Bill O'Rights

I'm working on updating my family tree. The last time anyone undertook this project was in 1938, the year that my father was born. I've made a lot of very good progress, but I've hit an impass. That impass being my pain in the neck cousin. She's always been a little...difficult. We'll just leave it at that. I'm not here to air out dirty family laundry.

So anyway, I call her up, long distance, to explain to her what I'm doing, and solicit her help with some information. She, not so politely, informs me that she wants absolutely no part of it, and doesn't want to be included.

*sigh* She doesn't want to be included. What the hell? She has to be included...right? She is, afterall, part of this family, no matter what I may feel about it. Can she just be...discluded (I don't know if that's a real word or not, but if not, then I claim rights to it)? Can I ethically work behind her back, garner the information that I need, and include her anyway? I am a firm advocate of rights to privacy. However, do rights to privacy extend to family history? Should someone be able to disassociate themselves from family records and documents? Should I chip in to help pay to have the stick surgically removed from her ass?

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

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bermuDa

if she doesn't want to be counted as a part of the family, she shouldn't have any problem with forfeiting her rights to any inheritance

I think it's really up to you. if she's not going to cooperate and wants no part in it then she's probably never going to see it. if she asked to be left out of it, you could put her in it and have one of those question-mark faces from those internet buddy sites.

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I am the very model of a moderator gentleman.

Seeker

I'm sure there are records linking her to your family.. e.g. birth certificate - either you pick it up now or someone down the family line will. A family tree is factually based so I can't see how she could be left out of it. You may not get any further with her linage, so she will get her wish... she will be a 'dead end' so to speak (hmmm... appropriate? )

I'd leave the stick where it is... it could be her own justification measure

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To those who wander but who are not lost...

~ Knowledge is not something you acquire, it is something you open yourself to.

liquidlight

This is going to sound really off the wall, but you'd be AMAZED at the resources available for genealogy.

In your phone book look up The Church of Jesus Chirst of Latter Day Saints, yeah those Mormons weirdos, then find out if they have a Family History Library in your area, they're pretty prevalent. You'll want to talk to the ward clerk most likely, any one of the listings should probably do. Their databases are HUGE, and the services are free, most of the family associations have already been built and if you have the names and birthdates of the people that you're starting with (i.e. you and your parents) you should be able to build the chains and family associations for as far back as you care to trace it.

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Halfway to hell and picking up speed.

ShaniFaye

BOR if you ever want any help let me know....I took the genealogy certification tests years and years ago. I worked with several county historical societys here in GA, and even transcribed our 1880 county census for publication. My specialy is being able to read and transcribe "old writing" deeds and wills, that kind of thing.

I got interested in the whole process when I had to prove lineage for my application to both the DAR and UDC when I was a teenager. I've run into your problem many times, but persaverance paid off in the end most times. Its always been amazing to me how many people have the same attitude as your cousin.

good luck and let me know if you need any kind of help.

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

lurkette

Spoilsport cousin. She can't just write herself out of the family - like it or not she is a leaf on the tree. She doesn't have to talk to any of the other leaves, but facts are facts, and you're documenting things. Go around her and find out what you need without her.

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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

tecoyah

Put her in.....Died 2005

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Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

sapiens

Not related to your cousin, but if you want to extend your tree back a bit further, you can get your lineage traced from your DNA and be part of the
genographic project. It's $100, but it looks really cool and it's run by national geographic.


Introduction to the project
http://www5.nationalgeographic.com/g...hic/index.html

Getting your own lineage mapped
http://www5.nationalgeographic.com/g...c/journey.html

Cynthetiq

interesting...

I am in the middle of resurrecting the family tree fire... and I'm sure I'm going to encounter people like this within the nuts of the family tree.

What did you end up doing?

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Mephisto2

Rights to privacy do not equal rites to claim not to exist.

That would be like me stating "I don't like people, so I hearby state that I am not part of the human race and I don't want to be included in the census".

She sounds bitter.

Mr Mephisto

lindseylatch

wha??? What if you were adopted?

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"If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him."
"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."
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mokle

I wish I had a family tree. About 80 years ago, my family had the same thing happen. Basically a whole chunk of the family tree was erased, and everyone that knew about it is now dead.

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Mokle
"Your hands can't hit what your eyes can't see" -Ali

ShaniFaye

Then I would have had a very difficult time proving why I was entitled to be part of both those organizations

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

f6twister

Go to other family members and get the information you need. While it's her choice to provide information or not, this is your project. Unless she files a civil lawsuit and can successfully explain to a judge why she should have her name removed from a factual family tree, she has no choice but to be listed.

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A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day. Calvin