heatherbeehoney

Okay. I love to give head. It is one of my favorite things to do.

My husband and I have been together for a looooong time. I decided that he may be getting bored with having the same mouth suck his cock. I mean, I have a good technique, but who doesn't like variety every now and then...right?

So, I go on the internet and look at some sites to get some ideas (Nikki's ultimate blow job is great ...if you are looking).

I find some really great stuff and it gets me all excited. My husband is at work and has no clue, so I think, I will text him this hot message so he can anticipate's tonights fun as much as I am.

So, I text him this:

Hey honey I thought it would be cool if I got on the web and looked up some interesting techniques for blow jobs. It got me so hot that I already had to get myself off once. I can't wait until you get home...I have a special surprise

So, he gets home and this was his comment:

You really should be careful about the text messages you send. I don't know how to delete them and the kids might see them.

So here is what I want to know...

Guys, if your girlfriend/wife/lover sent you this kind of text, how would you respond?

Girls, how would you react if you got the response I did?

Thanks for the input...I really need some "perspective"

Heatherbeehoney

Redlemon

Quick additional information request:

Where does he work?
Where was the message sent: to his work computer, or his (personal/work) cell phone, other?
What kids, are they at work or are they your kids?
Is he comfortable talking about sex ever?

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Jinn

I would react the same way.

I don't even have kids.

I take work very seriously when I am there, for good reason. I think people would actually be quite surprised at the "professional" me.

Even if the chance someone might see it was slim, it would be incredibly distracting.

EDIT: I should add that talking about sex / having sex is EXTREMELY awkward and uncomfortable for me, and that's a big part of it. How comfortable do you think he is? You should ask him. It's possible it had nothing to do with work, children, or bosses, but just that it was incredibly uncomfortable.

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Willravel

I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it. I happen to know how to delete messages, and my daughter is 3...but I would have left work immediately. You see, my wife is really hot. One might say she was even out of my league. When she says jump, I jump. When she says hump...

Xazy

I can not talk about his motive but as far as my reply, I would have a sudden 'headache' and leave work ASAP.

Seaver

Depends. If it were my professional work hone I'd get upset. If it were my personal phone.... I'd take an extra hour lunch break if you know what I mean.

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tooth

Seems to me that he's got a valid point. He just picked a crappy way to present it to you. I'm sure there was a tactful way he could have gotten his point across, while being sure to let you know how much he appreciates your efforts.

Have him learn how to delete messages. And work up a discrete signal some how so that if you want to send him an intimate message while he's at work, he'll know he shouldn't read it when someone can look over his shoulder.

Mister Coaster

I'd try my damndest to leave work EARLY. If I was denied, I'd quit my fucking job right then and there! Then drive home pants-less. (then again, my wife is not a big fan of giving blow jobs)

My opinion is that he overreacted. I mean, come on, who doesn't know how to delete a text message?

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heatherbeehoney

He owns his own business. It was his personal phone, not his work phone. He was in the office doing paperwork and not meeting with clients at the time...

They are our kids..one is 14 and is on vacation the other is 12

Heather*Bee*Honey

ShaniFaye

ummm how hard is it to learn how to delete text messages?

I'd have been uber pissed if I were you

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analog

Learning how to delete text message... 4 seconds and 12 brain cells.

Not pissing off your wife who is offering you oral pleasure... priceless.

I don't think I'd give a damn except to tell the office folks that the owner is heading out early. Of course, I wouldn't have kids and I'd be able to delete a text message without getting frazzled over it.

xepherys

Yeah, I don't really see why he made such a fuss about it. Was he in an otherwise disgruntled mood?

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heatherbeehoney

LOL ...RRH...Thanks I needed that!

ratbastid

That's the thing, right there. You have no idea what you were "talking into", you know? Maybe something just went wrong at work and he wasn't in the mood to be playful.

Could he have responded more positively? Sure. But I recommend you cut him some slack because of all the things you don't know about what was on the other end of the airwaves.

heatherbeehoney

We had talked earlier that day. I know he had dealt with a difficult client but he seemed okay after we talked. That was one reason why I wanted to surprise him. At the end of a long day I would think no hassle sex would be a ?good thing? He came home in a fairly good mood. I just felt like he was admonishing me...like a child.

Ilow

I don't care if the client's were difficult, I would have a smile on my face all day that you couldn't wipe off if I knew I was going home to a new-and-improved version of something I already love! IMHO it is ridiculous in this day and age to not know how to send, receive and, yes, delete texts if yo have a cell phone. I applaud you for trying to spice things up after having been married for years. From a psychology perspective, his behavior was all wrong. You have to reward the behavior you want, not punish it. No man was ever shot while he was doing the dishes, and no woman was ever shot while giving a blow job.
So in answer to you question, i would get home as soon as possible, and maybe only slow down to stop and pick up some take-out from your favorite restaurant.

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Strange Famous

no offence, but I would be dubious about anyone (who owns a cell phone) claiming that they dont know how to delete text messages... presuming someone is able to open and read the message, it is not logically a different thing to then delete it.

As for feeling funny about it, I suppose some people might feel awkward discussing sex.

If its his work phone you texted to, he may vaguely have a point if he is a very conscientious person. If it is his personal phone, I would only guess from the available info that he is just uncomfortable about talking about it.

If my gf sent me a text like that... I think I would be both baffled and slightly off put... but then again, Im English and I find talking about feelings of most kinds a bit odd.

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abaya

He needs to take the stick out of his ass, especially if it was his personal phone and he was alone in the office. Was this the first sexy text message you've ever sent him? Does he act like this whenever you bring up something sexual to "discuss?" Have you sent him dirty pics on his phone?

I mean, my husband and I both have Gmail accounts, and when I first started sending him dirty messages (in the first sentence), he got a little paranoid because he worked in a quad-cubicle where people might glance at his screen over his shoulder... and if they saw the first line, they might get excited. But he just told me to place sexual messages later on in the e-mail, so no big adjustment there. Then again, we both talk about sex very openly and used to send each other dirty pics on the phone as well (when our phones had cameras). So, that may be the difference here, I don't know.

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Halx

Clearly he was stricken by a fit of insecurity as you forced him to realize his lack of proficiency with technology. You slapped him in the face with a text message and mocked his lack of technological prowess. You dared him to do something he could not. You insulted his position as the dominant personality in the house.

Clearly.

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Lasereth

I LOLed.

Yeah that guy is crazy.

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Push-Pull

He probably didn't realize that he reacted that way. Some communication should solve the problem. For example, one time, quite a while ago, something very similar happened with my wife and I. My wife gave me "the look", then proceed to give me the GREATEST blow job I had ever had to that point. Then when she was finished, she proceeded to tell me (with a sexy smile on her face) that if I EVER wanted a repeat, I should be more careful how I react.

I think things through before I speak now, and am very happy for it.

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surferlove007

Overreacting...he should of taken it better than that.
At least you guys don't get into disagreements over missed words *whoops* James and I did that once where he left out a not...yea anyways just relax and teach him how to delete messages and not let your kids take your cell phone.

Bear Cub

Hell, if my girlfriend sends me a text message like that at work, I'm showing everybody in the shop. Twice.

Plan9

Hell, you can send me the messages!

At least I know how to delete them after I get all worked up.

EDIT:

Omigod, I don't care if this guy was doing a high wire act with a greased up Dr. Phil in a speedo on his shoulders while dangling over a spike pit... I'd see that message and make it an A1 priority.

Last time I checked? REAL "professional" adults don't lean over shoulders and look at private cell calls, "Hey-HEY... whatcha got thar, buddy?"

Nothing to worry about.

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noodlebee

What reaction did you make after your husband said that, heatherbeehoney? I personally think you just said that when he did not expect it, so he was extremely surprised. Did you use text message to hint sexual things in the past? Is this the first time?

From what I see on the forums here, hear from my friends and my own experiences, people sometimes act impulsively or say things in an awkward way very suddenly. Then the other partner will think it is bad or out of context. It is better to give some time so his actions settle in his mind and he will have a clearer picture of what he did and what it looked like to you. Just kindly let him know what you think and feel when he said that.

If he was able to say such a thing to you in a civil manner (even though what he said is a bit awkward with the situation you said), I think he can also understand what you feel and help both of you come to some guideline or compromise. This seems to be more about misunderstanding. You did not know he did not like it but it is not your fault. He was good to tell you that even though it was awkward.

As for people who say using a cell phone is easy, yes, maybe for younger people who can learn electronic equipment quickly. But it is difficult for older people and just people in general who do not have this "intuitive logic" for manipulating them. I know this because my father had to teach my grandparents very long to use the cell phone and to send e-mail to his overseas grandchildren like me.

heatherbeehoney

I just said..."That wasn't exactly the response I was looking for" took his cell phone, showed him how to delete the message and then told him in very graphic and erotic detail what he had just missed out on.

He pretty much admitted it was a stupid thing to say, that he didn't mean it the way it sounded, and that he appreciated me more than I would ever know. He did have a difficult time sharing why that was his response...

The whole texting thing is new to me and I just thought it would be a neat twist.

All of this happened yesterday and he burned up my phone lines today, so I guess no harm no foul.

I just wanted some insight as to what could possibly have motivated him to act that way. It was a total shocker. I mean we have a great marriage and are always mixing it up and being creative for each other so it just caught me out of the blue. I had never gotten this reaction before. It was like a total shut down. Complete buzz kill for me...

Thanks to everyone who responded. Your a great group of people and very insightful. The varied opinions and thoughts and suggestions really helped as did the humor...

Heatherbeehoney

GK.12.3

Just blow him...

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Martian

Heatherbeehoney, I commend you in trying to understand your husband. And I'm going to preface this with saying that I know nothing about your husband personality-wise, so it's difficult for me to advance any completely sound hypothoses regarding his reaction. But with what you've given us, I see one of two possible scenarios.

The first one is that he's a guy. I know, I know, a guy is supposed to jump at the chance for sex, but just stay with me here.

Most men aren't really in tune with their emotions. It's sad, but it's true. I'm lead to believe that your husband is one of these men; this is supported by the fact that he subsequently was unable to explain his reaction. This, oddly enough, offers insight into the reasoning in and of itself. Allow me to paint you two pictures, as a contrast.

The first picture is admittedly a self-portrait. I have recently (within the last two years) embarked upon a journey of self-discovery. I've learned a lot about who I am and what makes me tick. I'm largely comfortable with myself these days; I'm comfortable with who I am, I'm comfortable with my sexuality and I generally know why I react the way I do to certain situations, although that's not always the case. Thus, if I received a message of that nature and reacted negatively to it with discomfort or embarrassment, I'd hopefully be able to identify the reasoning and broach the subject in a more tactful way when the appropriate moment presented itself.

The contrast is my best friend. This is a guy who I've known for more than half my life and I absolutely love him (in a totally manly, let's-kill-stuff-together way, of course). But he's not really as self-aware as I am and is also somewhat repressed sexually. Frankly put, at this point in his life I am quite possibly the only person who could engage him in a candid discussion regarding sex and would only do so with very good reason, since I know the sort of discomfort it would cause him. If his lady friend were to send him such a message, he'd probably be embarrassed, but very probably also wouldn't know why. His reaction, therefore, would be to displace the embarrassment with irritation, leading to an inappropriate response.

Sound like anyone you know?

If not, well.. I see another explanation. You've said your husband is self-employed. I also know from your writing that he has an office out of the house and his own private phone at work (implying that there is a more public phone, either for use by clients or employees). From all of this, I would gather that he's a successful entrepreneur.

It's an interesting thing to note about small businessmen; all the ones I've encountered are extremely work-oriented. To be fair, they more or less have to be to survive. Thus, the most successful business folk are highly image-conscious. It seems possible to me that he's less concerned about a specific client being there to see an illicit message than he is about the possibility of a client seeing an illicit message. If you don't send him such messages, he doesn't have to worry about it, whereas if he encourages the behaviour, the next one could come while he's in a meeting with an important client, or in a crowded elevator, or at lunch with someone who's looking to spend money on his products or services. It could damage his image, which is highly important to him; after all, his image is what puts food on his table.

Except, he doesn't know how to articulate this concern to you. Further to that, since you know he had no clients on that day, he probably gave you that information and thus knows you know. He'll also know that you, being less image-conscious, may not buy that he's worried about a client reading something they shouldn't, since you know that there were no clients that way. So he seizes on a scape-goat in the form of the children. Unless your offspring are exceptionally precocious and your husband has a penchant for leaving his phone in easily accessible places, it seems unlikely that the children are a concern. And yet, it's a concern that he thinks you'd support more readily than you would clients. It works out the same in the end, if he can encourage you to be more discreet.

I don't know which, if either, of these explanations is the correct one. I know next to nothing about your husband and therefore the above is necessarily a lot of guesswork. If you think it'd help, you can show him this thread; it's possible that reading some different takes on the situation would help him figure out what the hang-up was that caused his response. You're right to seek an explanation, really. Understanding and communication are the cornerstones of a successful relationship. You guys seem to have communication nailed, so if you need help with the understanding aspect... well, that's what we're here for.

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Shauk

I would have shown my boss the text message and he would have let me go home right then and there, he knows what priorities mean. thats why you gotta love your boss.

abaya

Dude, Martian... for your self-awareness, man. Your insight into the male brain is always appreciated.

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NurseNell

I agree with Halx, maybe if you worded it different it would have got him in the mood...

Cos if you have never sent him a sexy text before it sounds like your bored with him in bed, and you went online and looked up what is better than his or your performance, he already had a bad day, and you added more salt to his wounds, using the kids for an excuse is telling you to back off a nicer way than his gone to the cave way of hurting feelings.

Now if you ask the girls how they would have worded it, i would say something like...

I am at your feet, and kneeling under your table, i reach up pull out your hard throbbing cock, where i start to suck, lick, and pull at you, giving you a mind blowing orgasmn and you have to act all innocent, while your boss is in the same room...

I have used that on my boyfriend...and it had the effect he was home early...

Now if that does not get his attention, then there is something lacking in his confidence...

Sultana

Eh, I think the wording was fine. Obviously something was off with him. I think it would be beneficial to both of you if he'd put some time into figuring out what it was, so that kind of let down can be avoided in the future...I would have been very hurt with his response.

I think it's great you immediately taught him how to delete, ha! I like a person who takes care of business, removes obstacles.

Hey, if you wanted to post a list of techniques/pages that have worked particularly well for you in the sexuality forums, you'd garner many thanks.

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zipper

Ummmmmmm......I would have be kinda miffed. It's work for me just to get my wife to think about blow jobs...much less searching the internet on how to improve!

Bravo to YOU!

PS... i was edited for being rude

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KungFuGuy

I know that owning and operating your own business can be extremely stressful, and even well meant things can be irritating if everything else is not going as it should be.

I don't believe it's something to get upset over, and open communication is the best solution.

I would love to get text messages like that from my SO, but even I might get frustrated if I was in a bad mood.

cyklone

I'd be leaving work early, but also suggesting that while she was searching out blow jobs she might see if there was anything around which could suggest different ways of really doing it for her. One good blow deserves another.

thefatbaby

Sounds like he over reacted. He needs to liven up alittle. lol

cementor

it's what I've been waiting for for 25 years. Poor fella doesn't know a good thing when she offers to blow him.

Don't send these messages to an office email. Big Brother is watching. But in your case Hubby is "Big Brother".

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Jinn

I really resent the implication in this thread that men are always ready for sex and any refusal is an attack on their "manliness" and / or an accusation of "something being wrong with him."

Heaven forbid we be human too, instead of sex-craving machines. For fuck's sake people, we're not in the 1950s anymore and I'd like some "sexual equality" for men too. We're not sex machines, as much as some men boast about it and as much as media pushes it.

It's not just this thread either. It seems incredibly common to assume that if a man doesn't want sex there must be something wrong with him, mentally. It's as if we're not allowed to have emotions when it comes to sex.

Regardless of if I'm happy, sad, angry, hungry, tired, hot, sleepy or what-have-you, I should be ready to go with SuperErection the minute I see a flash of tit or ass, or the minute that someone says anything sexually indicative.

For some of us, it doesn't work that way. I wish someone would at least recognize that you can refuse sex or even be upset about it AND STILL BE A NORMAL, MENTALLY STABLE HUMAN MALE.

I have feelings too, GOD DAMNIT!

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abaya

Look Jinn, the response (at least on my part) is not about the man not wanting to have sex... it was the way he responded to it. If he had said, "Hey hon, thanks for the great offer, just not in the mood right now..." I wouldn't have reacted at all. He would have been clear, communicating his lack of desire, and also cordial in his refusal. Nothing wrong with that. I have no delusions that men want sex all the time, etc etc... hell, I know more women than men who want sex all the time! But don't read your own anger into some people's responses, yeah?

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Jinn

I was speaking more in a sociological way than your specific post. With your education, I have a hard time believing you'd stereotype so drastically, so I wasn't really referring to you.

But I think you're dramatically in the minority in the assumption that men can have feelings about sex too.

If this thread were about a woman freaking about a text message about cunnilingus at work, it would be perceived by the majority as completely normal and I doubt many people would be attacking her response so much as agreeing that she had a right to be upset.

It's somehow normal for women to have difficulty "communicating" their feelings and articulating why it was inappropriate, but if a man fails to do so he's either "wrong in the head" for refusing sex or just an asshole who can't communicate.

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