docbungle

She liked to call herself an atheist. She talked a lot. Everything that came out of her mouth was something she had heard from someone else. I went out with her for awhile, just for sex, and a few weeks into it I found out she loved to watch Jerry Springer.

"Oh," she said. "He's so cool. He's my favorite." "Oh yes," I said. "he's a cool cat." My fucking hero. I'm a judgmental bastard and for some reason this set me off. The whole world's going to Jerry fucking Springer in a handbasket. Gossip, gossip, who's fucking who's stepmom in a trailer, etc, etc...and you know.

So out of the blue I ask her "Why don't you believe in God?" We had just finished banging and were both breathing heavy. She sighed. We'd had this talk before. "Why do we always have to talk about this shit?" She rolled away from me, taking most of the covers with her. Greedy bitch. I watched as goosebumps appeared on my legs. I sniffed. I had never liked the smell of her, especially after sex. She smelled like that Australian shampoo with the purple kangaroo on the bottle, you know the one. "Actually, we've never talked about it," I said. "You always get irate when it's brought up and we end up arguing about something else entirely."

I put my hand on her butt. I rubbed it around a little bit. She didn't seem to mind, so I rubbed it around a little more. "Do you believe we came from monkeys?" I asked. She sighed again and turned to face me. She was now lying on my hand. "Well," she sighed, "where else could we have come from?" She looked at me like like I look at myself in the mirror after I take a dump. You know. I began to play with her crotch. "Well," I said. "There's always giraffes. Or a Snuffalupagus? You know, like on Sesame Street? Why not that? I mean, what makes monkeys the species of choice? Just 'cause they got fingers and toes?" "Well, it makes more sense than believing in an invisible 'God'," she sneered. "How stupid is that?"

I sneered back and said, "Well, at least I believe in God for a reason, and not just for lack of a better theory. I suppose you think all of existence began with the collision of a couple pieces of dirt in outer space. And that this collision of dirt caused an explosion that, in effect, set off a series of other explosions with other pieces of dirt, that, in effect, created this planet, for Christ's sake, and on this planet, which was created by the high-velocity collision of some dirt, there somehow came into being a form of life other than dirt."

She started to say something, so I pulled my hand out of her crotch and put it over her mouth. "I'm sorry," I said, "but when I throw dirt, a planet it does not make. I've tried it, and it doesn't work." And I can throw pretty hard, you know. " And so what you're saying is, dirt created life, all by itself, and that's why we're here. Dirt created water, dirt created fish, dirt created blood and intestines and then dirt grew arms and legs and crawled out of the water. Grew a brain and a sex drive. A conscience. Your telling me that my dick is composed of dirt.

But you know? If I take some dirt and put it in a flower pot, and then I get some other dirt, let's say from the yard across the steet, and I mix it together and I watch this dirt. I sit and watch it for the rest of my life? Absolutely no dicks will be sprouting from that pot. Are you following?" She was squirming, so I pulled my hand from her mouth, allowing her to breathe. I'm sure my finger smelled like shampoo and she didn't like it.

"So you tell me," I went on "...why are there no half-evolved pieces of dirt walking around, you know, a piece of dirt with a monkey's ass or something like that? If we came from it why do we hate it so much? Why do we bathe? We should worship it." I paused so she could get a word in edgewise.

After a moment she said, plaintively, "According to your 'Bible', God created Adam from grains of sand, which is basically a kind of dirt, isn't it?"

Fucking cunt.

Mael

hahahahaha!!! that's just fucking awesome. i had no idea where you were going to go with the story, and just love the last two paragraphs. bloody brilliant.

J.R.V.A.

Pretty good lol. I like the way you came to the end. Thanks for sharing

__________________
And as she plays,
her sweet song of laughter
floats through the air
and warms my heart

Angel

I had no idea what was coming. I like the way you took us without being predictable.

__________________


In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer.
~Albert Camus

chavos

hehe...very good twist. out of curiousity, is this from RL, or fictional?

docbungle

Just fictional. Seems nobody can talk about religion/how it all began w/out a sense of humor. Lighten up; believe what you want.

Lebell

Nice twist there. Totally caught me off guard

__________________
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

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