calibrich

Ive just started talking to this new girl and she always brings up about how her life was rough. She wont exactly open up to me completely yet because we've only talked for about 2 weeks, but each time Im around she lets a little more out. She is hesitant to tell me because when she told her fiance last year, his response was "get over it. Its the past". Well that pretty much put her off on telling anyone anything ever again.

With the little I have heard from her so far though, Im pretty sure its alcoholism and some sort of abuse from a family member. Im thinking the father because I havent met her parents yet, but she told me she didnt want me to think different of anyone in her family.

Ive never really dealt with alcoholism so I cant really relate to her and what she went through. My dad did drink, but it never turned violent or any mental abuse or anything. So I want to be there for her, but not really sure what to say. At some point I just asked about counseling, like if she ever considered it, and she kinda flipped on me like I was saying she needed it or wasnt strong enough to fix it on her own. But it was just a simple question. Hell Im mostly normal and could use counseling. Most people could to me. At least to talk. So I just want to watch my words more and not say the wrong things, but show that I do care and want her to open up to me.

Any advice?

Sultana

Her bringing up her "rough past" says to me that she wants to talk about it, whether for attention, venting, getting emotional support, whatever.

I have to wonder why you want to be so emotionally available to someone you've only known 2 weeks. Isn't that a bit much to take on so quickly? Does she still have a fiance?

Are you wanting to rescue her?

Just wondering. I have a lot of guy friends like that.

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

Ourcrazymodern?

She must be attractive to you? You want her? Figuring out how to talk about it is the hardest thing, notwithstanding that other thing...
Our species has had a long, hard row to hoe since we figured out how to distill the stuff, but longstanding relationships are hard to dissolve. Ones with fewer days are less so. So decide whether your potential gain is greater than the time it will take to work her through this (whatever it is). It might be something else entirely. Choose wisely.

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BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

calibrich

Good point. I shouldnt worry about this right now. Just let things go as they may. Maybe thats my problem with relationships. I think sometimes I try too hard. I dont want to rescue her. Maybe Im too nice.

She hasnt been with him for 9 months by the way.