A health joke - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

pandafaye · 11-14-2005, 07:46 AM

The Struggle

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And Satan created McDonald’s. And McDonald’s brought forth the 99 cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man: “You want fries with that?”. And Man said: “Super size them.” And Man gained pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that Woman might keep her figure that Man found so fair.

And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts, and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt. And Woman gained pounds.

And God said: “Try my crispy fresh salad.”

And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese. And there was ice cream for dessert. And
Woman gained pounds.

And God said: “You’re running up the score, Devil.” And God brought forth the
potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also.

And God said: “I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them.”

And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak from Cracker Barrel so big it needed its own platter.
And Man gained pounds, and his bad cholesterol went
through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.

And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2.
And Man gained pounds.

And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in
cholesterol. And Satan said: “It is good.”

And Man went into cardiac arrest.

And God sighed, and created quadruple bypass surgery, angioplasties, and
stints…

And Satan created
THE CANADIAN HEALTH CARE ACT.

Leto · 11-14-2005, 08:33 AM

meaning all that stuff is free?

pandafaye · 11-14-2005, 09:18 AM

No, it's hard to get those surgeries, despite them being "free" when you do.

Leto · 11-14-2005, 10:29 AM

hmmm.. well speaking from experience it's been no problem at all.

Willravel · 11-14-2005, 10:48 AM

HAHAHAHA!!! Excelent! I really enjoyed that. People can learn something from this. Corporations that promote unhealthy diets and fads are without souls, and are therefore tools of satan. Hehe.

maleficent · 11-14-2005, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leto

hmmm.. well speaking from experience it's been no problem at all.

It's a joke... and beleive it or not not all lawyers are corrupt and all blondes are dumb

Leto · 11-14-2005, 12:03 PM

Ahhh.... Bach!

Siege · 11-14-2005, 03:37 PM

How did satan create the fries before god created the potato?

11-14-2005, 07:46 AM	#1 (permalink)
pandafaye Tilted Location: Maine	A health joke The Struggle And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And Satan created McDonald’s. And McDonald’s brought forth the 99 cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man: “You want fries with that?”. And Man said: “Super size them.” And Man gained pounds. And God created the healthful yogurt, that Woman might keep her figure that Man found so fair. And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts, and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt. And Woman gained pounds. And God said: “Try my crispy fresh salad.” And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese. And there was ice cream for dessert. And Woman gained pounds. And God said: “You’re running up the score, Devil.” And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also. And God said: “I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them.” And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak from Cracker Barrel so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained pounds, and his bad cholesterol went through the roof. And God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds. And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained pounds. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan said: “It is good.” And Man went into cardiac arrest. And God sighed, and created quadruple bypass surgery, angioplasties, and stints… And Satan created THE CANADIAN HEALTH CARE ACT.

11-14-2005, 08:33 AM	#2 (permalink)
Leto Junkie Location: The Danforth	meaning all that stuff is free? __________________ You said you didn't give a fuck about hockey And I never saw someone say that before You held my hand and we walked home the long way You were loosening my grip on Bobby Orr http://dune.wikia.com/wiki/Leto_Atreides_I

11-14-2005, 10:29 AM	#4 (permalink)
Leto Junkie Location: The Danforth	hmmm.. well speaking from experience it's been no problem at all. __________________ You said you didn't give a fuck about hockey And I never saw someone say that before You held my hand and we walked home the long way You were loosening my grip on Bobby Orr http://dune.wikia.com/wiki/Leto_Atreides_I

11-14-2005, 12:03 PM	#7 (permalink)
Leto Junkie Location: The Danforth	Ahhh.... Bach! __________________ You said you didn't give a fuck about hockey And I never saw someone say that before You held my hand and we walked home the long way You were loosening my grip on Bobby Orr http://dune.wikia.com/wiki/Leto_Atreides_I

11-14-2005, 03:37 PM	#8 (permalink)
Siege is a tiger Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada	How did satan create the fries before god created the potato? __________________ "Your name's Geek? Do you know the origin of the term? A geek is someone who bites the heads off chickens at a circus. I would never let you suck my dick with a name like Geek" --Kevin Smith This part just makes my posts easier to find

11-14-2005, 09:18 AM	#3 (permalink)
pandafaye Tilted Location: Maine	No, it's hard to get those surgeries, despite them being "free" when you do.

11-14-2005, 10:48 AM	#5 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	HAHAHAHA!!! Excelent! I really enjoyed that. People can learn something from this. Corporations that promote unhealthy diets and fads are without souls, and are therefore tools of satan. Hehe.