Tiddles

I have a friend who is sometimes very cold towards me. I think this is a shame because when she is not cold it is much better. She does not behave to me like she really cares (although I am sure she does). Sometimes it hurts me when she is so distant.

maleficent

I was writing something to this effect just last night, only I never finished it.

Are you my friend?

As someone who has perfected the art of being distant, I can tell you, it's not you, it's the person. The hurt that is caused is not intentional, it's kind of just how they are. If they didn't care, they wouldn't bother you with at all.

I am really bad at expressing real feelings or emotions, I will joke about anything, but getting real about anything, it's kinda like pulling teeth. For the person who sticks it out, it's worth it in the long run because they have for lack of a better term, proven their loyalty and proven they will be there. Most people cant be bothered and get frustrated and give up.

I know this type well, I've been this type for a long time... and I wish I could say it's something that they will outgrow, it could happen... Itr eally could... They don't always like being that way but mostly they don't know how else to be. With the right people they could come out of their shell, and open up - -I managed that for one person, but it was a lifelong friendship... it might happen again..

If you like her and you think she's worth having as a friend, don't give up on her, give her some space, but let her know you are there if she ever needs you... I'm just not sure waht those magic words are because I've not heard them yet...

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Tiddles

yeah thanks for that. She is worth having as a friend, but I have recently made a new friend who is so warm and friendly all of the time. I am British by the way and so is my friend (They say the British are reserved), my new found friend is from Maryland/Baltimore so is the complete oposite (outgoing, warm and friendly).

maleficent

Is this friend a romantic interest or a friend friend.

People are different, nothing wrong with having an outgoing friend and one who is more reserved (I know i make a pretty damned good friend to others, even though I am the furthest thing from outgoing) Warmth happens when a person gets to know me better.

People who are distant just need the right person to get thru to them...

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Tiddles

This is not a romantic interest at all (unless I was a lesbian which I am not). My friend is not shy, but sometimes I feel she has not got the time for me and that is why when I talk to her she is a bit short with me, and has little or nothing to say.

maleficent

Some people are not either good at or aren't comfortable with small talk. Ask them a question and they will answer the question, but won't expound on that usually, unless it really interests them. Doesn't make them any less of a good friend, just maybe not a playmate... They'll be there in the long haul but for short term fun and frivolity they aren't the right person.

Have you mentioned to her how you feel? I'm giving a lot of opinions based on how I know I am, she might not necessarily have the same personality quirk. When she's short or doesn't have much to say, have you asked if you are catching her at a bad time, and ask when a good time is (Some people don't want to be rude and say I can't talk now)

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Tiddles

one time she was quite short with me and I was shocked. She later said sorry and explained that she wasnt feeling very well. Perhaps she is caught up with things and busy so her mind is on other things, or as she said before, she is unwell. Perhaps I am seeking too much attention, and am blaming her for her lack of openness without thinking maybe she has a problem herself.

NotMVH

You need to have this conversation with her. You can speculate all you want but you will only gain a honest understanding by telling her how you feel and listening to what she has to say.