Kiss Me - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

K-Wise · 07-03-2005, 11:33 PM

Not sure if I'm completely satisfied with this but if I come up with better words I can always change it. For now I just had to finish it before I leave tommorow. I figure it's time I left you with some more work. Enjoy

Kiss Me
Written by: Cristian Fernando Rios

I’m not waiting for love or whomever my love might be
I just want to finally kiss a girl with my eyes closed tightly
It’s been so long since I felt the softness of sweet soft lips
Up against mine as our tounges intertwine in a firey hotness
Wanting only to be wanted by someone that I actually want back
I just want half the attention I’m not getting, affection and all that
It seems dreams are the only taste except it’s fake not genuine
My sense awakes with gentle breaks of sighs I realize I’ve left again
Come back to reality where you actually havent kissed a girl in 6yrs
My sick fears keep me from speaking, in those equipped ears
Conscience the only thing missed here lobes unable to hear thoughts
Seems we’re caught in speaking up deep enough for us to fear loss
So this is what I want, for love or just for some good and pure fun
I am sure some relate to the many ways that it can cure ones
Lonely doubt to finally roam without that which they’ve been missing
So here I am what are you waiting for already dammit?
Kiss me!

Thank you for reading

- Cris,

Asta!!

Sultana · 07-04-2005, 06:08 AM

You know what? I'm not in that exact situation now, but this makes me feel/remember that yearning.

K-Wise · 07-04-2005, 12:36 PM

Thanks. It's eh been a while haha.

Asta!!

knowledge2 · 07-06-2005, 07:04 PM

Uh...is this supposed to be more of a rap than a poem?...just wondering!

Love ya Fergly

K-Wise · 07-07-2005, 04:31 PM

^ I'm still having trouble breaking out of the restrictions of rhyme and seperating rap from poetry. This is a poem.

Asta!!

ariekitten · 07-08-2005, 01:07 AM

i seem to have the same prob k-wise, my poetry is still hiding behind some kinda barrier when it comes to my style and rhyming. just keep workin at it and it'll get better!

K-Wise · 07-12-2005, 04:57 PM

^ Thanx Arie

.

Asta!!

doodlebird · 07-16-2005, 02:04 PM

sup k.

i dig it - i wouldn't work too hard to get rid of the rhythm. i kinda like it.

one thing i might change is that "someone" / "anyone" aspects of it to a more direct "her" or "you".

the way it is now, it seems as though you're looking for ANYTHING, when it might be a bit more meaningful if you take the approach that you know SHE is out there somewhere. and you're just trying to find her.

just an idea... hope all is well.

K-Wise · 07-17-2005, 03:38 PM

I kinda like that idea. Perhaps I will do that. Thanks

Asta!!

amonkie · 07-17-2005, 04:44 PM

Good stuff here kwise ... don't be in such a rush to remove your rap influence entirely - it adds a unique style to your works, and helps guide readers into your intended word breaks

K-Wise · 07-24-2005, 08:36 PM

^ Hmm you're right

.

Asta!!

07-03-2005, 11:33 PM	#1 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	Kiss Me Not sure if I'm completely satisfied with this but if I come up with better words I can always change it. For now I just had to finish it before I leave tommorow. I figure it's time I left you with some more work. Enjoy Kiss Me Written by: Cristian Fernando Rios I’m not waiting for love or whomever my love might be I just want to finally kiss a girl with my eyes closed tightly It’s been so long since I felt the softness of sweet soft lips Up against mine as our tounges intertwine in a firey hotness Wanting only to be wanted by someone that I actually want back I just want half the attention I’m not getting, affection and all that It seems dreams are the only taste except it’s fake not genuine My sense awakes with gentle breaks of sighs I realize I’ve left again Come back to reality where you actually havent kissed a girl in 6yrs My sick fears keep me from speaking, in those equipped ears Conscience the only thing missed here lobes unable to hear thoughts Seems we’re caught in speaking up deep enough for us to fear loss So this is what I want, for love or just for some good and pure fun I am sure some relate to the many ways that it can cure ones Lonely doubt to finally roam without that which they’ve been missing So here I am what are you waiting for already dammit? Kiss me! Thank you for reading - Cris, Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!

07-04-2005, 06:08 AM	#2 (permalink)
Sultana Falling Angel Location: L.A. L.A. land	You know what? I'm not in that exact situation now, but this makes me feel/remember that yearning. __________________ "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." - Matt Groening My goal? To fulfill my potential.

07-04-2005, 12:36 PM	#3 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	Thanks. It's eh been a while haha. Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!

07-06-2005, 07:04 PM	#4 (permalink)
knowledge2 Upright Location: In a dorm...for now	Uh...is this supposed to be more of a rap than a poem?...just wondering! Love ya Fergly __________________ "I die daily..."

07-07-2005, 04:31 PM	#5 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	^ I'm still having trouble breaking out of the restrictions of rhyme and seperating rap from poetry. This is a poem. Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!

07-08-2005, 01:07 AM	#6 (permalink)
ariekitten bAck iN aCtiOn! Location: in my imagination	i seem to have the same prob k-wise, my poetry is still hiding behind some kinda barrier when it comes to my style and rhyming. just keep workin at it and it'll get better! __________________ I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III. Don't hesitate to call. ~Vash, Trigun >'.'< kitty kitty, meow ^..^~

07-12-2005, 04:57 PM	#7 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	^ Thanx Arie . Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!

07-16-2005, 02:04 PM	#8 (permalink)
doodlebird pío pío Location: on a branch about to break	sup k. i dig it - i wouldn't work too hard to get rid of the rhythm. i kinda like it. one thing i might change is that "someone" / "anyone" aspects of it to a more direct "her" or "you". the way it is now, it seems as though you're looking for ANYTHING, when it might be a bit more meaningful if you take the approach that you know SHE is out there somewhere. and you're just trying to find her. just an idea... hope all is well. __________________ xoxo doodle

07-17-2005, 03:38 PM	#9 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	I kinda like that idea. Perhaps I will do that. Thanks Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!

07-17-2005, 04:44 PM	#10 (permalink)
amonkie Drifting Administrator Location: Windy City	Good stuff here kwise ... don't be in such a rush to remove your rap influence entirely - it adds a unique style to your works, and helps guide readers into your intended word breaks __________________ Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

07-24-2005, 08:36 PM	#11 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	^ Hmm you're right . Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!