Moment of Loss
 

Anger supressed
Lashing
Killing
Thrilling
Me down to my very core
Hating
Screaming
Redeeming
The suffering of ev'ry sore

Kill me, kill me, kill me
I am surviving
Blood filling the room
Intoxicating
Hacking into you
You reek of my waste.

Even though you're dead
My eyes still see red
My hate, your death wed
All the things you said
Echo in my head
Beating me down.

Beating me down, beating me down
Without a sound
I rise from the ground
Falling, I'm not found
You don't care if I'm bound

This firmament is real.

Wow pretty powerful. Thanks for sharing...

Your work seems quite rough and unpolished, although (as JRVA said) quite powerful. The anger, the despair, the hatred, and every other emotion you manage to pack into that short piece... I recognize and remember feeling myself.

What you write about, Memnoch, is to a large extent true.

*applauds quietly*

Thanks to both of you for your comments. Jaron, you hit the nail on the head when you said it was unpolished and rough. Very true. I find that I manage to communicate my ideas through poems just fine, I just can't seem to get down any sense of actual poetry...though this piece is helped quite a bit if you read it at a quicker tempo.

poetry!? duuudde... that would make a great great song. The way that first have rolls so smoothly off the tounge is awesome.

I bet someone like... korn would rock the house with that song.

I'd pay money to be in <i>that</i> moshpit -that's assuming the song has a lot of hardcore guitar in the background.

Agreed, it would sound good with musical backing, as would just about any good poetry (provided you found the right music to back it with). After all, that's the basic concept behind most lyrical music anyways.

But seriously, you find "a sense of actual poetry" just fine. Your rhythm is great, fast paced, ferocious... it doesn't just sound angry, it IS angry. It's rare that you'll see poems that can actually get you riled up, pissed off, and ready to stand up and FEEL exactly what the poem is. You managed to do that.

I'd say, for my part, that this is poetry with feeling and that you're entirely wrong about you not quite having it.

If this is your expression of self, then I'd like to see much more of you (especially your literary works).