About to tell a girl I like her, help needed. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

able · 06-21-2005, 09:41 AM

Hello all,

Lately I've been hanging out with a really cool girl. We've seen each other pretty much everyday for a last couple weeks and since then I've gotten to know her pretty well and developed more then just friendship feelings for her.

It's been a long time since I've felt this way about a girl so I'm a bit rusty at how to convey my feelings about her to her without sounding you know, weird. I've written down what I would like to say and was hoping maybe you guys can give it a read and see if it sounds alright?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey XXX, I really enjoy hanging out with you and I feel like over the last couple weeks we’ve developed a good friendship. You probably know that I like you and I know you’ve had a rough few months lately. I’m sorry if what I’m about to saying is going to make you uncomfortable but I have to get it off my chest because I don’t want to wonder ‘what if’ for the rest of my life like with some of the other girls in the past.

I really like you. You’re a beautiful, intelligent, and funny person and I’ve really enjoyed the time we’ve spent together the last couple weeks. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way about me. You are and always will be my friend, and I will be here for you anytime you need me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've always been shy so it's really hard for me to say something like this. Because of the shyness I've let girls slip away and I don't want this to happen with her because I like her alot. Regardless of what happens, I am determined to tell her how I feel.

Your thoughts?

Thanks

--edit--

After re-reading that I think I could close it better? Should I ask her what she feels about me or just leave it open like that and wait for a natural response?

Cynthetiq · 06-21-2005, 10:04 AM

say it. don't write it.

edit: if you write it, IMO you come off like a kid in grade school, it also means that you are confident and comfortable with yourself if you can express it in person and vocally.

IMO you risk the friendship being lost if it falls flat and she doesn't reciprocate the feelings.

Axiom_e · 06-21-2005, 10:07 AM

You should always say it. It means that you have come to terms with your own emotions, but as always this is just my opinion.

Glory's Sun · 06-21-2005, 10:14 AM

gotta agree.. just say it. It'll mean more and show her that you have enough balls to say it.

fresnelly · 06-21-2005, 10:35 AM

Those are decent words and should serve you fine.

In high school, I also developed feelings for a girl with whom I had struck up a friendship. I was so shy and so worried about ruining the friendship that I never shared my true feelings. Fast forward to a few years after High School and we had lost touch anyways. All that hand wringing and pining away had been wasted.

In other words; go for it and good luck.

able · 06-21-2005, 12:44 PM

I was planning on saying it and not writing it. I just typed out what I was going to say.

hambone · 06-21-2005, 12:47 PM

I think it looks good. Maybe don't say "as with other girls in the past". Kinda makes her seem not as special I think.

Good Luck

odu_sonar_AE · 06-22-2005, 09:19 AM

It sounds good.

I need to agree with hambone about the "other girls in the past" statement. There should be no discussion of other girls (as the attention should be centered around her).

I hope you get the response you are wishing for.

trib767 · 06-22-2005, 01:28 PM

Say it. I know it can be hard to lay your cards on the table. Incidentally I'm going through the same emotions right now. I'm just waiting for the right moment

IMO this never gets easier as you get older.

bing bing · 06-23-2005, 06:35 PM

Chances are she already knows you like her. If you can, convey your message a little less explicitly.

777 · 06-23-2005, 07:09 PM

Instead of telling her, show her.

My roomy told me when there was this girl that he really liked hanging out with, he'd tell her how he felt and the impact she is having in his life and how great it is that they've met. This was too much for her to bare, and she freacked out (a little) and has drawn away. And it's happened a few other times with other gals.

If your planning to have a romantic relationship with this gal, you're going to have to kiss her. If platomic is all you have in mind, exchange keys, so that each of you has a spare key to the other place (if you each have your own place).

And good luck.

chickentribs · 06-23-2005, 07:28 PM

Quote:

Hey XXX, I really enjoy hanging out with you and...

You might want to find a better pet name for her than XXX, she might get the wrong idea!

(I kid...)

Good idea writing it down, because you will be nervous talking to her - but we all get that way and most women find it endearing... so don't sweat it!

Another vote for striking the past loves of your life that slipped away, every woman wants to believe they were always choice #1, no matter how illogical that is. Guys are no different...

Too much apologizing going on - if you don't think you're the best thing that could ever happen to her, how can she?? Believe it - it is truer than you know!! A guy who cares enough to risk looking funny and write what you wrote in the 1st sentence of the second paragraph, is the kind of guy girls dream of finding, or so I am constantly told. But then you apologize again in the second sentence. Stop it.

Do something small, but romantic. Like a small bouquet of flowers, and a book or music or something that she has mentioned to you that she likes. It shows you listen. Tell her it is because she has had a rough time lately and you thought she needed somebody in her life to bring her a gift for no reason at all. Stay away from the "I'll regret it for the rest of my life" talk - it is a little strong and she could freak. But that last line is gold - Flowers, something personal, and you tell she's purty and smarty, and that you would be interested in taking her on a formal date.

Then (and I'll get static for this) have something else to do and leave. Even if she is all smiles, take off. No pressure, nothing awkward, just her to think about what a great guy you are for the rest of the night.

Good luck...

ruggerp11 · 06-27-2005, 11:54 AM

If you're going to lay it out on the line like that then dont' give her a way out. Don't say "I understand if you dont' feel the same way" Leave it open ended, see what she has to say for her self instead of just agreeing with you. Thats always an akward thing and hard to do, but if you express yourself honestly you should be fine.

this being said I do agree that a kiss would convey everything you're saying without a word, and can be less akward

Sweetpea · 06-27-2005, 12:01 PM

Good luck and just Be YOURSELF . . .

nothing is sexier than someone who is comfortable with themselves and able to express their feelings!

Sweetpea

fresnelly · 07-04-2005, 01:20 PM

Well, It's been over a week. Did you put your plan into action? How did it go?

dlish · 07-04-2005, 03:52 PM

yep, definately say it..

but when u "say it", make sure u dont call her "XXX"

Johnny Pyro · 07-23-2005, 11:49 AM

Say it, but look into her eyes. Don't look away.

Xazy · 07-23-2005, 06:00 PM

Don't just say it (let us know what happened, curious to find out how it goes). But you can take her out, dinner, flowers, then say it (that is how I would go about it).

mr_manwhore · 07-24-2005, 09:43 AM

Contrary to what others who have replied to this thread have said, my advice to you is to NOT tell this girl "HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HER". I know you're thinking how could this possibly be a good advice when it goes against logic; you tell the girl you have feelings for her and logically if she feels the same she will tell you. Make sense?

The problem is that when you are involved romantically with women what is logical doesn't work. I am sure that you personally know of situations where a girl dumps the nice guys waiting to date her but instead she dates the abusive jerk/bad boy who won't treat her half as well as the nice guy. Maybe you've even been the nice guy youself. You've probably also heard women tell you that they want a guy that's sensitive, who's in touch with his emotions. But when a nice, sensitive, emotional guy shows up they run in the other direction. What is going on here?

The reason is that sexual attraction isn't a choice. It's not a choice that one makes logically. This would take a long time to explain which I will not do right now.

I'm quite sure that this girl WANTS to feel attracted to you, and I also want to give you the best possible advice to what really will create that magical emotion called 'sexual attraction'. If you fail at creating attraction with this girl she will be disappointed, but not so that she will get together with a guy that she does not feel attracted to.

What you need do to create attraction right now: Stop seeing this girl every day, once or twice a week is enough. Though this depends on what you really want, if you want a relationship then you could gradually increase it. But in the beginning, keep it to twice a week max. Always be a little bit unavailable and do things with her ON YOUR OWN TERMS.

Don't do the typical dinner date YET. This not only creates an awkward situation for 2 people but sends the wrong message. Also no flowers, gifts, or notes. You do not want to be the guy that has to buy women's attention with food, flowers, or gifts. It's bad for your wallet and you sex life.

Invite her to coffee or tea with nice stimulating conversation. It's simple, cheap, can be done in 30 minutes or less. If you're enjoy your time THEN go out and do something together. Mini golf, pool... etc. The point is do something together, not go on a typical 'date'.

Most importantly, when you're with her, tease and bust on her about something. IN A FUN WAY. Tease her about her intelligence, her beauty, anything. Remember to keep it light, and most importantly, FUNNY.

Now you have two choice as to what to do with this girl. Whether you take my advice or not I wish you the best outcome and don't forget to report back with what happens.

06-21-2005, 09:41 AM	#1 (permalink)
able Upright	About to tell a girl I like her, help needed. Hello all, Lately I've been hanging out with a really cool girl. We've seen each other pretty much everyday for a last couple weeks and since then I've gotten to know her pretty well and developed more then just friendship feelings for her. It's been a long time since I've felt this way about a girl so I'm a bit rusty at how to convey my feelings about her to her without sounding you know, weird. I've written down what I would like to say and was hoping maybe you guys can give it a read and see if it sounds alright? -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hey XXX, I really enjoy hanging out with you and I feel like over the last couple weeks we’ve developed a good friendship. You probably know that I like you and I know you’ve had a rough few months lately. I’m sorry if what I’m about to saying is going to make you uncomfortable but I have to get it off my chest because I don’t want to wonder ‘what if’ for the rest of my life like with some of the other girls in the past. I really like you. You’re a beautiful, intelligent, and funny person and I’ve really enjoyed the time we’ve spent together the last couple weeks. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way about me. You are and always will be my friend, and I will be here for you anytime you need me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I've always been shy so it's really hard for me to say something like this. Because of the shyness I've let girls slip away and I don't want this to happen with her because I like her alot. Regardless of what happens, I am determined to tell her how I feel. Your thoughts? Thanks --edit-- After re-reading that I think I could close it better? Should I ask her what she feels about me or just leave it open like that and wait for a natural response? Last edited by able; 06-21-2005 at 09:44 AM..

06-21-2005, 10:04 AM	#2 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	say it. don't write it. edit: if you write it, IMO you come off like a kid in grade school, it also means that you are confident and comfortable with yourself if you can express it in person and vocally. IMO you risk the friendship being lost if it falls flat and she doesn't reciprocate the feelings. __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION! Last edited by Cynthetiq; 06-21-2005 at 10:08 AM..

06-21-2005, 10:07 AM	#3 (permalink)
Axiom_e Tilted Location: United States, East Coast, New Jersey	You should always say it. It means that you have come to terms with your own emotions, but as always this is just my opinion. __________________ Life is meaningless. How awesome is that? Rock On! Now I can do whatever the hell I want and give my own life meaning to myself.

06-21-2005, 10:35 AM	#5 (permalink)
fresnelly Functionally Appropriate Location: Toronto	Those are decent words and should serve you fine. In high school, I also developed feelings for a girl with whom I had struck up a friendship. I was so shy and so worried about ruining the friendship that I never shared my true feelings. Fast forward to a few years after High School and we had lost touch anyways. All that hand wringing and pining away had been wasted. In other words; go for it and good luck. __________________ Building an artificial intelligence that appreciates Mozart is easy. Building an A.I. that appreciates a theme restaurant is the real challenge - Kit Roebuck - Nine Planets Without Intelligent Life

06-21-2005, 12:47 PM	#7 (permalink)
hambone Zeroed In Location: CA	I think it looks good. Maybe don't say "as with other girls in the past". Kinda makes her seem not as special I think. Good Luck __________________ "Like liquid white from fallen glass, Nothing to cry over"

06-21-2005, 10:14 AM	#4 (permalink)
Glory's Sun Registered User	gotta agree.. just say it. It'll mean more and show her that you have enough balls to say it.

06-21-2005, 12:44 PM	#6 (permalink)
able Upright	I was planning on saying it and not writing it. I just typed out what I was going to say.

06-22-2005, 09:19 AM	#8 (permalink)
odu_sonar_AE Tilted	It sounds good. I need to agree with hambone about the "other girls in the past" statement. There should be no discussion of other girls (as the attention should be centered around her). I hope you get the response you are wishing for.

06-22-2005, 01:28 PM	#9 (permalink)
trib767 Crazy Location: London, UK	Say it. I know it can be hard to lay your cards on the table. Incidentally I'm going through the same emotions right now. I'm just waiting for the right moment IMO this never gets easier as you get older.

06-23-2005, 06:35 PM	#10 (permalink)
bing bing Addict Location: Melbourne, Australia	Chances are she already knows you like her. If you can, convey your message a little less explicitly.

06-23-2005, 07:09 PM	#11 (permalink)
777 drawn and redrawn Location: Some where in Southern California	Instead of telling her, show her. My roomy told me when there was this girl that he really liked hanging out with, he'd tell her how he felt and the impact she is having in his life and how great it is that they've met. This was too much for her to bare, and she freacked out (a little) and has drawn away. And it's happened a few other times with other gals. If your planning to have a romantic relationship with this gal, you're going to have to kiss her. If platomic is all you have in mind, exchange keys, so that each of you has a spare key to the other place (if you each have your own place). And good luck. __________________ "I don't know that I ever wanted greatness, on its own. It seems rather like wanting to be an engineer, rather than wanting to design something - or wanting to be a writer, rather than wanting to write. It should be a by-product, not a thing in itself. Otherwise, it's just an ego trip." Roger Zelazny

06-27-2005, 11:54 AM	#13 (permalink)
ruggerp11 Cautiously soaring Location: exploring my new home in SF	If you're going to lay it out on the line like that then dont' give her a way out. Don't say "I understand if you dont' feel the same way" Leave it open ended, see what she has to say for her self instead of just agreeing with you. Thats always an akward thing and hard to do, but if you express yourself honestly you should be fine. this being said I do agree that a kiss would convey everything you're saying without a word, and can be less akward __________________ Patriotism means being loyal to your country all the time and to its government when it deserves it. --Mark Twain Do What makes you happy --Me BUT! "Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness" - Chuang-Tzu

06-27-2005, 12:01 PM	#14 (permalink)
Sweetpea Fade out Location: in love	Good luck and just Be YOURSELF . . . nothing is sexier than someone who is comfortable with themselves and able to express their feelings! Sweetpea __________________ Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"

07-04-2005, 01:20 PM	#15 (permalink)
fresnelly Functionally Appropriate Location: Toronto	Well, It's been over a week. Did you put your plan into action? How did it go? __________________ Building an artificial intelligence that appreciates Mozart is easy. Building an A.I. that appreciates a theme restaurant is the real challenge - Kit Roebuck - Nine Planets Without Intelligent Life

07-04-2005, 03:52 PM	#16 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	yep, definately say it.. but when u "say it", make sure u dont call her "XXX" __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

07-23-2005, 11:49 AM	#17 (permalink)
Johnny Pyro Hey Now! Location: Massachusetts (Redneck, white boy town. I hate it here.)	Say it, but look into her eyes. Don't look away. __________________ "From delusion lead me to truth, from darkness lead me to light, from death lead me to eternal life. - Sheriff John Wydell

07-23-2005, 06:00 PM	#18 (permalink)
Xazy People in masks cannot be trusted Location: NYC	Don't just say it (let us know what happened, curious to find out how it goes). But you can take her out, dinner, flowers, then say it (that is how I would go about it).

07-24-2005, 09:43 AM	#19 (permalink)
mr_manwhore Upright	important-STOP IMMEDIATELY Contrary to what others who have replied to this thread have said, my advice to you is to NOT tell this girl "HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HER". I know you're thinking how could this possibly be a good advice when it goes against logic; you tell the girl you have feelings for her and logically if she feels the same she will tell you. Make sense? The problem is that when you are involved romantically with women what is logical doesn't work. I am sure that you personally know of situations where a girl dumps the nice guys waiting to date her but instead she dates the abusive jerk/bad boy who won't treat her half as well as the nice guy. Maybe you've even been the nice guy youself. You've probably also heard women tell you that they want a guy that's sensitive, who's in touch with his emotions. But when a nice, sensitive, emotional guy shows up they run in the other direction. What is going on here? The reason is that sexual attraction isn't a choice. It's not a choice that one makes logically. This would take a long time to explain which I will not do right now. I'm quite sure that this girl WANTS to feel attracted to you, and I also want to give you the best possible advice to what really will create that magical emotion called 'sexual attraction'. If you fail at creating attraction with this girl she will be disappointed, but not so that she will get together with a guy that she does not feel attracted to. What you need do to create attraction right now: Stop seeing this girl every day, once or twice a week is enough. Though this depends on what you really want, if you want a relationship then you could gradually increase it. But in the beginning, keep it to twice a week max. Always be a little bit unavailable and do things with her ON YOUR OWN TERMS. Don't do the typical dinner date YET. This not only creates an awkward situation for 2 people but sends the wrong message. Also no flowers, gifts, or notes. You do not want to be the guy that has to buy women's attention with food, flowers, or gifts. It's bad for your wallet and you sex life. Invite her to coffee or tea with nice stimulating conversation. It's simple, cheap, can be done in 30 minutes or less. If you're enjoy your time THEN go out and do something together. Mini golf, pool... etc. The point is do something together, not go on a typical 'date'. Most importantly, when you're with her, tease and bust on her about something. IN A FUN WAY. Tease her about her intelligence, her beauty, anything. Remember to keep it light, and most importantly, FUNNY. Now you have two choice as to what to do with this girl. Whether you take my advice or not I wish you the best outcome and don't forget to report back with what happens.