibrator, for example... rigid ABS plastic in a round phallic shape, right? Pretty durable, I'd imagine. How are these devices broken with a regularity that causes me to question their use? Are you ladies snapping it on the inside of your pelvis like a Sam Adams on a wall-mounted bottle opener or what? Jeezums!

Exactly how often do you ladies wear out toys and what causes them to die?

I wore out a plug-in model when I was a freshman in college. It was a big ol' Homedics back massager, but I had swiped it from my family home as a junior in high school and had been using it on a nightly basis. So...365x365x365...probably more...and the cord that ran from the unit to the wall just wore out. The plastic covering the cord cracked, but I didn't discover that until one day when I had Thumper out, and he shocked me! He also managed to blow half the breakers in the house...talk about embarassing. Uhhh, no, Dad, I wasn't doing anything, just listening to the stereo...

I also had an egg vibe where the cord between the control unit and the vibrating part wore out. The gold paint on the egg also wore off, which kind of frightened me. It worries me more so now, given all the lead paint coming out of China these days, and the knowledge that that vibe was most likely made there. C'est la vie, I suppose.

I haven't had a sex toy wear out in years, though, and I doubt I'll have any more wear out soon (I have a human sex toy now, and he never wears out). I bought a Wahl coil vibe (plugs into the wall...I hate batteries...I went through too many) six or so years ago for $11 on sale at Longs Drug. It still does the trick, so to speak.

Funny, I'm a happily married, regularly-fucked woman (haven't spent a night away from ktspktsp in nearly a year now), and I still managed to break the one vibrator I brought to Iceland (out of 4 or 5 total, the rest of which are sadly packed away in Pennsylvania till we get back). It was the trustiest one, but still a couple years old... it's called the Laya, very cozy and effective vibe made in Germany.

But I think what happened is that some water (or other fluid--yeah, it happens) got through the waterproof case and rusted out the connection to the batteries. So now, even with new batteries, it's not starting. The motor was already starting to buzz out for months before that, though. I don't know what I did to it in particular, but with all my vibrators, I push them pretty hard against the pelvic bone (crushing the clit between the vibe and pelvis is a good thing), which probably cracks open the battery compartment sometimes, I dunno. I've yet to have a vibe last for longer than a couple of years, though, especially the cheapo (less than $20) ones.

Maybe I should get one of those Wahl coils that Snowy has... they look pretty hard-core, and don't require massive amounts of batteries to keep them going.

I'm sorry, but I have to threadjack here to tell a story about Wahl. Since it's Crompsin's thread, I figure he probably won't mind. Someone in my office wrote their excess liability coverage at least 10 years ago when were all over at the old place. There was a claim on the plug-in vibrator that you mentioned. If you look now, there is a warning label that reads in part "do not use vaginally". This story is why that warning is there.

There was a 40+ year old recently divorced woman with no kids who moved back in with her parents. One night they went out to dinner, and she broke out the plug-in Wahl vibrator. Apparently, she was, umm, over-excited and got the thing very wet. The parents lived in an older house without updated wiring, and there was some sort of crack in the insulation around the vibrator wire. When it got wet, it shorted and elctrocuted her.

The thing that makes this one of my favorite claims to discuss at parties isn't just that she died having an orgasm but that her parents filed a product liability claim against the manufacturer (a valid one, too, I might add) acknowledging that their daughter died masturbating. I'm sure the woman, if she were still with us, would have been horrified.

The moral of the story is, ladies, if you're going to use a plug-in vibrator, make sure your house has the proper breakers installed and that there are no cracks or defects in the vibrator's wiring.

/threadjack

Priceless. Absolutely, priceless. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/10...sp_rofl0ne.gif

That's why plug in vibrators are a really bad idea. A good set of rechargable batteries don't cost all that much.

As for the original post: small, cheaply built DC motors tend to crap out after a while.

Insurance guys. :rolleyes: Sheeesh.

^ ^ ^ Not quite my style.

But mine *wimper* is missing the back of the battery compartment. It somehow came off during use. I've been looking for it for MONTHS! I probably should tape the batteries in, but for some assinine reason keep holding BoB while holding in the batteries. Just a wee bit awkward.

My very first toy, one of those pocket babies, died. It definitely wasn't from overuse. Maybe the battery contacts were dirty or it was in a coma. Never worn one out, though.

It's "past the labia", Crompsin.

Otherwise, yes.

Want me to start telling stories to make sure you go buy a new bike helmet every time you drop your old one?

Well, I don't use it against my bare skin, and it doesn't get wet, because I wear my panties when I use it. The vibration of the Wahl would be a little too much to put straight on to my clit, and I certainly don't put it into my vagina. And I definitely do have upgraded wiring in this house. :)

I think I'm safe.

That is except for your quite-possibly golden pocketbook.

Wow onesnowyowl!! Way to give a good mental picture there :)

I can only imagine where it went.

Haha, don't screw with Murphy's Law of Crotch Mishaps.

As the rest of us are left wonderering as well.

The battery is not lost there! C'mon now. :paranoid:

I was in bed at the time and although I checked sheets, blankets, under and near the bed, this was over a month ago and I should have encountered it by now vacuuming or cleaning. It must have somehow lodged itself between my dust ruffle and the bed frame. That's the only logical explanation. (I need the smiley with the glasses for that, please. :D ) :orly:

I guess I'll find out when I move again this summer 'cause that mattress is not going to be moved anytime soon.

My toys tend to wear out after about 7-12 months.

Joke would be: Pool boys?

I went thru a semi-celibate phase on and off for about 4-5 years. In that time I wore out an expensive vibrating dildo, a five finger hand attached vibrator and a detachable whirlpool jet spa for the tub........um yeah....

I've got to find the topic for best member's quotes. :lol:

I think the idea that "labia" is the plural for "labia" is absolutely hilarious. If you read it in the plural, correcting for the actual plural being "labias" (I would imagine), it's grammatically correct.

Labium is singular; labia is plural.

...though I think labiae would be way cooler.



"Gonna get me some labiae! La-bi-i-ay!"


wo0t!!!11

Yeah, I always figured labia was the plural, seeing as most girls have more than one.

Also, best. Topic. Ever.

On this note, I'm really hoping to pick up a new vibrator (or two--seeing how quickly they break down) on our way to Lebanon this Sunday. We have this 10 hour layover in Frankfurt, and apparently they have high-quality sex shops IN the airport, as soon as you come out of customs. Suh-WEET. :D

I loved my little Laya, and all the other vibes that are made by this particular German company (I believe they are called "Fun Factory") look very tempting as well. Then I'll be good for the next year or so, until I bust the next one on my pelvis. :lol:

Ah, good to learn!