the first blowjob
 

i wonder when the first blowjob was. did adam say to eve "here, lets put it in your mouth and see what happens"

did a caveman grab a cavewomans head and start thrusting?

did a woman start it? she looked at a penis and decided to kiss it?

i know the blowjob was around by then, but i like to think someone in colonial times once said "licke it, hortense"

any historic anthropologists know this one?

http://media.www.lsureveille.com/med...-2049329.shtml

I don't think it's possible to trace the first blow job as I doubt somebody kept a sex journal that far back. Don't monkeys give each other blow jobs? By that notion, I'm sure the practice is prehistoric.

Making a male climax is not all that challenging: insert somewhere close, and preferably moist... thrust, repeat.

- Dante, Clerks.

All it took was the first male to say "hmm.. that mouth looks warm and moist..." and probably as a result of the female's menstruation.

Yes, like armpits.

Ill bet it had something to do with Homo Erectus... ;)

I think jesus had something to do with it:

http://www.superdeluxe.com/sd/conten...E5B94EE9697AAD

Jesus: "Word up, motherfucker."

Fellatio, blasphemy, and cursing, all in the same thread, this will be a popular one.

"America - FUCK YEAH!"

---

And patriotism.

Fuckin aye right, suck cock, love America, and Jesus is Jumpin around the board. :oogle:

Dood, you should frame this ala Genesis from the Hebrew Bible.

Quote:

"And God gave man raging manhood and it was good. And he rested. And on the next day God gave man woman and she was hot. And he rested. And on the following day, man rammed his throbbing vein-sausage into woman's gullet and it was AWL GROOD and man climaxed, refused to cuddle, and fell asleep... and it was a sign of things to come."

Thats so inspirational I could just cry.

Does the next verse go into how the man left early the next morning, and didn't scroll her for a few days?

Totally.

Eve: "You bastard. You said you'd text me! You're lucky you're the only piece of meat in this garden!"

Totally blasphemous, no class or taste whatsoever, you go cromp.......God wont strike you down, but a pissed off fundamentalist might.:wave:

I served my time in hell, Dave. Religion has no place for me anymore.

The love of god is like Afghanistan's winter nights: cold and remote.

Even Chimps have oral sex.

Your 100,000th great grandmother might not have been human, but she gave head.

Awesome line. Laughed my ass off at "didn't scroll her"...

I'm sure the primal curiosity "What can I put in my mouth" may have contributed as well...

I am going to memorize this thread, starting with this:

I'm thinking about rewriting the whole chapter of Genesis for TFP.

I'd pay for that.

I wouldn't, but I'd still like to read it.

I haven't laughed so hard in a very long time. Thank you.

(takes a bow)

Thanks, I'll be here all week.

This would be a good time to let you know that you're one of my favorite people on TFP.

When I first saw the header to this thread, I misread it to be "my first" instead of "the first."