04-20-2003, 11:41 PM | #1 (permalink) |
Blood + Fire
Location: New Zealand
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"You're too nice..."
One of my friends today got dumped by his girlfriend because he was "too nice" for her. They'd been flirting for a while and she finally asked him out last week, they had a romantic date at the beach at night and made out (which they both enjoyed). The following days she said that she was busy with her friends doing stuff. Then today she dumped him.
This "too nice" crap has happened to me once before too, so I was wondering if anyone could make sense of it. It's a oxymoron "You're too nice for me", hell, I'd relish the chance for a woman to treat me overly nicely so why is it that these days being nice is no good? My thoughts lie towards people being influenced by the media thinking that you need a bad boy and skanking around is cool. So please, if you know what's up with this shit, do tell. Just goes to show, nice guys do finish last. |
04-20-2003, 11:46 PM | #2 (permalink) |
Crazy
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all of this "too nice" stuff is just a sign of an insecure woman, in my opinion
while it is true that women like men that will be spontaneous along with them(spend LOTS of money, if only we were lucky enough to be rich), why must the bad boys be the ones to get the girls? do these bad boys show some sort of false confidence in themselves that makes them imposing and attracts the girls? and why should we have to prove anything? is being a nice guy not good enough anymore? I don't know, really
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Fueled by oxytocin! |
04-21-2003, 12:06 AM | #3 (permalink) |
Loser
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The "too nice" could mean two things.
1. He was cloying/smuthering. 2. She for some reason, thinks that she doesn't deserve a good man. I'd say tough shit, he should stay a nice guy and let the drama queen/thrill seeker to someone else he's better off for it. The world can't have too many nice guys. |
04-21-2003, 12:53 AM | #6 (permalink) |
Tilted
Location: This side of heaven.
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I just got the same kinda thing less than an hour ago...
"You're a good person," she said as she walked out the door. Same thing, it's an excuse that I have come to believe means that the kind of person that would be labled, "nice" or "good" intimidates people who would not consider themselves "nice" or "good." I think they either don't want to have to live up to the standards of the nice or good person, or they simply don't think they can. |
04-21-2003, 12:53 AM | #7 (permalink) |
Blood + Fire
Location: New Zealand
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They got along quite well and he did ask her a couple of times to go out on another date... maybe it was the smothering thing.
And as for it being an excuse, it did cross my mind but I'm not sure on the specifics of why she would do that to him. Thanks for you help guys, like I said, this has happened to me before too. It'd be interesting to see what a woman has to say about this though. |
04-21-2003, 06:02 AM | #9 (permalink) |
Pro Libertate
Location: City Gecko
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Maybe one for Ask *nikki*
Seriously though, some of my female friends have said too nice was just that. They liked a bit of rough with the smooth. Ever hear of "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen". They seem to enjoy not knowing exactly where they stand, gives 'em something to worry about. I treat my ex like shite and she still wants more (To the ladies out there I am not a bastard and have told her I don't want anything more to do with her, but I suspect she may be a bunny boiler). Now I found a new bird who is everything I want and am finding it hard to be cool. Odd but also slightly fun...
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[color=bright blue]W[/color]e Stick To Glass "If three of us travel together, I shall find two teachers." Confucious Last edited by Mad_Gecko; 04-21-2003 at 06:28 AM.. |
04-21-2003, 08:07 AM | #11 (permalink) |
alpaca lunch for the trip
Location: in my computer
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i'd agree to the saturated concensus: too nice probably means "not wild enough" or "not posessing that bad-boy stupidity." Take it as a compliment and find somebody who is mature enough to realize you are a good find!
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04-21-2003, 09:48 AM | #12 (permalink) |
Fear the bunny
Location: Hanging off the tip of the Right Wing
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Here's a (bad) tip: When a woman tells you she wants to break up because you're "too nice", punch her in the face and tell her, "Bitch, you're not going anywhere!" Wedding bells will soon follow.
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Activism is a way for useless people to feel important. |
04-21-2003, 10:28 AM | #14 (permalink) |
Non-smokers die everyday
Location: Montreal
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It might also be because she was dating another (or several other) guy(s) and just made her decision. After said decision was taken, she just needed to take care of loose ends (re: your friend) and since he doesn't seem to possess any oustanding faults, she pulls the classic "your'e too nice" routine, which works every time, since it baffles guys as a break-up declaration wrapped in a compliment. I've seen this method in action. It's sad.
I've never been dumped with the "you're too nice" routine, but a couple times with the more honest "you're just not what I'm looking for." I like that last one... it gets the message across and avoids any bullshit or confusion. Your friend shouldn't feel bad about it. It's better than being called an asshole. Nobody likes THAT. Maybe she'll find herself a nice, gruff, mysoginistic alpha male to fill her out like an application whenever he needs it, while he lands a genuine, HONEST woman; then the circle of life and karma will be complete.
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A plan is just a list of things that don't happen. |
04-21-2003, 11:19 AM | #15 (permalink) |
Dopefish
Location: the 'Ville
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I've been told I was "too good" for a girl because I was nice to her. I think its more an excuse for most people, which is shitty.
Nice Guys Finish Last
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If you won't dress like the Victoria Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. |
04-21-2003, 11:47 AM | #16 (permalink) | |
Darth Papa
Location: Yonder
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Quote:
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04-21-2003, 11:50 AM | #17 (permalink) |
Darth Papa
Location: Yonder
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"You're too nice" is definitely an excuse. She doesn't want to see him again for whatever reason, but she doesn't want to hurt him, and he <i>is</i> nice, after all...
It's one of those things that aren't intended to be hurtful that end up being hurtful. And people go weird places with it (like concluding that nice guys finish last, for instance). I'm a nice guy. I'm married to a total babe, I've got a great job, and I'm up to big stuff in the world. So bite me. |
04-21-2003, 02:38 PM | #19 (permalink) |
Kick Ass Kunoichi
Location: Oregon
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I had an ex who said, "Nice guys finish last, but at least they finish." I think there should be more nice guys in the world. Now, if only I could meet one...
Saying someone is "too good" or "too nice" is a cheap excuse. It's also one men use on women as well
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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau |
04-21-2003, 02:49 PM | #20 (permalink) |
Junkie
Location: Midwest
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Women need better excuses. Or they just need to be more honest. She's just not interested, dude.
Once your buddy gets involved with something she'll see him as unattainable and rethink it - and she'll want him then. When its good, its good. When it rains, well, thats what this board is for. Its an excuse - stay away from her - look elsewhere, and good luck. |
04-21-2003, 04:46 PM | #22 (permalink) |
Insane
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"You're too nice" translates to "I am banging your hot jock buddy who treats me like shit and cheats on me daily, but I feel bad about being a tease to someone who might actually be good for me so I'm going to make a futile effort to not hurt your feelings."
A friend once gave me this recipie Ingredients: curb bitch kick combine and season to taste Tell your friend to find a real woman, one who's mature and not into petty headgames and doesn't have a self esteem problem. Trust me it's worth it |
04-21-2003, 05:50 PM | #23 (permalink) |
Upright
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too nice...
nobody is ever "too nice", we all have our faults, however, the the bad boy biker/jock/existential french philsopher is a world apart world normal adjusted nice people. your friend might lack confidence for some reason, she-ite man, I know I do. Lack of confidence is paralysing... "shall I shan't I" "Dammit", opportunity gone... best thing a women ever told me was "You? lack confidence. You have absolutely no reason to." Sometimes, the niceness is actually fear of failure in disguise. |
04-21-2003, 08:30 PM | #25 (permalink) |
Crazy
Location: Indiana
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I'd bet a lot that somebody here has hit the nail on the head.
Reminds me of an reason one of my friends got: "I just need to find myself." She was a nice girl and he was a decent guy. What the hell does that mean? Just an excuse maybe an easy let down like: "You're too nice". Whatever the reason I wouldn't dwell on the comment itself. |
04-21-2003, 08:32 PM | #26 (permalink) |
Inspired by the mind's eye.
Location: Between the darkness and the light.
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The "nice guy" routine seems to be the most popular one girls use with me.
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Aside from my great plans to become the future dictator of the moon, I have little interest in political discussions. |
04-21-2003, 08:48 PM | #27 (permalink) | |
Jesus Freak
Location: Following the light...
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Quote:
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"People say I'm strange, does that make me a stranger?" |
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04-21-2003, 09:03 PM | #28 (permalink) |
Jesus Freak
Location: Following the light...
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Read my screen name. It tells the truth about me. I think that I'm "too nice" sometimes because I get "you're a nice guy, but..." or "you're too nice..." when I'm asking them for a date. I guess I'm just too different from the rest of the world, and too nice of a person to get a date. Why did I always recieve the "you're a really nice guy...don't ever change" complements and the "you're too nice..." turndowns? I have to think that one goes with the other. All my friends think I'm too nice also...
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"People say I'm strange, does that make me a stranger?" |
04-21-2003, 11:06 PM | #31 (permalink) |
Psycho
Location: Hell (Phoenix AZ)
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Women don't seem to want nice. Its like they resent it or something. I used to hear it all the time. They used me like an emotional tampon. Once a month or so, when no one would take their bullshit, they would call on me and whine. And I would be the nice sympathetic ear I thought they were looking for.
Now I just don't give a shit. I have enough of my own problems. The fact of the matter is, women don't want nice. Everytime they say that, its a lie. They are just as shallow as men, only couched in better terms. Veritas en Lux! Jimmy The Hutt
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Think Jabba, only with more hair and vestigal legs.... "This isn't a nightmare, its real. Nightmare's end." -ShadowDancer |
04-22-2003, 09:25 AM | #34 (permalink) |
Invisible
Location: tentative, at best
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"Too nice". . . . the kiss of death.
However, any woman who says you're too nice for her is probably right - you deserve better. Forget her. Move on. Life is short.
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If you want to avoid 95% of internet spelling errors: "If your ridiculous pants are too loose, you're definitely going to lose them. Tell your two loser friends over there that they're going to lose theirs, too." It won't hurt your fashion sense, either. |
04-22-2003, 01:13 PM | #35 (permalink) |
Blood + Fire
Location: New Zealand
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Wow, you guys are insanely supportive, I'm really proud to be a part of this little community I'll pass on all your thoughts about his predicament to him, maybe he'll even join us here at the TFP.
Thanks again, I appreciate everyone's help! |
04-22-2003, 04:53 PM | #37 (permalink) |
Insane
Location: The 7th Level..
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It's easy to think that girls lie when they say they want a nice guy, but not all of us are the same. Some of us know we deserve a good man, and don't use that "You're too nice" crap when breaking up with someone. I personally don't see that as a good reason. It's a poor excuse. I normally am the dumpee, but the few times I've dumped a guy, it's been because he was acting like an ass. That's the only time someone gets kicked to the curb. If I'm being treated well, I'm not going to just toss that out of the window. Ah well. To each their own.
scapegoat is by far the nicest guy I've been with yet, and I don't have a problem in the world with that.
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Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer. |
04-22-2003, 04:57 PM | #38 (permalink) |
Insane
Location: Kentucky
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Girls DO NOT want nice/funny guys. They want a guy with an edge on them. You don't have to be an asshole, but you do have to be confident and know what you want from the women. You cannot yield to them under any circumstances until you actually have a steady relationship, then it's expected.
You also have to be ready to play every single mind game with them. http://www.fastseduction.com/guide Try the players guide. |
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