Torak

Vegas

one night while I was asleep I went to Vegas.

wasn't a bad drive, all full-on-open-throttle-burning-rubber-oh-my-god-this-car-has-never-been-driven-so-hard three hours of it.

and upon entering Las Vegas, I realized I wanted to gamble. and I wanted to gamble a lot. so I visited many a casino on the strip, and ended up breaking more than even on the one chip I'd started out on.

I was happy. I was a winner. a good amount of winnings in my pocket, some losses, but nothing big. I'd never lost big when it came to the tables and the games.

once I was done with the five and ten dollar tables, I figured it was time to quit with this nickel and dime crap and work on a table with slightly bigger stakes. something that I could make last for a while at least. no more penny-ante games for me, I wanted something I could hold on to.

found me a dealer, not too shabby. people round the table said that she was pretty good on the luck vibe, they'd been making out all day. not like bandits, but enough to keep them hanging around. so I pulled up a chair, ordered my long island iced tea, and ante'd up. what did I have to lose, I was a winner.

and win I did, but like everyone else it wasn't stellar. just enough to keep me hanging around. I got used to winning, and the losses that kept it about even. after a while it became routine, and I knew what she was dealing by the end of it. I knew which hands were mine, and which were hers. come dawn, it was her and I at the table, and it became a game on top of the poker game she was dealing.

then, as every other weakling, I had to sleep. found myself a nice little sleazy motel, paid for a room with what I'd won, and enjoyed my sleep. all four hours of it.

when I woke, I roamed the strip like a beast again. looking for the next table, on the hunt for the next dealer that would make the game worthwhile and make it so I wouldn't have to gamble anymore. just be set and done and finished with my winnings.

and happy.

but that table never came. I went back to that same dealer who kept me breaking at about even, but eventually I got tired of that one as well. so I left, nothing fun or worthwhile in breaking even. I had to win. I may have roamed for a week, living off of my winnings, going day by day. buying new clothes when the old ones reeked, and basically made my life as a gambler. going from score to score, eating one day, starving the next. it was a great ride, but I wanted it over. kinda like when that tilt-a-whirl used to be great when you were a kid, but now you get on it and you just want it over so you can get going again.

and then I found the table.

the one table whose ante even made me cringe. and I'd spent all this time in Vegas looking for it. salvation in the city of sin was waiting for me on that green table, and I was determined to play it. I sat at the table, good looking dealer, but nobody was there. not one player. all the other tables were full up, but this one was left totally alone. was understandable because of the stakes, but sad in its own way.

so I ponied up my dough, and she made with the dealing. and I won. and I kept winning. I'd gotten to a point where I could be happy, and done with my winnings. I had everything I'd needed to keep me docile and content for a while.

but I wasn't docile or content then. I wanted this dealer, I wanted this game over. so I played it to the hilt. and kept on winning. then she announces that the next hand would be her last. and me, being the gambler I am and considering she was serving me these hands on a platter, decided to make it so I wouldn't have to play anymore. so I wouldn't have to gamble. and I put it all on the line.

she didn't hand me this hand.

and when she took my chips, I sat there for a second. half-dumbfounded, and half-smiling. I expected it. I knew it was there. she was letting me win because she knew I'd end up making the final play. that one last leap I'd need for salvation and closure on my habit and my problems. but would that have freed me? or would it have just opened me up to another vice that would consume me as much as gambling did. I left the casino and headed for my car. I didn't want to see Vegas anymore. I was done. this was it.

and while I walked to my car, I lit up a cig. I don't smoke, but screw it. they were free, I was playing. coughed on the first couple of puffs, like any rookie, and then went through my pockets for my keys. found 'em, but that wasn't all.

I found one last poker chip. considering I'd worn these clothes for the past two days, it could have come from anywhere. one of the waitresses who offered me a drink and didn't take my tip because I'd given her a fat tip earlier in the evening? so I held it up and stared at it through the smoke and the light coming down from the half-dim streetlight. and I smiled.

who was I kidding. I love Vegas. may be a while before I come back, but I always will.

it can't keep me away.

J.R.V.A.

Have you been following me around? Great story.

__________________
And as she plays,
her sweet song of laughter
floats through the air
and warms my heart

icy_ca

Very smooth...

__________________
After all is said and done,
more is said than done.