Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Philosophy


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 09-09-2004, 10:13 AM   #1 (permalink)
Insane
 
Eowyn_Vala's Avatar
 
Location: There's no place like home..
Dealing w/ Parents

So I have a few problems dealing with my parents. Everyone does. And parents have problems dealing with thier kids. This is normal. But I am stuck on how I should handle things with my parents. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

My parents are Catholic and I haven't been attending church since I don't agree with everything the church says. I know they don't like this. I am also living with my boyfriend and they don't like this either. Currently I am taking some time off of college and working full time. You guessed right, they don't like that either. I am working on getting back into classes at least part-time by next semester but since it isn't now, they aren't too happy at all either way. I am in the process of purchasing the car I drive from my parents. they said they would eventually give it to me, but once I moved in with my boyfriend and took time off school they changed their minds. We have a monthly payment plan set up and so far until this month I have been on time. when I called and asked for a bit more time (until this weekend) my mom said sure since she knows I am tight on money. Later that night or the next morning she was going off to my sister about how I am "breaking the deal" and everything. But she didn't say anything to me. Also my mother has a check that I wrote back in July for that payment she has never cashed. For the longest time that was causing confusion for me with my bank statements. then i finally figured that out and asked her to cash it. she asked me at three different times in as many weeks if she could cash it and if I had the money. I did and told her to. As of Tuesday she still hadn't. Well the time came when I had used that money last week thinking she had already cashed her check. So i asked her to hold it until this weekend and cash it with the other so I am sure the money is there. This was at the same time I asked if I could send the one payment a little late. She said yes. And also complained about this to my sister. So the next day my sister was telling me about my mom complaining and about how my sister had stood up for me. Also currently my parents are arguing about a few family things so I know that they are both on edge and stressed. Just a few moments ago I checked my voicemail and had a message from my mom from this morning. She wants to "talk" on the phone when I get off work. I a bit apprehensive about this considering everything my sister has told me. I don't know exactly what she wants to talk about but almost every time I talk to her she has to say something about what I am doing wrong with my life and I don't call her as much as I used to. So when I talk to her after work I don't know what I am going to do. any advice would be great!
__________________
Cain: I know what you're doing. I've lead troops into battle before.
DG: And, how am I doing?
Cain: Well, there's less *hugging* when I do it
Eowyn_Vala is offline  
Old 09-09-2004, 04:14 PM   #2 (permalink)
I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot!
 
raeanna74's Avatar
 
Location: Upper Michigan
Ouch. It sounds a bit like my mother getting confused about stuff and then accusing me of things I never intended to be the case. It's frustrating to say the least.

First thing that comes to my mind is this: Have you looked into buying or leasing a car of your own ON your own? Really look into this. One VERY good rule of thumb, once you are an adult is to NEVER do business with family. I on occaision do work for my Dad. It does cause some tension at times though when I do. I only do it when he REALLY needs help or when an unexpected bill comes up or something. I avoid it as much as possible. I know it can be difficult to get credit in some cases but leasing might be easier than buying. This can help build your credit record as well. I would definately suggest looking into it.

As for immediate advice: I would suggest that you appease your mother as much as you can. Even if you feel she was wrong in complaining to your sister. Let her know that you never intended to renig on the payments, explain your reasons for asking for a little cooperation, once more. If she complains again, Explain again. Make it clear that she is taking things the wrong way. Let her know that you feel it was an immature act to call your sister and complain to her. Maybe even ask your mother "Did you really want to put (your sis) into the middle of this?? I don't think that was a wise choice, or kind to (your sis)? Please call me personally if you have a problem with anything I do in the future. I promise to do what I can to do right by you and Dad?" Let her know that she handled this wrong but that you are willing to work with her to get the situation set to right. Don't say anything about ending your business arrangement at this time. She may take it personally if you mention that. Save that until you find out your other options. I'm sure you can find something that will help you manage on your own. Then you can approach then with "Thank you for your help with my driving arrangements so far. I don't want to burden you and have found my own arrangements. If you need any help selling the car that you have or anything please let me know."

I don't know if this will apply for your situation. Hope it helps.
__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.
raeanna74 is offline  
Old 09-09-2004, 04:47 PM   #3 (permalink)
Insane
 
From what you have written, I suspect your parents love you very much. They held off cashing your check out of fear that you wouldn't have the money.* They haven't asked for their car back. Sure, they don't approve of all your actions, but that's a bit much to hope for. They are trying to protect and guide you, which is a natural parental feeling even when you don't want it.

It isn't easy watching your kids grow up and make mistakes, even if you know intellectually that it's necessary. So, call and see what's up, and try to keep in mind that they might be scared for you. Even if you have everything under control, they will worry... that's what parents do.

My $0.02. Bear in mind I'm an old fart and a parent.

*If you had the money for the check, how could you suddenly _not_ have the money unless you were overdrawing your funds? Just because the money's still in the account doesn't mean you can spend it... sorry if it comes off like a lecture, but I've seen folks get really burned that way, especially with credit cards.
adam is offline  
Old 09-10-2004, 10:20 AM   #4 (permalink)
Insane
 
Eowyn_Vala's Avatar
 
Location: There's no place like home..
During the last week I had been told that my mom would cash it and was expecting money from another source to be deposited. So when the money was there that is what I had assumed happened. The point there was I assumed. It is my fault the money isn't there now and yes my parents do love me bunches as is evidence of them holding the check now. It was the way my mom went about it, complaining to my sister that bothered me the most.

And I have thought about getting my own car but money is short and I am hesitant to apply for a loan. I don't want to be in debt right now. It would stess me out too much and I am already really stressed. At the moment my boyfriend is out of work and I am a temp at Cat. I have been there for 4 months but now we are implenting new systems and doing lots of revamping so they might not need me soon. This is worrisome as well and hearing my parents asking if my boyfriend has a job or if I still have mine makes it worse.

And thanks for your replies it helps to see things from someone else's $0.02
__________________
Cain: I know what you're doing. I've lead troops into battle before.
DG: And, how am I doing?
Cain: Well, there's less *hugging* when I do it

Last edited by Eowyn_Vala; 09-10-2004 at 10:25 AM..
Eowyn_Vala is offline  
Old 09-11-2004, 03:57 PM   #5 (permalink)
Psycho
 
william's Avatar
 
Deal w/your mom straight up. Tell her you apreciate her holding the check, but you also know about the way she has been talking about you w/your sister behind your back. Sometimes parents think they are doing things w/o realizing the impact.
You accepted the deal to buy the car, so try to stick w/it. Your life is what you make it. You make the decisions, you accept the consequences. Sometimes parents need to accept the fact that their little child is now an adult.
william is offline  
 

Tags
dealing, parents, w or

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 02:09 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360