Shauk

you know it's true.

Moving to Seattle, getting a good job...

do these things make me happy?

does my location, and my job, a manmade construct, make me happy?

no.. I chase the long term goal of finding a person who will make me happy.

I think happiness if found in the natural interaction within your social circle. You could be poor, but if you had love, you'd be fine.


I don't think anyone's story can compare to mine at this point. I'm relentlessly stupid, I go against good advice, and the catch is, I'm still not done.


I moved here after my ex expressed interest in getting back together. Apparently I made the assumption that a commitment was ever implied, even though it wasn't.

Her reasons.. She missed me, she wanted me around, she was warming up to the idea of us being together again. She was telling people that we were getting back together as soon as I made my decision.

one particular weekend she was talking to me on msn and going off about how horny she was, telling me how I was the best oral sex she's ever had, and wanted me over there right then. I wasn't supposed to be out there for another 2 weeks at this point.

This is about the time i started getting the story from her that she made out with this guy from work that had been hitting on her for 4 months. that was the last I heard about anything.

I moved out here 1 week ago and so far it goes as such.

the 21st, I arrive. tired, sleep.

22nd, I start my job search, I get 3 interviews set up, including one that night. She informs me that she actually did sleep with that guy after she told me she wouldn't, that she wasn't thinking about me, it was selfish of her, and that she may be pregnant. I'm pretty pissed.

23rd, interview goes well for 2 out of 3, I pick one to pursue for higher pay. I get that job set to start on the 25th, I read up on the effects of the plan B she took and i start to believe that her so called pregnancy symptoms are just side effects. I am still "ok" with her sleeping with this guy for some reason at this point because she's got that technical loophole that "we're not in a relationship, I can sleep with whoever I want" and she can and sill.

24th, I bum around, waiting for amanda to get off work, she informs me she's going to go out with her friend, who is a part of some burlesque dancer troupe or whatever, girls night out. Fine, I need a break away from her to think about what I'm going to do.

25th, I start work, we go out to dinner that night and get sushi, she tells me that last night was a bit out of control, that some guy was very forward with her, and her friend she was with pulled her away from the guy and they started to drive off, but the guy chased them down the street and was begging her not to go, jumped in the car and gave her a cramped lapdance and started kissing her. They kicked him out of the car, Then he proceeded to whip it out and told her to suck it in the street near the club. she declined, saying I'm not a whore... cant really blame her for the actions of some other guy, and we're not together, right?

she asks if i'm paying for dinner, I ask if we're dating, she says no, then I tell her to pay for her own shit then.

our bill comes, the guy pretty much ignores amanda and hands me the bill. Amanda says she likes how people act towards me and treat me like I have power. I pay the bill anyways, fucking sucker...


26th, work again, i come home and I get a message on my computer from the guy she left me for a year ago.

Reads as such.

So this brandon guy, I knew about, she's not interested in him. He's interested in her. He made the move on he to kiss her and she felt nothing. She wants him as a friend, but nothing more
Alberto is the guy she works with (and fuck no i'm not changing names to protect identities, let these assholes find me)
Greg, is the ex she told me she stopped talking to, who has a gf, who cheats on said GF with Amanda, and Amanda uses this to blackmail him in to fucking her whenever she feels like it. He gets tired of it and PM's me so he can wash his hands of it.

In my mind, ALL OF THIS SHIT HAPPENED BEFORE I MOVED, IT DOESN"T MATTER RIGHT?


I call her up immediately after I get this and start demanding answers, she admits to sleeping with greg, says he made up the part or misunderstood about the blowjob part and that she already told me what happened.


27th, work again. I'm off, i've been invited to a halloween party by Justin. I get home and then the truth comes out about her sucking a guys cock on wednesday, after i've shown up, after I live with her.

She did it, her story.

"well after we ran that one guy off, we were all piled in the back seat and this guy was back there with us making out with my friend, and he was reaching over and rubbing my leg, and it was kinda turning me on, then he started fingering me and eventually pulled it out and trying to get us to suck it, saying he was going to cum so fast, that he wanted to cum so badly. I was horny, and I did, but the guy was a jerk cuz he just zipped up and got out of the car and left us both sitting there once he got off."

again, she jumps on the fact that we're not together, and that she can do what she wants.

but she lied to me you know? she told me she didn't do this when her ex knew more than I did. he had to tell me.

I'm pretty much just like "fine" and go to my friends halloween party and socialize best I can. But being in seattle feels so hollow and without focus now.

so the 28th
today, I wake up and my hand is on amanda's back, and I just start rubbing it out of habit. She moans. She's enjoying it. I just stop after a while because I'm not sure what the hell i'm doing. I know she's "easy" I know she wants to be with me, but she wants to be with a lot of people right now. I'm too jealous to handle that.

I can't trust her now, she lied to me, of course, 2 wrongs make a right when you need to justify doing something. She got up and went to the living room, came back and told me she got her period so she's not pregnant, went and fell asleep on the couch, I took her cell phone....

the texts told this story.

sunday, I get here
monday, i have an interview, she's gushing at greg that she wants to come over and fuck him, or she's going to tell his gf that he cheated on her 2 weeks ago, he declines on the premise that she's fucking with me and that he's not cool with that(i like this guy and his morals all of a sudden I guess)

wednesday, the texts of her telling him what she did with the guys in the car, and a few casual flirty texts to alberto, and me.

thursday, the texts I sent after calling her about the pm I got, her texts to greg expressing her loss of power in the situation with him and her.

friday, her telling him that she'd choose him if he were an option, but that he wont let her, on top of the texts where she told me that she wasn't talking to him anymore, and a text replying to greg saying "fuck off and stay out of my life" with "whatever we'll just be fucking again in 2 months anyway, see ya later"



so dear TFPer's

have no pity for me, you've given me all the advice you can.

I apparently am so fucking stuck on her just like she's stuck on the guy she left me for that we're just a big fucking trainwreck of misguided emotion.

I confronted her about the texts and she just got angry that i'd violate her trust like that, but again, 2 wrongs make a right when I fucking feel like it.


theres no healthy relationship to be gained from this, we've done nothing but fight about her fucking guys since i've got here, and she just says she doesn't have to explain anything to me because we're not together.

But you know, I feel differently since her whole premise for the offer to begin with was for us to start dating again.

can you even compare? can you even imagine how i feel?

Plan9

I know how you feel, man. You aren't alone, bro.

Everybody knows my cliche story: Newly married guy go on his second combat deployment. Batshit cheating "lonely" wife. Minute Rice style Divorce. Lies. Deceit. Debilitating pain. Broken hearts. Having to go back to the desert and deal with it alone. Questions that are never answered.

She put a grenade in your chest and waited to pull the pin later.

She's a skank, dude. You're not a tool, man... stop being used like one.

You got a good job and a future regardless of where you go.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Blackthorn

That is a really rough situation and I cannot possibly relate to how you feel. One exception is with knowing what it's like to be in a relationship with a chronic liar/cheat. That's not fun at all and unfortunately with this person it's not likely to change. The best thing to do is to make the best of the situation by enjoying your new digs and build a new life without this menace who is fucking your over and content to live with comfortably herself while doing so. She's bad news as in bad bad bad news bears bad. Let her go, kick her arse right 100% out of your life and thank her for making you stronger as a person.

__________________
What are you willing to give up in order to get what you want?

Manic_Skafe

I can't compare and I wouldn't want to imagine myself in your shoes.

It's one thing to have your trust violated by someone you love - that's just one of the many risks of loving someone. But it's an entirely different case when you can't even trust yourself enough not to tirelessly waste your time and emotions on someone who very obviously does not deserve them.

If she wants to sleep around then that's perfectly fine - it's her life and her choice. But you are beyond the point of excuses and no longer deserving of advice that anyone could offer you.

What are you going to do?

__________________
"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

Shauk

i dont fucking know, all i can do is be sad.

if anyone feels like talking to me one on one about this i think it might be more effective than this forum stuff.

my msn and aim should be in my profile. if not i'll put them in as soon as I post this. I'm just at a loss here..

JustJess

When you daydream about the life you want, it never includes living it Jerry Springer style, does it?
Great. Get out.
Get out NOW. I don't think she can illustrate how useless and awful she is any better than she has. Please, please, respect yourself. Get out.

You've got a job now, so now is the time to craigslist it up and find yourself a new apartment closer to work. Seriously. Go do that now. Right now. Stop reading TFP and feeling sorry for yourself. You've done that to death, now is the time for fucking ACTION. You got a JOB, you don't need her to survive, so MOVE. Block her cell phone number and her AIM name and any other form of communication. Get a fucking restraining order if you have to. GO DO IT NOW.

I bet you can move by November 1st.

This is going to suck for a long time. Let it. But focus on the anger, not on the sadness... you've been sad long enough. Do you really need any more proof? You don't, you know you don't.
Leave. Now.

__________________
My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

Ustwo

Yep.

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

pig

i third ustwo and jess. just drop this scenario and go find better places to play. the kids you're hanging out with piss in the sandbox man.

__________________
You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

DEI37

I can understand the bit about missing someone. I still miss my ex-wife, and hope that she gets herself straightened out...as she's in a HUGE mess right now. Good luck, whatever you do, but in this case, you're gonna have to look out for yourself, since she's not.

__________________
Generally speaking, if you were to get what you really deserve, you might be unpleasantly surprised.

Byrnison

What Jess, Ustwo, and Pig said.

You've read it in TFP multiple times: the pain will stay with you for a long time, and at this moment you don't feel like it will ever get better. Cliched as it sounds, it *will* get better. In the meantime, cry, physically abuse things that you can't hurt and won't hurt you (I recommend punching the mattress or pillows, but that was just me), and then take action like Jess said. Having something to do, a goal of getting a place and getting set up, will do wonders in that it is something to occupy your mind. Keep telling yourself that you deserve better - because you DO. Now, do what Jess said. Now.

Good luck and be true.

Bear Cub

Well, best I can say here is sack up. She's a whore who doesn't charge, and that's probably a compliment. You've got to do something at this point, and I would suggest sleeping with one of her friends, saluting her afterwards, and saying "later, bitch."

dirtyrascal7

Reading that nearly made me sick... it is unbelievable how much disrespect some people can have for themselves and others. Her actions are in no way justifiable, whether she's committed to anyone or not, because she is just flat-out disrespecting everyone involved.

That being said... honestly, you're not in that bad of a spot. You're at a very significant fork in the road, one much like in the movies where you look down one fork and see grass and animals and sunlight and life, and then you look down the other and see darkness, dead trees, fog, and doom... I'll let you take a wild guess at which fork represents her.

Basically, you're in a position now to move on an make a new life in Seattle, which is a very exciting prospect. Or, you could continue to try and win this girl over, forgive her for all she has done so far, try and patch up the trust issues, and then deal with all her future promiscuity and deceit, which may or may not result in a Maury Povich "I don't know who the father is" situation in the near future.

Sometimes it is tough to choose a path, even when we know which path is the right one. The important thing to remember is that you need to look forward and focus on your future... and not let your past control or limit you from getting where you want to go or from being who you want to be.

__________________
"Tie yourself to your limitless potential, rather than your limiting past."

"Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

Infinite_Loser

I wouldn't say you're a disgrace to the human race; Just males in general.

Like everyone else has said, I think it'd be a good time to cut your losses. It's deathly apparent that this chick doesn't respect you (Or herself for that matter, either), so why continue to chase after something which is nothing more than a pipe dream? Personally, if it were me, I'd probably call her a whore and tell her to pound sand (But, of course, you're not me, and that's probably not something you want to do).

Actually, I wonder why you keep talking to her?

__________________
I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

snowy

I was somebody's bitch once.

I'll never be anyone's bitch again. I am my own Bitch--I don't need to be anyone else's.

The point is, you have to go through the wringer before you learn that lesson. We've all been there. We've all done what you're doing. A favorite quote of mine goes, "Wisdom is learning from other people's mistakes." And as much as we would hope that you could learn from our lessons, and be wise, we also all know that this is one of those lessons you have to learn yourself for it to really be true.

One morning, years from now, you'll wake up and think, "I'm not her bitch any more."

I will confess to this: the ex whose bitch I was lived in an apartment next to mine a couple years ago, a few years after we broke up. Though all that time had passed, and I was in another relationship with more than a few in between, the sight of him still disturbed me.

Now, though I have said you must learn this lesson yourself, I will also say: No one deserves the kind of emotional abuse you are allowing yourself to be put through. Stop being a doormat.

My advice: Get an advance on your pay if necessary, pack up, and move. Now. Get a new cell phone while you're at it. Then you'll be set. You do not deserve this drama--you are so much better than that.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Jenna

Don't go for anyone named Amanda, I've only known horrible women with that name (no offense to any ladies here if you're name is Amanda).

I can't really relate because I'm the type of person who doesn't put up with that type of bullshit - no matter how stuck I am on a person. I mean you're not in denial, you know what she does, and you know she's going to continue. I think you need to get out and meet some new ladies. And move the fuck away.

But, I've had friends who just can't leave, no matter how much advice I give, no matter how many times they cheat on eachother, no matter how big of an asshole their partner is. I've given up on giving advice, because no one takes it. So, if you're not willing to take the advice from others, you probably will stop receiving it.

ubertuber

Shauk, I think you know what to do here.

My advice is this: the saying "out of sight, out of mind" exists for a reason.

Move out, don't talk to her. Delete her phone number and contact information, get rid of (throw away or put into storage) everything you've got that reminds you of her.

The pain and temptation are real and will take a long time to fade. Meanwhile, you need to be looking and moving forward, not backward.

__________________
Cogito ergo spud -- I think, therefore I yam

Willravel

I've had people tell me that (I'm an embarrassment to the human race) after I trip the light fantastic. Despite my understanding of rhythm, there's much lost in translation to my limbs.

I love some promiscuous women, but only if they're mature. I came upon this lesson back in high school when I dated a certain Jessica. She loved sexuality. She loved it more than the Hamburgler loves hamburgers (an expression she had, not I). She loved it so much that the 3-4 times a day I could schedule in wasn't enough. I bumped it up to as much as possible. Not enough, and she cheated. She wasn't able to filter her promiscuity because of her inexperience. This, apparently, has become something of an epidemic.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not what one might call a prude, but sexuality with absolutely no ground rules is fwb, not a relationship.

ubertuber

Oh yeah, Shauk, I forgot to say something else:

You're not an embarrassment to the human species, or even to the male gender. I'm sympathetic and concerned, but not at all embarrassed by you.

Take this, own this, and move forward. You can do this.

__________________
Cogito ergo spud -- I think, therefore I yam

analog

Yeah, you managed to make a lot of mistakes.

So what?

Mistakes are learning experiences. The fact that you're very aware of all the wrong, bad, and otherwise ill-advised stuff you did is good, it means it's in your head and you won't make those mistakes again.

We all fuck things up here and there. Some of us have huge fuckups, some portion it out into small batches of mistakes over several relationships. Just think of it as getting a lot of learning in on one big lesson.

You'll only be an embarrassment if you walk away from this whole ordeal having learned nothing. But I think you'll learn. So hold your head up and move along, you've got some living to do.

Push-Pull

Dude, wouldn't it feel great to just toss it all to the wind right now? Just let all the bullshit fall behind you as you head into the clean canvas of the future.
I know that's a lot to get your head wrapped around right now, but I think you know it's for the best.....

And someone above posted about respecting yourself. When you let something like this into your life, others sense/see/feel it, and they can respond accordingly. Give yourself the respect you deserve, and others will follow suit.....

__________________
"No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me-

"Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown-

DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-

Kpax

I'm fairly successful. I mean, I'm not in any debt, or any trouble with the law, as far as outstanding tickets or whatever...

I got involved with a girl that "lives for today," as it were. All of her friends are also like that.

I bought her a car and took it back, and found two Xanax tablets in it, as well as condoms and tampons.

My point is, that circle is having fun, reproducing liberally and promiscuously, with little or no money, tons of fines and getting more each day, but they have what all of us work for anyway, and that is the physical love.

I mean, a guy will go through school to be successful and drive a nice car, but why does he want to drive a nice car? To impress women!

You see, this girl I was with hung out with dudes with mohawks and piercings... that type of crowd. They usually wouldn't have any money. I have money and a stable life financially, but no girl.

.........I would rather be in their position.

Martian

This is precisely why I don't dance. As Bono put it "...the boys play rock and roll/they know that they can't dance, at least they know."

And Shauk, you're not an embarrassment to the human race. What you are is an embarrassment to yourself. Don't sweat it, we all embarrass ourselves once in a while. As above, I had to learn that my natural rhythm, while strong in performance and composition of music, does not extend to expression through movement. I embarrassed myself a couple times, then I learned to keep my ass off the dance floor. Now you need to do the same. Do not under any circumstances allow this girl to keep fucking you around like this. It's terrible that she would treat you in such a fashion, but if you let her continue you'll have no one to blame but yourself.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Seer666

If what I am about to say offends you, I'm sorry, but it needs to be said.
Run. From the sounds of things here, she is nothing more then a fucking whore who enjoys power trips and mind games. This woman, and I use that word loosely, will suck the life out of you, and laugh at on your trip to hell. She is an emotional assassin and you need to get the fuck away from this lieing cheat spawn of fucking Satan cunt RIGHT FUCKING NOW. I know how hard it is. I still, for some ungodly fucking reason, love my lieing cheating ex to this day. But you, my friend, need to get the hell out of this situation right now. This can only end one way. Badly. Very, very badly.

__________________
Bad spellers of the world untie!!!

I am the one you warned me of

I seem to have misplaced the bullet with your name on it, but I have a whole box addressed to occupant.

mandy

you are so not a disgrace to the human race. SHE on the other hand IS!!!

And like Cromp put it, she is a SKANK!

And as I would put it...She is a FUCKIN' WHORE beyond WHORINGS. She gives prostitutes a bad name!!! cos that's exaclt what she is except that she's so cheap she doesnt even charge for it. At least the other ladies make a living.

One day she is going to fall so damn hard and I hope you wont be there to catch her.

Women like these make me go completely BEFOK (afrikaans for extremely pissed off) it just explains it with the emotion that i feel.

You need to get far away from her as possible, but hopefully in Seattle wher e you've got your new job and are trying to make it for yourself.

FUCK HER!!!! you see, no matter who you are or what you've done in the past does not warrant treatment or behavior like that.

I sorry, i have no sympathy for her for whatever comes her way! and it WILL...trust me it will, even if I have to use all my wedding savings just to come and show her myself.

And that goes for Cromps Ex as well!

OH GAAAAAASH, you won't believe how much I hate women who do that to themselves and how they hurt others in the process!

Ok, i'm going to stop bashing now and say that despite all this WHORING!!! the way you described that whole car scene that she explained to you where the guy wa making out with the friend...that made me kinda hot...but i guess it's just my recent endeavours to recruit a threesome partner

anyways, FUCK HER!!!

__________________
The Imagination equips us to see a reality we have yet to create

Hyacinthe

Shauk you're not the embarassment she is, atleast that's the way I view it.

You've made a huge step though, you've realised that you deserve better then what she's giving you. That remaining in that situation is wrong.

My advice, get away. move out, change your number and just sever all contact. You can't keep hoping she's going to change cause she won't and it's not fair to either of you.

__________________
"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own"

"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."

abaya

Word. Nail this to your forehead until it becomes a permanent part of your brain.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

MrFriendly

Shauk,

In your last thread you mentioned that if she fucks you over again, or if you can't handle it, this will seal your feelings and finally allow you to get over her.

Buddy, it's now time to walk away without a second thought and never look back.

You mentioned that your were a muso? Then throw yourself into your music again, throw yourself into something. Get out there, meet people, make friends, work hard. Basically, focus your energy one something else, focus your energy on something useful that will help you go further.

It hurts, it sucks, and it will hurt for a while longer. But you have to have faith that this pain will pass. Use it to make you stronger, learn from it, feel it.

Before long, you'll be in a better place, you may even find another woman, and you'll look back and be so glad that this is all behind you now. Don't let this make you angry, don't let it make you bitter, because now, now you'll really appreciate the good times when they happen. And if keep the right attitude, the good times will happen.

But right now, you need to focus on the challenges right in front of you, and the most pressing issue for you to deal with is to just walk away and don't look back.

__________________
You are not a slave

LadySin

I agree with this right here... Whores love to play games... and that exactly what she is doing. She will never be without someone to fuck as long as she can supposedly guilt trip her ex into fucking her, string you along, and spread her legs to anyone who looks her way in a night club. She will not change, this is the way she wants it, for a reason. When she falls flat on her face someday (she knows this will eventually happen), she will try to crawl to you, or that ex of hers. But tell her to fuck off before it gets any deeper.

Someone suggested moving (good idea, if anything to a different part of town), changing your cell number (Very good idea, Ive done this, then she cant get ahold of you, which trust me, is a good thing), and getting rid of or storing anything that reminds you of her (like they said out of sight, out of mind...). All these are good suggestions. I am pretty damn sure none of these people here would give you any terrible advice, none of us here are out to hurt you.

So in short... get rid of the psycho hose beast before she traps you for good.

Plan9

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

tooth

You just landed a new job. Congratulations.

NOW, START LOOKING FOR SOMEPLACE ELSE TO LIVE!!!!!

Esoteric

Get the fuck out of that situation pronto my friend.

Cynthetiq

I never tried to boost your ego and I'm not about to now. There are plenty of others that have stated it, you don't need yet another one.

You are only an embarassment to yourself if you continue to allow this to happen to yourself. Only you need to be able to look yourself in the mirror in order to sleep at night. As you've always told me you'll do it your way.

I'm telling you now, that you won't or don't want to change it until the pain is too great, that's your choice.

I heard a great analogy this morning, it's like being in a burning building knowing that you need to get out, but yet you don't want to because being outside in the unknown of the world is even more scary than knowing the certainty of your situation. Get out of the burning building already.

You wanted to change your life, you're in mid-change still hanging onto the vestiges of your old life that is doing nothing but inhibiting your growth. You've know it for some time now.

Again, you'll do whatever you please. Be scared. Be afraid. Be angry. Be upset. Be lonely. Be sad. Be you. They are all feelings that you will have to endure and you'll live through them. It's the range of emotions that we experience in life to really know that we are alive. What is happiness without knowing sadness?

But whatever you do, please change your behavior. Get the balls, man up, rock up, or whatever you want to call it.

Don't be Kpax 2.0

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

snowy

Quoted for truth.

Be free, Shauk.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Shauk

so, i'm not financially set enough to move out yet, so I am pretty much stuck atm, I have a good job but no income yet, I get a half check from my last job which leaves me with 100$ coming in, I wont get a real check until around the 15th of november. Even then that will be a "training" check. No commisions, just the 11$ an hour. Although i have been working my ass off, I don't know what I'll actually see by then.


right after I posted this I had moved all my stuff to the living room while she was still moping in bed, acting angry at me for taking her phone to begin with. I didn't say anything, just started packing up my clothes and moving them to the living room.

I sat down out here with the laptop and started talking to a few people who chose to AIM me as requested, meanwhile she came out of her room and started cleaning the kitchen right next to me.

akward silence for about an hour, I'm looking up apartments and roommate needed listings at this point, she then comes over with pancakes and milk.

"what the fuck is this?"

"pancakes"

"no i mean, why?"

*shrug*

"is this a peace offering?"

"they're pancakes"

"fine"

she sits across from me and we just kinda stare at eachother over pancakes for the next half hour.

"I don't want you to leave"

"why? because you can't pay rent or something?"

"no I can pay rent"

"why would I stay?"

"I didn't do that stuff to hurt you, you don't know whats going on"

"I know that I was lead to believe that you wanted to get back together"

"I do!"

"you don't act like it! this shit hurts me"

"we're not together"

"I moved out here to have you remind me of that? thanks"

"We could still get together, I just dont think of you sexually"

"what the hell does that mean?"

"sex is just sex, I don't think it means anything anymore"

"it means a lot to me"

"everything is so black and white with you"

"this whole "getting back together" thing seems like a clear intention to me, you sucking some guy off in the back of a car seemed to scribble all over that fucking line, you did it, you knew it would hurt me, you did it anyway, you don't fucking care about me, you wouldn't have done it if you did.

"I care about you, I just don't think of us as a couple"

"whatever you told me you wanted me to move out anyway, you wanted to "chase me" because of your so called primal urges, I think it's bullshit, we're civilized human beings, not primitive animals. I'm sorry i'm not like every other guy who tries to win your affection by shoving his dick in your face"

"It's not like that"

"what the fuck, you didn't even KNOW the guy!, WHATS HIS NAME?"

"...."

"you want to turn this in to a fucking power trip, you want to hurt me so bad that I leave you, pissed, never want to talk to you, you want to do all of that so I move out and youc an chase me, why? so you can prove yourself as some sick fuck who loves to power trip on how bad they can hurt people yet still manage to fuck them? you've turned in to your ex"

"i know, it's fucked up, you're right, it's all a power trip"

"whu? you're agreeing?"

"It doesn't have to be like this"

"I fucking know it doesn't have to be like this, why do you think i'm so upset? You're the one fucking everything up, i've been here 1 week and all i've heard about is how much dick you can grab, not one fucking thing about us getting back together"

"I want to get back together, I'm just scared that I've become something I don't want to be, and it might hurt you"

"what do you mean?"

"I don't think of us as a couple right now, so for some reason it doesn't bother me at all, but this is hurting me too, watching how much it hurts you, I don't think I can do it anymore"

"what? sleep with other guys?"

"I don't know"

"figure something out then, I got my shit packed, i'm borderline ready to leave and wind up living in my dad's garage or something"

"why? what the hell is that going to do for your life? what would you do there?"

"I could get away from you"

"I don't want you to leave"

"then stop hurting me,stop treating me like this"

"just calm down and stop acting like you're my boyfriend"

"you just said you wanted to get back together"

"can you just please let things flow instead of trying to force it?"

"how many other people are you going to sleep with then? I was letting things "flow" when you were sucking cock on wednesday, I was letting things flow you you let alberto fuck you in his hotel room without protection, possibly making you pregnant, possibly giving you an STD, I was letting things flow when you called greg up and told him you were going to tell his gf that he cheated on her unless he fucked you, ON FUCKING MONDAY WHILE I WAS HERE"

"you don't know why I do these things"

"you couldn't possibly justify it"

"im not over him, I fucking hate him, I told him all that shit and did all of it to make him jealous"

"is that why you had me move over here then? for your little fucking game of power with you and greg? fuck that"

"no, I just need to transition"

"we've got some fucked up train going on here, I'm chasing you, you're chasing greg, greg is chasing jaquie, no one is fucking chasing me, i'm the goddamned caboose, it's fucking lonely and shit back here, people are supposed to pair off. You dumped him, he didn't want you anyway, deal with it."

"Why do you want to get with me so bad, all i do is hurt you"

"why do you want to get with greg so bad, all he does is hurt you"

"i hate him"

"why?"

"what do you mean WHY? why not?"

"I wanna hear you say it"

"he told me he loved me, i moved out here for him, he was sleeping with other girls"

"GEE THIS SOUNDS SO FUCKING FAMILIAR"

"oh my god"

MrFriendly

As previously stated, just go.

__________________
You are not a slave

mandy

OH LORD NO!!! she's an embarrasment to the female species!!! to not even be able to come up with a decent enough story.

I reckon living in a cardboard box will be better than living with that disgrace of a woman.

get out NOW!!!

__________________
The Imagination equips us to see a reality we have yet to create

match000

Sorry to hear all this.

Seattle is a great place. Big city with great people (and alotta hot chicks

You should do what everyone has been saying.. there are alot of nice girls out there, and next one might not be next week, but in a few months.. just leave and don't worry about it and live your life

I know, it's way easier said than done, but trust me, I'd rather be in Seattle right now than where I am (a small suburban city in the midwest that snows half the year).

Seer666

Sigh. I hate being right so damn much.

__________________
Bad spellers of the world untie!!!

I am the one you warned me of

I seem to have misplaced the bullet with your name on it, but I have a whole box addressed to occupant.

Infinite_Loser

After reading Shauk's last post, I've had a slight change of heart.

Sometimes past actions are a good indicator on whether or not someone is willing to change their present behavior; Sometimes it's not. While it would be easier to judge someone based on the past, it's not always the smartest course of action as you may find yourself trying to pull your foot from your mouth. You see, communication is 90% of a relationship. With that in mind, the problem I had with your previous post is this: She seems remorseful for her past actions while you seem intent on shoving her past mistakes down her throat, as if you want to instigate an argument (Keep in mind I'm speaking objectively). Comments such as:

and

aren't going to lead anywhere positive. No one-- And I do mean no one-- Wants to be belittled and accused of being/doing something they're not. It only makes people defensive and more apt to respond to you in a negative way. If you're not willing to listen to what she has to say, then I'd suggest simply not speaking to her at all. As it stands, it seems to me that an unecessary argument was created because you chose to act in a rather beligerent way.

Anywho, with that being said, personally I think you should sit down and try to talk to her. It won't be easy and they'll probably be a lot of hurt feelings along the way, but that's the best recourse of action if you really want to mend and wounds/fix any broken bridges. That includes telling her why you don't trust her without coming off as saying "You whore!" and/or without coming off as abrasive. I've always said that any relationship can be fixed. Both parties simply have to be willing. Maybe you feel as if you're justified in not wanting to try-- And you very well may be-- But that doesn't mean you still shouldn't try. It's entirely possible that she means it when she says that she doesn't like the person she has become/is currently and wants to work things out. Still, that's up to you to decide. Just don't let pent up anger otherwise cloud your judgment. That's my advice to you.

__________________
I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

Martian

Wow. No.

No, no, no, no, no.

In a successful, healthy relationship communication is important. This relationship is neither. Further, if we take the above transcript as complete and accurate for simplicity's sake, her remorse is part of what makes this girl so dangerous. She shows absolutely no indication of having any idea whatsoever what she wants and instead of handling the situation in a mature and responsible manner (ie, taking some time to figure shit out) she's acting with absolutely no forethought or consideration for the people around her. She is an emotional loose cannon and if she continues to behave in this way she will eventually self-destruct. It would be very unwise for anyone to do anything other than get the fuck out of the way while they still can.

I don't see him accusing her being anything she's not. He's confronting her with her actions. She's going to pay the consequences, so long as our friend Shauk can stay the course. It's not his responsibility to fix her, or put up with her shit. He has every right to be upset and she has no defense (and indeed, does not offer one).


Also, no.

Repeat after me:

Real life is not a romantic comedy. People do not have a single epiphany and change overnight.

Ever.

If she doesn't like who she's become, that is quite frankly her problem. If she loses opportunities due to it, she has nobody to blame but herself. And if she wants to change, then it's up to her to do so. Talk is cheap and she can't even get that right...

There's no consistency here; she's all over the map. She can't decide what she wants, so she keeps swinging back and forth and shows absolutely no regard for anyone else involved. This is not a relationship that's worth fixing. Never mind even the picture her actions say and whether or not she'd be willing to back up any assertions of wanting to salvage things. Continuing to put effort into this is a losing proposition.

Shauk, I am going to be totally honest here. No attempts at levity, no beating around the bush and no pulling punches. I am going to break this situation down for you as plainly as I can, in the hopes that you will read and understand and thus be able to save yourself some aggravation. The usual disclaimer is that I'm basing all of this only on the information you've given me; thus, if you've painted an incomplete picture, any extrapolations I make based on that may be incorrect and thus throw all of my reasoning out the window. However, such inconsistencies tend to be pretty glaring and I'm not seeing any here so I feel confident in saying that I think I have a handle on things.

This girl is, bluntly, damaged goods. I don't know what's caused her to be this way. I'm quite certain that she has redeeming qualities; it turns out that nearly everybody does. That's what makes these situations so hard. If she really were a Heartless Scheming Bitch like some stock character from a B movie, it'd be easy to walk away. You did fall for her at one point and thus I feel confident in saying that you saw something else there. I have no doubt that you have a lot of good memories about this girl and that you wish more than anything that you could recapture the happiness you had.

I have seen this situation over and over again. I have no idea if you're about to fall into this trap, but I'd feel remiss if I didn't warn you. We've all seen those on again/off again couples who keep breaking up and getting back together, despite the fact that when they're together they invariably make each other miserable. These situations arise when people want to recapture the past; upon seperating from their former partner, they get to remembering the good times they had and minimizing the bad ones; they do this because they, like you and me and everyone else, want to be happy and remember this other individual as a mechanism that caused them to be happy. The problem, however, is as stated above. Something in that relationship changed to cause those two people to be no longer compatible and that former compatibility may never be recaptured. Once it's gone, it's gone. It is possible in some cases to build something new that is also positive, but this is not a common occurance and requires (among other things) that both parties recognize and accept that the past is gone and that what comes next must therefore necessarily be something new. Even if you're ready, willing and able to do that I can guarantee you that she's not.

She's not happy. She's telling the honest truth about that. She doesn't like who she's become. No prevarication there. Trouble is, I don't think she knows who she is. I don't know what event(s) changed the girl you fell for into the one that's in discussion, or even if there was a change; maybe she's always been that girl and all that's changed is your perception of her. Regardless, the picture I get from what I've read is of a girl who displays an alarming lack self-awareness; she doesn't know who she is, she doesn't know what she wants and she has no fucking clue where she's going or what she's going to do next. And rather than sit down and try to figure these things out, she's rolling around like the proverbial loose cannon and causing as much emotional damage as she possibly can. It's a very sad situation, frankly, because she's going to continue to be miserable until she can get this sorted out, if she ever does.

None of this is your fault and none of it is your responsibility. Further, if you continue to allow her to toy with you, or (God forbid) decide to give your relationship with her another chance, you will be causing her more harm than good.

She's latching on to you as an escape. She wants to use your past together as a means to pull herself out of the hole she's dug. She remembers being happy with you and is, like all the other folks in this type of situation, minimizing or completely excising any negatives. She therefore associates being with you and her own happiness and wants to use you to recapture that. The worst part of this is that it's not even you she wants; it's simply that feeling of well-being. You're the vehicle, not the objective.

Sorry. I reckon that probably hurts, but it's the truth as I see it.

Now.

The best possible course of action for you and for her at this point is for you to Get Out, as soon as possible. You can't afford to move; do you have any friends who could spot you a couch for a few weeks? Take only the possessions you deem essential or irreplaceable and come back for the rest later, once you're established. Offer cash. Offer bribes. Do whatever's necessary. Availing yourself of a friend's hospitality for a couple weeks will be a better course of action by miles than staying in your current situation. Your current situation is poisonous, both for you and her and it will not get better until you remove yourself from it.

The pain, as has been said, will take some time to go away. It is essential that you allow yourself to heal, which means that you need to not have anything to do with her anymore. I know you probably want to help her, but you simply cannot. You cannot not fix another person; it's up to her to do that for herself, or not. Your priority, therefore, needs to be your own well-being. The good news is that this is something that is in your power. The pain will go away, if you give yourself enough time and distance to allow it. Most of the folks here (if not all of us, I don't know everyone's individual situations) is speaking from experience on this, myself included. We've all been through the pain of breaking up with someone and I have personally experienced that very peculiar pain of watching a woman I cared for very deeply engage in what I believed to be an ill-advised and self-destructive course of action without having any power to change it. I know exactly how much it sucks, I truly do. I also know that it gets better, so long as you take the steps necessary to let it.

Even if there's absolutely no way for you to change your living situation before you get paid, you can still be pro-active about the situation. Get the apartment search going now. Use your time off to check out new apartments. Check out the apartments themselves, tour the surrounding neighbourhoods, figure out where all the essential facilities are and how convenient access to those places (grocery stores, laundromats, etc) is going to be. This will serve the dual purpose of helping you choose the best possible residence for yourself and giving you a positive reason to get away from her; you do not want to be in this girl's presence any more than is absolutely necessary. If you're still sharing a bed with her, you really should start sleeping on the couch at the very least. Make every effort to not be home when she is. Have as little to do with her as possible. And if you can do something productive in the process, so much the better.

Do not under any circumstances let her know where you're moving to, once you've found a place. Changing your phone number is probably a bit extreme at this point, but if she continues to call/text you after the move, it may become necessary as well. Your relationship with her is past it's sell-by date. You need to remove it from your life.

You really do have my sympathies and I'm sorry if any of this is painful. It's not a good situation to be in; you deserve to not be in it anymore. Take care of yourself and the rest will fall into place, sooner or later.

And I leave you with words of wisdom imparted to me many moons ago. I actually meant to include this earlier, but I was unfortunately not up to my usual mental acuity last night and thus forgot. The advice that really got me was simply this :

Learn to be happy with who you are and then you can find someone with whom you can be happy together.

Good luck to you, sir.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame