pan6467

It started in the parking lot, I'm going up an up lane waiting for a car to back out. The car starts to back out turning the right way when another car coming DOWN the up slams on their brakes backs up and stops. The person backing up then had to turn my way to get out forcing me to back up. In doing so the person going DOWN proceeds to take the spot parking so that the person next to them would not be able to back out.

I finally find a parking space and start the 1 mile walk to get into the building. Along the way, a person, whose address probably is officially unknown, asks me for some change. I give him a dollar I cannot afford because he will not leave me alone. This brings about 10 more people, with addresses unknown, asking me for money, I do not have.

One even offers to go in with me to keep me company and will take whatever change I get from the sale. I explain I'm paying by credit card and his answer was, "Well, you could use debit and go upto $20 over and give me a couple of it." I laugh in his face and start talking to myself about burning down the WalMart and killing any homeless along the way. He finds someone else to bother.

I finally make it into the store. All I need is a gallon of milk, a Diet Dr Pepper and bag of Jalapeno Cheddar Cheetos. Now the main aisle to the back of the store is pretty wide. They can easily fit a skid in the center and have an up and a down lane for people to walk... and still have room for us fast walkers to pass. It seems pretty fucking easy. Common sense says if you need to stop and look at something pull over and let others through... not pull your cart perpendicular to the skid and block the aisle.

I see this and think, I'll cut between skids get to the other side, that looks empty. I do. Now as soon as I do people start coming down this lane. So I, step into an aisle so they can pass and they give me a nasty look followed by, "Man you need to be on the other side, we 'bout runned you over." and a grin with only 3 teeth... I think they were teeth, the brown stubs of teeth.

I eventually decide I'll just go down the aisle I was in instead of the main walkway and cut up the backway. As I get to the end of that aisle, a couple is fighting. From what I heard She slept with the lady the guy is sleeping with which would have been ok with him if he had been allowed to be there. Their kids, meanwhile are climbing the shelves taking great pride to squish every loaf of bread. I decide I'll take my chances going back the original route and as I turn around I help the kids by pointing out the 2 loaves of bread they missed. They make sure to squish them and thank me.

I finally after 15 minutes of all this get to the milk. There's a guy wearing a WalMart vest sitting on a milk crate counting milk jugs. I look at the milk in a way that a normal person sitting there would recognize and think "someone wants to open the door, let me move."

No, instead he smiles at me and asks how I am and what do I think of the Browns game yesterday. I am suddenly this man's long lost best friend. He sits there just smiling and joking, while I keep eyeing that 1 gallon of 1% milk left. It was then I see the lady from the argument come running over and push the guy out her way and grab that gallon of milk. I ask her somewhat sarcastically if she saw me waiting here to get it.

My eye starts twitching and tears up... I hear trains in my head colliding... I see everything in slow motion.... I turn and start running for the exit. I know I am losing it and am about to go off. I think I literally jumped over an old lady that refused to let me by her.

As I get to the entrance, I see the guy who was willing to keep me company and take my change talking to someone at the door. I think, "great he found a new friend." He points to me with fear in his eyes and hides behind the guy.

His "new friend" was WalMart security and he stops me asking if I threatened to burn the place down and kill the homeless.

The people who yelled at me for walking the wrong way, start telling the security man how I was walking towards them in a hurry and scared them... the couple fighting proceed to show up telling him that I was egging their kids on to squish the bread while they were discussing what was for dinner... she also tells him how I threatened to rip the milk jug from her hand.... The little old lady tells him how I just pushed her out of my way and to end it all... the driver of the car that started all this tells the guy I tried to start an accident in the parking lot and must be some type of insurance fraud artist.

That is how I ended up in jail today.

I knew I should have taken the AK 47 to WalMart to get that milk and chips.

Oh.... and by the way, the guy counting the milk wearing the WalMart vest... he was my cell mate at the jail... that is until they came and took him to the psyche ward. Seems he had the common sense I lacked and just had a nervous breakdown inside the store and refused to leave. Joe and I traded addresses and plan to be pen pals until we get out and can watch a Browns game together. We decided we'll go to Target to get the snacks.

__________________
I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"

Salem

Oh man, is this a true story? Either way I loved it, you're a good writer!

pan6467

No, not a true story. Some of those events did happen but I embellished them more for comedic purposes.

Thank you for the compliment. I truly enjoyed writing this and laughed the whole time.

__________________
I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"

MexicanOnABike

ha! great story.

I keep going through similar situations when I go in there. This time of year, I don't even want to attempt it. I fear getting crushed by the overweight and the poor trying to get to the next deal. urgh.

__________________

- Movie Reviews - Ratings-

Pearl Trade

I love Walmart, but damn, you hit it perfectly with this story. Keep up the good work, man.