Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Sexuality


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 04-14-2006, 10:39 PM   #1 (permalink)
Insane
 
aa1037's Avatar
 
Location: New York
Knowing the signs

What are your opinions about the signs your partner gives off about wanting to have sex with you for the first time?

To explain a little background: I am a 20-year-old male virgin in college. I've wanted to wait for the right girl, and she is definitely it. We've been seeing each other officially for about 5 months, and we've gone as far as manual stimulation of each other - not oral sex though (not that it is necessarily a precursor to sex).

So my question comes from this: Every step we've taken, she's been basically the initiator. I let her go down my pants before I tried to go down hers, etc. She hasn't done anything beyond that yet. I am interested in having sex with her but I do not want to force it on her, as I've essentially let her choose where she wants to take things. Obviously, having sex with her isn't my #1 priority, as we have an amazing relationship without it.

What kind of cues might I see that might mean she wants to take it further? What might I do to signal her that I want to? (obviously I could straight up tell her, but I'd prefer not to as a first choice) In this relationship, it seems that I should just wait it out and if she wants to take it further, she'll take the initiative.

Any thoughts?
aa1037 is offline  
Old 04-14-2006, 11:13 PM   #2 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: South Florida
If you want to have sex, man, then go for it! Its pretty obvious she's into you, and if she wants to have sex then she wont stop you. Of course, there's really no sly way to just end up having sex for the first time like you might just end up making out for the first time. One of you needs to say something! However, personally I think talknig about it before hand is really important, like take care of issues such as birth control, STDs, emotional commitment. I think it is best to get all that resonsiblity crap outta the way and then know the door is wide open for sex.
__________________
Here are some phrases I'd like to be able to say, in all honesty, before I die.
"That's it, send out the ninjas!"
"So then I had to kill my way to the second floor."
MEAD is offline  
Old 04-14-2006, 11:38 PM   #3 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: Seattle
Quote:
Originally Posted by MEAD
However, personally I think talknig about it before hand is really important, like take care of issues such as birth control, STDs, emotional commitment. I think it is best to get all that resonsiblity crap outta the way and then know the door is wide open for sex.
MEAD hit it right on the head in my opinion. Just try to have an open, honest conversation with her about it. You're not in high school anymore you know!

You can talk about these things in ways that don't seem pushy if that's your concern. Maybe she likes that you're taking it slow, or maybe she's just dying for you to take some initiative. Either way, if your desire is to have something long-lasting, communication will be critical. No better opportunity to start practicing that then the sex talk.

Good luck man!

Last edited by Topper; 04-14-2006 at 11:47 PM.. Reason: because you touch yourself
Topper is offline  
Old 04-15-2006, 08:12 AM   #4 (permalink)
Insane
 
aa1037's Avatar
 
Location: New York
Quote:
Originally Posted by Topper
MEAD hit it right on the head in my opinion. Just try to have an open, honest conversation with her about it. You're not in high school anymore you know!

You can talk about these things in ways that don't seem pushy if that's your concern. Maybe she likes that you're taking it slow, or maybe she's just dying for you to take some initiative. Either way, if your desire is to have something long-lasting, communication will be critical. No better opportunity to start practicing that then the sex talk.

Good luck man!
I guess I'm just waiting for the right time to bring it up. I can't imagine a better conversation stopper if the timing is off
aa1037 is offline  
Old 04-15-2006, 11:40 AM   #5 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: Seattle
hahah! Oh it's easy... say over breakfast-

her: "MMmm this is really good bacon"
you: "Hey while we're on the subject of pork.."



Seriously though, you can try to wait for the perfect situation to bring it up, but that may not come (no pun intended) anytime soon. If this is really something you want to bring up with her, think about arranging the opportunity yourself. Have drinks someplace quiet where you can talk (non-alcoholic ones A. because of your age, and B. the conversation will be more meaningful if you're both not completely smashed ), or go on a picnic in a scenic location, etc. If the right time is important to you, make that time happen. Just be clear you're not trying to pressure her, etc and I think you'll do fine.
Topper is offline  
Old 04-15-2006, 02:17 PM   #6 (permalink)
Insane
 
aa1037's Avatar
 
Location: New York
Quote:
Originally Posted by Topper
hahah! Oh it's easy... say over breakfast-

her: "MMmm this is really good bacon"
you: "Hey while we're on the subject of pork.."



Seriously though, you can try to wait for the perfect situation to bring it up, but that may not come (no pun intended) anytime soon. If this is really something you want to bring up with her, think about arranging the opportunity yourself. Have drinks someplace quiet where you can talk (non-alcoholic ones A. because of your age, and B. the conversation will be more meaningful if you're both not completely smashed ), or go on a picnic in a scenic location, etc. If the right time is important to you, make that time happen. Just be clear you're not trying to pressure her, etc and I think you'll do fine.
Yeah I think I'll find an OK time to do it. I'm not one to set up such a situation with the intent of talking about such a thing. I'll probably just have to man up and bring it up.
aa1037 is offline  
Old 04-17-2006, 06:00 PM   #7 (permalink)
Psycho
 
If the relationship you're building is as strong as you say it is this is a subject that you two can talk about if you want. It basically breaks down to two options.
1) You two talk about it and then have sex, or
2) You just get there without talking about it.

Like others have said she obviously shows interest in you and will be willing to take the step with you. Things will feel awkward but just take things slow and treat her as a woman, not a piece of meat. I don't think you really have to plan for a specific location.. if the time is right you'll know it and things will work out fine. If you don't talk to her about this situation before going ahead with it remember to cover all the bases (condoms etc). Like it has been said just do things naturally if she doesn't like it she'll teach you.
__________________
Fetch me the spirit, the son and the father,
Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended.
FallenAvatar is offline  
Old 04-17-2006, 07:43 PM   #8 (permalink)
Insane
 
aa1037's Avatar
 
Location: New York
Quote:
Originally Posted by FallenAvatar
If the relationship you're building is as strong as you say it is this is a subject that you two can talk about if you want. It basically breaks down to two options.
1) You two talk about it and then have sex, or
2) You just get there without talking about it.

Like others have said she obviously shows interest in you and will be willing to take the step with you. Things will feel awkward but just take things slow and treat her as a woman, not a piece of meat. I don't think you really have to plan for a specific location.. if the time is right you'll know it and things will work out fine. If you don't talk to her about this situation before going ahead with it remember to cover all the bases (condoms etc). Like it has been said just do things naturally if she doesn't like it she'll teach you.
Yeah I think I'm just gonna go with the flow. I'm in no rush and I haven't rushed anything yet. I think it'll come naturally.
aa1037 is offline  
Old 04-18-2006, 02:59 AM   #9 (permalink)
Banned
 
I hope I don't have this issue with my next girlfriend... because so far, the "signs" have been...

1. "Let's go back to my house and fuck" (this is when i lost my virginity. )
2. "It was too long of a drive from the airport" (girl i met on the 'net, flew to see her after dating for 9 months, but had already known her very well for 2 years prior)
3. "I like your apartment" (which was right after we entered, and immediately followed by her shifting on the couch onto straddling my lap. she was a coworker i'd known for some time. one-time thing.)
4. "Can I give you a blowjob?" (as far as I knew, we were laying there, silently in my bed, because we were tired. I only dreamed of her wanting me- and then, by some miracle, she actually did. Dated for 5 months, had very frequent, monogamous sex for over a year past that)
5. "If you make that sound one more time, I'm holding you responsible for taking me somewhere and finishing me off." (I was randomly smacking things with a folded advertisement, which was making a "spanking" sound. she was seriously jazzed up. one-time thing with another coworker. She wasn't really my type, but "being able to get a girl in bed" really boosted my self-esteem at the time, which was badly needed.)
6. "I'm glad i had a beer to level me off, or i'd be too nervous" (my oblivious answer: "for what?" to which she replied by leaning in for a long kiss that instantly became sex. we're talking record clothed-to-naked speed here. We'd been laying on my bed because we were both very tired from work that day, and we'd gone out to hang out and have a few drinks.)

I'm really good at reading people in general... but attractive females i'm interested in... and who i think might be interested in me... that first phase of knowing each other leaves me totally clueless, most of the time.
analog is offline  
Old 04-18-2006, 04:19 AM   #10 (permalink)
Found my way back
 
healer's Avatar
 
Location: South Africa
I've only had sex with one person, so my experience isn't exactly vast in this regard. But how it happened for me was, well, a surprise even though we had talked about it. We'd been kissing and fondling and engaging in every possible kind of heavy petting possible so I guess it was inevitable.

We both wanted to. I think that's the important thing. Every relationship's different and after 5 months you should be able to read her pretty well by now. Like you said, it'll come naturally.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Jazz
Ok - can I edit my posts to read "what healer said"?
healer is offline  
Old 04-18-2006, 07:02 AM   #11 (permalink)
Pissing in the cornflakes
 
Ustwo's Avatar
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by aa1037

What kind of cues might I see that might mean she wants to take it further? What might I do to signal her that I want to? (obviously I could straight up tell her, but I'd prefer not to as a first choice) In this relationship, it seems that I should just wait it out and if she wants to take it further, she'll take the initiative.

Any thoughts?
Dude, she is letting you into her pants, she wants you to do her, so DO her. Quit being so worried about going to far that you make her make all the first moves. Instead, next time you are messing around, take off her clothes and go down on her, followed by fucking her brains out (ok it will last about 6 seconds the first time, but you will get the hang of it). If she doesn't want to she can say 'wait'.

Imagine this, she wants you to do her but is afraid of making the first move, you are afraid too make that first move, guess what happens, NOTHING. At some point SOMEONE has to make the first move. Quit acting the insecure, unsure, nervous virgin and be a man. Sure you ARE an insecure, unsure, nervous virgin, but she doesn't need to know it.

Hell I think if I waited for my wife to 'start' it, I'd still be waiting
__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.
Ustwo is offline  
Old 04-18-2006, 07:12 AM   #12 (permalink)
<3 TFP
 
xepherys's Avatar
 
Location: 17TLH2445607250
a) Most girls don't WANT to be the one to make all the first moves. I'm not saying to be pushy, but chicks dig guys with confidence.

b) Again, waiting for a "moment" isn't always good. But it's often easy to CREATE the right moment. If you want to do it the "right" way (because not everyone has the animal magnetism that analog seems to exude), take her out for a romantic date, dinner, nightime stroll by the lake, anything of that "girl flick" sort of date, take her home and make out... tell her she's beautiful, tell her how you feel about her and tell her you want to make love to her. "make love" works far better for MOST girls (not all) than "fuck" "bang" or "pork"... especially after a romantic date. Ending a romantic evening with "I want to slip you my sausage" is a sure way to piss her off.
xepherys is offline  
Old 04-18-2006, 10:24 AM   #13 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Home sweet home is Decatur GA, but currently schooling in Rochester NY
HTML Code:
"I want to slip you my sausage"
I want to use this sssooo bad now.

On a slightly more serious note, I agree with what seems to be the popular assumption here, which is that you need to just act. If you have the confidence to just bring it up and talk about it, it goes along with what Xeph said, chicks dig guys with confidence. I'd be willing to take bets that if you bring it up, she'll think your amazingly confident. And like you said, once the talk's out of the way you can concentrate on the sex.
__________________
You are the most important person in your world
Gonth is offline  
Old 04-18-2006, 11:06 AM   #14 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: Seattle
Quote:
Originally Posted by xepherys
"I want to slip you my sausage"
heh, right up there with "I want to put my beef in your taco!"

All this sex talk is making me hungry...
Topper is offline  
Old 04-18-2006, 11:33 AM   #15 (permalink)
Fade out
 
Location: in love
sex is sometimes a hard topic to bring up and speak openly about and since you're new to it, probably surrounded with a bit of anxiety. But talking about sex is really just like talking about everything else once you get the first few words out
like anything else, being open and commincating is the key to feeling comfortable with it.

To me, it sounds like you two might be ready for the next step in your physical relationship, but only you two can really make that decision. don't put too much pressue on yourself, just bring it up casually when you feel comforable and the thought occurs to you... but not when you're doing anything physical together, because then you both might feel pressured.

Just relax and bring it up, don't feel you have to 'wait for the right moment.'
Good luck

As a side note. And have you thought about what are you planning to use for Birth Control?

sweetpea
__________________
Having a Pet Will Change Your Life!
Looking for a great pet?! Click Here!
"I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"
Sweetpea is offline  
Old 04-18-2006, 02:33 PM   #16 (permalink)
Extreme moderation
 
Toaster126's Avatar
 
Location: Kansas City, yo.
If you aren't mature enough to talk to someone you love about sex, you shouldn't be having it. You are using your lack of sexual experience as an excuse to avoid possible rejection and awkwardness.

Man up, talk to her about it, and then make sure she gets her cookies.
__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)
Toaster126 is offline  
Old 04-18-2006, 02:47 PM   #17 (permalink)
Insane
 
Here's my one piece of advice that hasn't been said:
If you guys do end up having sex for the first time in a moment of passion kind of way without talking about it before, please discuss things with her afterwards (not immediately, no need to kill the mood). While an open dialogue is important, it doesn't necessarily have to happen before the physical action gets started. You both will appreciate it to know that you are on the same page with all of this.
__________________
"Mommy, the presidents are squishing me!"

"Using the pull out method of contraceptive is like saying I won't use a seat belt, I'll just jump out of the car before it hits that tree."

Sara
ColonelSpecial is offline  
Old 04-19-2006, 08:44 AM   #18 (permalink)
Insane
 
aa1037's Avatar
 
Location: New York
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweetpea
As a side note. And have you thought about what are you planning to use for Birth Control?
Planned on using condoms.
aa1037 is offline  
Old 04-19-2006, 11:46 AM   #19 (permalink)
Addict
 
Location: under a rock
Afterthought on the birth control issue--not everyone can handle condoms, I have a friend who is allergic to spermicide and another who is allergic to latex, and I hate them myself. It's worth talking to her about it because if she would rather use a hormonal birth control there will be a waiting period before it takes effect. You could use this as a good reason to check yourself for any STDs you might not know you have, in preparation for a new partner. If you mention to her that you are doing this I'm sure she will get the point
__________________
There's no justice. There's just us.
Acetylene is offline  
Old 04-19-2006, 03:36 PM   #20 (permalink)
Extreme moderation
 
Toaster126's Avatar
 
Location: Kansas City, yo.
If you are planning on using condoms, make sure you educate yourself on how to use them properly. The vast majority of condom failures are due to user error - both breakage and not stopping pregnancy. You should practice this before game time... you'll want to be able to do it flawlessly when it counts.
__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)
Toaster126 is offline  
Old 04-25-2006, 10:25 PM   #21 (permalink)
Insane
 
aa1037's Avatar
 
Location: New York
Quote:
Originally Posted by Toaster126
If you are planning on using condoms, make sure you educate yourself on how to use them properly. The vast majority of condom failures are due to user error - both breakage and not stopping pregnancy. You should practice this before game time... you'll want to be able to do it flawlessly when it counts.
indeed. thanks for the advice
aa1037 is offline  
 

Tags
knowing, signs

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 05:46 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360