Smooth23

Didn't last long, and I could see it comming for the past two weeks, but my girlfriend broke up with me. Basically she said in the past few weeks she's fell more into a friendship while I fell farther into love. It has alot more to do with our lack of time together due to her 2 jobs and school though. She says she still wants to be friends though, yay I guess? in the about 2 months we've been together I got closer to her than I've gotten to any other girl, even one I dated for about 8 months(my longest relationship). She gave me a drive to go back to school and get out of my dead in job that noone else ever has. I knew it was comming, but right now it hurts so bad, I never woulda thought it was going to hurt this much after knowing whats comming. I have no family around, and no friends I would see outside of work. I feel absolutely, completely, 100%, abandoned and alone. I just want to die. Excuse me while I go blow chunks.

cookmo

I am so sorry, I wont patronize you by saying the usual things people say. Hang in there

match000

Sorry to hear that too. Keep on smiling!

ratbastid

It's going to get worse before it gets better, but... At least now you know that it's possible!

Chuckles

yeah i know that feeling, as do 120394230942309423 other people out there. Dont even trip fella, shit hits the fan. But we all gotta learn to pick ourselves up at one point in time, no?

little_tippler

Be happy with what you learned while in the relationship and with the fact that she motivated you to get back on track. Now stay on track, and find ways to mitvate yourself. Do stuff on your own, just get out of the house and you'll meet people, if you're open enough. Like ratbastid says, it will get worse first, but soon you'll feel better. This girl wasn't your life. You have life within yourself and you're still young so there are still so many good things and opportunities coming your way...look forward to it!

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

yosho

live for yourself, not for others.

If you don't have friends, make friends.

If you have nothing to do, find something that interests you.

keep yourself busy as much as possible.

No woman is worth the heartache, if it didn't work out with her, move on and find someone else, there are so many women out there, no reason to fall in love with just one.

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mm...sex is fun

Crack

I usually don't do this, but: That's just horrible advice.

There are an unlimited number of reasons to fall in love, and only a (small) few to not. Don't put any precursers on a relationship before you go into one.

For example; If you start a new relationship with a girl, and you tell yourself, I am just in it for _____ . (rebound, sex, marriage, money, kids, ect.) Then you will limit any experience you might have. Why would you want to do that to yourself.
There is nothing wrong with being in love.

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Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

FallenAvatar

Honestly dude all I can tell you is this: live and learn. I just got out of a 6 month relationship with a girl I fell head over heals for; she meant everything to me and honestly still does to a point. I didn't even know why she broke up with me, she would say certain things like we didn't get along, but that's just bullshit we did she was just scared. What I mean to say by all this is the following. A friendship although it will start off hard, will be better than nothing. I'm not telling you to take the short end of the stick but you can use my example. I was friends for months with my ex before we even started dating and I told and promised her that I'd always be her friend, and I would always be there when she needed me. If you love this girl as much as you claim you do, then give her that friendship, if not then just cut your loses and move on. I offer one last suggestion. Read my sig over and over until you find it's true meaning, read it to yourself aloud and hold that to be true and you will never stray.

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Fetch me the spirit, the son and the father,
Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended.

Redlemon

Look on the bright side... perhaps the next girl will like sex during her period!

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

Smooth23

haha redlemon, thats almost funny
In reality, I'd take this girl with zero sex ever, over anyone else.

james t kirk

I am older than you.

I can tell.

As you get older, you realize that women are like buses. One leaves, another comes along.

Smooth23

I'm sure its true, but I think I'll always have feelings for her.

Buk

You should do like that one movie on the internet and bang her mom. I swear you will feel 100% better.

slimshaydee

I've just come out of a situation almost exactly the same. She told me her feelings changed for me gradually (read: 1 week after I brought up the whole love thing). It's been over a month now and I still think about her but I know there are other girls out there for me and I'll move on.

To the guy who made the thread: Chin up son. It may feel like she's the only one you could ever love, but that's just the fear of the unknown road ahead. It might be hard for you to believe now but you'll be over her soon enough and on to the next girl. If you want to get over her the quickest the best way is to completely cut her off and not hang on to friendship hoping that somehow she'll change her mind and fall head over heels for you.

dlish

i couldnt help but feel for you, but james t kirks comment just cracked me up. but in reality, he's spot on. its so funny its real.

ive felt like you before..takes a while to get over all the hurt and pain..but i used to tell myself one thing.. "no matter how bad you feel, someone somewhere always feels worse"

so keep your head up..just think positive, because going into a cocoon will only lead you to a downward spiral.

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An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Apokx

Somewhat similar situation here, which I'm just getting over in the past two months.Happened six months ago.
Dated for two months, fell in love(she was too).I was leaving for a College four hours away.She tried to go with me, but wanted to play College Basketball and only recieved one offer for a scholarship..two hours away.

Long story short, she refused to try a long-distance relationship while I pretty much tried to convince her otherwise.

My Advice: Like it's been said.Find some friends, do things that make you happy, talk to new girls.You don't have to marry them or fall in love, but being around new girls will help you move on infinitely quicker.Time is going to help, and whatever you can do that helps time fly without thinking of her is going to pave the rocky road of heartbreak.If you look around(anywhere) you'll notice more girls than you can shake a stick at.Likely one of them could be your perfect match.

One last thing.The whole "let's stay friends" thing.Don't do it.You want to get into a habit of not needing her, and still talking to her frequently is going to slow down the recovery time.

Just don't do it.

Cynthetiq

I am only friends with a couple of the girls I've ever had a long term relationship, and only after months or years of healing the emotional scars of breaking up.

Some have said we'd remain friends, but never worked out as such. Those were the ones that I really wanted to remain friends.

And those that I'm still friends with? Not in the way that I imagined either... we just talk from time to time, like once in a blue moon, or at mutual friend events.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

thespian86

I know exacty how you feel, I think we are probably around the same age, maybe i'm a couple of years older. I've done this. The best friend I started psuedo dating which was really an excuse for us not to be so lonely. She admitted many times she was perhaps falling for me and it excited me even more. One day I had a giggle fest about it. But in the long run, in the aftermath which was quite messy compared to your story, I found that she had left herself emotional loop holes, ways to get out of her own feelings incase it backfired.

In what you say I possibly see three things. First is the friendship line. And I say "line" because more then likely it's her way of saying "i've tried" in case you ever come back with biterness and anger (which you most likely will do in some time). And Cynth, the wisest of wise, hit it dead on about the friends. The become obscure references in your stories to future friends, or a casual conversation in the street, at a mutaul friend's get together, or online late at night when shes the only one online and you have the hankering to just talk.

Two, it will take sometime, and it will seem like it will never end, but it does. And I'm not saying that you will forget about her completely (but you might) and I'm not saying that it will feel easy when it's past (but it might). It's simply time doing it's thing, which is "passing". And as it passes so will this. Cheesy, no? It is, but also very true. I have ex girlfriends that still give me butterflies or a nervous smile when I see them or speak to them. And don't get me wrong, I am engaged to the most amazing woman in the world (no offense Mal , i still think you're cute with all your sagewisdom and wit and all). But it's still there. And it should be, they took up a couple of months of your life, perhaps even years. Thats serious time and your brain and your metaphorical heart don't forget it. And either should you, learn from it, gain from it, use it, and move on to the next woman you meet and use what you have learned. Not to call women "buses" as previously posted, but they don't stop showing up in your life, even when your IN a relationship, so why would it stop now?

Third is the easiest part. You're young. So am I. If I were to be dumped tomorrow by my fiancee for any reason it would be heartbreaking. And it would go down in my life as one of, if not the, hardest moment(s) in my life. But I know it wouldn't end it. It would change a lot about me. But it wouldn't END me. You'll grow up, and I'm not saying that to belittle you, you're still young and it's obvious Smooth. But don't feel like you have to thrust yourself into dating again, and don't feel like you must sit at home and sing culture club to your bed sheets. Just be yourself. Just let it happen. Take a dip in the sweet melancholy of it all, but don't drown. You know?

Thats my two cents. In this case perhaps 98 cents. Hope it helps?

PMF21

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EX: Whats new?
ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
ME: So, not much.

savvypup

Sucks heh? Sorry Smooth. One day at a time and you'll soon see the light. Hey if you're into it, go get your cards read. Obviously don't live by what they say, but it's always helped me get back on my feet.

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ciao bella!

abaya

It's been said a few times already, but it's the best (and hardest to follow) advice you'll ever get about breaking up. If you really WANT to get over her (which many people do not, if they would be honest with themselves), you MUST cut off all contact. Anything else is delusion and will keep you from moving on and finding your own self again.

Most people I've seen go through break-ups (myself included) are too weak to *really* want to get over someone... they just keep hanging on and drawing it out, hoping something, somehow, will happen. But it doesn't work. It is not respectful to yourself, and it's not healthy in any way. Masochistic, rather. Don't do it, man. Cut off and move on.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

JamesB

This is some great advice! I just wish I had read this a week ago before my ex. contacted me (after dumping me). She claimed to want to be friends which is nice and all .. but I have no clue how I could do that - not with all the fucking awesome times we shared.

We tried hanging out as friends and it led to making out. We stayed together until fairly late that night at which point she went home. The next morning she had a major freak-out (anxiety attack) and then sent me a really nasty email to the effect that she never wants to see me again - ever.

Well .. at least now I have that closure we both need.

"Five whispered goodbyes and a kiss on the cheek" (can anybody name the band and song? I love this band - they sing my life).

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-- apt-get install spare_time --