pan6467

So, where to start this one.

Today was a somewhat painfree day. Well, more like a day the pain was bearable. My arm wasn't falling off.

Anyway, humour, must type humour.... I use the "U" because in another life I truly believe I was a British actor/poet who came from a great family but had no sense of humour and disdained life. Therefore I was a lousy actor who died alone in seclusion. But Monty Python stole all my ideas and Ray Davies and John Lennon stole all my poetry.

Well, it could have happened.

Let's start with talking about the first time I met some very close friends... well, to me they were close, they on the other hand took bets as to what age I would either be dead or judged insane and put into a state hospital.

I think the first will be the one who taught me to inhale...... FLOUNDER/SCOTT

Edit: Some of this is past tense some in present.... mainly because as I remember it it comes back like it was yesterday.

My best friend in high school, Chris and I were out drinking with a girl named Sue, who knew of a party thrown by some St. Peter's Parochial school girls.

Well, I had a huge crush on Sue and thought cool, we'll go to a party where we know absolutely no one and I'll get her drunk and have my way with her. Funny thing is, I'd been getting her drunk for the past month of Fridays and Saturdays and besides some kissing and touching, the night always ended in frustration and me getting to know my bed sheets in a conjugal way.

She always made me promise 2 things when we'd go out, I'd have her home by 2 and I would never leave her. This party tested those rules, every other time they were easily follwed, even with the kissing and the touching and the woowoo eyes. No matter how drunk any of us were, she was home by 2AM.

Well, Chris and I picked Sue up. Sue's mom whenever I went in to get her was always lit up like the 4th of July. She could tell some corny assed joikes and would always tell me not to take advantage of her daughter.

So we were off and went straight to the local drive thru that never carded and loaded up on our 2 liter Sun Country wine coolers (hey Ringo Starr advertised it and who's more manly than Ringo so shush).

We went to the mall and cruised around in my 78 Honda civic and drank straight from the 2 liter bottle. That was our way of prepping for the party.

The party as it turned out was in Bennington Heights, I still know the house. Can't ever forget it. The hostess' name was Jenny Tadeo, I believe, spelling is probably wrong though, not that anyone but Scott/Flounder would know.

So, we get there. Chris and I know none of these people, as they are all Catholic school kids who acted inner city but came from money. We, Chris and I, were suburban kids whose parents never took us to any church and we frowned on anyone below what we thought was our social standing.

It didn't take long for Chris to go looking for women or for Sue to get her totally blitzed self. Me, being the nervous and anti-social person I am with strangers went down stairs where the "tough St. Pete's" kids were. It was there I met this guy wearing a black leather jacket sitting there talking and holding court with this very warped sense of humour.

I'd never seen someone act so tough, here he was, I assumed around my age, with what I remember to be a thick facial hair, not a beard, but unshaven for a few days.

I sat minding my own business on a very uncomfortable couch, drinking from a cup now, chain smoking my Benson and Hedghes Deluxe Ultra Light 100's and just listening to this "tough" carry on. All the while smiling and thinking, "I really need to find Chris and Sue and we need to go."

All of a sudden, he stopped, got up sat next to me on one side and a friend of his on another and he just stared at me. He stared as if he had found some new object he had never seen. I started to get up and he, very politiely, but authoritatively, almost threateningly in my mind at the time, said, "Oh no please stay. I'm just watching."

"What are you watching, did I do something," I asked in my mousy, get-me the Hell out of here, voice.

"I'm just watching. Where do you go to school", he asked. His friend on the other side kind of leaning over me.

"Lexington," I moaned... fearing a fight and my best friend is upstairs hitting on these guys' women who are apbout to pummel me.

The kid laughed.... "ah the pansy school. So do you smoke much."

I gulped, I'm sure my eyes as large as pies and my voice shaking, "Since, I was 12."

He scratched his stubble and brushed his leather jacketed arm that had just touched me. "I see. You do know that you aren't smoking the right way."

"Pardon me?" I said, actually with some amazement that I may not get hurt.

"Yes, we've been watching you for the last half hour and you light up, take a few puffs, never inhaling, and tyhen put that cigareete out, grab another one and do the the same thing. That is not smoking, Lex."

"My name is Andy, Andy Norris. I don't smoke right?"

"No man, inhale the smoke."

His friend blew smoke in my face.

"I see." Now I was a dead man, I thought. "But this is the way I have always smoked and no one has ever told me differently."

He laughed a laugh I would know years later. "well, you go to Lexington, that explains it. No one in Lexington really smokes." He emphasized Lexington, in a very mockingly manner.

"I see." I said embarrassed and sure I was going to die.

"Let me see you inhale. Don't waste another cigarette, you cannot leave until you inhale."

I was now the center of attention of everyone in that basement.

So, I grabbed my cigarette pack and opened the box and lit another. I inhaled deeply as I lt and coughed. That brought laughs and muffled giggles from everyone there.

"See, now that's not so bad." He smiled, put his arm around me and mussed my hair.

"I'm dead.... I can see the obits now, 'Drunk Lex kid found dead at St. Peter's kids party.' That was the headline I saw in my head.

I'm not sure if he told me his name, I think he did. I now know, some 20 years later, the name was Scott. He continued talking to me and teasing me in a way that became quite hospitable and made me feel at ease.

Then "IT" happened. Chris came down and stated he needed to go and we needed to get Sue out of there.

Now, where I was the quiet one never trying to make waves but somehow always would, Chris loved to make waves and would make even Ghandi want to kill him.

It seems Chris had pissed off some of the guys upstairs with his attitude and drunkeness and needed to leave.

Scott, looked at Chris and I got up. I thought maybe it was a relief or maybe I was in trouble. It was the latter, with Chris it was always the latter, I was always in trouble because of his mouth.

So, I stumbled and excused my way through Scott's audience to the stairs and went up. There were some big guys there. Chris, was not exactly getting welcoming stares, nor was I.

Scott and his entourage followed us closely coming up the stairs.

"Yep, I'm dead again." I though trying to do a Catholic cross over my body, without being seen.

Seems Chris had tried to get friendly with the wrong girl, the hostess, Jenny. Seemed she had a boyfriend that was a tad older and he wanted Chris' ass. Now High School girls have been known to flirt to get their boyfriends jealous. That could have been the case or Chris was just being his "I'm God's gift to women all 6 foot 3 and 125 pounds, with nappy hair." I choose to bleieve again, the latter, it was probably Chris.

I told Chris to go get in the car, I'd look for Sue. I walked out of the stairway, asking if anyone had seen her, leaving Chris to deal with his own mess.

I fouind Sue, extremely intoxicated flirting with some guy.

"Sue, I think we need to go." I said.

"No go ahead, I'm enjoying the party." She slurred.

Now, I was faced with 2 problems. 3 actually. First, people wanted to pummel Chris, who since he was my best friend, would in turn pummel me. Secondly, I had an extremely drunken 16 year old girl, I was infatuated with, flirting heavily with another guy, that I had to get home because I was responsible for her. And finally, I had this Scott guy, all 6 foot something football/roughian following me around making fun of me. I was sure he was the one who would do me in, but at least he'd have me laughing while doing it.

"Sue, we really need to go, it's 1 AM."

"I'll spend the night here, or someone will take me home." She laughed. The guy she was flirting with jumping up off the couch and coming towards me, not very friendly like.

I had to make a quick choice, so I grabbed Sue's arm and pulled her towards the exit with me. I didn't get far. The guy she was flirting with was in front of me in no time.

"I think she wants to stay." He said, with a true look of fighting in his eyes.

"Yeah, about that, I'm responsible for getting her home." I said, I'm sure very squeekily and fear dripping from my voice. Scott standing behind me the whole time.

I looked for Chris and saw him through the picture window, standing by the car outside yelling at someone. I'm sure it was more incentive for the person to kick his ass.

I looked at Sue, who had a smile glued to her face and her eyes showed there was noone home. I'd know that look a few months later, having had it in my own eyes after smoking weed and getting very drunk and stoned. She was at the very least very drunk, but she came with me. Yelling about how much she wanted to stay and that her mom was passed out anyway.

We made it outside, fairly, easily and just in time because Chris' yelling had brought out quite a few other guys who were pissed and wanted to shut him up before someone called the cops.

I got Sue in the passenger seat, smile glued to her face, yelling about wanting to stay. I grabbed Chris, threw him into the back seat and went to the mob and appologized profusely for the havoc of my friends.

I maybe wrong, the past being what and how we only remember it to be, but I honestly could swear on a Bible and die believing that it was Scott of all people that dispersed the mob, shook my hand, smiled at me and let us all go unscathed.

I pulled out, turned down Bennington and less than 3 blocks down had Sue at home. Walked her to the door and watched her walk inside. Not so much as a peck that night.

I took Chris back to his mom's where we crashed and he told me how they were all scared of him and how I should never have tried to start the fight.

I agreed and finished my 2 liter of Sun Country and passed out.

2 years later, I was to remeet Scott, we all would call him Flounder, after Stephen Furst's Animal House character. He was a fellow OSU-M/NCTC Lounge Lizard and we were to become great friends, him and I. I often reminded him of that night, he'd smile that smile I remember from that first night and say,"Shut up Norris."

He was and is one of the greatest friends I have ever had. I honestly don't think I have respected many other people I have known more. Nor, do I think there is anyone as harmless in this world as Scott/Flounder.

The next friend I write about I believe will be my adopted sister and great friend Laura.

Till then, I hope this story made some of you laugh, cringe and learn something about me.

And to Scott..... I am deeply grateful and appreciative we have renewed that friendship we once knew. You are one of a kind.

__________________
I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"

lostgirl

I found this story quite amusing. I could picture myself there watching all of this unfold.

pan6467

As I write these, some will be funny, some sad, some cathartic, some showing me as a good person, some showing me as a really bad putzhead, like this one will. But these are the stories of my life, and I'm being very retrospective, apologetic and honoring the friends that in my life meant a lot to me.

These may come fast or slow, depending on the pain and how I feel. They aren't in any order of whom I loved/liked best. They just come. It helps me take my mind off the pain for a bit and to remember good and bad times and to share why I love the people I do.

I don't remember how I came to meet Laura, she was just there in the student lounge of OSU-M/NCTC. I had drank and gambled myself out of Hiram College and my parents not knowing what to do with me decided to send me to the local OSU branch. I remember buying books and going to a class or 2, but I mostly remember visiting the student lounge.

At first, I kept to myself just going up and playing the video games and looking out into the lounge seeing people play Euchre and laughing. One day, someone needed a partner and having grown up playing euchre I decided to volunteer. That day changed my life. I was soon a part of the "Lounge Lizards". Don't remember exactly how I became one, but I was. Laura was the glue, I truly believe that held us all together and kept us all from killing each other.

She was one of the first girls I had known since I found the other sex, I never had a "crush" on. She has always been like a sister to me.

During my year there her and I and many from the Lounge Lizards developed, speaking only for myself, some of the first true meaningfully deep friendships in my life. She was one.

I went into the Navy the next year, 1988, actually went on Christmas Eve to Orlando Boot Camp. Where by May 1989, I was out and back in Mansfield.

By this time the Lounge Lizards had changed a bit, some had gotten more serious about school, some had dropped out. My parents very quickly got me an apartment and there I was. Laura by this time had met her now husband, Joe and was living with him and Brenda.

I don't remember much of that summer except a lot of golf, a fight that destroyrd Flounder's and my friendship for many years, pissing my real sister off to a point she wouldn't talk to me for years and difficulty finding a job. I needed a car but my family, had pretty much had enough of me. I was a money pit and can't blame them. But Laura took a chance with me. She loved me more than I loved myself and co signed for a late 70's Ford Fairmount for me.

I eventually found a job as a stockbroker down in Columbus and did well enough to move down there. But again, I found myself miserable because I was pretty much alone in a wonderful city but having a hard time making friends.

It wasn't long before the addict in me self destructed and by June of that year, 1990, my family was tired of bailing me out again paying all my bills so I could use the money I made to live a "nice" lifestyle. Just before I was evicted, I took all I could and loaded up the Fairmount and moved in with Laura and Joe. Brenda by this time had left and was living with her boyfriend Doug somwhere over the rainbow.

That Summer was one where I lived off Joe and Laura, my parents and grandma and did nothing. I was probably in need of deep counselling from an event my Senior year in highschool that truly changed my life and took me years and finally finding recovery to overcome. But that's for another time.

I was a miserable roommate, not doing anything that summer but being a sponge and while Joe and Laura were very kind I knew they resented me, but Laura loved me and wanted to help me. Hell, I resented myself then and took advantage, not really trying to, at that miserable life moment. There were nights when they would ask me to leave and I would go park my car in a rest stop off the interstate and sleep or drive down to a truck stop outside of Columbus and play video games and watch tv there, just so I wasn't alone. I hated being alone, not that I would talk to anyone, but I was around people.

I'd go golfing with some other guys and we'd go back to one of their apartments, smoke lots of weed, snort coke and live in a dingy dark apartment for the rest of the day.

By fall, Joe left Laura and I to go down to New Mexico for his, Master's Degree, I believe. Laura was to move down a month or 2 later. I was really hating myself and not liking where I was in my life but couldn't get out of that depression. Laura and I bonded and in ways we became truly brother and sister.

The time came, Laura moved and I went to a rooming house my parents began shelling out for. The calls stopped for payment on the car about then. I remember going to my dad several times begging him to help me pay off the car not for my credit but for Laura's and he never would. At that point in my life I wanted someone else to take full care of me and my problems, I didn't want to face them and didn't. I remember my dad telling me that he had talked to the dealership that was handling the loan and they didn't want the car, they would have settled for $250 and everything would have been ok. My dad said, go find it son. The car was so beaten by then it had stopped running. I sat in my room, wrote letters to Laura, smoked weed for a few months and did nothing. It was the loneliest and worst Winter of my life, every night I would honestly pray for death.

By Spring, I found a job at the local Dairy Mart and my parents paid cash for a decent car for me. I was doing better, coming out of that depression I was so wrapped up in, that Winter.

Laura had written and told me Joe was transferring to a school in Illinois and wanted me to come down for a week then drive her up to Ohio. I thought somehow, magically the car situation had evaporated and she never knew. I was wrong.

I took the week off and flew down to NM and spent a few days with her and Joe being made to feel like I was part of their family and a brother. I would like to say I loved them, and in a way I did, but in all honesty, looking back, when one doesn't love themself they can't love another, and I didn't love myself.

So Laura and I made the drive. It was fun and we shared some good times and some bad, as people do stuck in a tin can on endless highways going through Texas where there is no scenery what so ever, Louisianna, Alabama, Mississippi and Tennessee where we saw some truly poor sections of this country. Never once on the ride did Laura ever mention the car. She was always the caring, giving, loving friend I remembered.

Our last night we stayed in I believe Louisville, Kentucky. We talked, laughed and seemed to truly enjoy that night. We made plans that once she got situated at her parents we'd spend some more time together.

The ride up to Mansfield was a quiet one the next day, she didn't say much. But I'll never forget her dropping me off at work to pick up my car, a coworker had been using it that week. I saw a look of utter sadness and tears in Laura's eyes. We hugged and told each other we'd see each other soon. But it wasn't to be.

For a long time I never allowed myself to realize why Laura wouldn't talk to me or why there were tears in her eyes when she dropped me off. I'm sure was the heartbreak of what happened with her credit and the car and how I burnt her.

It wasn't until I dated the daughter of a friend of her aunt and uncles that I truly realized how deeply I had hurt Laura.

A few years ago, she tracked me down online and I sent her an invite to my first wedding. She promised she'd show but didn't and she disappeared again. She found me again last year and we had a Lounge Lizards reunion for an Afternoon. Laura said she had forgiven me and joked that she figured I owed he around $5,000.

She talks to me occassionally by e mail and we have another reunion coming up soon.

I am grateful for her and I don't think i could ever appologize or explain that point in my life enough to make up for the hurt I caused her. But I am so thankful, there has been an oppurtunity for us to become friends again. I miss that sister, that I could talk to about anything and know that she loved me at times more than I loved myself.

This is one of very, very few things I have true regret over. Not what I went through, I made my own Hell to live in at the time, but for destroying the trust and love of someone who cared so deeply about me.

I am unsure of who I will write about next. I hope the story of Laura hasn't hurt your idea of who I am today. I am a different person today, I cannot deny my past transgressions, I can only learn from them and do my best to try to make up for them. This is one, I have been given a chance to and hopefully can.

I love ya, Sister Laura.

__________________
I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"

pan6467

I have written about a few friends and the past, now is the tyime to write about the present.

I started a Detox Alumni group a while ago to help some fresh out of Detox meet some people with some time in who can help them. The object is not to discuss and have a 12 step meeting but to help build a weekly support group that can inform of good meetings, help with coping while waiting for further treatment and so on.

I originally had it at 4 on Wednesdays and it failed miserably, so not to be discouraged I moved it to Sundays at 2PM. That made a huge difference. While not many from Detox come, we have formed a band of brothers that seem to actually look forward to Sundays and show every week, even though we all stay in contact or see each other on a regular, almost daily basis.

There's Everette. Everette is about 6'5, 64 years young and full of knowledge on the Big Book. Everette is a great friend and actually took me to the doctor last Monday, in case there was bad news I had someone there with me. Everette is well liked in the Akron Recovery area and many seek his wisdom. He has the driest sense of humour this side of the Atlantic and can make one laugh when they feel like crying. He is one of the most truly caring and truly best friends I have ever had in my life, he has moments but he is my mentor and I aspire to have a heart and care for people like he has.

Then there's Mike. Mike is one who when you first meet him comes off gruff. Within minutes he'll tell you, without hesitation and as seriously as a heart attack, he is not a likable person, he is cold and bitter and you don't want him as a friend because he hates people. Then he'll buy ya a coffee or soda, smile and have you laughing. Mike is a brother from another mother to me. We are similar in many ways and different in many, I think that is why we relate so well. He is an extremely intelligent man who probably has forgotten more about science and mechanics than the rest of us combined have ever learnt. He is one very special man and friend that can have you laughing in no time.

Jason is our resident militant. He'll sniff bullshit out as well as give it. Jason is not scared to put his 2 cents in on any conversation and it is all NA militant read the book go to meetings and get a fucking life stuff. He is quick to ask me to get someone into Detox and will ask about that person daily. Jason will come to Detox for a lead and tell clients how much he hated me when he was there and then proceed to tell them if they don't want to be clean get the fuck out and give the bed to someone who does. He's our groups youngest brother, being 10 years younger than Mike and I. He is also, very much still the most passionate in his beliefs and not afraid to tell ya. But, our Sunday bunch would never be the same without him. We need him there because while he maybe irritating he can keep us grounded. He has the sense of humour, he just doesn't let it affect his focus like the rest of us do at times.

John, ah John. He's a good man looks like a James Cann/ Irish Woody Allen. He always has his nose in a book and is the one who we always buy for. John was a trucker until he developed epilepsy and lost his CDL. He's our lost brother slightly older than Mike and I. On the exterior he truly can be an asshole and rough around the edges, but deep down he has a heart of gold, he just needs to see it. John if he ever can get it together could be the best of any of us, he just needs to see it in himself.

There's Donna. The manager of the dry club we meet at. She is so very loving and willing to listen to anyone without judgment. She has been very giving to let us meet there from the very beginning. She never gives up on anyone no matter how many times they relapse or how badly they have burnt bridges. The respect and open arms she gives all is truly inspiring.

Then there's me. I told Everette today, I just come for the entertainment because when he and Mike get going there is no stopping them and it is impossible to keep up, for me at least. So I just sit, smile and nod, every now and then I can get in a good one, but mostly when I try, it falls flat and they just pat me on my head and say "let's go smoke and kill our lungs." In all honesty though, I have a sneeky suspicion I am the glue to this group of men and woman. Ego aside, they all know how much I truly care about and believe in them and that I know how much they truly care about and believe in me.

With all that has gone on in the past few months jobwise, healthwise and in general life, these guys seem to help me keep it all together and in perspective. I love them all like brothers and a sister. It has been said we can't pick our families but we can pick our friends. I have been blessed with 2 groups of friends that will always be with me, this group and the Lounge Lizards (LL) with Flounder and Laura I will write about LL next).

I can't say enough about how much these 2 groups of close and wonderful friends mean to me. I am the luckiest man alive to have found these people.I am lucky because most people never find such a group and some who do only find 1 group in their lifetime. I have found 2 groups of the most special people I will ever meet.

And I just introduced you to one of them.

__________________
I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"