ryborg

I just had this dialog floating around in my head today, so I pounded it out before I forgot all of it. For some reason I liked the name Roberto Falcon. It sounds a little rediculous and "out there," but I think it suits the guy well. Take a look at it and tell em what you think. Should I continue it, or move on to some other story?

--This is the introduction...or Chapter 1, whatever you want it to be for now--


The odor of sweat and blood mingled in my nostrils as Harvey pressed the gun up against my temple. The barrel was still burning hot from the barrage it had just unleashed into my partner, who was sprawled out dead on the warehouse floor, a smoking bullet hole between his eyes, blood draining from his chest.

“Pull the trigger, Harvey. Let's get this over with,” I said, gritting my teeth as piercing white pain blurred my vision.

“You'd like that wouldn't you Falcon. I can see the headlines now, New Port PI Killed by Hot Pursuit! I'm not going to give you that kind of gratification, Falcon. Not tonight.”

Coward. This guy was small time, and I knew it. He thought differently though. It would be simple enough to play him, like a worn out deck of cards. It was going to be easy.

“Then why the hell all this cat and mouse? You've killed Klein, why not finish the job?”

Yeah, Harvey. Let's discuss it. I know you want to say it, so go ahead. Tell me all about how you raped and killed Andrea Maynard. It'll buy me enough time to reach inside my holster for Bess and blow your head off.

“Every criminal in New Port knows you're reputation, Falcon: shoot first and forget the questions. I wasn't about to give you the chance to live up to that reputation. You're partner just happened to be in the way.”

He took the gun away from my temple and took a step back, staring at me as I lay prone on the floor.

“I wasn't shooting to kill, well not you at least. Do you honestly think I'd keep you alive if I had intended to kill you? I'm not stupid, Falcon. Any gangster that monologues to you ends up in a body bag or behind bars. The truth is Falcon, I need you're help, and you need mine.”

What? Was he serious? It was time to teach this guy a lesson. I cleared my throat and spat the think, yellow remains on his polished black shoes. He stared at me indignantly for a moment before pulling out a handkerchief and delicately removing my subtle greeting. His face was serious now. Deadly serious. My hand wasn't on Bess yet, but I could feel her cool touch on the tips of my fingers. No sudden moves, Roberto. No sudden moves or he'll paint the floor with your brains. Let him say what he has to say, then teach him a lesson he'll never forget.

“I was set up, Falcon.”

“Bullshit!” I cried out. So much for playing it cool. “Your dirty fingerprints are all over this one.”

“Of course they are, damn it! But, it's too convenient, the whole thing is. Think about it Falcon! You know my style, I may not be big show business in this city, but I know how to make a hit nice and quiet!”

He had a point. I had been chasing Harvey for years, but I could never get the hard evidence I needed to pin him down to a tidal wave of drug murders. I thought that night might have been the night I caught him, pinned him to his own devilish work. But it looked like I had gotten all careless. It looked like I had gotten my partner killed. It looked like I had no choice but to listen to what he had to say.

“Go ahead Harvey, I'm listening, but make it quick.”

“See, Falcon, that's what I admire about you. You have respect. Any lousy cop in this city would have shot his mouth off and I would have had to show him fire and steel, but not you Falcon.”

“Get to the part where you explain why I shouldn't kill you now,” I replied. Harvey smiled.

“Here's where you stand, Falcon. I know who ordered the hit on Andrea Maynard. I don't know why it was ordered or who actually carried it out, but I know who ordered it, and without me you can't touch him. You can't even come close. God couldn't touch this guy without my help.”

“Good lord,” I said. It had dawned on me. I knew the name he was about to speak before it even left his thoughts.

“Alexi Lombardi,” he said, a devilish grin spreading across his face. I felt a similar one spread across mine.

That's the beauty of criminals in New Port, they hate each other just as much as the law hates them. Harvey started speaking again.

“So here's the deal, Falcon. I'll help you get Lombardi. You'll kill him, or whatever it is you like to with his kind, and be called a hero for avenging the death of the Mayor's beloved daughter. This of course, will clear my name, and I'll be free to return to business as usual. Then you and I will forget we ever had this conversation and go about our lives none-the-wiser. Do we have deal?”

“Deal.” I said quietly.

Harvey shook his head in amazement.

“You're an amazing cop, Falcon. An amazing cop,” he said before he stepped over me and exiting through the warehouse door.

He made a mistake that night. He thought promises of fame and glory would keep me quiet, but he forgot about my other reputation. He forgot that I never forget, and I wasn't about to forget Klein, my partner, the man Harvey had killed in cold blood that night. Harvey would pay with his life soon enough, but for now he was right. Lombardi practically owned New Port, there were even cops in on his payroll. Up until now nobody could touch him. The real question was how many people would die by Harvey's hands by the time I took out Lombardi, if I could even take him out at all? It was a stab in the dark, but Harvey had handed me an opportunity no one else could. Only a criminal could bring Lombardi down, only someone with the spine to back stab him. I had to respect Harvey for that. It took a lot of nerve on his part. But a coward was still a coward, no matter who he sold out. Besides, Harvey was a wanted man. If he showed his face in public he was a dead man. No, Harvey wasn't going to run. I could deal with him later. It was time to focus on Lombardi now.

I began to search my pockets for my cell phone. Nothing. I searched the floor. It was lying on the other side of the room. Harvey must have taken it from me at some point. I tried standing up, slowly at first. Once I got my footing I was able to stand. The pain in my head was still throbbing, but I could walk now. I approached my phone and picked it up. I took one last look at my late partner before calling in an ambulance.

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Solve two problems at once. Feed the homeless to the hungry.

stonewallja

Ryborg, it's a catchy beginning, but it may be a little too gritty. You set several hooks and I took the bait. What, a mayor's daughter murdered, a wasted cop that needs an explanation, and cop makes deal with cop-killer. I surmise that Falcon is looking for an at-a-boy when he gets the mayor's daughter murderer. He might even be a shady cop. It has potential. Pursue it.

__________________
Red beans and ricely,

stonewallja

ryborg

Falcon, as you will discover, operates by his own set of rules. In New Port the line between lawful citizen and criminal is a blurry one. Harvey thinks that the fame of taking down the city's greatest criminal is what Falcon wants, but that's where he makes his mistakes. Falcon isn't after fame, he's after justice. Unfortunately, he has to make a deal with a demon to reach the devil. Muahahaha! The plot thickens! I feel that this section will probably be Chapter 1, I think I will write an intro to it to give you a bit of the back story, which is presently lacking.

__________________
Solve two problems at once. Feed the homeless to the hungry.

stonewallja

How does Falcon get around his buddy cop being wasted? If he doesn't report it, he's guity of conspiracy or is it assessory (sp - most author can't spell) or both: both felonies. So, he cons the con. Your super charged beginning leaves considerable to live up to for the rest of the story. The point being you can come on too strong at the start. If the action slows the reader may lay the book down. But conceivably you have the talent to keep the book exciting. Go for it.

__________________
Red beans and ricely,

stonewallja

ryborg

Falcon wasn't directly responsible for the death of his partner. Harvey caught him off guard, he slipped up, and he feels responsible for Klein's death. He wasn't acting unlawfully in his persuit of Harvey. As Falcon mentions, he has been after Harvey for years, and that night he though he was going to catch him. Things obviously went terribly wrong that night, and what Harvey reveals to Falcon leaves him no choice but to cooperate. This obviously is unlawful, but Falcon has his own sense of justice - he floats in world in between citizen and criminal, but he always follows his own sense of justice. As far as Falcon reporting it, remeber he calls an ambulance at the end of the scene.

__________________
Solve two problems at once. Feed the homeless to the hungry.

stonewallja

Actually, Falcon is pretty typical of today's cop. They're out to make a name for themselves. I know, I've served on one jury. It's a long story but we the jury found the three time felon innocent cause we couldn't place him at the scene, which meant the cops lied. It's not about justice any more it's about winning. Whatever. The first question that entered my mind was what is a three time felon running the streets? I'll be looking for more of this gritty detective story.

__________________
Red beans and ricely,

stonewallja

stonewallja

WE have become an admiration society of two. Are there any literary buff at Tilted?

__________________
Red beans and ricely,

stonewallja