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Old 02-20-2005, 12:40 PM   #1 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: South Florida
Really need advice, reached the end of my rope

Okay let's make a long story short. I had a girlfriend who I loved and who loved me, we went to different colleges in the fall, we grew apart (I thought this was the problem), She was the one to swing the axe on us. Now this isn't the problem, I've dealt with the breaking up well I'd say.
But I still love her, can't really help caring about her even with everything that has happened, I'll just say that it wouldn't be the right thing for us to get back together. But I still love her and care about her, and this is what puts me in this position.
After we broke up I learned about this weak side of her, that she never revealed before, Now I could tell she had it in her, but she covered it up well and I could never crack it. She has a total lack of confidence in herself, depends on people to love her to make her feel her own worth. Now that we are broken up, she has taken just a terrible turn she dealt with it hard and feels guilty, and unloved, and horrible.
Now usualy I'd butt out of her life and let her get over these things herself because my presence makes it harder, and I would if it weren't for one thing. She has told me that she has thought about hurting herself, and not just recently but before when she was really low, before we met. I tried to get her to talk to a professional but she keeps telling me that she doesn't want to. I know she's a smart girl and that she knows that she should, but I know she's prob scared to admit she has a problem. She just accepts that she is broken and cannot be fixed.
Now I just don't know what to do,I've done all I can to reassure her that she is a good person. but she just doesnt believe me, she thinks its impossible for me to still care about her and love her if we arn't together, and basicly my words mean nothing. I'm just really concerned about her. And I can't leave her alone.
I'm just a few steps away from talking to her family, but I don't want to cross that line just yet. Because I know there was a time where I considered harming myself, but it only lasted a couple days and I got over it and it hasnt bothered me since, but I would have surely been offended if I got blown up to be a major psycho. So I just don't know what to do.

Last edited by MEAD; 02-20-2005 at 12:43 PM..
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Old 02-20-2005, 12:47 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Location: California
People that hurt themselves do it for attention- I speak from past experience. Then again, she may have mental problems, but I doubt it.
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Old 02-20-2005, 01:27 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Mead: I am not sure from reading about this whether you are speaking about suicide or not. If this girl has told you that she feels suicidal then it is appropriate to get her help. Suicide needs to be taken seriously 100% of the time. If she has stated that she is suicidal, I would suggest you get off the internet and get her in touch with someone who can talk to her. Get her to talk to a professional whether it be someone on a hotline or someone at a nearby psychiatric facility.
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Old 02-20-2005, 07:57 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Since she trusts you, perhaps you can try talking to her, and finding out the root of her lack of confidence. It's much easier to talk to someone you trust, than a professional.
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Old 02-21-2005, 01:09 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Location: Pennsylvania
That's one weird situation, and a lot of it depends on the specifics. Like La Petite Moi said, it could be just a call for attention. But how you should respond depends on how you and her are right now. Obviously there is a physical distance between the two of you; is there anyway you can meet face to face and just talk? Or would she completely reject that? The course of action you take depends entirely on the exact situation; I really don't think there's an easy answer for this. Talk is best, if she'll talk.

But take everything I say (and everyone else says) with a grain of salt.
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Old 02-24-2005, 01:25 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Location: Western New York
If she doesn't think you could still care about her and worry about her without dating just remind her that she is the only person that you have ever loved. Probably on a level much deeper than just normal boyfriend girlfriend stuff if you still feel that strongly about her and that love that true doesn't just go away when you stop holding hands.
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Old 02-24-2005, 04:34 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Location: Charleston, SC
Quote:
Originally Posted by la petite moi
People that hurt themselves do it for attention- I speak from past experience. Then again, she may have mental problems, but I doubt it.
I disagree with this. Sometimes you can be so sad and low that hurting yourself is only an attempt to end the horrible pain. It has nothing to do with wanting attention.

A lot of times people who are suicidal give out warning signs that others ignore because they think "oh they aren't serious". If you really love and care for this girl and you know that her family does also, I would tell them. There is nothing bad that can come from them knowing her pain.
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Old 02-26-2005, 02:26 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Let her family know, she has put it out there and you can't take chances. Let them support her and get her to someone to speak with. Although many people here seem to think you can help her, you are too emotionally involved and she is too dependant on you. It would be best for you to back away a little so she can work through this in a fair manner on her own.
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Old 03-12-2005, 06:31 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Location: with spirit
The way I see it is you love her unconditionally - a rare and beautiful thing. Her love for you was conditional - she depended on you for self love... when you went your seperate ways you no longer filled her need, thus the break up. She now has no-one to validate her self-worth, in that her current turmoil and pain. Can you talk with her of these things - I feel that by talking to you about hurting herself she is actually asking for help?

It has almost been a month since your post... are you able to update this thread to where it's all at? I am interested
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Old 03-12-2005, 09:33 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Location: Waterloo
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Nikki*
I disagree with this. Sometimes you can be so sad and low that hurting yourself is only an attempt to end the horrible pain. It has nothing to do with wanting attention.
There's a large difference between hurting yourself and killing yourself. If you feel so low that you want to die by doing it to yourself, you would do it properly, to make sure the deed is done. If you didn't do it properly and purposefully did something that probably wouldn't kill you, it's a cry for attention.
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Old 03-17-2005, 02:08 PM   #11 (permalink)
Oh dear God he breeded
 
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Location: Arizona
Take a deep breath, turn around, and walk away. This is no longer your problem. She made the call, let her deal with it. There is nothing you can do to fix her. The only one that can make that call is her. Just walk away.
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Old 03-17-2005, 04:19 PM   #12 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: Canberra
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seer666
Take a deep breath, turn around, and walk away. This is no longer your problem. She made the call, let her deal with it. There is nothing you can do to fix her. The only one that can make that call is her. Just walk away.
I know i couldn't live with myself if i knew a friend had a problem, and commited suicide, and i didn't do anything about it.

One of my best friends killed himself last november, no one knew anything was wrong at the time, but when thought about we noticed a few signs that he was unhappy.

It's good that she has at least mentioned that she has a problem to you, it may only be words now, but that can quickly change.
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Old 04-08-2005, 11:44 PM   #13 (permalink)
Oh dear God he breeded
 
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Location: Arizona
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minorci
I know i couldn't live with myself if i knew a friend had a problem, and commited suicide, and i didn't do anything about it.

One of my best friends killed himself last november, no one knew anything was wrong at the time, but when thought about we noticed a few signs that he was unhappy.

It's good that she has at least mentioned that she has a problem to you, it may only be words now, but that can quickly change.

I've had to many friends take that way out. It sucks. Hard. For my friends, and the one that know me real world here can back me, I will move heaven and earth to help. There is nothing I will not do to help a friend. That being said, I still think the best thing here is to walk away. It seems to me from what I've read, she wants things over. Done. Talk to the family, make that last attempt to help, but after that, all he can really do is let her go her own way. With luck she'll understand that he wants to help, and won the road let him, but until she desides to fix herself, there is nothing to do but stand to the side, much as that may suck to.
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