Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Philosophy


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 05-13-2004, 05:50 AM   #1 (permalink)
My own person -- his by choice
 
Location: Lebell's arms
foster kids

Short and simple: The ex lost his job. He has taken in two foster teenage boys for the income. He assures me they are not sexual preditors and that they are very nice children. Our daughters are 10 and 8. I do not want them staying at his house with the boys there as I don't know these boys or their background. What do you think?
__________________
If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.
sexymama is offline  
Old 05-13-2004, 06:21 AM   #2 (permalink)
Happy as a hippo
 
StormBerlin's Avatar
 
Location: Southern California
I can see your concern. I wouldn't let my girls stay there either. Hopefully he'll understand.
__________________
"if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane
StormBerlin is offline  
Old 05-13-2004, 06:58 AM   #3 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Moderator Emeritus
Location: Chicago
I hate stereotyping, however teenage boys are not children, they are (with apologies to the teenage fellas here) buckets of hormones.

Hopefully social services is aware that your ex has the girls part of the time, and didn't place these young men who could be at risk. Can you talk to social services to find out the history of these young men.

I'm more disturbed that someone took in foster children as a means to make some money, these are peoples lives, the need to help them, and want to improve their lives should be what fostering is all about, not just some easy cash. (Yes, I wear Rose Colored glasses)
__________________
Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.
maleficent is offline  
Old 05-13-2004, 09:08 AM   #4 (permalink)
Runt
 
Location: Denver
Maleficent is 100% correct.
To take foster children in to make money is just plain wrong.
I'm not qualified to give you advice on what to do regarding your kids. However, if it were me I'd sue for complete custody. But that's just good old paranoid me.
__________________
<--The great infidel-->
Polyphobic is offline  
Old 05-22-2004, 04:31 PM   #5 (permalink)
Addict
 
Amethyst's Avatar
 
Location: Illinois
I'm more disturbed that someone took in foster children as a means to make some money, these are peoples lives, the need to help them, and want to improve their lives should be what fostering is all about, not just some easy cash. (Yes, I wear Rose Colored glasses)
I agree with maleficent aobut this no one should get foster children to make money! Never.

If I were you sexymama I would contact social services and see what you can find out about these two boys and go from there.
Amethyst is offline  
Old 05-23-2004, 09:37 PM   #6 (permalink)
My own person -- his by choice
 
Location: Lebell's arms
I will be making an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow. Unfortunately, he won't allow me to access social services (I asked.) But he is demanding that the girls see him with the boys in the house. The girls' counselor says there is no way they should go. I've given him five options, including me bringing the girls to him and him coming her to stay with them (while Lebell and I honeymoon -- so we won't be around.)

FYI - I know that being a foster child doesn't make you a bad person. However, it does mean you may have some garbage to deal with that isn't your fault. I love children -- I'm a teacher. I simply feel that I must put the safety and innocence of my daughters first.

Thanks everyone for your input -- I am taking it to heart! (And agree totally about the motivation for him taking in Foster children -- but, unfortunately, that is not my problem.)
__________________
If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.
sexymama is offline  
Old 05-25-2004, 05:53 AM   #7 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: NC
Quote:
Originally posted by sexymama

FYI - I know that being a foster child doesn't make you a bad person. However, it does mean you may have some garbage to deal with that isn't your fault. I love children -- I'm a teacher. I simply feel that I must put the safety and innocence of my daughters first.


Says it all!
Good luck..and who knows, maybe this will change him and be a positve thing in his life, despite the poor reasoning for his choices.
__________________
The sad thing is... as you get older you come to realize that you don't so much pilot your life, as you just try to hold on, in a screaming, defiant ball of white-knuckle anxious fury
mr sticky is offline  
Old 05-25-2004, 08:13 AM   #8 (permalink)
I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot!
 
raeanna74's Avatar
 
Location: Upper Michigan
Please keep us up to date. I hope this works out.

I don't see how you couldn't contact social services yourself. You could do it on the basis of being concerned for your daughter's well being. They don't have to give you much information but they may make some changes with his foster care if they learn about your concern. It would be worth a try maybe. I'm sure your Lawyer will be able to advice you about it though.
__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.
raeanna74 is offline  
Old 05-25-2004, 08:19 PM   #9 (permalink)
Insane
 
Esco's Avatar
 
Agreed. If you have some concerns it's best that you act on them right away.

BTW, I can't think of a worst reason to have foster children. It's shameful.
__________________
The user formerly known as BlingBling
Esco is offline  
Old 05-27-2004, 12:18 AM   #10 (permalink)
My own person -- his by choice
 
Location: Lebell's arms
My appointment is later today. (It is 1:14 in the morning and I can't sleep due to all this stress.) He is still pressuring me; but I talked with the girls' counselor again today and she said I'm doing the right thing.

As for contacting social services myself, we live 540 miles apart -- so I never thought of it. Not a bad idea. I'll see what the lawyer has to say.

Edit

The lawyer seems to feel we have a firm case. He will go after changing visitation to make it supervised when foster children are present or unsupervised when they are gone and we have proof of such. Only down fall, the retainer is much more than I can afford. Mom is helping out -- good old mom! But I still need $1,000 more. My kids safety is worth it, so I'll figure it out.
__________________
If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

Last edited by sexymama; 05-27-2004 at 07:44 PM..
sexymama is offline  
Old 06-05-2004, 06:38 PM   #11 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Seattle
I've met several situations where people have taken in children to help support their income. You might not believe this, but people generally aren't too interested in adopting older children. The money is the key and it works. The good news is that the families that have to take in the children are at least in some way screened. This isn't perfect but it is something. Also, just because a person likes the money doesn't mean they aren't doing a very large social service for society. Think about it... what is baby sitting? Its taking care of a child for money plain and simple. Love is nice for baby sitting, but as a parent I would be satisfied about keeping them out of trouble. My mother takes in a foster child which she wouldn't do if it didn't at least involve some cash incentive(my bias is now showing), and all of the children have left in much better shape then when they arrived. the part about affecting other children.... well, my mother didn't start until we were all gone and i don't think she would have. I would recommend meeting the kids she took in and making your own judgement. I've seen basket cases and saints.
fairsquare is offline  
Old 06-13-2004, 10:00 PM   #12 (permalink)
My own person -- his by choice
 
Location: Lebell's arms
^Good point -- and fair. He does have a right to be paid for watching after these boys. I wouldn't teach if I didn't get paid.

I'm still frustrated though. He talks with the girls every Sunday evening. This evening he must have told them I won't let them go visit, as the eldest asked me why when she was done with her call. I simply replied, "honey, I will let your dad see you. He can come here any time he wants or I can take you down there. I simply won't have you staying in his home while the foster children are there." Lebell backed me up -- and she responded, "we stayed when _____'s (the girlfriend's) foster children were there." I said, "but I didn't know they were there and when you called me up to express concerns about them, I was not pleased." (He had promised me they wouldn't be around.) "She said, "It was just that they were so mean." "My point exactly." "Oh." Nothing more was said.

I'm ranting -- but it just gets me that we are paying money on lawyers when I'd much rather be using the money to take them to visit their dad. (And yes, I told him that.) So sad for everyone involved!
__________________
If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

Last edited by sexymama; 06-13-2004 at 10:03 PM..
sexymama is offline  
 

Tags
foster, kids

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 01:22 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360