Reading people
 

Every once in a while, I come across someone who outwardly seems nice, honest, genuine, and generally a good person all around. But then I get a really weird feeling, like something about them does not add up and they are not at all who they appear to be. I absolutely cannot explain it or give any examples of why I feel that way, but in the long run it invariably turns out I was right to be suspicious of them.

Anyone else have this happen? What do you think prompts it? My best guess is that they do things subconsciously (body language, tone of voice, etc) that I subconsciously notice. Still, it's very strange.

I'm pretty sure that people give off unconscious tics when they're being deceptive. You've probably developed a strong intuition for this through your prior experiences with such people, although you may not consciously understand what you're picking up on.

Generally your first impression of a person is really accurate. If you first categorized them as a jerk before they ever talked to you, then probably, deep down inside, they are a jerk, no matter how nice of a person they seem to be. It just always seems to work out that way in my experiences.

I wonder how much of this is honed instinct and how much is self-fulfilling prophecy. Although we have trained intuition for figuring out the kind of people we don't like, once you decide someone is a jerk you're going to be paying more attention to aspects of the person that make them that way. If you've got a really strong intuition for this (which I don't), that's great. I'd save myself a lot of trouble if I could do that.

I have that same ability to be able to tell how people are from a first impression. For me, I believe it's because I'm a very curious person. I pay attention to a lot of details about people I meet and that makes it easier to tell what a person is like when I first meet them. However a lot of times you really can't tell right away and that's when it comes down to intuition, and like Mr. Moe said, your first impression is usually the most accurate.

Alot of people are like that...The trick is to give each person a chance and not suspect them every time you're with them

Seems like i get the same thing- sometimes I get a hugely bad vibe about people- It has never been wrong yet- and it does not have to be someone that i am directly involved with- in one instance I briefly met a friends buisiness partner, and hated the guy- could not figure out what was wrong with him as he seemed O.K. by all appearances and checks- later he embezeled 10 grand and ruined my pal's buisiness- anymore I go with my gut and figure it out later. sort of like a country song I heard once- "I realy hate her, I'll think of a reason later"

I don't, but my dog does. My sis-in-law was dating this guy for about a year. Whenever they came over to our house, my dog would greet them both in a very friendly manner. One time, they came over and she growled at him. A day or two later, he had broken up with her.

Now, I'm not saying you're a dog ;) , but, you are fortunate to have that talent.

Your lucky to have that gift. A few people have fucked me over. I've trusted them and its ended in disaster. I have more of a guard up now and I am getting better at sussing them out but it would be cool to know straight away.

I do the same thing and it has taken a long time to try to ignore it and give the person a chance to prove I'm right. I have only really been burned once and it was not just shocking but very disappointing. Mostly because I perceived the person as genuine, honest and talented and was proven wrong on all three counts. Now when you get a bad vibe from a person and they prove that wrong, it's great, but for me that doesn't happen too often.

We would be much better off if we all listened to that gut feeling more often. Not just about people, but everything.

i agree whole-heartedly. I guess it just depends on how well you're listening to yourself or your consciousness.

It is not especially difficult for some people to learn body language that and mannerisms that make them seem pleasant to be around: widening the eyes and smiling slightly when they see you, leaning toward you slightly when you speak, as if they can't wait to hear your words, etc. A lot of people who we call charming or charismatic are simply people who have consciously or unconsciously learned these mannerisms. What makes these techniques powerful is that most people who are subjected to them aren't aware that they're taking place; they simply feel that the person across from them is very interested in them and thinks they're important or special in some way.

When you get a "gut feeling" about somebody who does these things, you're looking beyond the mannerisms -- either because they're putting out some other vibe or signal that you are picking up on -- again unconsciously -- or they're simply not very good at it. Or, just as likely, you've been burned before by people like this and you're learning to look past the "I'm your friend" mannerisms to other subliminal indicators that give a more accurate idea of what this guy is about. Not that you're necessarily aware of that, either, but hey.

There are books that teach you how to con people with mannerisms. There's a newish-age discipline called neuro-linguistic processing that can be used in this way, as well. I hear a lot of sleazoids have found their way over to NLP.

My wife is real big on this. Every time she meets someone I know and says she has a black feeling, they end up being bad. I think she is a witch.

Really, it is probably intuition. I heard someplace that women's brains are connected by a membrane that allows the left and right side to work together. Men's brains aren't like that. Both sides together may help them put logic and feeling together and subconciously relate to past experiences.

So, what does everyone think of that?

I'm usually pretty good at reading people. I tend to only have to talk to someone for a few minutes to get a good impression of what they are like and how they think. I am not always right ofcourse.