commitment
 

i think i've scared away my boyfriend of a ong time (who i lived with) because i mentioned the 'm' word (marriage) after two years of being together. i didn't mean straightaway! it's just i've seen my mum and dad's marriage last 28years and they still have hot sex and get on...it's not impossible! i'm thinking his mum and dad have been so dreadfully unhappy for so long, maybe he's scared. i'd appreciate people's thoughts on this...i think it's possible to have a sexually satisfying long partnership...isn't it? i'd love to ask him back to talk things over but i guess it's up to him in this case, he's going through a lot of things at the moment so maybe it just threw him...x

what are everyone's thought on the m word?
and i think i should leave him to sort out his head before i get in touch with him...

Been married eight years....first one lasted seven.


This ones a damn fine arrangement though, highly recommended.
Timing is everything, and jumping the gun a big mistake [I](thus the first marriage failure).

I've never been married so I'm not sure what to say. Most of the marriages I've seen were broken ones. Sometimes I feel like I really wish I was married so I felt more secure, other times I'm afraid if he asked I would say no. But then, it's not what your boyfriend thinks of marriage, it's what you think. Because if that's what you want out of your future with him and he doesn't see it that way, there's nothing you can really do to change his mind and it's time to move on.

Been with my wife for 11 years (married for 7 of them) and I like being married. We still have a very healthy sex life and honestly enjoy spending time with each other.

From what I've seen of good and bad marriages, being ready is the biggest key to success. Don't expect major changes in yourself or your partner. Make sure you have compatible goals and such. Things that I've seen that have wrecked marriages are things like a couple with a husband that enjoyed being a gypsy, moving a lot with a wife that expected to buy a home and start a family right after they got married. Or my favorite that sadly I've seen more than once, a partner looking forward to being married so they wouldn't have to have sex as often.

goodness, the one about not having to have sex is sad isn't it? i always expect (i guess from mum and dads example) to still feel passionate and best friends with my husband as long as we live, i don't have perfection in mind, there will be arguments, bits when the sex goes off the boil...all of that! but i'm looking forward to it all. i guess i just thought he was the one, we had problems (he smoked dope) but i guess, all the arguments, they were silly, they were mostly about dope or dishes (haha!)...

i have let go. but i miss him. he was my best friend and it all just ended so suddenly and i guess i wish i had been less impatient, i keep thinking i should've just chilled out and not discussed all that commitment when he was so confused about his future and he'd just quit the stuff. c'est la vie.

on the upside i've had loads of offers. guess that just proves, i was only ready for him... x

There is no reason whatsoever why a man should be afraid of making a long-term commitment to marriage after two years with someone, unless he's in his early twenties and has little to no prior relationship experience. A man in his mid-20s and older shouldn't be scared to the point of running for the hills if his long-term girlfriend brings up the topic of marriage, and if he's not interested in getting married he shouldn't get himself involved in a long-term relationship to begin with.

Two things:

Think this attitude might contribute to the 50% divorce rate?

It's always a slippery slope when you make declarations about all men (or all women, for that matter). Maybe it's true for you, but unless you're God (or you've done a statistical survey of every male human) you have no idea that there is 'no reason whatsoever' to be afraid of making a commitment to marriage after two years.

from what i read and see in the media i feel that we're just living in a more narcissitic, permissive society...we may get laid more...but are we happier? my mum and dad seem happy, and i know they've both only slept with 2 people and have given each other total commitment. i totally understand what you are saying, that all men don't think alike, this is true, but whether it includes marriage or not, don't most people want a soulmate?

the simple fact is i feel as if my partner has run away from commitment, got scared, when what i wanted was a discussion. it's hard to plan your life when you don't know what your partner is looking for. i hope you don't feel i'm being a loser here, i am in fact a very strong, assertive woman, i am just looking for some different viewpoints on my experience to help me think things through.

commitment for how long?
 

I've wrestled with the idea of commitment many times myself and it was something I ran away from for a long time when I was younger. I finally came to the conclusion that my problem was with committing my whole life to something when I didn't know what would happen in the future or making promises I may not be able to keep. So I managed by shortening the concept. Now I think of commitment as being committed to investing myself in making our relationship work each day. I accept that the day may come when this is no longer possible, but I am committed to giving my best effort each day. Perhaps if you communicate this idea of commitment to your partner he might find it less scary and easier to handle.