krwlz

We had to write a descriptive essay for Eng Comp 1. Im not really sure this fits into the topics I had to choose from... Kind of a combination of two, but I think she wont mind. It lacks an intro, because Im not really sure how to lead up to it, but take a gander, and tell me what you think.

"The reflection of the sunrise shimmers across the lake. It’s reds and arranges dancing on the gentle ripples, created by the cool morning breeze. Deep healthy greens of the pines, and the earthy brown of the banks contrast sharply against the bright colors of the morning. Animals meander slowly away from the water, rustling the dry leaves in a regular beat, enjoying the last few moments of the sanctuary provided by the night.

I breathe deep, the cool clean air. The air is filled with a myriad of smells, the deep, thick smell of the earth, the sharp clean scent of the pines, the soft fragrance of the blooming flowers. Mixed into this is a hint of wood smoke, left over from the nights fire.

I walk back to the camp, the sun now firmly above the horizon. As I approach, sand gritting beneath my feet; the sounds of a getting ready to pack reach my ears. The clank of metal pans being packed, the soft whisper of tent fabric gliding across itself, idle chatter of my camp mates.

As the packing comes to and end, we ready the canoes to head out again. The soft, golden browns of the pine stripping, and the bright reds of the cedar shining in the warm sun. I guide the handcrafted boat into the water, the cold, clear water laps against my shins, freezing my toes. I climb aboard, exerting great care, as not to tip the boat. The smooth wood of a double paddle gripped firmly in my hands, I set off, settling into a steady rhythm. The green, moss covered limestone on the shores slips gently by. The chirping birds, and skittering of the woodland animals sets a soundtrack for journey.

The sun reaches its searing zenith, and we stop for lunch. The cold and tasteless, yet fueling, camp food eaten in the cool shade of the trees. All to soon, it is time to resume our trip. I stand behind a moment, watching the graceful curves of the other canoes slip into the water. The boats sliding effortlessly across the glass curves of the river.

At the end of the day, we haul the boats up the shore. The sharp stone fragments pressing sharply upon my feet. Soon a crackling hints of a fire being started, its orange glow lighting up the faces of my camp mates. The smell of wood smoke again fills the air, mixing with the scent of spices, promising a meal soon to come.

With the cool limestone on my feet, and the rough bark of an ash on my back, the sun gently sets upon the water. The last brilliant rays of the sun are on my face, as I reflect upon the exhausting, and yet relaxing and satisfying second day of our 60 mile canoe trip in the Adirondacks."

Mephisto2

I'm perfectly willing to offer some constructive criticism if you wish. There's also a few grammatical errors in there.

I don't want to jump right in though, as I'm not sure if you're looking for feedback or just sharing.

Nice writing by the way...

Mr Mephisto

krwlz

I most definatly want criticizm. I do get graded on this, haha, and I figure giving a community as big as TFP the paper to read gives a whole lot more advice.