21 male and no libido
 

Hi, I'm a 21 year old male, and I have next to no libido. It began several months ago after I went through severe stress, but the feeling hasn't returned. I can watch porn, read about sex, or watch a romantic movie, and I'm not aroused at all. I'm physically ok - I can work myself into an erection and ejaculate. However, the emotional connection - the attraction to women, is gone. I no longer see anything special in breasts, innuendos, nothing.

I mean, when I kiss a girl or dance with one, I get a aroused. And, I think I could get enough into the mood to have sex. But, I find it strange that I have next to no libido anymore. And I'm only 21.

Does anyone have any advice / suggestions?

Dude, that's the reason right there.

It's perfectly normal man. Don't stress about the fact you've lost your mojo.

Just try to deal with what ever shit is going on in your life, try to keep fit and healthy, get some sun, and you'll find your mojo will return in good time when you're ready.

But just don't stress about it man, it's completely normal.

There's a girl who's interested me, and I kinda like her, too. But I'm concerned that this lack of sexual attraction will hinder my ability to form a close relationship with her.

MrFriendly's previous post offers some good advice. Get some exercise and get some sun.

He's also right that a temporary lack of libido is normal. But it sounds to me like you are suffering from depression. Don't share here if you don't want to, but what was the cause of the severe stress you mentioned? Whatever it was, you are not over it. That's actually good news because it means your mojo will return.

Exercise and sun are very good for overcoming depression. Both are especially important with Daylight Savings Time about to end and winter coming on. I would also talk to your doctor if you have one. Depression is a medical condition and its symptoms are not necessarily related to anything going on externally in your life right now. I would also recommend reading a book called The Noonday Demon by Andrew Solomon.

As for the girl who is interested in you, take this opportunity to get to know her. Don't feel any pressure to make any sexual moves. She will probably be thrilled to spend time with a straight guy who isn't trying to get in her pants.

...and don't worry. She will know you are straight. Women have an evolutionary talent for knowing who is gay or not.

dalnet22, believe me, I've been there. Things will get better. Keep your chin up... and get exercise and sun.

Unless of course you're bi. I have this ability to completely fuck up womens gaydar.

You mentioned being stressed that's definitely the cause, are you on any medication that may be altering your libido? Some meds that are taken for depression contribute to having a low sex drive....

You should see this positively. I wish I could turn off my libido. Its usually my libido that makes me nervous to approach / talk to girls, and to be unable to even become "platonic friends" with them. Use this as a chance to talk to many girls and make genuine (no hidden agenda) friendships.. man i wanna turn off my libido now too (and then turn it back on later :D

I suffered from extreme anxiety / moderate depression last spring. I also stressed myself out because I had to maintain a certain GPA to keep my scholarship (I'm in college).

As the semester ended, I was working on methods to reduce my social anxiety / improve my self esteem. As my anxiety went away, and as I started to like myself more, the effects of stress set in.

1. My libido was gone.
2. My interest in stuff I liked faded greatly.
3. My memory and ability to maintain a conversation / stay on point faded severely. I couldn't form sentences very well as my mind would fracture - I would think of something, and minutes later I'd be lightyears away from where I started because I would think so tangentially.

Today, I have a pretty good self esteem. I am no longer socially anxious, I get plenty of sleep, and I exercise daily. I eat very well, and I make sure to take care of myself in all ways.

Yet, I feel like the effects of stress are still here, months later. My memory is HORRIBLE - I will tell a friend a story, only to find out I already told him days earlier. I struggle to recall info, making it hard to maintain conversations. And, I'm not interested in a lot anymore, so that makes it hard to maintain relationships.

Yet, I don't feel like I'm depressed. But, these effects of stress are starting to depress me. Plus, I'm afraid that if I treat this girl as a friend, she will look at me as a brother... someone she isn't attracted to anymore. It really sucks. I wish I could do something about it.

I've never taken medication for depression or anxiety, and I never will.

<em>I've never taken medication for depression or anxiety, and I never will.</em>

Dude. Knock it off. Would you take ibuprofen for a headache? When you get old will you take benazepril for your high blood pressure? There is NO shame in taking medication for depression. It's a medical condition related to low seratonin. The drugs can help and you don't have to take them forever. I speak from experience.

All of the symptoms you listed in the three bullet points in the previous post are CLASSIC symptoms of the disease called depression even if you are not currently feeling "blue".

Get thee to a doctor. Now. You have a treatable medical condition.

...and don't forget to read the Noonday Demon.

I would endorse most of what the other's have said, but it sounds like you still have a few residual symptoms of anxiety (how is your sleep, do you wake up with a stiff neck, have frequent headaches, or still feel tired after sleep?).

The memory and libido symptoms are often the last to resolve. You are doing all the right things, but it takes time to recover. Maintain what you are doing and it should all come good in time. Try introducing a meditation or relaxation routine into your day.

I talked to the doctor, and he prescribed one good blow job, then we need you to report back ;)

-Will

I had some anxiety/depression issues earlier this year, and I can understand the reluctance -- there are side effects, psychological stigmas, and concerns about addiction.

It was troubling for me, because in the first twenty-eight years of my life, I'd never had anything even resembling a panic attack. I'd never taken medication for anything, like you. I'm pretty much a laid-back guy who's always given the girls in his life a feeling of safety and reliability. I'm the anchor.

But there I was, going to the ER (because it was the middle of the night) for the first time in my life. Transient chest pains, difficulty breathing, sweaty palms, lack of mental focus, and unnameable fear swirling around the subconscious. But they took my blood, they sat me down and watched my heart rate, and they took an X-ray, and I was physically fine.

I would talk to your doc and see if he has some advice. He may not recommend medication at all. Sometimes, in the end, just talking is enough. And when it's not, there are people there for you who can throw out the safety net.

You may be climbing out of the well, or you may be sinking further. If I were you, I'd want to be prepared for either outcome. You don't want a storm to be coming your way with nowhere to run for cover.

I appreciate the replies. I will sit on this for a little while and see what I can do. My interests have come back quite a bit, so perhaps I'm slowly getting over the stress. We shall see.

Why not just count your blessings?


Stop worrying about it, when things get back on an even keel, it'll come back.

Depression is not JUST a medical condition related to low serotonin. It CAN be. That doesn't mean that it always is, or even is in the majority of cases. There are about a billion reasons for depression to manifest itself in a young adult, and only one of those billion reasons is low serotonin.

There are many ways that we can alter our own brain chemistry, just by altering our thoughts (and thereby the chemical pathways they frequent). I don't take ibuprofen for headaches, either. I can MAKE them go away.

lol, that describes me to a T...I took a muscle relaxer last night before I went to bed and had the best sleep that I've had in ages.

Medication can be a good thing. Don't worry about the loss of memory though. I can't remember what I ate 2 hours ago. My memory is SHOCKINGLY poor. I have post-its on my desk with all sorts of information for myself. =( I'm only 18 too :{

Stick with the girl that's interested in you. If she genuinely cares, she'll stick around.

I have a buddy with the same deal, he's 24 and has the sex drive of a 70 year old man (No offense to the 70 year old men who can still rock the house) He of course is dating a 21 year old who has a huge sex drive (It's actually really funny to watch them fight about it) over the last year or so he's had many times where it's just kinda exploded outta nowhere. So like some of the others have said maybe you should keep track of it, get your stuff straight and just see what happens

Just checking in... how are you feeling today, Dalnet22?

Yea its the stress. It can scramble up your configuration.

Please FEEL this, OP.

You might be shopping on the wrong side of the street.