Stonnyen

I have a question 'n such


I have a problem wich i have encountered. or a thought in my head wich is less suitable in most situasions.

When i have sex. I, in my head absolutely adore the lady i am with, but afterwards I feel mostly tired of her, and not interested in her in any sexual way. I feel almost disquested of her for a given period of time (10min to 2hours, or so) . I am kinda scared of this thought. i kinda feel like the person i am lying next to is damaged goods.

This is something i can recognize when i'm masturbating also, when i use my fantasy to find a moment, or an idea of something wich is arousing i get really turned on, on the thought. But afterwards i feel really turned off by that thought.


I have never been in a real relationship and my sexual affairs does not last for long at a time. tops a coupple of months.





So i wonder, does anybody have something to say about this, and what is wrong with me? .. or is this something other ppl also feel?

AlCap0wn

I know there's the male refractory period, but that doesn't generally extend to feelings of disgust about the girl you just slept with. You'll obviously be less horny and not as sexually attracted, due to the fact that you just got your rocks off - but to think she's disgusting ...

... Perhaps you just need to stop banging ugly chicks.

__________________

taboo

maybe there are other "issues" with your SO that are in the back of your mind..and that won;t let you enjoy it all 100%

analog

Were you raised to believe that sex is dirty, something to be ashamed of? You'd be surprised that even if you believe you've overcome those feelings, they can still pop up as feelings of disgust for your partner, post-coitus. How old are you now, age can also play a bit of a role in that.

maleficent

With some people (and it's with both genders, not just men) the thrill is in the hunt... once you've captured your prey, then you've lost interest... and are ready to move on to the next.

You don't appear to be seeing your partner as a person, but rather as a conquest.


What are your emotional feelings towards sex? Can a person who has sex also be respectable and a good person? Someone worthy of your affection?

__________________

Bill O'Rights

Hmmm...I suppose. But I imagine that with women it's more like commercial fishing than it is hunting. Cast your net and you're going to bring in your "catch". Just be gentle when throwing the "small" ones back in.

__________________
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

Toaster126

I've heard of this "regret" feeling after a male has sex in my Human Sexuality course, but looking through the textbook and Wikipedia didn't give me the term I was looking for.

__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

Redlemon

The issue seems to be that you are only using these women for sex. It is very normal to be 'sated' after sex, and therefore have no lustful feelings at that point. For people in committed relationships, the feelings at that moment can be replaced by the "loving, cuddling" feelings. You don't have those emotions to fall back on, because you are just fucking.

Is there any particular reason why you haven't fallen in love yet?

__________________
I can't read your signature. Sorry.

Daniel_

This sounds like "buyers remorse".

I think that redlemon is on the right track - it could well be that you've not yet encountered a partner who feel non-sexual desire for.

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

doncalypso

Do you have a fear of intimacy? Or have you had some bad relationship/sex experience in your past that makes you not want to stick around with a woman after sexing her?

Sound to me like you should talk to someone about this. Either a close trustworthy friend or a professional psychologist.

__________________
Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation

WhiteKoopa

After sex is usually a time where feelings of affection and love for your partner will be the stronger, since the lust is gone. You should try to find a girl who interests you more than just sexually, and try to get close to her. The post-sex period is probably gonna be more interesting with a girl like that.

slimshaydee

I'm sort of the same, but not to the extent you are. After I climax I lose ALL interest in anything sexual, and I just want to sleep. I never do anything further for my girlfriend as I generally don't even want to cuddle with her for awhile.

jmad

I think "the hunt" applies to both. The thrill is not only found in going to a bar or something and finding a girl to hit on, but also seeing if you can seal the deal with a girl.

One thing I will admit though, is that I am all about the thrill of the hunt. Once I bring a girl home and sleep with her, things get less exciting. The last girl I was with slept with me right when we told eachother how much we liked each other. Now, I'm chasing a girl, and it's obvious with both like eachother, but she is hesitant to sleep with me. The second situation has brought me a lot more satisfaction, as this is a challenging hunt. I think the sex will be much more gratifying this time, because I am putting in so much more effort.

I think your problem might lie in the fact that you're getting sex too easily, and the reward isn't much fun if you didn't work hard for it. Could you elaborate on the type of girls you are sleeping with? Because this may be a cause of your problem

Redlemon

Thread closed? Stonnyen hasn't been back to TFP since he posted this message. I don't think he's interested in our answers.

__________________
I can't read your signature. Sorry.

CaliLivChick

I agree with Redlemon's first post... as for the second one, it's only been about six days... perhaps he's out of town, or has been observing, but not posting. Vacations do happen, but if it's the second one, Stonnyen needs to get his butt back in here and say something. =)

__________________
Don't trust anything that can bleed for a week and not die. Oh wait, that's me... nevermind... you can trust me.

Doos

Boy are you setting yourself up

Repeat after me... No expectations No expectations No expectations No expectations

__________________
Don't be alarmed, I'm an African.

Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.

Toaster126

Are threads for the original poster or the community? :P

__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

Redlemon

Both. But, again, he still hasn't returned to TFP, and that sort of thing just pisses me off. If you ask me a question, sit and listen to the damn answer, ok?

Some threads can grow a life of their own. I don't think this is one of them.

__________________
I can't read your signature. Sorry.

Sultana

Now that he's *had* us, he's likely not interested in us any longer. :P

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

mixedmedia

SNAP!! Oh, that is hilarious!

And as far as the original poster, seriously and with respect, I think you should consider professional counsel on this.

Gilda

It sounds like fetishism, where the fetish object is often associated with shame, which tends to manifest itself immediately following sexual gratification. There's nothing wrong with fetishes, but most people are trained that there is, and retain that shame in the form or guilt and/or disgust for the object that brings them pleasure.

The reaction to the girl in the OP sounds a lot like this kind of guilt/disgust pattern. It's unhealthy in either instance, but far more harmful when it involves ill treatment of another person.

My guess is that it's s symptom of associating sex with shame.

Gilda

Toaster126

Man, all these negative responses really make me wish I could remember\find the term for this. It's not necessarily "bad" or "wrong" or "from guilty feelings".

__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

mixedmedia

I don't see how anyone could not have an at least somewhat negative response to this. Certainly these are not feelings one should just accept as the best they can get.