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Old 10-26-2004, 07:04 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Location: geff il
hold old is old enogh to leave alone?

hi i have a 4 yr old and a 1.5 yr old. please hear me out before saying this guy is a nut case. how old is old enough? and what is acceptable and what is not? i mean is it ok to run to the unattached garage? or outside? or in the back yard? is it ok to run next door?? ok now let me throw in some variables... i do let the 4 yr old play outside out of sight and heairng. i let him shower on his own i let him play anywhere in the house. i let the 1.5 yr old play out in the fenced back yard by himself i let him play anywhere in the house. our house is 101 % child proofed i am fully confiednt they could not gain access to anything i would not want them to. keep in mind im not tlaking about hours or even 10 min here at most 5 min. still along time for a 4 yr old and ceartianly an eternity to a 1.5 yr old but.. is it reall y dangerous? this comes after i went to the post office 4 doors down the road form here or just under 1 city block.. i was gone a total of 3.5 min while i was gone i was talking to my mom on the phone and asked her this same question.. she said well you would probally run to the car maybe even clean it with them inside alone. you would go to te back yard.. you would probally even run out into the gargae for a few minutes. so the difrence of leaving them is the farther you get from home the more danger to you not coming home. ie maybe you could get hit or somthing.. yes what she is true i canot control all situatuions. i do feel they are safe in our house with or w/o me for a short amount of time. so is it wrong.

i realize i could be opening a can of worms here and if someone is against this there are 1000 possible things to say most of witch would not be said unless somthing did happen.


i am just interested in others perspective.
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Old 10-26-2004, 07:51 AM   #2 (permalink)
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well, personally i wouldn't feel right going further away from the house than the car, garage or yard. next door for a second to give them mail that was incorrectly delivered to my house, yeah i can see it. next door for 10 minutes to shoot the shit or have a beer? absolutely not.

i don't know what kind of setting you live in, but the streets in my city are busy enough that i don't want the kids in the front yard without me. in the back (which is enclosed in a chain link fence, but not locked) is OK. of course, as i said, it's not locked... so the kids (my oldest is 7) have gone out of the back yard before and i was unhappy about it.

if there was a post office 4 doors down and i needed to pick up a package, i'd load the little one (17 months) in a stroller and have my 7 year old and 4 year old walk along with me. it'd be good exercise for 'em.

of course, this is all just my opinion and not a criticism of anybody else's. am i over-protective? yep, probably so.
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Old 10-26-2004, 07:53 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Leaving the premises, (ie getting in the car and going somehere, depending on where you live, it's against the law (NJ Law (as of a few years ago, stated that minors(18 and under - were not to be left without adult supervision overnight). What if there were to be a fire, or on the way back there traffic, or involved in an accident. Probably nothing would happen, but... what if something did...

At least once a month, the NYC news reports of children being killed in a fire or something tragic, and the parent had skipped out to work or somewhere and just couldnt get a babysitter. Things do happen...
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Old 10-26-2004, 07:59 AM   #4 (permalink)
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good point, maleficent.

and even if nothing did happen, if anybody knew that the kids were there alone, not only could they take them or do something to them, they could call social services and then i think you'd regret having left them alone. i know a guy who recently went through a pretty thorough social services investigation because he was asleep (passed out?) on the couch while his 2 year old played in the back yard. the kid wanted in and was banging on the door and crying. the neighbors saw this, and the rest is history. all has ended up OK in his case, but it was a pretty unpleasant experience to say the least.
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Old 10-26-2004, 09:04 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Location: geff il
hhmm well i agree with evreything all of you said.. and im not sure those things really are what i mean.... getting in your car and goign absolutly not. the postoffice was 4 doors down and i jogged. would absolulty not go have drink and leave them at home. possibbly borrow a cup of sugar. and for sure not take off to work ( thats how im home today coincidently) but i dontr know im tlaking about the smae amount of time as empying the trunk in the gargage of christmas presnts. allways les than 5 min.. grendel i do like your take a walk idea .. should of thought about that but today it hapened to be raining like a son of a gun. maleficint i absolulty agrree with you anything more than a couple of minutes is not acceptable but what do you think about a few min. i live in a verry rural settign town of 200 we live 1 block off main st. but lets say you live on floor 8 of an city highrise and for some reason you HAD ( if you dont do it now you cant till the weekends over) to go the office on floor 1 to say get a package. for conversation sake lets say your kids are sleeping... what do you do? anyway i do apreciate all the insight.
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Old 11-03-2004, 08:53 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I would never, ever leave my kids alone outside, mostly because we don't have a fenced in yard. Not that there's any real danger, but I'm just ultra-paranoid of something bad happening, I need to be able to see where they are.

As far as going down the street to the post office? Never in a million years. Just not my style and I cringe to think that people do it. What if something happens? The myriad of things swirling through my mind right now is dizzying. 3.5 minutes or not, I just think that it's a bad idea.
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Old 11-18-2004, 11:14 PM   #7 (permalink)
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You're lucky. When I was 4, on several occasions my mom didn't want me putting my head above the window sills because our neighbor was drunk and shooting at shit in his back yard, which borders ours. This isn't a run-down place, it's an affluent suburban neighborhood (I feel so out of place here,) and she wouldn't leave the room.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm biased on the issue and can't give too much advice, but that you're fortunate to be able to leave them for a few minutes.
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Old 11-24-2004, 06:26 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Be patient. For now, get a good stroller/carrier and take them with you. In a few years, you can go down the block, and a few years after that you can go to the store. It'll go faster than you think. In the mean time, enjoy the "family outings".
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Old 11-26-2004, 03:20 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Location: Oregon
For a quick dash to the neighbors? 7-8 yrs.
To run somewhere for more than 5 minutes? 12 yrs.
Spending the night somewhere w/o the kids? 16 yrs.

(Season to taste dependant on individual maturity.)
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Old 11-28-2004, 04:21 AM   #10 (permalink)
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My daughter is 1.5 years old and I would never leave her alone in the house or outside (although sometimes I hide and watch her when she's playing so that she doesn't know I'm there). Even inside the house when she can't reach anything that would harm her she can still climb all over the furniture and get herself pretty stuck.

At most I will run to the shop 2 minutes away when she's asleep in bed and my wife is out should I need cigarettes or something, but I don't even feel comfortable doing that.
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Old 11-28-2004, 12:20 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baron Opal
For a quick dash to the neighbors? 7-8 yrs.
To run somewhere for more than 5 minutes? 12 yrs.
Spending the night somewhere w/o the kids? 16 yrs.

(Season to taste dependant on individual maturity.)
Agreed.
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Old 11-28-2004, 06:48 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I wouldn't go farther from teh 1.5 yr old than you can hear them cry/yell...
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Old 12-04-2004, 08:24 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I don't know if there's ever a good age to leave them alone. My wife and I recently checked our state's registry of sex offenders and discovered the next door neighbor is on there. We also found that 2 others live within a half dozen blocks of our grandchildrens home. And this is in a small rural town; there are literally thousands on the list in the state. I know they have to live somewhere but I wish it wasn't next door to me.
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Old 12-05-2004, 10:31 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Location: Washington State
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lefty04
Be patient. For now, get a good stroller/carrier and take them with you. In a few years, you can go down the block, and a few years after that you can go to the store. It'll go faster than you think. In the mean time, enjoy the "family outings".

I think that's great advice, Lefty...

Mine are now 7 and 10 and I still never leave them home alone together. We let our 10 year old stay home for 1/2 hour to 2 hours alone. Next school year, we'll let him come straight home and be alone from 3 to 6pm.

My main concern with the 1.5 and 4 year old scenerio is the 1.5 is still putting stuff in mouth and the 4 year old isn't old enough to do anything about it. I've had to clear the airways of a choking toddler before, very scary thing.

Jason
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Old 12-05-2004, 07:39 PM   #15 (permalink)
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All my life I was told that the legal age to leave your kid home alone is 12 years old. Is this true?
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Old 12-06-2004, 12:43 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CityOfAngels
All my life I was told that the legal age to leave your kid home alone is 12 years old. Is this true?
NJ you cannot leave a minor child (under 18) alone overnight.
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Old 12-06-2004, 03:44 PM   #17 (permalink)
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If you know your kids you will know if they are smart and strong enough to stay home without doing stupid things. - if they will do the right thing durring a break in - fire - earthquake - aliean invasion - apocalypse....and such
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Old 12-06-2004, 04:39 PM   #18 (permalink)
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my daughter just turned two and i would never in a million years leave her alone. if i need to go to the store or post office, i take her with me. if the weather is bad, i wait. she can play alone in her room for a few minutes, but we live in an apartment and her room is only 2 seconds from anywhere else in the place. i can see no reason good enough to put your kids in danger. it's not fair to them, they need you.
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Old 12-13-2004, 09:39 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Only you can be the judge. The earlier you teach them independence, the sooner you can let go. I guess it's all a matter of maturity and trust, not some discrete rule of numbers.
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Old 12-13-2004, 09:56 PM   #20 (permalink)
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It also depends on the child. From what I gather from my parents, I was a laid-back child, who did nothing but eat, sleep, shit, and do the occasional stupid thing (kicking a cat, punching a wall, etc.) They left me alone for a few minutes with no problems.
But it might be different if you have a kid who likes pouring paint on furniture.
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Old 12-16-2004, 07:47 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Location: State College, PA
Sometimes you just have to go by the law, or risk having your kids taken away from you. Contact the local authorities and see what they say.
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Old 12-22-2004, 07:16 PM   #22 (permalink)
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In OR, WA, and CA the law states that children 10 and older may be left alone and/or in charge of a sibling. In order to take care of other's children, one has to be at least 12.

Personally, I let my kids (8 and 10) run to the neighbors and go to the school to play. BUT, they always travel in groups and I can see the school from my back porch. I would not let my children go to the neighbors alone when they were 4. I think that the eldest was 8 before they got to leave my sight. (Or that of a responsible person.)
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Old 12-22-2004, 07:46 PM   #23 (permalink)
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I think you need to ask yourself "could I live with myself if something terrible happened?"

that 1.5 year old playing out in the front yard. Sure, maybe that kid is mature enough to handle it (uh, I highly doubt this by the way) but what about the guy that walks by, grabs the kid, and takes off, while you're inside? Could you live with the knowledge that your negligence got your kid taken and possibly killed?



A 1.5 year old does not have the survival tools to be alone. That's why they have parents. Once the kid gets older (I'm talking double digit age here) then you can start judging based on the individual kid, but when they're little, even if they're mature enough to handle it, they're not strong enough to stop something happening to them.
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Old 12-22-2004, 08:22 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maleficent
NJ you cannot leave a minor child (under 18) alone overnight.
17 year old is not allowed to be left alone overnight?

That's a bit... disproportionate don't you think?

Sheesh... No wonder modern kids are so molly-coldled.


Mr Mephisto
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Old 12-27-2004, 01:10 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Location: Michigan
I'm not normally a worry-type person, but since we've had kids, just watching the news is enough for me to keep my eye on my two constantly. I freak out if I'm in the shower for five minutes. We live in a very small town, but the idea of some freak driving by, grabbing my kid & driving away absolutely terrifies me. That's when they play outside. As for inside, all those stories you read about kids dying in their homes probably were of parents who thought their house was kid proof. I found mine the other day doing his darndest to stick a fork (which he grabbed out of the sink) in an outlet (we have the plastic covers). He's a great kid, but curious. I'd probably do myself in if anything ever happened to either one of them, so I don't mind them playing in the other room, but I don't leave the premises except to get the mail when it's my turn to watch. Choking, toys that shouldn't sometimes break, making small choke-size peices, etc. Anything can happen.
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Old 12-27-2004, 01:45 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Location: geff il
wow i havent seen this in quite awhile..

this thread got hijacked or at least pushed off the wrong side of the cliff..

i still stand origanl question .. about running 2 block from your house. or 5 min gone from them.. wether that be to the garage or outside..

i agree with what many people said here about the 1.5 year old not being able to defend himself and if something bad happened while he was playing in the yard....


i will let him play in the yard with his brother when the weather gets better.. i have considered all possiblitys and i conlcluded that my front yard in the rural town i live in is safe enought for that.

if i lived in a city of any size hell no..

if the old guy across the streeet didnt sit in hs lawn cahir till plenty past dark evrey single day that may change my mind.. but like i said in my situation i belive it is ok.

what originanlly promted me to write this was i ran to the post office i was gone like 4 min the kids were in the house. alone. those of you who dont think kids can be responsible for 4 min probally have the kind fo kids that i hate.. ( not mine) or other wise know as all other kids..

anyway im not suggesting my 1.5 yr old is responsilbe like a 10 yr old. however he is either smart enough to not the things we tell him not to do. or too stupid to care.

his brother is much the same way..

anyway.. it is nice to see peopel still readign this thread..

wish it got back to the 5 min thing not over night and outside all day or whatever.
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