fallen_angel

So many times I have sat here
Trying to write what I feel
But I dont feel anything inside
On my insides I feel like a shadow
My inner light has been extinguished
I am like a trapped bird
Beating its bloodied wings
Upon the broken glass
That is my body
My senses are dulled
To the point where not even
A deep cut is painful
Only the warmth of my blood
Dripping from my fingertips
Soothes my inner pain
My mind is so cloudy
I tend to lose myself in my own head
Xaught in flashbacks that never leave
They play over and over
Never ending
Just begining, anew

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I fear pain
Yet I welcome it
With hands unseen
I cover my wounded pride
I am branded with my own selfhatred
My own desire for an end
If I did not have so much to lose
I would give myself over willingly
But in the end I would feel guilt and regret
I would hate myself even more
For hurting those who did not harm me
Yet I would be free of those who seek
To torture my soul
Those who dont understand me
Who wont even try
I hold tightly to what little happiness I have left
Praying my hunters find new prey
They claw at my shields
Depleting my energies
I have almost lost the will to fight
The will to live
The will to be

__________________
from the Havens I have fallen. . . to the earth as a mangled form. . . writhing in pain, my wings torn and bloodied. . . I have one purpose, only one goal. . . to find you and love you, for I am your. . . fallen angel

ForgottenKnight

Wow. Thank you for sharing such beautiful work.
They bring out the intense sadness I have been feeling lately. I cannot put into words the feeling of extreme sadness that has been invoked by these.

You're not the only one. I get lost in my head too...

That sounds very much like suicide... I hope you're not suicidal. This second poem strike me very deeply. I think this is largely due to it putting into words thoughts and feelings very similar to what I have recently had. I had not yet been able to put it into poetry. Here you have portrayed those thoughts and feelings. Thank you.

__________________
"People say I'm strange, does that make me a stranger?"

riptide4070

as long as you have the will to write, you are still feeling

when you don't write, we worry and some pray

__________________
"the greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was making the world believe he didn't exist" -Kevin Spacey 'The Usual Suspects'

fallen_angel

who is this we and why would you pray even for me?

__________________
from the Havens I have fallen. . . to the earth as a mangled form. . . writhing in pain, my wings torn and bloodied. . . I have one purpose, only one goal. . . to find you and love you, for I am your. . . fallen angel

ForgottenKnight

I think that by we, riptide4070 is saying your friends here at the tfp. You ask why pray for you? Why not? There are some of us here who pray for all of our friends, in real life or just online friends, it doesn't matter. A friend is a friend no matter where they come from, are at, or how one knows them, so why not pray for them?

__________________
"People say I'm strange, does that make me a stranger?"

fallen_angel

thankyou for your faith in my existance

__________________
from the Havens I have fallen. . . to the earth as a mangled form. . . writhing in pain, my wings torn and bloodied. . . I have one purpose, only one goal. . . to find you and love you, for I am your. . . fallen angel

J.R.V.A.

All of us, and we. Please post some more

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And as she plays,
her sweet song of laughter
floats through the air
and warms my heart

*Nikki*

Sometimes we feel so lost it is almost like no one can find us.

I have felt the same as you.......and I understand what you write.