katie_ann1031

I may be naive, but I get the impression that racism is a generation thing. It seems that most (not all) people in my age group (I'm 25) seem to be okay with interracial dating, and don't seem to be racist at all. Now, I am from a liberal Northern background, so I have not seen the whole picture, but from what I did see, there doesn't seem to be as big of a problem with race anymore. With that in mind, it is possible that in a few generations we will not see each other as Jewish Americans, African Americans, Italian Americans, Mexican Americans and such, but just see each other as Americans. I am white, but I went to school in New Mexico, so I actually had a dose of being the minority. But it was usually at the hands of an older generation.

shakran

Oops.

So. . .are you insinuating that people from the south are inherently racist?



It depends entirely on what group of people you're looking at. Detroit recently had huge racial disturbances that were sparked because some horse's ass decided that all black people are in gangs and are making trouble on his street.

In this you are correct. We no longer have slavery, nor do we force black people to drink out of different water fountains or stay out of "good" restaurants.


I certainly hope so. But it won't happen until ALL people of ALL races stop worrying about something as stupid as skin color.



Well there ya go! I worked in the Albuquerque market for several years and noticed that racism isn't quite such a problem in New Mexico as it is in other places. Probably because anyone stupid enough to be openly racist is going to find themselves in trouble from a LOT of representitives of the other races.

Not that racism has been completely eliminated, mind you, but there isn't nearly the problem of "oh shit, cross the street, he's mexican" that there is elsewhere.

New Mexico has also figured out that you can accept other races, not care what race someone is, yet still celebrate cultural diversity.

alansmithee

Then you are hanging around with a much more tolerant bunch than many I've seen. Don't think that because people are young, they aren't racist.

The problems with race in the north are still there, they are just hidden. A southern racist will come up to your face and say "I don't like Niggers" (assuming you're black [or for some, any dark-skinned person is a nigger]). A northern racist will talk about all the black (oops, I mean African-American) friends they have, how much they think racism is bad, etc. then quietly move to another neighborhood if too many coloreds start moving in, or make sure that they only get so far in a company, so they "know their place". Point being-at least a southern racist will be up front with you. With a northern racist, you have to watch when shaking his hand that the left isn't stabbing you in the back.

It's also possible in a few generations that we will all evolve beautiful multicolored wings that synthesize sunlight and allow flight speeds of 100 mph, thereby eliminating hunger and pollution from automobiles forever. I think my supposition has a slightly higher possibility than yours.

It's that older generation that passes on it's views to the younger. And even if they aren't manifested as blatantly (because of the general view of society that racism is a bad thing), they are still there in the mind.

And for the topic in general, you should date whoever you want. But you should also be aware of the problems that could arrise from dating outside your race, or having multiracial children.

abaya

I guess I've said this before, but I still think there's far more to be gained (for both parents and children) from having multiethnic children than from having homogeneous children. This doesn't mean it will be "easier," whatever that means, but it doesn't HAVE to be a major issue if it is handled properly. Having a multiethnic child is not the equivalent of having a child when the parents knew they were at risk for a genetic disease. That is assuming that ethnicity is always a detriment to an individual; it is not.

Yes, it may depend on where you are raised. But I don't think that in America, the South is full of racists and the North is full of closet-racists. That's an overly pessimistic and generalized view. There is just too much complexity involved in people's opinions and upbringings to lump them into those categories.

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katie_ann1031

That's not what I meant. That sounds so terrible, forgive me? What I meant was my family has always been very openminded when it comes to race. My aunt when she was in her mid forties brought home a black man and no one in my famly was bothered by it. Of course there is still racism in the North and no not all Southerners are ignorant bigots, when I said liberal Northern background, I meant my family.

Hope I didn't insult anyone on here.

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katie_ann1031

Oh by the way, Shakran and Alansmithee thank you for your well thought out replies.

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shakran

You're going to have to work a good deal harder than that if you want to insult people on here I only pointed that out to show that it's VERY easy to say something that people can interpret as racist/sexist/(making up a word here) geographist. Hopefully people will start realizing that not EVERYTHING that could be interpreted as being insulting to a specific group actually IS an insult

alansmithee

It's the exact same thing. In both cases, a known genetic condition (either some recessive disorder or skin pigmentation) could end up causing their children more hardship than a child born of different parents. Just because one is innate and the other is because of society doesn't make a difference, because that child might have to deal with society.

I disagree. In America, almost everyone is a racist in some way. It's all in how you choose to deal with it. My "southern racist" puts it out in the open, usually in an offensive way. The "northern racist" hides it from general public, and will often go overly in the other direction just to show how much they aren't a racist.

When I was younger (in elementary/middle school) I never though much about race (outside of certain specific situations). But as got older, and was increasingly put into more segregated situations ( I think I had exactly 2 other black males in my high school classes from sophmore year on up), and saw more and more the effects of racism, I started thinking more about the issue. And for awhile, I would get quite aggravated over places I thought I saw racism. And I thought of all the things that could be done to change people's opinions, or help eliminate racism and the difficulties between the racists. And then I got older yet, and all I have left is the anger, because I've seen more and more the evidence that nothing will change people's opinions, and that as I was taught in high school (at a school sponsored meeting) that "racism is like the sunrise-every morning you wake up it will be there". So I started learning to accept more and more racism. But recently since I've started exploring the option of living abroad after graduation, I've had to look again at how my skin color will affect how I'm percieved in other countries.

And this is worse for those of mixed heritage if they cannot pass as one of their races. Because you don't know how you will be recieved in situations. For instance, when I'm with one group of my friends (which are pretty much all white), I'm the black guy. But when I'm with another group of friends (which are mainly black or hispanic), when race does come up a point will always be made that I'm only half black. You can fit in on the surface, but you will never be fully accepted as one or the other. And because of my experiences, I know that my decision to have children will definately take into account the race of the potential mother.

redneckdude

So what's the problem? As many have said who cares what others think. If your going to let others bother you, how secure are you in yourself? I have never dated interracially, and would'nt care what others thought. I refuse to by into this that's the way it is or we're all supposed to conform. I mean hell, didn't we have a tea party a few years back in Boston to prove that we wanted to be our own people and do things our way.
Rock on if you don't conform, if your different.
Scoty

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Sho Nuff

I went to Historically Black University as a Black man with an Indian girlfriend. Our families were against it. The girls at my school gave her hell when she came to events to support me. It put a lot of strain on our relationship. It even got to the point where female friends of mine would smile in my face and tell her that they were there to take her from me and there was nothing she could do about it. It caused a lot of problems for me at home. Dont be fooled into thinking that all it takes to get by in an interracial relationship is to be comfortable in who you are. It is a long series of battles that may never end and will test the hell out of the relationship. At times, its easier to hide the relationship than fight them. But I love who I love, and I have lost family and friends for her and would never look back, even now that we are no longer together.

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Shadefire

I'm reminded of an article I read a couple of years ago. A black man was ranting about Big Brother Whitey. He was stating that all of our role models were white guys. As an example he gave The Rock. It made me laugh really hard as The Rock is half black, half Samoan.

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Toaster126

I have to say I have mixed feelings about supporting interracial dating by people who look differently (i.e. skin color) because of all of the burden on their children. It pains me to say that because of my own half white half black ethnicity. I just think some people can't handle it, and that is a part of human nature. People want and need to label people, and mixed races confuse things. I think it is something you have to prepare for if you want to enter a relationship with someone who doesn't look like you, but it hopefully won't stop you.

Personally I get flak on both sides of the fence. White people often think of me as their "black friend", while black people don't realize I'm mixed and think I'm a sell out or trying to be white. You don't ever fit in anywhere. Even in family situations I don't fit in. I've been called unflattering slurs by relatives. That's frustrating when I'm only trying to be myself, but I think that is one of the reasons I ended up being so confident in myself and able to do what I want without shame or regard to what others might judge.

Every relationship I've had has technically been a "bi-racial" relationship. None of the girls had a problem with it; it was always the parents and family. I've been shot down because "blacks beat their wives" or other such nonsense. No one cares what your racial stock is anyways - these people just care what you look like.

I do think racism will become less overt as time goes by. Children will grow up raised by racist parents who are less and less outspoken about it, so they will oftentimes become less racist than their parents.

I think we'd be better off if we all just learned to judge people on a case-by-case basis, but I think we aren't made to work like that. It's something to strive for, though.

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william

So, if I'm to guess right, you're question is whether interracial dating is okay. One simple question - are you (as a couple) happy? That's all that matters.

pig

To the OP: honeypot: knock that shit out. There could be issues, and you'll have a good idea when they might come up, and you can deal with most of them. Some of them you can't. Life goes on.

And the main reason I posted:

alan: I didn't think it was possible, but you managed to crack my shit up. Merci. I usually feel like I'd like to strangle you, but this time I almost peed myself. Bravo, and a goodnight.

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Telluride

But it does matter to some people. And as long as these people respect the rights of others, I don't believe I have any business telling them how to feel about race relations.

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korbas12

I'm as white as Ned Flanders, but I do tend to prefer to date exogamously...mainly asians and chicanas. I find them quite attractive. However, that's a personal preference and obviously it differs between people. IMO it's the same as differing preferences about house styles, entertainment, food, etc. I may not share someone's preferences but each to their own.

Generally speaking, it's no concern of mine who people do or don't date, or what their phenotypic attributes happen to be. Race is obviously a social construction - it doesn't exist outside of people's minds. However, so are emotions and many other things, such as economics. I do not perceive it as an inherently bad idea so long as it is not used in a negative way.

Without at least alluding to race, how else am I supposed to whisper sweet nonsense into some girl's ear about her perfectly almond-shaped eyes, awesome dark hair, etc, etc?

KirStang

I'm Asian. I've always wanted to date outside of my race but never had the opportunity.

In law school there was this latina firecracker who was very outspoken and strong. She even went as far as to admit that 'she liked me.' (We were at a bar after class).

Alas, I just think our values did not mesh. I am from a very traditional family, while her parents were basically social advocate lawyers.

I suppose that's one 'barrier' to dating outside of one's race--different backgrounds and differences in certain values.

Anyway, I'm happily with another Asian girlfriend now.

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Ultrabum

I have found that a great many people, for that read all, mistake phenotype for ethnicity. Personally I hate the term race. It's a horrible Victorian era word which focuses on difference and separation.

I used to have a mixed race work colleague. She was ethnically White. That's to say her culture, beliefs and traditions. Shed been raised by her English mother and grand parents.

On the other end of the scale I had a mixed race friend who very much described himself as black. He looked White. He looked whiter than I do. I'm White and have no mixed racial genes. As far as I know anyway. He'd get very upset because his ethnicity and phenotype were very different. People always assumed he was White which was contrary to how he saw himself.

You can have radically different ethnicities within a particular phenotype. I'm a Scottish Presbyterian, One of my elder sisters converted to Judaism and married a Jewish lad, (These are both white cultures but very different,) they're quite observant in their religious life. That's quite a culture clash right there. My family has always been accepting but it hasn't exactly been easy either.

How often is tradition used as an excuse these days for intolerance. Tradition has become a smoke screen for ignorance. Many cultures these days frown on people marrying out. It ridiculous really.

chinese crested

In Orkney, the male line was invading vikings, so I guess there was a bit of pillaging and plundering and mixed race unions. Then they went to Normandy - probably there was a financial inducement, but then there would have been mixed unions. Then we came to England, and we won as we came with King William. We never left, so over the years we have joined with peoples with similar line historys. We are all mongrels. Like dog shows, we seem to honour a breed from Germany with genetic defect - of peeing purple and going barking mad. Its in the line you know.

Just_Moody

But... Ned Flanders is yellow.. sorry, i like to point out pointless details sometimes

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