Meridae'n

The Poms would never have won any World Cup if it wouldn't have been for a post-war allied conspiracy.

On the 26th of July the English team was facing West Kroutville in the final in the Wembley stadium in London.

The game went into overtime after a 2-2 in relegation time. In the 101th minute Geoff Hurst fires a shot at the German goal, the ball hits the crossbar and bounces down. Afterwards it spirals out of the goal and is cleared by a defender.

The Swiss referee hadn't clearly seen if the ball was in or not. So he did what referees do in such a situation - he asked his linesman.

And that is where the conspiracy came into play. The linesman wasn't from just bloody anywhere, he was from the Soviet Union. An evil Russian! Tofik Bachamov decided that the ball was in and thus handed England the World Cup, almost exactly 25 years after the start of Operation Barbarossa. Bastards.

If that isn't a conspiracy I don't know. Cause the bloody thing wasn't in:

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What's easier to believe: that a guy was born without sex in the manner of several Greek demigods and grew up to be able to transmute liquids and alter his body density yet couldn't escape government execution, or that three freemasons in a vehicle made with aluminum foil in an era before digital technology escaped our atmosphere, landing on the moon, broadcasted from there, and then flew back without burning up?

jwoody

If that goal had been disallowed, we would have still won 3-2.

England scored another after that disputable effort, leading to the greatest moment in football commentary history:

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Meridae'n

In the 120th minute, that can hardly count. The game was decided with that goal.

And being a pom I'm guessing you're going to come back with the old "Of course the freekick that lead to the second German equaliser should never have been given" crap

I can see the headlines now:

"Swiss conspiracy thwarted by gallant Russian linesman"

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What's easier to believe: that a guy was born without sex in the manner of several Greek demigods and grew up to be able to transmute liquids and alter his body density yet couldn't escape government execution, or that three freemasons in a vehicle made with aluminum foil in an era before digital technology escaped our atmosphere, landing on the moon, broadcasted from there, and then flew back without burning up?

jwoody

No, I'm quite happy with my original rebuttal.

We scored four, they scored two.

Take away one of our four - which leaves three - and we still scored more than ze Germans.

Result: We are the greatest footballing nation in the history of the universe.

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Meridae'n

One wasn't a goal, another was 30 minutes after the game should've ended, and don't even get me started on the anglo-germanic conspiracy that got both teams into the final in the first place.

What was the score last time you guys played Australia Mr greatest footballing nation in the history of the universe?

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What's easier to believe: that a guy was born without sex in the manner of several Greek demigods and grew up to be able to transmute liquids and alter his body density yet couldn't escape government execution, or that three freemasons in a vehicle made with aluminum foil in an era before digital technology escaped our atmosphere, landing on the moon, broadcasted from there, and then flew back without burning up?

Daniel_

Time for a rousing chorus of "Two World Wars and One World Cup" (to the tune of Kemptown Races)...

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╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

Meridae'n

...followed by 'We get three dollars to the pound' (to the tune of He's Got the Whole World in his Hands)

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What's easier to believe: that a guy was born without sex in the manner of several Greek demigods and grew up to be able to transmute liquids and alter his body density yet couldn't escape government execution, or that three freemasons in a vehicle made with aluminum foil in an era before digital technology escaped our atmosphere, landing on the moon, broadcasted from there, and then flew back without burning up?

jwoody

Let us analyse that game to expose a real conspiracy.

We let you win that one.

England team for the 1st half:

--------------James----------------

Neville-Ferdinand-Campbell-Ashley Cole

--Beckham-Lampard-Scholes-Dyer--

-------Beattie-Owen----------------


Now the 2nd half (a.k.a. - letting the kids have a go)

--------Robinson----------

Mills-Brown-King-Konchesky

-Hargreaves-Murphy-Jenas-

-Vassell-Jeffers-Rooney-

Subs Not Used: Wright, Joe Cole, Upson, Parker, Davis


Look closely and you will see that (probably our best player) Wayne Rooney had eyes glued shut for the whole game. Nobody noticed at the time.



Francis Jeffers was picked to play up front. Who the fuck is Francis Jeffers, you ask. Exactly.


Case closed.

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hulk

Sorry, you just can't justify losing to a team that's never even qualified for the world cup

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"'There's a tendency among the press to attribute the creation of a game to a single person,' says Warren Spector, creator of Thief and Deus Ex."
-- From an IGN game review.

Meridae'n

Oops...


...and, er, jwoody, what was the score at half time after we had played your best line-up for 45 minutes?

I think the real conspiracy here was how did you pursuade our management to let your guys be on the same paddock as our boys.

__________________
What's easier to believe: that a guy was born without sex in the manner of several Greek demigods and grew up to be able to transmute liquids and alter his body density yet couldn't escape government execution, or that three freemasons in a vehicle made with aluminum foil in an era before digital technology escaped our atmosphere, landing on the moon, broadcasted from there, and then flew back without burning up?

jwoody

The temptation to say something which may or may not come back to haunt me is becoming almost too much to resist.

I reckon you're going to crack first.

Go on, make a bold statement. I dare ya.



Sorry mate, all that tell's me is that, over 45 minutes, our youth team beat your soccer-fuckin-roos 1-0.

Francis 'Who?' Jeffers with the winner.

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Meridae'n

Your data on said game is incorrect... after handing your pretty-boys their arse back to them 2-0 in the first half, the very same Australian line-up fronted up again to draw 1-1 in the second against fresh legs.

Next episode I will open the book on the great anglo-Bucknor conspiracy which ended in you bastards winning the Ashes by a run.

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What's easier to believe: that a guy was born without sex in the manner of several Greek demigods and grew up to be able to transmute liquids and alter his body density yet couldn't escape government execution, or that three freemasons in a vehicle made with aluminum foil in an era before digital technology escaped our atmosphere, landing on the moon, broadcasted from there, and then flew back without burning up?

jwoody

*very slowly raises middle finger in Meridae'n's general direction*

*very, very slowly*

I mean, look at the picture. I can barely make out what sport they're playing.. it's sooo dark.

They'd have had to put the floodlights on if it got any worse.

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Glory's Sun

I don't really have much to add except for HURRAH ROONEY!!

oh and big ups to Neville also.

/end ManUtd fan bias threadjack


*now back to the regular scheduled paranoia*

Benji

Australia who?

This conspiracy will be proved wrong when we take the world cup by storm in glorious style this summer

shadowfiend

Except that probably wouldn't happen.

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Have you ever looked into a mirror and just said... damn... I'm one sexy f**ker!!! Yeah... me neither.

MSD

I usually post to tell people to stfu, but today I just want you all to know that I have no fucking idea what's going on in this thread.

superiorrain

Don't worry about it MrSelfDestruct, i'm english and even i'm confused. We did win though and we shell win again.

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"The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible." - Arthur C. Clarke

Benji

The world is at your feet, GEWAN LADS!