IC3

I made a thread awhile ago about me moving to Kitchener On, So I have been here about 2 and a half months, and i'm loving it so far.

I do have a couple issues though..

My roommate Jenn & I were so close one night to getting in the sack together, I'm attracted to her like i have never been attracted to a girl before. Her personality kicks ass, She is the easiest person to get along with..She's the girl that no matter where you go, It's gonna be a good time just cause she's there, And..she stunningly gorgeous.
The only reason why nothing more than kissing and some feeling hasn't happened is because were roommate's.

I love the house i'm living in, Pool in the backyard..Kick ass basement that's all mine with a full bathroom & fireplace..for 350 a month, Can't beat it.

But on the other hand, I have actually thought of looking for a new place just so i could be with my roommate..Would it be a stupid move? Ya probably.

It's just hard trying to get past what happened between us when i live with her, It's not awkward between us..Everything is still as it always was..except for we both know that we want eachother.

I have told myself though that this is the kind of girl that i want as a friend, I wouldn't want to lose her friendship over something that might only last a month..Know what i mean?


Another thing that's bugging me, I'm too damn shy..My roommate's friends have apparently told her that they think i'm good looking..And when i see them, I don't know what to say..I feel like slapping myself. I went to the mall today and stopped by my roommate's work to check out some clothes and couldn't help but notice girls checking me out...Ya i know, It sounds cocky..Well i'm really not. I don't consider myself great looking..Just an average guy. My problem is, I don't know how to approach girls..I'm so afraid of rejection that i...Just can't do it.

My cousin introduced me to one of her friends at a club downtown and we danced the whole night..The funny thing is, I don't dance..But i did with her, But nothing came of it..Because....I'm to damn quiet.

I'm gonna be going out with this same cousin tommorrow night and she always try's to hook me up with her friends..So how the hell..do i get over this shyness, I'm good when it comes to one on one conversations..But in a group, I just keep my mouth shut...It sucks.

Sorry for making it so long.

If you can give me any advice it would be greatly appreciated..If not, Thanks for your ears..eerrr...Eyes..

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"To win any battle, you must fight as if you were already dead" -Musashi

tiltedbc

I've done the roommate sex thing and it was great, although it's a relationship and if things go bad... it can be a difficult situation. Especially when she's bringing home a different guy each night while you're sleeping alone in the next room listening.

What would I do? Sleep with her. If it doesn't work out, then one of you will move. You'll regret it in the future if you don't explore your feelings with this girl. If possible, try to make it a "friend with benefits" thing and you'll be living a young man's dream. I literally sat on a couch with my roommate one night and we worked out a workable relationship involving sex, and it worked out. Most roommates only stick around together for about 6 months anyway.

Regarding the shyness, you need to work at building up your self-confidence. I found travelling to be the best cure for me although just getting a bit more experienced sexually helps a lot. Sounds like you've got nothing to worry about if girls are checking you out and letting you know you're cute. BELIEVE this and write a new internal dialog in your head that says "girls think I'm good looking and want to go out with me" and repeat this in your head when you feel nervous. Also, just take a chance and see what happens. If you've ever done something scary like riding a rollercoaster, think about that moment just before it starts the first big drop. It's just a moment but can be the best part after it's done although at the time very scary. Enjoy the thrill rather than dreading unknown consequences!

Tell the new girl you're dancing with outright that you're shy and much better one-on-one. This is a great way to slip out of club or set up a date where you can be alone. Just don't take her home and have sex around Jenn. Keep your private life private and sex with Jenn to yourselves.

Sage

yeah, I'm going to echo what tiltedbc said... Martel was really shy and totally clueless when it came to girls when we started dating, as I was the first girl that he had ever dated. I goaded him along and taught him alot, and now he notices when girls check him out and such. Sometimes expierence is the best teacher.

And if you, in all your "supposed innocence" are noticing girls checking you out, then you're HOT. I say this as a girl, because girls are usually pretty sly about checking guys out, so if you're hot enough for girls to be noticibly checking you out, then you're REALLY HOT.

feel free to take what I just said and paste it up on your bathroom mirror to see it every morning.

Oh, and about the roommate:

FREAKIN' GET IT ON ALREADY!

you want her, she wants you, you both really like each other... I fail to see a problem... if the house is that awesome it'll be like "Real World" or something.

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IC3

Thank you both for your replies, I just got home from dowtown and i am happy but alittle...Upset..or something. So..The night started with me meeting my two girlfriends at their work, They are waitresse's at a strip club..A friend of there's show up and instant attraction, She was damn hot..We get to the club and i get my buzz going on and she stands in front of me and starts dancing and rubbing up against me...So i just kinda moved to the beat of her hips. She came right out and said "Your attracted to me aren't you?" I said yes, I told her she was very hot. She told me that she had an attraction towards me also..But then she showed me the promise ring on her finger, i was all cool with it though..She's an easy girl to get along with..We had great conversation, Dancing and me putting my hands where she would let me..It was a very good night.

As much as i want my roommate..I just don't think that a "friends with benefits" kinda thing would work, As much as i would like it too, I just don't see it happening..Main;y because when i have sex with a girl that i really like..The sex will usually make me feel like it has made it evolve into something more..Which i really don't need on my mind.

i'm really starting to realize that my luck with girls either goes one way or the other...I'm either attracted to them and they are too, But, I'm to damn shy to start a conversation...Or, Like tonight..We just know that alittle something is there and just for fun we dance and hold eachother..But nothing more than what goes on that night.

Oh well, I would usually be pretty upset if i had a girl on my arm the whole night at the club and knew nothing more would come of it..But it was all pure friendly, It was fun..I had a goodtime with her and told her at the end of the night that i hope we could do it agan soon.

I know that your a girl sage and i was gonna post a picture of myself just to get an honest opinion..But, That just seems kinda...I don't know...Not right. Anyways, Again thank you both for your advice.

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"To win any battle, you must fight as if you were already dead" -Musashi

soma

That's a brilliant analogy. Except for the whole being attractive to members of the opposite sex ( ) I can relate to this thread quite a bit.

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Having Girl Problems?

ruggerp11

who says that you can't have a relationship with your roomate? you don't have to jump into bed with her and say "LETS JUST BE FRIENDS!" Go out have a good time, if you hook up then ask her to dinner. Explain your conundrum and see what she thinks.... what can it hurt?

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Patriotism means being loyal to your country all the time and to its government when it deserves it.
--Mark Twain
Do What makes you happy
--Me
BUT!
"Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness" - Chuang-Tzu

Biscuit Buns

I'd just go with the flow. I wouldn't push it, I wouldn't avoid it. If it happens, it happens and if it does, you're responsible for letting her know how you feel (just as it's her responsibility to let you know how she feels).

I hope it all works out.

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A hard man is good to find. ~Mae West

kramus

Ask the ladies the best way for you to say yes to them. Say that you are shy, and don't want to be pushy, so please be forward and friendly That you would appreciate rocking some ladies world, so would they please show you the way in.

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And now to disengage the clutch of the forebrain ...
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kangaeru

IC3...know thyself. It always comes back to it, with matters like these.

You need to find that place in yourself where you can pull confidence from when you're feeling shy, nervous, or akward. You are shy because you have trepidation about what to say to a girl, how she will react, and all these chains of events you have no control over. So you do nothing, none of these possible scenarios play out, and it's game over.

You say in your post, "i'm just average", "sorry for taking so long", "my luck with girls goes one way or another..", etc. Please, read these carefully. You're short selling yourself, apologizing for telling us your thoughts, and admitting that you feel your relationships are out of your control, and influenced by luck. Everything I quoted you on there is contributing to the hole you're in now. You DO have the power to influence your relationships. Say you do, and you do. Perceive that you can do extraordinary things, and you shall be able to do them. It's this second guessing, defeatist, unconfident attitude that has gotten you where you are. There's no reason you can't change that, even over night. All you have to do is take a hard look, recognize what needs changing, visualize the image you want, and make it happen baby. Live the dream you have for yourself in your head. The only person who can stop you, is you, if you give up, and admit failure.

Getting back tot he topic a bit, if you're hitting on a girl just remember, "I'm going to say and do whatever I feel, and if this girl isn't feeling me, it's her loss, and I won't have to see her again". Once you get into it, and you just let yourself take over and you're confident in how you carry yourself...you'll find everyone else is going along with you and believing what you say and treating you different...because people are attracted to someone who has confidence in themselves and their actions.

If you want to post your picture, or post a link to it, do it. Those people who think it is shallow and vain can think it's shallow and vain all they want--what's it to you? This is a very open minded forum, and many people including myself will think no less of you, and will give you honest opinions and advice. Of course there is the fear people will not find you attractive and will let you know it. But we're all just 'other people', and 100 of us will have 101 different opinions anyways.

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Dont be afraid to change who you are for what you could become

IC3

You quoting some of the things that i posted really made me be like, Holy shit..You're right!

I usually don't like to open up to people and let them know things that i want to talk about, Usually because I think that they could care less..Not because it's me, Just because. But i know that's all in my head..or mostly anyways.

I do post my picture sometimes, It doesn't bother me if somebody doesn't find me attractive..I like to post my picture just to take part in whatever thread it is..Of course, I like when i get compliments (As everybody else does i would assume)

I just really need to pound something into my head..And that would be, When i feel like the whole world is watching me..It really isn't.

Sometimes when i'm in the mall or walking down the street, It feels like everybody's eyes are on me..It's such a shitty feeling..But i know that the extreme that i take it to, It's really not like that...It's funny how i know this..But yet I still feel like that.

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"To win any battle, you must fight as if you were already dead" -Musashi

kangaeru

It's ALL in your head. Do you realize there is no such thing as reality? There is ONLY the world as we define it to ourselves, and THAT is our reality. We all live in our own little world of different truths and values. If in your reality, you aren't cool, people watch you and make you feel akward, you can't talk to girls etc, IT WILL BE SO--and by your own hand. You can either define yourself to people passively or actively. You can sit in a corner and let people draw conclusions about you, which you can then wallow in, or you can go out and show people things you want them to know about you, and actively shape the image they have of you. It is ALL in your power.

Musashi, one of the greatest and purest warriors ever to walk the earth, wrote in his book, "To win any battle, you must fight as if you were already dead". You must act like you have nothing to lose. If someone responds negatively to you, makes you feel bad, doesn't tell you what you want to hear, etc, they were already lost before you even started, so you're not losing anything from them not warming up to you. You have everything to gain, and nothing to lose. When you can act with this mentality, you will be free from self doubt, second guessing, and all these other things which are bringing you down.

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Dont be afraid to change who you are for what you could become

IC3

That's exactly what i'm doing..Just going with the flow. All the intimate feelings i had for her are dying down.

I spilled everything that i feel towards her already..And i told her that i'm telling you this because i want you to know, She hasn't and i don't think she is going to open up and tell me how she feels..Which has kind of turned me away from her in a more than friendship kind of way.


All your advice has put some new thoughts in my head, I think alot of it has to do with what the situation is..I do have days where i feel great when i'm out with friends doing whatever, I think alot of it stems from when i spend time alone, I don't like being alone...But the more time that i spend alone..The less i wanna be around people. Once i get out of the house on the weekend's with friends..That slowly goes away..If that makes any sense at all.

I hope you don't mind, I'm gonna put the quote from Musashi in my signature..I like it.

Can the colour of clothes you wear actually show what kind of person you are? I like alot of dark clothing..I love black, But i also love white..But for the most part..Most of my clothes are on the darker side. I'm just wondering if maybe my choices in darker clothing says something about me..Or maybe not?

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"To win any battle, you must fight as if you were already dead" -Musashi

kangaeru

IC3,

You are reading what I'm writing but you are not hearing what I am saying.

Look at your thought process. Nowhere in there do you ask YOURSELF which you want to wear more. You look to how other people will perceive you to decide whether to wear white or black, do you see how this? Black and white are opposites and to say I'm going to wear one or the other based on other people say symbolizes something I think. You need to be asking yourself this from a place of inner calm and peace, where you don't question yourself. If you want to use the quote, you should try to practice what you preach. It doesn't matter what the fuck anybody thinks of how you dress before you even walk out of your house, what matters is that you think you look good. People will treat you like it.

You've got to rationalize what I'm saying and take a hard look, because it goes against your instincts. But it's never too late to break out of a mold. Okay sorry little side story for you, I know where you're coming from.

When I was in high school I moved half way through my freshmen year, i was heavily into MMO's and FPS games so I wasn't that social at the time, so I made like no friends. I ended up gaming my whole life away ages 11-18. I actually got to be one of the top 3 online/ LAN players in unreal tournament from about 2001-2002. I had no friends though, I went through depression, did akward high school shit, but I learned from it. I learned from gaming, because I saw how good I could be at something if I put everything into it. If you never admit failure, you can never fail at naything. It's hard to live but it's true. You've got to have that deep rooted belief that you could do anything you might ever have to do. And you know you will do it your best but whatever happens, shit, what can ya do. Just gotta go with the flow. We live, we die. When I'm 60 years old looking back on my life, I want to be proud of what I accomplished, and I don't want to feel like I could have done something but I wimped out. So I take the plunge and do it.

I guess that's my own mental gospel on display for you. Take this as you will, I can't force you to feel this way, you have to look at it logically and realize a different strategy could totally change the game of life for you. You might want to read my signature.

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Dont be afraid to change who you are for what you could become

Martian

Kangaeru has some good advice that you'll want to implement in your own way. In regards to your clothes, what do you think they say about you? I, for example, am most often seen in black jeans, a black or grey t-shirt and a leather jacket. I dress like that because it's the way I want to present myself.

Absolutely the clothes you wear say something about you and that's not a bad thing. They say what you want them to say. You pick out a certain style of dress that you like and you use it in social situations to make an initial statement about yourself. You may not want to make that statement in all situations (hell, even I'll wear a tie when I have to) but in a bar or whatever it's absolutely fine. The way you dress is part of who you are.

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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

tiltedbc

I still think you should sleep with your roommate. Regular sex from a girl that pays half the rent... seriously... you'll kick yourself in the future on this one.

IC3

I think you misunderstood what i meant when i asked about the colour of clothes, I do wear what i want..And i don't care what other people think of what i'm wearing. I thought maybe the colour of clothes or whatever a person wears says something about there personality or something.

I don't know..It aint gonna happen over night, But i am gonna change my ways.

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"To win any battle, you must fight as if you were already dead" -Musashi

Biscuit Buns

I'm sorry she didn't open up to you when you talked to her. It's tough to do that and not receive reciprocation. My heart goes out to you.

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A hard man is good to find. ~Mae West

IC3

I still think she's a good person, But i atleast expected the same from her when i told her how i felt about her..But i got nothing, So i figured if she can't tell me anything then there is no point in me keeping that kind of interest in her.

She really doesn't know what she wants anyways, She broke up with her boyfriend..And now i swear he is fuckin with her head, two days later after they break up he calls her and says that something happened and he really needs somebody to talk to..So they went out for coffee and now she's hanging out with him like they were going out again. I'm not jealous, But i always look out for her..I have told her in the past about another guy that he was bad news..And she found out he was fucking some other girl..I'm just gonna let her do her own thing now..Cause she is gonna do what she's gonna do.

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"To win any battle, you must fight as if you were already dead" -Musashi