abaya

I've been thinking lately that I do not feel comfortable discussing *really* kinky things on TFP... and I'm wondering if it's just me. I mean, please correct me if I'm wrong, but anal sex and polyamory seem to be the kinkiest things that any of us discusses around here.

I am not talking about fantasies... I am talking about what people actually DO when they're having sex. It seems that even in a place like this, some topics are "taboo." Are most of us really that vanilla? Not that it's bad if we are, I just don't believe it's true. I figure that we are a pretty non-normative group overall... so why are many of us so hesitant to talk about things that are on the margins of sexuality?

For ktspktsp and I, a lot of it has to do with the fact that we've met quite a few TFP'ers in person. This makes it a bit too much like real-life for us to feel 100% comfortable discussing our level of kinkiness, other than with a few people via PM's. But I also feel like this place is pretty normative (especially hetero-normative, though lesbians are considered "hot"), when it comes down to it... and somewhat judgmental of things that are TOO off the chart. There are, of course, a few notable exceptions among us... and I really appreciate your contributions and honesty. But I remember how strong the reaction was to the old threads about women using strap-ons with their male partners... the closed-mindedness was kind of disappointing, though I guess it's only normal.

But, I thought I'd put this out there and ask if anyone else felt inhibited about discussing these kinds of things. This is the TFP... we're all supposed to feel free to discuss anything and everything, right?

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Willravel

I'm cool discussing whatever so long as it is in good taste (no pedophilia, beast, etc.)

The_Jazz

When I want kink, I read Savage Love. TFP seems like more middle of the road than guys that enjoy being cuckolded or ballerinas that can't have anal sex without lots of lube (this week's letters).

I'm just a sexual reactionary anyway and generally not that imaginative in bed. If I want to get "interesting" it usually takes more planning and concentration than I'm usually capable of.

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Shadow_fire

I'm new here, and not uber sexual anyways, but I have no problem discussing the things Will mentioned.

World's King

Really?


I always thought this was pretty kinky. At least to me it is. I'm pretty open with stuff around here. I know most people are very aware of my foot fetish. I do love me some cute toes.

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Shadow_fire

Well at least I'm not the only person around here with a foot fetish. Not a major one, but your comment on cute toes sums mine up to...heh

Halx

Now that the cat's out of the bag, abaya, who suggested the thumb in the ass first?

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abaya

If only it were that tame...

/heads over to Savage Love

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dlish

i wouldnt date a chick with ugly feet. i hate fat chunky feet...or just ugly 'un-normal' feet..or big feet on a chick...eww.. but thats just me and my foot fetish

as for other stuff, im quite reserved when it comes to disclosing my private sexual life. i like to read all the left of centre stories and bask in the glory that im still in the centre. of course we all have tendancies and fantasies that are unfulfilled, but sometimes its those deep dark dirty things that are best left to yourself.

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analog

I don't know of much that's ever come up and been treated as... "taboo".

I've seen threads on tons of very not "normative" stuff.

It's also very odd that you'd point out how "hetero-normative" the board is when you consider how hetero-normative your average population is. You point it out as if to say that because the board is mostly not something, means it's mostly anti something, which I do not at all agree with. There are always going to be people with strong opinions on both sides of any subject; everyone here has an equal voice, and so sometimes the ones you disagree with are going to be as loud as those with which you agree.

That doesn't mean this place is anti-something because we allow everyone to express their opinions.

Shadow_fire

I like how everyone's opinions are accepted here, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

abaya

I don't think I said it was anti-kink... at least, that was not my intention. I just wonder why there isn't *more* kinky stuff in general, since I do feel that TFP members are *not* a representative sample of the average population in the world. When I first joined, I thought we were all pretty kinky, "evolving" and whatnot. But then again, I'm ready to admit that I'm wrong in that assumption. Maybe that's what this thread is about, to see how normative we really are.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
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--Khalil Gibran

Willravel

The kissing cousins thing was out there. People talk about analingus, that's out there imho. There was even a scat thread here once upon a time (eww).

abaya

Wow, is analingus considered kinky... ?

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Daniel_

I'm not sure what kinks are not welcome here, beyond the illegal - but that said in some countries (or states for all I know) fucking your horse is legal. If the impression we get from the movies is true it's prety much REQUIRED in redneck burgs.

Personally, I've never wanted to do anything especially kinky, and I'm too allarmed by pain and illness to want to be beaten or to have someone shit on me - but if you want to be flogged by clowns whilst forced to wash your face in the collected semen of a dozen midgets, then good for you.

Don't forget to post the photos on wayside.

I love the diversity of opinion i see here, even though "out there" for me is probably "vanilla" for a lot of you.

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Shadow_fire

No, I gotta agree Daniel, the things you seem to consider "out there" seem out there to me, at least the midget semen bathing, I prefer virgins blood for my bathing. But yeah, scat...Will put it best...eww

abaya

Thanks for being honest... it's good to know. I'm starting to get the idea, actually, that vanilla is pretty much the norm around here. Which is really okay, since my point with this thread was to get an idea of how kinky the TFP really is... and that doesn't include reading about other people's kink, or just viewing in on Wayside. I mean actually writing about the dirty deeds we all personally do in the darkness of our bedrooms, or wherever it takes place.

Maybe dlishsguy is right. No one really wants to 'fess up to that stuff... but we'll read about other people doing it, and feel better that we're "not that bad." I guess.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Carno

Has there ever even been a thread asking what kind of dirty things people do while having sex?

spectre

I think the problem is that no one wants to be the first to post and feel awkward if no one else replies positively to that kink. You've taken the first step by calling everyone out. Now, someone, not necessarily you, but someone needs to take that first step and start posting about it. Then I'd be willing to bet this board is a lot kinkier than you're thinking.

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I will be different" ~ Machine Head

abaya

I don't think so, Carno... but maybe this is the place to get it started.

For some reason, though, I feel like we won't get many honest answers unless there's some kind of "anonymous" handle that people can use to REALLY talk about what they do.

Maybe that's what I want, because I've seen it in other forums (which were, overall, not as cool as this place). Maybe this place is just too familiar to me, since it's no longer an anonymous internet forum but a place where I have met a lot of members in person and consider them friends IRL.

Sometimes I really crave anonymity and being able to talk about everything dark and dirty. Doesn't anyone else feel that way?

EDIT: spectre, just saw your post after I posted... and I think you're right. That's exactly what I'm getting at. I'm not brave enough to get it going, but maybe I would be willing to participate.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Elphaba

I am very much the same here as I am irl. I have never been inclined to discuss the details of my sex life with others or to write about it here. Reading some of the tfp posts tells me that I am not quite as vanilla as I thought I was but I do fall on that side of the continuum.

Halx

Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait.


I disagree that TFP is vanilla. We just don't have people popping up and talking about their deal. I think, instead of introducing a self-fulfilling prophecy to the board, why not try to cultivate the kink?

Abaya, whats kinky and what do you like? Domination? Asphyxiation? Bondage? Masochism? Income Taxes? Help us out here, I'm sure if you tell us what you're looking for, you'll get a few more people speaking up than just giving it all an obscure label.

For instance, you can say the TFP isn't really into bondage. BUT. I bet you if you do say that, you'll get people speaking up saying that they don't do it currently but they are very interested in getting into it 'cause it's HOT. Then we can get down to basics, with the experienced people telling the hopefuls what they need to know. Voila. Kink.

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Shadow_fire

Huh...Income Taxes...now that you mention it...although its more like, Income Taxxxes...HOT

Carno

Yeah, I'm really wondering what is considered kinky now. Snowballing, analingus, bondage, toys (just to name a few topics I saw with one glance) aren't kinky?

I guess if that stuff is vanilla to you, you must be hella fucking out there.

Shadow_fire

Shit, I am hella fucking out there, entirely by accident to...jeez

Carno

Huh. Do you consider blood play and scat vanilla as well?

abaya

This is what I am talking about... THANK YOU, Halx. I knew I could depend on you to support increasing the level of honest kink around here.

The problem with me, however, is that I'm too much of a pussy to start anything. As I said before, I crave anonymity. And maybe that's what other people want, too, before they'll start talking about their kinks? Or maybe ktspktsp and I are just "hella fucking out there."

Carno: what kind of bondage?

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

shesus

Hmm...well, I have some toys and I like to...yea, mark me as not comfortable. I can post my photos, but not tell about what goes on after the shoot.

For one, I have some really good friends on here. I think if I was just a name and an avatar and a couple of pictures, I'd be more willing to share.

Plus, JJ is on TFP too. I don't know if I'd want him to go on and on about our sexual escapades. If we did, it would have to be a mutual sharing and posting. However, after past experiences, we like to keep some parts/most parts of our personal lives off the board whenever possible.

I contribute where I'm comfortable, but some things are better left undiscussed. Although, other members are completely confident and willing to share. It's a personal choice.

**Edit/Add**
I often find that when the 'Who's the kinkiest?' type contest comes up people always feel they have to one-up each other. If that is what this is going to turn into then...I love having sex upside-down in the swing we hook up. The DP using a dildo is incredible. I also love having the nipple clamps on, the sensation is insane as the blood rushes to my head.

But no, sometimes people say things that they might not really do to make an impression or not sound 'vanilla'. It's like trying to be at the 'cool' table..er bed. I might verge on vanilla to some people's standards, but I enjoy it and I climax multiple times. If that's happening, it's all good.

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Carno

This is getting into the realm of technicalities, but I'm pretty sure that bondage, snowballing and analingus are all kinky. You may consider them a routine part of intercourse, but just because you are into that kind of stuff doesn't mean they aren't kinky anymore.

As far as anonymity goes, what's the point of getting into the particulars of your sex sessions? What is the benefit of telling people your "routine"? If you're into the nitty gritty stuff like that, why not just read some erotica?

abaya

I agree with pretty much everything you said in your post. But I don't think anyone is suggesting that this turn into an "in-crowd" thing. That's not what TFP is about, is it? I hope not. I just want honest responses (myself included). Let's try it out.

That swing thing sounds awesome. Does anyone else have one of those? We have under-the-bed restraints that I enjoy.

And I echo you on the DP with a dildo thing. Very good stuff, especially in terms of orgasm success for me.

Nipple clamps, I haven't gone there yet. I don't know if I could handle the pain. But they do look sexy.

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shesus

I didn't specify TFP, just that people in general don't like to be the boring one. For example, if I said I just like it missionary, on the bed, always on the bottom, lights out, and some nipple sucking. But no oral sex, that's gross. I wouldn't feel accepted. Let me state again...I'm not specifying TFP, this is a general thing. People like to exaggerate or make things up to feel they are accepted.

If you are looking for honesty and thought my last post about the swing was...well, that was in jest to make a point. Just like the very vanilla scenario above was made up to prove another point. But I could have just said 'Ooo, you should try it immediately' and you would believe that I was a 'swinging' sex machine. *shrug*

Honesty is hard to get when it comes to money, experience, size, and sex. Everyone wants to look like they have the most or biggest or kinkiest. Just take what others say with a grain of salt. With the amount of porn available I could explain how I had sex on a sinking pirate ship.

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pig

it occurs to me that this thread is not "why isn't tfp" kinkier, but rather "why aren't people on tfp talking about their sex lives with more detail?" i think there was a fairly open crowd that passed through, mainly about a year or so ago. the current crowd doesn't seem to go into as much depth about those subject. i would hazard a guess that the members of tfp, if anything, are "kinkier" than the average population of any substantially sized geographic area. i'm not really sure what kinky is, but I'm guessing whatever it is, people on this board are doing it. its just that no one is saying. i'm not sure there's anything that can be done about the lack of sex practice specific posting. people just have to start talking about it.

personally, i'm usually more of a don't kiss and tell type. i suspect many others on the board are similar.

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abaya

I completely and totally agree. And who decides what is "kinky," anyway? Do we need to decide? Why not just talk about it?

No offense at all... but then why do people really come here (particularly to Sexuality)? What does "evolution of sexuality" mean? The Titty Board?

No, first of all you don't say things like "Ooo, you should try it immediately." You're also not the one-upman type. So I would have just taken you seriously. I guess I just thought that you were being honest, and that the thread was finally getting somewhere.

Now I'm wondering why I even started this thread. The very thing that brought me to TFP was sexual openness, curiousity, sharing. I just wondered where it had gone, or if it was just me. I still don't know.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

spectre

You started this thread because you felt that the tfp was lacking something. shesus was just warning about what could possibly happen. Even so, I think some good did come of it since you did start to open up. Now, we just need to have everyone else follow suit and start posting their experiences, but be honest about it. This could be what brings out the kink in a lot of people and makes them more comfortable talking about it.

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No goddamn slave
I will be different" ~ Machine Head

pig

abaya,

cycles baby, cycles. Remember when nancy, or buddha, hal, sixedmia, pinkie, ratbastid, lurkette etc used to post about this stuff non-stop? i think you're just hitting an 'upswing' and the board is in a down swing, in terms of what people are talking about. the only think i can think of that you need to start talking about it. not everything you bring up has to necessarily be a practice you personally partake in.

i'm not sure what the evolution of sexuality means, save for in terms of one's personal experience. people have been having their way with each other in every way possible for a long time. maybe virtual reality will bring a new wrinkle, but i don't know. its possible that you've evolved quite a ways since you started posting, and now you're not challenged by the sexual discussions going on. my guess is that it will break out again at some point, with a new coterie of members sharing how they knock it out. its just not quite there yet, or so it would seem.

i don't know where the line between vanilla and kinky lies, per say, but i think you started the thread because you're missing that type of conversation that used to be pretty common on tfp, but you're not ready at this point, and may never be, to quite post about it in full openness for the reasons you gave. got any admins/mods you *do* trust? they could post anonymously for you to get the topic started. of course, we'd need to get a bunch of people to post their stuff, anonymously at once....otherwise, it might be sort of obvious who is "anonymously" posting...

edit, and to add one to spectre's post - you started opening up. restraints can be kind of nice, but i've always found a belt will do the trick. favorite one is one of the style that went out in the mid nineties...no buckle, ergo no limit on where / how you tie things. then again, i'm more of a macguyver type anyways, so i'd rather make stuff up as i go.

if it helps you out, i'll tell you that i've partaken in all the stuff you mentioned, but the only thing that's been up my ass is a finger.

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cadre

I haven't been on this board very long but from what other people are saying I don't think that it's a matter of "where did the kinkiness go" but more of "why aren't people talking about kinkiness". If you really want to hear some more of what people do maybe you should ask? Or someone else should ask, but you can't assume that people will do what you want them to do if you don't say it.

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Shadow_fire

I agree with cadre, or if not just ask, at least bring it up in a casual way, a way where people would feel more inclined to talk about it. You just need to set the right kind of mood with your wording or people will just be scared off. At least thats what I think. But then again I am new here as well. xP

cadre

Here abaya, I'll start it for you. I'm going to start a new thread though. Hopefully this helps.

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abaya

Yes... please come back... we need you.

And yup, you're right, same as spectre's comment. I did state this several times, including the OP. So I appreciate your (and a few other people's) understanding, I do.

I guess I thought "evolution" meant people changing their worldviews as a result of reading and partaking in this community. Being honest and human together. This community *helped* me evolve sexually... doesn't anyone else feel that way? I know you're out there.

I just feel like we've all become too chicken to be dead honest, myself included. Or it's some kind of joke (which is another way of distancing ourselves from something we don't like). Maybe this is just our current cycle... I'll wait it out, if so. But where did all those people go... it's been a long, long cycle.

EDIT: Damn, in the last 5 mins there was a flurry of new posts... and I am glad for those. Maybe this is going somewhere... cool.

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--Khalil Gibran

Grasshopper Green

My sex life has "evolved" due to TFP, but I very, very rarely post in this forum. I don't even know any TFP'ers in real life, so it's not an issue of comfort in that aspect...it's just that I don't talk much in general about what goes on in my bedroom (or living room).

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