Water Color Woman - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

K-Wise · 10-23-2004, 04:19 AM

Hmm I dunno if this is perfect but I'm definitely proud of it. Hope you like it.

edit: Here is an audio file of me reading it aloud to give an example of what it might be like in spoken word. I of course could do better but this is just an example. Just copy and paste the link for it to play

Water Color Woman
http://www.angelfire.com/music6/asta11/Water_Color_Woman.mp3

<center><b>Water Color Woman</b></center>

<i>Water color woman starts to fade when she’s crying.....

Water color woman starts to fade when she’s crying
but the underlying pigment of her roots is cemented
in the foundation of her soul forbidding her to let go when she’s tempted.
Growing paler and paler of a painting while she’s eagerly awaiting
the armor of a fresh coat of good man to lay his impression down upon her.
She’s indecisive as to which color she’d wish to charm her thus her
woes are turned to weeping.
You shouldn’t fret lets not forget that the most appealing colors
don’t appear as such until they’ve dried completely.
And as complimentary colors can blend so sweetly also
others can be decieving. Be sure to envelop in the colors
that develop and seem to weave thee. You must ignore the banners
of pure banter that only gather to mislead thee and instead heed your
head to the love that is shown discreetly.
Not until then will you truely indeed be free. So it’s time to enforce the answers onto the canvas of which you need be
before you’ve grown too pale for my teary eyes to see ye.
And until then my arm will remain forever reaching.
Oh Water Color Woman I can’t determine why it is you won’t beseech me......</i>

It may change but I'm not sure I can make it any better than it is without making it too long. The flow of it is what concerned me but maybe I'm just too much of a perfectionist and it's all in my head. Thank you very much for reading...a reply would mean a great deal to me.

Asta!!

amonkie · 10-23-2004, 07:35 AM

wow... I've certainly never thought of that perspective for a poem before. Not quite rhyming, but the flow sort of reminds me of a painter - a smooth swish here, a short or long dab here. I like it

K-Wise · 10-23-2004, 08:28 PM

Oh awesome! Thats what I was trying to do. I'm not really much of a painter but I've done it before. I think I may be a little bound by my need of at least a morsel of rhyme scheme. I guess that comes from me being a rapper. I guess I should embrace it though...I'm pretty good at it. Thank you for reading and replying

Asta!!

K-Wise · 11-07-2004, 09:00 PM

Upping - One great reply is great but I'd really like more opinions on this one.

Asta!!

K-Wise · 01-17-2005, 05:40 PM

Audio file now added.

Asta!!

01-17-2005, 05:49 PM

Wow, that was really impressive, K-Wise. It's really interesting to hear my version and then to listen to how you intended it. They were really quite different, with different effects. That's one of the great things about poetry though, I guess.

K-Wise · 01-17-2005, 05:59 PM

Also different elements will effect my speach patterns at the time. If I'm feeling more pensive it may sound more like a cry for someone I love to empower themself or it might sound more like me playing the role of the mentor and wise advice giver so thats not the be all end all of how it will always sound when I read just an example...more than likely it will be quite similar to that everytime I read it though...never really read it aloud before though so I don't really know. I'm glad you like it though. This one is the only actual poem I have written so I was hoping people would like it.

Asta!!

amonkie · 01-17-2005, 06:52 PM

The audio clip is awesome, K Wise! I hadn't caught your voice in the "Can you hear me" thread, but because you wrote this, it just flows exactly right. It gives it a whole new meaning when someone else reads it, since the phrasing is different than what my mind would do.

K-Wise · 01-17-2005, 08:42 PM

I'm glad you like that. I should look into doing it for future poetry I'll write.

Asta!!

Sweetpea · 01-29-2005, 11:04 PM

Wow K-Wise . . . that is incredible!!! Very well written . . . I do water color painting myself . . . you got that right on . . .

!!!! excellent!

Sweetpea

K-Wise · 01-30-2005, 12:28 AM

Oh wow thank you so much for reading! I'm glad you liked it. I've only had the priveledge painting with water colors a few times myself but I enjoyed it. This one just came to me while we were driving to see my sister..it was early...Everytime I see the sky in those early mornings where the sun is just coming in and the sky is bright orange, pink, blue, purple, yellow, orange, white, and sometimes even a little green all in one sky I get overtaken by the beauty of it....I start to think about how I wish I could paint it.

To paint skys like that I've noticed water colors work well because of the way they blend when you wet the surface of the canvas before hand...That got me thinking of water colors and then the line "Water color woman starts to fade when she's crying" came into my head and immediately after more lines began to come and as soon as we got to my sisters house I asked for a pen and paper and began writing it down so I wouldn't forget it. I knew I really had something with that one.

I've been wanting to enter it in online poetry contests but everytime I try they say it's too big..has too many characters...too many bars (supposed to be 21) etc. Stuff I don't understand...I try moving around things to see if they fit then but they never do...wish someone could help me with that and tell me how to format it so I could submit it.

. Oh well it's their loss

Thanks to all of you for reading!

Asta!!

vonstalhein · 01-30-2005, 05:08 AM

Other than what's already been said (which i agree with) i can only say it has a very nice spontaneous feel to it. LIke you say, maybe it's because of the way you think of as a rapper, yet i don't mean it feels unthought out-just that it's honest.

K-Wise · 01-30-2005, 06:07 PM

I understand what you mean. I never thought of it as spontaneous before...or honest..but now that you bring it up you're right. Well for one the way it came to me was rather spontaneous but it is honest too. Thank you so much for bringing that to my attention.

Asta!!

K-Wise · 01-30-2005, 11:28 PM

See everytime I try to submitt it to an online poetry contest I get stuff like this...

Please correct the following errors:
* Poem line 5 contains too many characters. (Max 70)
* Poem line 7 contains too many characters. (Max 70)
* Poem line 15 contains too many characters. (Max 70)
* Poem line 17 contains too many characters. (Max 70)
* Poem line 20 contains too many characters. (Max 70)

Seems like I'd have to change around the whole thing just so it could be entered. Then it won't be the same poem anymore ya know? I dunno why the hell it should have a character limit. That is stupid. As long as it's got the right number of lines why should it matter? To me that is snobbery. No your poem has too many letters we can't accept it.

Asta!!

10-23-2004, 04:19 AM	#1 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	Water Color Woman Hmm I dunno if this is perfect but I'm definitely proud of it. Hope you like it. edit: Here is an audio file of me reading it aloud to give an example of what it might be like in spoken word. I of course could do better but this is just an example. Just copy and paste the link for it to play Water Color Woman http://www.angelfire.com/music6/asta11/Water_Color_Woman.mp3 <center><b>Water Color Woman</b></center> <i>Water color woman starts to fade when she’s crying..... Water color woman starts to fade when she’s crying but the underlying pigment of her roots is cemented in the foundation of her soul forbidding her to let go when she’s tempted. Growing paler and paler of a painting while she’s eagerly awaiting the armor of a fresh coat of good man to lay his impression down upon her. She’s indecisive as to which color she’d wish to charm her thus her woes are turned to weeping. You shouldn’t fret lets not forget that the most appealing colors don’t appear as such until they’ve dried completely. And as complimentary colors can blend so sweetly also others can be decieving. Be sure to envelop in the colors that develop and seem to weave thee. You must ignore the banners of pure banter that only gather to mislead thee and instead heed your head to the love that is shown discreetly. Not until then will you truely indeed be free. So it’s time to enforce the answers onto the canvas of which you need be before you’ve grown too pale for my teary eyes to see ye. And until then my arm will remain forever reaching. Oh Water Color Woman I can’t determine why it is you won’t beseech me......</i> It may change but I'm not sure I can make it any better than it is without making it too long. The flow of it is what concerned me but maybe I'm just too much of a perfectionist and it's all in my head. Thank you very much for reading...a reply would mean a great deal to me. Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!! Last edited by K-Wise; 01-17-2005 at 05:39 PM..

10-23-2004, 07:35 AM	#2 (permalink)
amonkie Drifting Administrator Location: Windy City	wow... I've certainly never thought of that perspective for a poem before. Not quite rhyming, but the flow sort of reminds me of a painter - a smooth swish here, a short or long dab here. I like it __________________ Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

10-23-2004, 08:28 PM	#3 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	Oh awesome! Thats what I was trying to do. I'm not really much of a painter but I've done it before. I think I may be a little bound by my need of at least a morsel of rhyme scheme. I guess that comes from me being a rapper. I guess I should embrace it though...I'm pretty good at it. Thank you for reading and replying Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!

11-07-2004, 09:00 PM	#4 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	Upping - One great reply is great but I'd really like more opinions on this one. Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!

01-17-2005, 05:40 PM	#5 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	Audio file now added. Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!

01-17-2005, 05:49 PM	#6 (permalink)
Untitled Guest	Wow, that was really impressive, K-Wise. It's really interesting to hear my version and then to listen to how you intended it. They were really quite different, with different effects. That's one of the great things about poetry though, I guess.

01-17-2005, 05:59 PM	#7 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	Also different elements will effect my speach patterns at the time. If I'm feeling more pensive it may sound more like a cry for someone I love to empower themself or it might sound more like me playing the role of the mentor and wise advice giver so thats not the be all end all of how it will always sound when I read just an example...more than likely it will be quite similar to that everytime I read it though...never really read it aloud before though so I don't really know. I'm glad you like it though. This one is the only actual poem I have written so I was hoping people would like it. Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!

01-17-2005, 06:52 PM	#8 (permalink)
amonkie Drifting Administrator Location: Windy City	The audio clip is awesome, K Wise! I hadn't caught your voice in the "Can you hear me" thread, but because you wrote this, it just flows exactly right. It gives it a whole new meaning when someone else reads it, since the phrasing is different than what my mind would do. __________________ Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

01-17-2005, 08:42 PM	#9 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	I'm glad you like that. I should look into doing it for future poetry I'll write. Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!

01-29-2005, 11:04 PM	#10 (permalink)
Sweetpea Fade out Location: in love	Wow K-Wise . . . that is incredible!!! Very well written . . . I do water color painting myself . . . you got that right on . . . !!!! excellent! Sweetpea __________________ Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"

01-30-2005, 12:28 AM	#11 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	Oh wow thank you so much for reading! I'm glad you liked it. I've only had the priveledge painting with water colors a few times myself but I enjoyed it. This one just came to me while we were driving to see my sister..it was early...Everytime I see the sky in those early mornings where the sun is just coming in and the sky is bright orange, pink, blue, purple, yellow, orange, white, and sometimes even a little green all in one sky I get overtaken by the beauty of it....I start to think about how I wish I could paint it. To paint skys like that I've noticed water colors work well because of the way they blend when you wet the surface of the canvas before hand...That got me thinking of water colors and then the line "Water color woman starts to fade when she's crying" came into my head and immediately after more lines began to come and as soon as we got to my sisters house I asked for a pen and paper and began writing it down so I wouldn't forget it. I knew I really had something with that one. I've been wanting to enter it in online poetry contests but everytime I try they say it's too big..has too many characters...too many bars (supposed to be 21) etc. Stuff I don't understand...I try moving around things to see if they fit then but they never do...wish someone could help me with that and tell me how to format it so I could submit it. . Oh well it's their loss Thanks to all of you for reading! Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!

01-30-2005, 05:08 AM	#12 (permalink)
vonstalhein Insane Location: Where You Live.	Other than what's already been said (which i agree with) i can only say it has a very nice spontaneous feel to it. LIke you say, maybe it's because of the way you think of as a rapper, yet i don't mean it feels unthought out-just that it's honest. __________________ No Win No Fee

01-30-2005, 06:07 PM	#13 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	I understand what you mean. I never thought of it as spontaneous before...or honest..but now that you bring it up you're right. Well for one the way it came to me was rather spontaneous but it is honest too. Thank you so much for bringing that to my attention. Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!

01-30-2005, 11:28 PM	#14 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	See everytime I try to submitt it to an online poetry contest I get stuff like this... Please correct the following errors: * Poem line 5 contains too many characters. (Max 70) * Poem line 7 contains too many characters. (Max 70) * Poem line 15 contains too many characters. (Max 70) * Poem line 17 contains too many characters. (Max 70) * Poem line 20 contains too many characters. (Max 70) Seems like I'd have to change around the whole thing just so it could be entered. Then it won't be the same poem anymore ya know? I dunno why the hell it should have a character limit. That is stupid. As long as it's got the right number of lines why should it matter? To me that is snobbery. No your poem has too many letters we can't accept it. Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!! Last edited by K-Wise; 01-30-2005 at 11:31 PM..