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08-23-2003, 12:21 AM
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#1 (permalink) |
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Insane
Location: Pullman, WA
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Never shared my poetry, why not start here?
Tatered and torn
My feelings destroyed Gathering my fallen self I can't take this puzzle Searching for my key Let me unlock the future To want a connection Looking for what is not there Help me find my sanitarium Reach out and touch my existence The semblance uneasy Lost without familiarity Darkness becoming my thoughts A tear forms Show me the way out ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thoughts fly by Here I am, left in the open Open wounds I don't feel like taking care of Leave me here to bleed I have my friend in my hands Ready to give me my final release A single tear rolls down my cheek My friend has no feeling but to be cold to the touch Lifting my friend up in the air, I bring my head close Asking my final questions I get ready to use my friend Realizing how foolish I had been, something flashes before me I struggle with my mystic demon Lose grasp of my friend What was I doing? Why am I here? Take me away, this depression hurts.
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Go Cougs! ~WSU~ |
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08-23-2003, 12:45 AM
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#2 (permalink) |
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Crazy
Location: Hong Kong.
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Thanks for sharing, Gremlin.
I actually preferred the first one, because of the rythem that seems to be lacking in the second one. Your style seems to be somewhere between free verse and "normal" four-line stanzas, and it seems to work quite well for you. Your second one, however, lacks the solidarity, seeming to be more something between free verse and prose. Almost disjointed in some places. However, you DO have an exceptional way of getting your themes across, so I must applaud you for that. *doffs hat* *swings cane, walking off* |
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08-23-2003, 03:14 AM
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#4 (permalink) |
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Follower of Ner'Zhul
Location: Netherlands
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Actually, I like the second one better... probably because I can understand it better, the former one seems to me to be less coherent then the later one. Maybe this is just because english is not my first language, but still...
Anyway, thanks for sharing man, I'm looking forward to reading more. 
__________________
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents. - Nathaniel Borenstein |
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08-23-2003, 03:14 AM
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#5 (permalink) |
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Follower of Ner'Zhul
Location: Netherlands
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Actually, I like the second one better... probably because I can understand it better, the former one seems to me to be less coherent then the later one. Maybe this is just because english is not my first language, but still...
Anyway, thanks for sharing man, I'm looking forward to reading more.
__________________
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents. - Nathaniel Borenstein |
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| Tags |
| poetry, shared, start |
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