SarahFair

Well here is a sticky situation...
ok well im with this guy...been with him for 2 years and have a baby with him, live with him (and his parents)..ya i still like him and all but hes just been a a-hole lately..like for the past 3 months hes done nothing but tell me to shut up...hit me (not violently but hes really rough...like jabs my sides with his fingers) doesnt talk to me really and the list just goes on..
but about 2 months ago his best friend (ive known just as long as my bf [met them the same day]) got dumped by his gf and ever since i cant get him off my mind..

I have so much in common with his best friend..we are like 2 peas in a pod. In fact i have liked his friend longer than my bf but guess who asked me out first? RIGHT! and now...2 years later i have his child and unhappy with my sex life.

My boyfriend seriously (not kidding) lasts only about 30 seconds in bed and its not satisfying for me...at all. I find his friend so..HOTT. All i think about when im around him is how to get him under the sheets...

I think he has feelings for me but idk...everyone tells me how gorgeous and pretty i am but i dont think he thinks i am....how do i know if he thinks im hott? like what are some signs that hes intrested in me?

Me, my b/f and his friend do EVERYTHING together...everyday. He usually stays with us a couple days out of the week and works with my bf. Lately everytime his friend keeps telling me 'im so lonely' and 'sarah find me some puss' and stuff relating to that...is he telling me this b/c he wants to be with me and hes dropping 'hints' or does he really want me to find someone? cause he knows that i dont hang out with girls...him and my bf are the only ones i ever hang out with really...

what should i do? try and get with him? how do i drop hints that i want to hit the sheets with him? or is it a bad idea?

OR should i try and bring up a community relationship with my bf that would be me, him, and his best friend? and if so how would i go about doing that?

maleficent

Your boyfriend hitting you is unacceptable... your child deserves better father than that...

What does your boyfriend say when you say you are unhappy with your sex life? What prompted thebad sex life/ moving in with his parents -- that'd be enough for a lot of men to have performance issues. the baby/ again that can also be an issue for some men... notseeing you as a sexual being, but as a mother instead.

you need to talk to your boyfriend. and get how you feel out in the open.. fix that relationship or end it before entertaining cheating or bringing in a third.

To have a 'community' relationship, you want to make sure that your primary relationship is pretty solid before bringing in any third parties, doesn't sound like yours is... and it'd just add to more trouble.

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SarahFair

he hasnt said nething to make our sex life bad he only lasts 30 sec. literally..always has

we live with his parents b/c we are young and saving for a house...but i mean i know that we can make it its just we are going through a rough patch like every relationship...i just REALLY like his friend and cant control my sexual feelings for him...i think that our relationship is stable enough for a temp 3rd party...cept when i brought up having a 3 some with another guy he was like hell no but of course when i said a girl he liked the idea...what a shocker

Smooth23

Sounds like your bf's friend sees you more like something of a sister than anything. And if he really is your bf's best friend, its doubtfull he would undermind his friend and fool around with you. A kind of almost similar situation I'm in: My best friend ended up marrying and having a kid with a girl I was originally set up with that we didn't click with at first. Since then me and her are practically brother/sister. I know her marriage to my friend is going down the hole, and I also know she is more than interested in me now(keeps flirting, etc). But out of respect for my friend I'd never do anything with her if their marriage does flop.

maleficent

What have you said to say you are unsatisfied with your sex life? 30 seconds was long enough to get you pregnant... but if he can't last longer than that -have you expressed your concern, or perhaps wanting the act to last longer...

You're relationship is going thru a rough patch, and you are contemplating cheating? But you think your relationship is stable?????

Changed my mind from my original post... based on both your responses, doesn't sound like you are ready for a threesome...

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Ustwo

Ok I have two words to say to you. Grow up.

You have a child now to take care of, you are staying with your bf's parents and you can't stop thinking about fucking his friend? The hitting thing seems to be overblown here but the 'he only lasts 30 seconds' thing sticks out as a wonderful reason to risk the roof over your head. His timing can be worked on, but your priorities should start from your family and go down from there.

Get a vibrator if you must, teach your bf how to please you, but lets not turn this into a Springer episode. Have a little class and perspective. If its not working with your bf make plans to get out, have it liined up, and leave with some dignity, not in a screaming match when he finds out you are fucking his best friend.

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fresnelly

I don't know if you can save your relationship. I hope for your child's sake that you can. This should be the priority. Your child needs stability, not conflict, which is the inevitible result of cheating.

I'm betting that what's most attractive about this friend, is his convenience. Your relationship with your boyfriend is suffering under the realities of adult life and this other guy is a handy "no strings" kind of guy. At least you have convinced yourself of this.

Sleeping with him will only bring on a big mess of drama. First of all, your boyfriend will feel doubly betrayed if both his best friend and his girlfriend/mother of his child cheat on him. He already seems pretty resentful of the current situation, and his roughness could escalate.

Furthermore, you're actully in a pretty weak position. If he has to choose loyalties, the friend will likely side with you're boyfriend, and you're living under your boyfriend's parents' roof. They are supporting you, and will no doubt feel equally betrayed if you cheat. God forbid, they could kick you out. What then?

As to the threesome idea, forget it. You'd only be opening up those same loyalty/jealousy issues, but in a different way.

You have to consider all the consequences, not just thrill of the idea.

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The_Jazz

All I have is to add - "what Ustwo said". It's more concise and eloquent than anything that I could slap together.

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Cynthetiq

you know what you should do.. and that's take care of your baby and the interests of your baby.

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Toaster126

And someone who hits people in anger shouldn't be kept around...

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streak_56

I would talk to him about why hes been acting really inappropriately lately. And to echo what Maleficent has said that hitting you is definately not something you should put up with. A light tap today could turn into a full blown hit tomorrow. I also would recommend telling him to masterbate more to increase his time. It worked for me, but to be warned its a one way street and kind of hard to get back to normal.

As for the friend, I would not act upon anything because they are friends. I would see what your boyfriend has to say before making any "big" decisions. There's many things that need to be weighed depending on what his response to the a-holeness. Theres some people like me, who accidentally give off that vibe when people cannot see my facial expressions or hear my tone.

Anyways..... just talk and see what he does.... if there isn't a slight or noticeable change then it might be a good time for some serious decision making.

NotAnAlias

I'm tending towards toaster here - it's a worry that he's showing violent signs :E

Gonth

I third Ustwo

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dlish

i dont really have anything in common with ustwo when it comes to politics..but i fourth ustwo on this. damn.. i couldnt have put it better myself

he's not your bf's best friend if hes willing to hit the sheets with you and if i was your bf id give you both the boot.

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Topper

Also jumping on the Ustwo bandwagon

ratbastid

I fifth Ustwo. I actually had that same post 90% written, and decided it was too early to be that harsh. I left it to Mal to be the first responder...

I read the OP and all I could hear was, "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"

savvypup

You sound very young SarahFair and I don't think any couple should stay together for the purely for the sake of a child, especially if your partner hits you. It's a no win situation to me. How do you know that his best mate is not trying to tempt you to see if you'll fold. Any bet he wouldn't stay around long after he got his goal. Do you think he really wants to jump in and start playing happy families with his best mate's gf and baby. Unlikely I'd say. It doesn't matter how good you are under the sheets. This is far too close to home, especially if you do EVERYTHING together. You have and will have too much to lose.

Perhaps broaden your friendship base too and meet other people in similar positions in life - my thoughts for what they're worth. Good Luck and heed some of the advice above.

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ciao bella!

analog

Seriously?

Who to choose here, is your baby. You have to raise that child right. You have to let maturity play a bigger part in your decision-making than it is... because right now...

...you realize you're talking about cheating on the father of your baby, because he isn't good in bed, right? Because you're having an immature, teenage lustful attraction, right? I mean, we have to be honest- and that's what it is. It's not like you love the guy, he lights up your life, he's shown you what it's like to be appreciated- no, you want some dick. Blunt, yes, but that's what it is- and I'm sorry, but you're going to have to suck it up and play like an adult for a while now that you have a child. That's how life goes. You need to be responsible for the sake of your kid. Giving your baby a good life is not accomplished by jumping at your baby's father's friend because "he's hott", or any such similar situation.

Whether you consider yourself to be an adult, you now have a baby who looks to you to be one. I hope you love your baby enough to make the adult decisons you need to make.

xepherys

Yeah I'm also, oddly enough, with Ustwo on this one. Look, you're young and seem a bit impetuous. That's par for the course. How old ARE you actually? It sounds as if you're a bit too young to have a baby and a permanent tie to this one person (which, as the babies father, you will always have, even if you're not together). This I speak from experience. So, in the end, well... you have a child to concern yourself with above and beyond your libido. If your bf lasts 30 seconds, get a vibrator, not his best friend. Threesomes, Jerry Springer shit and all that is fine when you're not a parent. Once you have kids, you NEED to grow up and act like an adult. If you're too young for that, well then you done fucked up. My oldest son was born when I was 18. My life certainly hasn't been orgies and drunken frat parties. But, I love my kids and that's fine with me.

raeanna74

Forget about sex for a while. You should not be worrying about it at all. If you aren't using protection to avoid getting pregnant again before you are financially stable then you should not be having sex. With your boyfriend or anyone else.

You do not have a stable or healthy relationship right now. You have two choices
1. Stay with it and work on it. Which means no cheating at all.
2. Leave. Get a job if you don't have one and move out. You CAN do it. When hubby and I first got married I worked at a fast food restaurant while he worked part time in at an electronics store. We were not earning a lot but we worked.

I would recommend moving out. Any man who feels the need to resort to verbal or physical abuse (hitting is not the only kind of physical abuse) is not worth having around. ESPECIALLY around a baby. You will not ever have a good relationship as long as this lasts. Sure he'll stop abusing for a short time and guilt trip you into staying or feeling bad for making him angry. Then the abuse will begin again. It make take a year cycle or 3 month cycle or cycle through in less than a day. He'll be the sweetest man in the world for about 3 hours and then, JAB in your side and another shut up out of the blue. Please get out and PLEASE don't complicate things by having more sex and perhaps getting pregnant by a second man.

You sound young, inexperienced (in life issues), and you have a lot of responsibility toward your child. If you are afraid that you'll loose your child don't worry about that. Some local women's shelters will help connect you with pro-bono lawyers for young women with little to no income. They'll also help connect you with a job. Get out and get some responsible help that will treat you with respect.

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Cynthetiq

I'm going to take that a step further... if you cannot afford to have another child you should not be having sex, protection or no protection, the only 100% way to not have children is to not have sex.

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