katyg

hello everybody

I have tried talking to my partner about this but I don't seem to be getting anywhere, he just says no and tells me he loves me.

The problem is this: when we have sex, generally i initiate it, also he doesn't kiss me very often apart from pecking - not very passionate kissing, he rarely goes down yet I do everytime and he doesn't usually finger me - which can be frustrating. He smokes weed a lot and I am starting to feel that he doesn't get 'in the mood' without it - I'm worried he's gay, I even asked him if he found vaginas attractive and he said that to bo honest women's bodies turned him on but he found vaginas a little offputting...not sexy.

All this has got me thinking that yes, I am sure he loves me, but does he fancy me? Could he be gay? I am his first long time partner, I am more experienced than him - but when I feedback my needs nothing seems to get better. He also spends a lot of time smoking weed with a much older divorced man who I never meet...I'm starting to really worry..anybody else had a similar situation? I could just be being insecure I suppose - he sayd he's just lazy...

x

Ustwo

So you are hanging with a lazy pot smoker who doesn't satisfy your sexual needs why?

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StellaLuna

Er, my first boyfriend... granted, I was a fairly sheltered 15, didn't want to have sex, but he never kissed me. He came out to me 4 years after breaking up with me.
Ask him, flat out, what the problem is.

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lurkette

Yeah, jumping to the conclusion that he's gay seems a little presumptive. He might be, but there could be lots of reasons for low sex drive. Inexperience, mental illness, physical problems (the weed can't be helping), etc. Talk about it and find out what's at the root of it.

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pig

am i the only one who thought of this instantly?



i don't know i'd just to him being gay, necessarily katy, but something is definitely rotten in denmark, as they say. i don't know if i'd venture a guess to depression, so much...as just an aloofness...at least, in my experience, there are people inside the herb scene who aren't really active participators in their own lives. i honestly can't say its a direct result of the drug itself, but i've always felt it was somehow a part of being 'cool' in that crowd.

long story short, he's disconnected from you. it's up to you to figure out who to deal with that...but a lack of intimacy is a telling thing. his head may be up in the clouds, and if so then that's just the way it is sometimes..but you shouldn't have to suffer for his lack of excitement or interest.

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Jinn

Men are not always sex-machines, wanting sex 24/7. It's really annoying when people assume we are. My sex drive fluctuates just like any woman.

If you care about him, spend time finding out what's going on with his life, instead of assuming he's gay just because he doesn't have sex with you. Maybe he's just not attracted to you?

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analog

It's funny... guys are always poked fun at for having "commitment issues" because women often complain we break up with chicks for "stupid" reasons.

And yet, time and time again, we hear stories of women with guys who seem to have absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever- often times very negative, terrible qualities- with whom they'll stay for long periods of time.

An odd double-standard, that.

World's King

Does he ever try to stick it in your ass during the few times you do have sex?

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Mister Coaster

Forget gay or straight, if he's making excuses to go out and smoke weed rather than spend time with you, then is this what you want to base your relationship on? I'm not saying that weed is the devil, I know plenty of couples who smoke it together and have a great sex life. But when one member is into it and the other one isn't, it leads to problems.

Then again, woman's intuition is huge, so if you think he's gay, ask.

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If you have any poo... fling it NOW!

Plan9

BAAAM!

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Craven Morehead

He smokes weed a lot and you go down on him whenever you have sex. I'm sure he thinks there's no problem at all. And why should he? So, its time to communicate and tell him what you want.

Ustwo

Not when it comes to gay males.

I recently had to burst a few milf's bubble about John Travolta.

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World's King

John Travolta is gay?

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

Ustwo

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

Mister Coaster

About woman's intuition, I have found (based on some local afternoon radio call-ins) that 9 out of 10 times, if a woman thinks her man is cheating, he is.

[doubletake] John Travolta is GAY?!?!?

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Ustwo

I had the same surprise when I heard about it, 15 years ago.

He wasn't put in the closet on South Park because of Scientology.

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

Baraka_Guru

Yeah, and it's so weird, because he was once married to Princess Di!







But, seriously. What straight man can dance like that?

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blahblah454

Well I didn't know he was gay either.

And yes, try talking to your boyfriend. But as it stands it doesn't sound like its heading in a very positive direction.

Plan9

OP: How does he feel about stationery?

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Push-Pull

And to add another strange coincidence, isn't it funny how quite a few relationships are thoroughly mis-matched in sex drive?

Back to the OP, perhaps your instinct about him hanging out with a divorced older guy instead of in bed with you is just your mind's way of saying "ditch the bastard".

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Infinite_Loser

Take him shopping. If he knows more about fashion than you do, then I'd say he's gay.

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surferlove007

I actually agree with infinite_loser for the first time. :-p
James is so not gay...he hates shopping. *PHEW*
He might just have trouble with intimacy due to a past relationship.
I suggest overpriced therapy if he won't talk about it.
A relationship can't function and survive without communication.

FoolThemAll

Might as well do the fried chicken and watermelon test while you're at it, find out if he's secretly black.

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Infinite_Loser

Why? Just look at his skin tone. Muuuch easier

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FoolThemAll

You'd be surprised. There are some really light-skinned people out there spitting seeds on the down-low.

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I wonder if we're stuck in Rome.

Kadath

You know who's even trickier are the secret Mexicans. But you can sniff them out by seeing if they have landscaping jobs or live 10 to an apartment.

In other news, stereotypes don't have to be negative to be ignorant. Thanks for pointing out the foolishness, FoolThemAll.

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ring

I am a coward for not saying it but thinking it. Thank you FoolThemAll.

OP: I would worry more about his smoking and your concerns with that.

Infinite_Loser

Is a stereotype still a stereotype if it's true on the average?

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ring

When a kernel of truth becomes exaggerated and rigidly apllied, yes.

Toaster126

Don't confuse his lower sex drive with anything other than him having a lower sex drive without seeing something else.

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xxSquirtxx

Sexual compatibility is very important. If you're unhappy now, don't let it go on for years. Take that however you wish.

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ssratt

Well, I think that he is probably at least BI.
The Weed is in no way helping him decide, one or 2 day I guess is ok but the fact he seems to be in a perpetual state make me feel you should clean up the area and either try and wean him off or at least way down so he can think on his own.

There may also be a history for him. the fact that his only "problem" he is saying is that he is not turned on by a vagina does not mean anything,.

I would not in anyway consider moving forward with him until you get a real answer.
Just let him know that whatever he says is ok and you will understand, and that if he is "experimenting" you need to know considering you are sleeping with him

Daniel_

Find out if he likes having another man do sexual things with/to him.

If for example he likes to suck another man's cock, then he's PROBABLY gay.

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Plan9

Ah, Sherlock! Deductive reasoning at its best!

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Eowyn_Vala

Ask! That is the best advice!

(And Travolta was never married to Princess Di. Although she did ask him to dance at a party at the White House in 1985)

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genuinegirly

Ustwo - you said it.

Pin your problem down.
You have differing sex drives.
He smokes a lot of weed. You don't.
You doubt yourself.

You deserve better.

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Daniel_

It's true.

She was really married to Wayne Sleep. See:

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╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

skada

WTF ... well I have many friends who are fashion designers who are not gay... (ANd they may be joining this forum just to bash you )

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Nisses

I'm sure IL's gonna lose sleep over that Skada

toss me in with genuinegirly and UsTwo. You shouldn't worry about the answer to your question, you should be worried about what UsTwo said.

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Infinite_Loser

They wouln't happen to be women, would they? That'd explain why they're not gay

(Before some gets offended, realize that's a joke.)

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