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(My friend wrote this, I though I might post it to see what some other people think of it)
By: Sid Bigham
At the mere allusion to drug use on campus a myriad warnings, slang terms, (and perhaps fond memories) are called to the minds of most Tulane students. Anyone who’s lived here in New Orleans more than a semester has undoubtedly been exposed to the buffet of mind-altering substances that are available to anyone with a little good ol’ American currency. Cocaine passes hands in this town like so many sacks of sugar, beer flows like wine, and there’s enough weed floating around to turn the entire Middle East into a bunch of peace-loving hippies—tie-died turbans anyone? However there’s another class of drug here consisting of “a whole galaxy of uppers, downers, laughers, and screamers...” and it’s at least as widely used as its mind-blasting counterparts. That’s right: prescription drugs, those magic little pills that are specifically formulated to radically mess you up to the extreme. Ah, the wonders of modern science. There are three main categories of these seeds of cerebral revision: Opioids, CNS Depressants, and Stimulants. All are widely used on campus by the rebellious and peculiar to achieve any number of artificial states.
Opioids, commonly prescribed for their analgesic (pain-releiving) properties, can most often be found in the form of oxycodone (OxyContin), hydrocodone (Vicodin), and meperidine (Demerol). The effects, as one might imagine, entail a pleasant feeling of numbness and contentment; they’re perfect helping you out with that recently severed arm, or a night of reckless, drunken tomfoolery (or so many students seem to believe). In fact, it should be noted that chasing your Narcotic of choice down with a crisp, liver mincing Bud Ice is not necessarily as good an idea as it sounds. Because these drugs (especially OxyContin) suppress muscle activity, the further impairment of motor function caused by alcohol can lead to fatal respiratory depression. For similar reasons, mixing these with any Depressants is equally unwise.
But, it seems those CNS Depressants are good for more than just freezing up people’s diaphragms and causing them a tortured and spasmodic death. Depressants like diazepam (Valium), and alprazolam (Xanax) work by slowing activity in the central nervous system and are prescribed to treat anxiety and sleeping disorders. Users report feelings of peaceful lethargy, and relaxation. Xanax seems to be the more popular method of pioneering the art of laziness here on campus, although it is often harder to come by than some other popular drugs. Like their Opiod cousins, mixing Valium or Xanax with alcohol may cause people extreme inability to live.
The last category is probably the most used of any prescription drugs on campus, and its all thanks to one little pill called Adderall and Ritalin. Two little pills. Right. Not that it matters, both of these Stimulants have the same effect: turning ones brain into a highly focused laser capable of felling an adult Triceratops at a thousand yards like some sort of bionic anti-triceratops laser missile cannon. It’s also quite useful for doing homework. Taking one of these little monsters guarantees one several hours of intense alertness and ability to focus for long periods of time without being distracted. Since these Stimulants are among the most commonly prescribed drugs (especially to younger people) they are readily available to anyone—hence their widespread popularity. These two drugs are marginally safer than the others, but mixing them with over the counter decongestants can lead to irregular heart rhythm (presumably this causes one to lose all dancing abilities and thereby be banished from society and damned to a joyless life of celibacy).
Between Xanax, Ritalin, Adderall, Vicodin, Oxycodone and Valium, Tulane students are popping more pills than Dick Cheney (yeah, I went there). It seems as long as the Doctors keep prescribing drugs, there will always be a reckless population of college students ready to experiment with whatever chemical concoctions they can get their hands on. So to all the hapless and irresponsible out there: try not to kill yourselves, and goodnight, my Adderall is wearing off…