Butter as lube???? - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Crack · 11-28-2006, 07:59 AM

ok, ok, I got one. I have heard of a butter face, but never a butter pussy!
zing!

mixedmedia · 11-28-2006, 09:24 AM

um...what's a butter face?

Daniel_ · 11-28-2006, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mixedmedia

um...what's a butter face?

You know - a fantastically sexy looking woman with an ugly appearance; as in "I'd fuck her, but 'er face... urgh!"

(butter face = but her face)

Crack · 11-28-2006, 01:47 PM

nice body, scary face. Kind of a mean term.

mixedmedia · 11-28-2006, 01:48 PM

aha, I have been enlightened. I had no idea. Gracias.

Sharon · 12-10-2006, 05:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doncalypso

If it's found in the kitchen then don't use it for sex.

I'm not sure I agree. Cucumbers. Enough said.

FutureForseen · 12-10-2006, 07:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jerseyboy

Yeah butter definitely sounds gross. How would you use it anyway. Just rub the stick over your knob? I def wouldnt want to see a stick of butter being shoved up inside her. What if it breaks off?!!?

Wouldn't you guys end up fucking the stick of butter then? unless you used it sideways...and that just sounds PAINFUL!

Jay Francis · 02-21-2007, 09:02 AM

After years of experimentation, in my opinion. for masturbation at least, the best lubricant that I have ever found is Crisco due to its lubricating properties and also due to the fact that it melts at body temperature.

LoganSnake · 02-21-2007, 12:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FutureForseen

Wouldn't you guys end up fucking the stick of butter then? unless you used it sideways...and that just sounds PAINFUL!

Would you really feel the difference?

bloody_rose20 · 02-22-2007, 11:20 AM

Okay I will just reaffirm some what others said NEVER put food down there. On either of you. Just not a good thing to do. Now if you wanna try Olive oil go for it. The porn stars use it in certain films just only use olive oil in the rear lol I haven't seen them use it in the vag. And also, Vegetable oil is way different than olive oil. SO don't use it. Only oilve oil lol plus if you like the rear it will shine her up nice for you

soniclifemonkey · 02-23-2007, 06:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bloody_rose20

Okay I will just reaffirm some what others said NEVER put food down there. On either of you. Just not a good thing to do. Now if you wanna try Olive oil go for it. The porn stars use it in certain films just only use olive oil in the rear lol I haven't seen them use it in the vag. And also, Vegetable oil is way different than olive oil. SO don't use it. Only oilve oil lol plus if you like the rear it will shine her up nice for you

I was going to mention olive oil but I was not sure it could really should be used. The wife was looking for anything to help me get it in her ass. She comes running in the bedroom with some extra virgin olive oil and hands it to me and bends over.

Butter? eh nah I'd skip

bloody_rose20 · 02-24-2007, 07:40 AM

Yep olive oil works good for in the ass, but as for lube-wise I would highly reccommend the KY Jelly. Its worked the best for me and my man so far.

CaliLivChick · 02-24-2007, 08:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KellyC

Ahh see, if she has a yeast infection from the butter, you can ask her to bake you some bread and use the remaining butter for the bread. That'll be some good bread I tell ya.

OH NO, you went there! Ew! I'm itching and squirming just thinking about it!

oneofmanymen · 02-24-2007, 08:49 AM

WOW whata thread! Non Stick Vagina, and butter for anal sex smells like thanksgiving? WOA. Those are keepers! I have to say I would like a salad at Sharon's house to...

oomm

bloody_rose20 · 02-24-2007, 09:22 AM

Okay first of all ewww about sopping up the yeast infected buttery cooch with bread and eating it! *shudders*

sportsr2 · 04-04-2007, 07:47 AM

try this....insert a butter stick in her ass, let it melt, then insert hard penis...

talkowacko · 04-08-2007, 01:28 PM

Have you tried giving ur girl a good lick(4play) b4 penetration? The natural lube is the best lube. Nothing to match it.

LoganSnake · 04-09-2007, 12:39 PM

I thought it fit the occasion:

Originally posted on IGN boards some years ago (edited to leave out off-topic parts).

Quote:

ok this is what happening,

my parents are out with family friends, and theyll be back any minute so i need your help

Heres some background:

see, i volunteer on my sisters softball team

and whatever yea i met this girl, her name is Alison, and were going out for a while. We have alot in common, sometimes i help her with homework. I hepled her on her english essay and she still got a D. This is because the teacher is a prick ... anywayz

So she came over like an hour ago, and i really want to lose my viginity, so i ask her to have sex

"no, no i cant, its not right" she said, but i told her "dont worry i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, pluss ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes"

So I gave her Diddy Kong Racing, and Ken Griffey Jr Baseball, and then she goes to my room. Shes a bit confused and scarred.

Then i think to myself - yo I need lube right? Cuz i heard you guys on the vesti saying you need to lube up her clit otherwise it wont fit in properly.

Ok so i have no lube, but i really want to lose my viginity - so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold, it wont melt - so I microwaved it for 8 minutes, and then i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, now shes saying i burned it.

I dont know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guyz are relly smrat and please help me.

Any idea how to shut her up? Should i give her another n64 game?

Sometimes life isnt as entertaining as youd like it to be. Im not a genious, im just a regular person who goes through some crap once in a while. We all go through crap. The events pretty much dies down here. This is my recolection of the events dat followed:

i been spending the whole night contemplatin things about life, you know, just the meanings, and i realized that you only achive your purpose on life once you lose your viginity

i lost my viginity last night

my gf's locked herself in the bathroom, with a burned cooter and I had to think fast

I thought to myself: what would James Bond do in this situation?

So i played goldeneye for half an hour. I turned down the volume because my sister was sleeping in the other room. I snipered alot of people, and whenever i did i yelled "SNIPERED!"

This didnt help the situation, and was a waste of time. Ok so she stopped crying but was still in the bathroom. This is when I thought, wow i could do something so romantic right now...

I grabbed my ghetto blaster and my parents cd of Brian Adams - Everything I do, and i played it full blast outside the bathroom door where she was locked in her fortress of solitaire. I said open the door I have a suprise baby, and she did.

When she opened the door i walked in and handed her a peice of dry toast and said "I could use some butter, open your legs".

Moral of the story: don't use butter.

The_Jazz · 04-09-2007, 01:07 PM

Seriously, this is the funniest thing I've read in a month.

spectre · 04-09-2007, 03:52 PM

This would be sad if it wasn't so funny, but I can't stop laughing.

Cynthetiq · 04-09-2007, 07:31 PM

maybe king can get some butter for his bread!

Jetée · 04-11-2007, 06:56 PM

I like my bread with jam.

I'm sorry if you don't get my reference, so here is some enlightenment.

/Once again, sorry for the shameless self-promotion, but it is sexually-expicit with implicit ties to this thread. Oh.

talkowacko · 04-12-2007, 11:20 AM

and apple sauce too

11-28-2006, 07:59 AM	#41 (permalink)
Crack Misanthropic Location: Ohio! yay!	ok, ok, I got one. I have heard of a butter face, but never a butter pussy! zing! __________________ Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex. ~Halx

11-28-2006, 09:24 AM	#42 (permalink)
mixedmedia has all her shots. Location: Florida	um...what's a butter face? __________________ Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

11-28-2006, 01:47 PM	#44 (permalink)
Crack Misanthropic Location: Ohio! yay!	nice body, scary face. Kind of a mean term. __________________ Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex. ~Halx

11-28-2006, 01:48 PM	#45 (permalink)
mixedmedia has all her shots. Location: Florida	aha, I have been enlightened. I had no idea. Gracias. __________________ Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

02-22-2007, 11:20 AM	#50 (permalink)
bloody_rose20 Crazy Location: In Vermont	Okay I will just reaffirm some what others said NEVER put food down there. On either of you. Just not a good thing to do. Now if you wanna try Olive oil go for it. The porn stars use it in certain films just only use olive oil in the rear lol I haven't seen them use it in the vag. And also, Vegetable oil is way different than olive oil. SO don't use it. Only oilve oil lol plus if you like the rear it will shine her up nice for you __________________ "The only way to enjoy life, is to try different things, and take risks. Sometimes you just have to jump in with both feet and hope for the best "

02-21-2007, 09:02 AM	#48 (permalink)
Jay Francis Psycho Location: Houston, Texas	After years of experimentation, in my opinion. for masturbation at least, the best lubricant that I have ever found is Crisco due to its lubricating properties and also due to the fact that it melts at body temperature.

02-24-2007, 07:40 AM	#52 (permalink)
bloody_rose20 Crazy Location: In Vermont	Yep olive oil works good for in the ass, but as for lube-wise I would highly reccommend the KY Jelly. Its worked the best for me and my man so far. __________________ "The only way to enjoy life, is to try different things, and take risks. Sometimes you just have to jump in with both feet and hope for the best "

02-24-2007, 08:49 AM	#54 (permalink)
oneofmanymen Insane Location: Wisconsin	WOW whata thread! Non Stick Vagina, and butter for anal sex smells like thanksgiving? WOA. Those are keepers! I have to say I would like a salad at Sharon's house to... oomm __________________ Everything works if you let it....

02-24-2007, 09:22 AM	#55 (permalink)
bloody_rose20 Crazy Location: In Vermont	Okay first of all ewww about sopping up the yeast infected buttery cooch with bread and eating it! shudders __________________ "The only way to enjoy life, is to try different things, and take risks. Sometimes you just have to jump in with both feet and hope for the best "

04-04-2007, 07:47 AM	#56 (permalink)
sportsr2 Upright	try this....insert a butter stick in her ass, let it melt, then insert hard penis...

04-08-2007, 01:28 PM	#57 (permalink)
talkowacko Upright Location: edmonton	Have you tried giving ur girl a good lick(4play) b4 penetration? The natural lube is the best lube. Nothing to match it.

04-09-2007, 01:07 PM	#59 (permalink)
The_Jazz Asshole Administrator Location: Chicago	Seriously, this is the funniest thing I've read in a month. __________________ "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin "There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush "We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

04-09-2007, 03:52 PM	#60 (permalink)
spectre Junkie	This would be sad if it wasn't so funny, but I can't stop laughing. __________________ "Fuck these chains No goddamn slave I will be different" ~ Machine Head

04-09-2007, 07:31 PM	#61 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	maybe king can get some butter for his bread! __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

04-11-2007, 06:56 PM	#62 (permalink)
Jetée The Reforms Location: Rarely, if ever, here or there, but always in transition	I like my bread with jam. I'm sorry if you don't get my reference, so here is some enlightenment. /Once again, sorry for the shameless self-promotion, but it is sexually-expicit with implicit ties to this thread. Oh. __________________ As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves. —Mohandas K. Gandhi

04-12-2007, 11:20 AM	#63 (permalink)
talkowacko Upright Location: edmonton	and apple sauce too