Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > Creativity > Tilted Literature


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 06-17-2008, 09:45 PM   #1 (permalink)
eats puppies and shits rainbows
 
RetroGunslinger's Avatar
 
Location: An Area of Space Occupied by a Population, SC, USA
Does the subtlety get through here?

So, I'm working on my novel (the long version of V.C. - Venereal Curse, which I've posted here already) and one problem I always face when writing is being too subtle about little things. For example, I asked my dear Mormon what she thought of the line "... from the standard Texas-themed bar to an S&M dungeon filled with all sorts of delightful daddy issues" from another story I'm working on, and while she liked it, she didn't really get it. Obviously, that one isn't too hard to figure out, but you get the drift.

Anywho, I just wrote a bit in Chapter 2 (I'm lazy, by the way) where protagonist Sebastian Holts gets through banging a girl he picked up. All through the sex his mind is wandering through a mental catalogue of clubs to visit since his night has yet to be fulfilled, and he settles on one and:

"Quickly finishing up with a nice shot on the girl’s lower back, I grabbed my things and left, leaving her dazed with cab fare pasted on her hind quarters."

I like the idea of what I've written, but I don't know if it comes through like I want it to. I'm hoping that everyone who reads the above line will understand that Holts comes on the girl's back and leaves some money with her, attached to that spot. It's a little thing and holds no pertinence to the story, but I'm just curious if it gets through. In my mind it gives him an extra layer of douchebaggery that I adore.

I also realize this hardly warrants a full thread, so I'll just come back here if I have any similar problems.

(Come to think of it, would the above even work in an actual situation? I've never tried using semen in place of tape before.)
__________________
It's a rare pleasure in this world to get your mind fucked. Usually it's just foreplay.

M.B. Keene

Last edited by RetroGunslinger; 06-17-2008 at 09:47 PM..
RetroGunslinger is offline  
Old 06-17-2008, 09:54 PM   #2 (permalink)
Playing With Fire
 
DaveOrion's Avatar
 
Location: Disaster Area
I easily understood, the message seems clear to me, not sure if your Mormon would get it though. My mom probably wouldn't either.........
__________________
Syriana...have you ever tried liquid MDMA?....Liquid MDMA? No....Arash, when you wanna do this?.....After prayer...
DaveOrion is offline  
Old 06-18-2008, 01:34 AM   #3 (permalink)
Mine is an evil laugh
 
spindles's Avatar
 
Location: Sydney, Australia
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveOrion
My mom probably wouldn't either.........
I don't think your mum is the target audience

It would be sticky enough, I reckon.
__________________
who hid my keyboard's PANIC button?
spindles is offline  
Old 06-18-2008, 04:13 AM   #4 (permalink)
Darth Papa
 
ratbastid's Avatar
 
Location: Yonder
Most people might not get it. Just remember what e e cummings said: he didn't write his poetry for "most people".

For the record, I got it, both as a physical action and as a character note.
ratbastid is offline  
Old 06-18-2008, 04:16 AM   #5 (permalink)
Asshole
 
The_Jazz's Avatar
 
Administrator
Location: Chicago
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveOrion
I easily understood, the message seems clear to me, not sure if your Mormon would get it though. My mom probably wouldn't either.........
Must....resist...obvious...mom....joke.....

Nah, both examples are perfectly clear to anyone who's familiar with the topic.
__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo
The_Jazz is offline  
Old 06-18-2008, 04:28 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
roachboy's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: essex ma
um...where's the subtle part?

you have to make assumptions about your readership and trust the reader that you make for yourself to put things together.
you can't talk down to them or you'll end up writing a best seller.

one thing i've learned--for what it's worth--is that it's better to make things that can be taken in a number of ways. your intented meaning is just one of them. allow folk the space to make alternate versions of what they're reading without imagining them to be wrong for doing it.
__________________
a gramophone its corrugated trumpet silver handle
spinning dog. such faithfulness it hear

it make you sick.

-kamau brathwaite
roachboy is offline  
Old 06-18-2008, 08:25 AM   #7 (permalink)
Playing With Fire
 
DaveOrion's Avatar
 
Location: Disaster Area
Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Jazz
Must....resist...obvious...mom....joke.....

Nah, both examples are perfectly clear to anyone who's familiar with the topic.
You should have gone with the mom joke.
__________________
Syriana...have you ever tried liquid MDMA?....Liquid MDMA? No....Arash, when you wanna do this?.....After prayer...
DaveOrion is offline  
Old 06-18-2008, 08:27 AM   #8 (permalink)
Asshole
 
The_Jazz's Avatar
 
Administrator
Location: Chicago
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveOrion
You should have gone with the mom joke.
I was going to, but I was too busy nailing her.

badumpbump
__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo
The_Jazz is offline  
Old 06-18-2008, 08:35 AM   #9 (permalink)
Playing With Fire
 
DaveOrion's Avatar
 
Location: Disaster Area
Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Jazz
I was going to, but I was too busy nailing her.

badumpbump
Thats it, you're a dead man now !!! (grumble, grumble, filthy bastard ........must.....resist.....urge.....to kill.......)
__________________
Syriana...have you ever tried liquid MDMA?....Liquid MDMA? No....Arash, when you wanna do this?.....After prayer...
DaveOrion is offline  
Old 06-18-2008, 08:40 AM   #10 (permalink)
Asshole
 
The_Jazz's Avatar
 
Administrator
Location: Chicago
RG - sorry to have jacked your thread so far off course. I'll be good now. So will DO. Right, Dave?
__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo
The_Jazz is offline  
Old 06-19-2008, 08:47 AM   #11 (permalink)
Playing With Fire
 
DaveOrion's Avatar
 
Location: Disaster Area
Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Jazz
RG - sorry to have jacked your thread so far off course. I'll be good now. So will DO. Right, Dave?
Absolutely correct!! Good is my middle name.......
__________________
Syriana...have you ever tried liquid MDMA?....Liquid MDMA? No....Arash, when you wanna do this?.....After prayer...
DaveOrion is offline  
 

Tags
subtlety

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 04:40 PM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360