Girlfriend/Boyfriend = Accomplishment in Life? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

IC3 · 01-27-2005, 02:37 PM

Guys & Gals, Is having a girlfriend or boyfriend in life looked at as an accomplishment?

Whenever i see family members it seems to be the first question out of thier mouths, "Where's your girlfriend" It drives me fucking insane, Is being single these days some kind of crime? My own family makes me feel like some kind of outcast, It also makes me feel like an idiot because all the cousins on my mothers side have boyfriends/Girlfriends....Then there's me.

I have accepted the fact that i will probably be single for a long time to come, But it makes me not want to go and see family because i think they look at me differently from the rest of the family...Atleast they make it seem like they do.

I'm not the type of guy that will go to the bar and sweet talk a girl, It's almost like you have to pretend to be somebody that your not and tell a girl what she wants to hear just to be able to sit next to her and get to know her.

I rather be me and the girl be herself and just talk, But that doesn't work very well.

Nothing against any of the females here on TFP..I am not disrespecting any girl here or anywhere else, But so much is centered around girls that it can almost be intimidating, Like the Toronto Sun's Sunshinegirl (Newspaper) "If you want a shot at her" Like WTF is "if you want a shot at her" The media makes girls out to be some kind of Trophy for men, Which i think is very disrespectfull..to me anyways.

My teenage years were just like any normal teenager's was, I partied, I smoked, I drank and had sex with girlfriends..But it seemed like as soon as i hit 20 it all went downhill.

6 years later with no girl in my life, Family always asking when i'm gonna have a girlfriend and no motivation to be someone i'm not to impress a girl.

So i feel like i'm looked at as a failure to my family and friends.

Or am i just thinking to much & to hard?

Coppertop · 01-27-2005, 02:41 PM

I was in your shoes. Now it's "When are you going to get married?" And I am sure that after that it'll be "When are you going to give me grandkids?" That's just the way it goes it would seem.

Master_Shake · 01-27-2005, 02:43 PM

Quote:

"Where's your girlfriend" It drives me fucking insane, Is being single these days some kind of crime?

No, but these people are all miserable bastards with sexless marriages and children who hate them and they can't stand to think that you might be enjoying yourself by not having to pay child support or alimony.

Quote:

I rather be me and the girl be herself and just talk, But that doesn't work very well.

It works well with hookers. They generally don't care who I am, just if I can afford their time.

la petite moi · 01-27-2005, 02:56 PM

Don't let people bug you into having a girlfriend- when they ask about your personal life, just start asking them personal questions back. "I see you're in the throws of a divorce; have you found a new girlfriend/boyfriend yet?"

Well, maybe not. But still, if they harass you, just look at them like they are retarded and respond with: "No, why?" If Grandma or other similar relative asks, they most likely aren't trying to pry, but respond with: "No, I don't. I'm trying to improve myself more before I get involved with anyone." You can add any kind of recent accomplishment too.

You have plenty of time to get a girlfriend, and take your time.

Pip · 01-27-2005, 03:35 PM

At least you don't get the comments about your "biological clock", or your mom yapping about how all her friends have grandkids now. My favourite so far is this one however: "Isn't it about time you got a boyfriend? No? A girlfriend then?" (My mom, got to love her.)
I suppose they just want you to be happy. I'm glad my relatives aren't too obsessive about it though.

Hardknock · 01-27-2005, 04:24 PM

I'm in the same boat man, I've been married for 8 years and just last year we really started getting "where's the gramdkids" vibe. personally, I'd love to indluge them it just isn't the right time with work and all.

Concentrate what makes you you and don't devote all your time to nabbing a mate. It all comes in due time.

lurkette · 01-27-2005, 04:38 PM

Feh - people are nosy and rude. They expect everyone's life to follow the same pattern, and it's a mark of a lack of imagination that they can't find anything else to talk about besides when you're going to get with the program and act like they expect you to. Live your life the way that makes you happy, and do things in your own time. And when they ask you "Where's your girlfriend?" say "Oh, I locked her in the trunk."

StanT · 01-27-2005, 05:03 PM

My parents are devout Catholics, my wife and I are pretty darn heathen. We got married by a judge at the courthouse. 2 daughters and a gazillion years later, I still get asked when we're going to get married in a church.

"I'm not sure she's a keeper, yet" usually shuts them up.

skier · 01-27-2005, 05:04 PM

Fuck them. There is absolutley no reason you have to validate yourself to them because of their preconcieved notions about society. If you are comfortable about not having a girlfriend, that is absolutley your business and you don't need to make any sort of excuse to your family/friends.

IC3 · 01-27-2005, 05:08 PM

For the most part i am happy single, I do what i want to do. There are times when i wish i had a partner though..That doesn't take long to fix though

But in today's world it's very hard to make it on your own, I want to make it on my own and prove to myself that i can do it, but i also don't wanna live struggling on my own to pay the Bills, Rent & Food..and other needs.

Ahh well..Time will tell

Stiltzkin · 01-27-2005, 07:20 PM

I like Lurkette's advice, she knows what she's talking about

settie · 01-27-2005, 07:52 PM

I agree with skier. Live life the way you want.

And Lurkette: lol! I am so using that the next time my uncle asks "where is your boyfriend?" :P

IC3 · 01-27-2005, 10:37 PM

Ya..I just might say that Lurkette to see the looks on thier faces lol

Demeter · 01-28-2005, 02:48 AM

Some people are programmed to ask those stupid questions without thinking about it. I had an aunt ask me if I was dating anyone yet. My man had only passed away 6 weeks previously. That had better have been a mindless remark.

Schwan · 01-28-2005, 03:04 AM

It's a social thing. The society you live in expects you to have a steady, monogamistic relationship. I don't think there's anything to get worked up about. You might just as well be angry that people drive fast or that some steal. No point. Just go about your business and don't worry about the samll stuff.

Rodney · 01-28-2005, 06:07 AM

I didn't have any steady relationship at all until my late '20s, and I didn't have any _healthy_ steady relationships until my early '30s. Everybody's different. I eventually got married to somebody who's _a lot_ like me, but not so much that we get on each other's nerves. It's solid, and I'm glad I didn't commit to anything else just to make people happy. At one point, my mother asked me if I was gay!

Better to stay single all your life -- much better -- than to settle for less than the person who really suits you. If he/she doesn't come along, that's the breaks. Just make friends and dont' worry about relationships.

My wife is in a women's group that meets weekly to talk about sprirituality and their lives and such matters, and about 50 percent of the group isn't real happy with their marriages -- and these are the people who've been in marriages 10-20 years, have kids, and _aren't_ thinking of divorces. Between making money, raising the kids, and exhaustion, there really isn't anything in their marriages except, frankly, a practical working relationship. And a lot of _these_ people are the ones who are bugging you.

drakers · 01-28-2005, 09:35 AM

I didn't have any girlfriend until I met my wife when I was 20 years old, so I know how it feels to just be by yourself for a long time. But it was worth it because I found the right person to spend my life with.

greeneyes · 01-28-2005, 06:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IC3

For the most part i am happy single, I do what i want to do. There are times when i wish i had a partner though..That doesn't take long to fix though

But in today's world it's very hard to make it on your own, I want to make it on my own and prove to myself that i can do it, but i also don't wanna live struggling on my own to pay the Bills, Rent & Food..and other needs.

Ahh well..Time will tell

Someone to help pay the bills, rent, and food shouldn't be a concern when looking for a partner. When I was just beginning to date, my mom told me to only date when I was emotionally and financially ready. Of course at the time I thought she was full of shit and just trying to keep me from seeing boys at the ripe old age of fifteen but it turns out she was right. Since becoming completely independent, my relationships have been by far healthier. I'm not dependent on him and he isn't dependent on me, at least money-wise. And if you consider that the number one thing that couple fight about is money, then mom was more right than I knew.

And getting back to what the thread was orginally about, Coppertop was right, when you finally get a girlfriend, people will ask you when you are getting married. You'll just keep trading one annoying question for another until you finally tell them it's your life and you'll fill them in on it as you see fit.

gondath · 01-28-2005, 08:19 PM

Get a partner only if you want one. Don't care what anybody else thinks. You have to be happy with your own life. Even if you think you don't need or want anyone, you might end up meeting someone by chance anyways. I think though that it's the mating game itself that has kepy you single, from the way you have described finding a girl. It can be hard to rise above the ranks of other eligible males to achieve a girl. Just try to play the game in your own way. There's no sense being a different person and become someone you don't really want to be. Keep your eyes open and let life happen.

lurkette · 01-29-2005, 07:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greeneyes

Coppertop was right, when you finally get a girlfriend, people will ask you when you are getting married. You'll just keep trading one annoying question for another

So, when are you going to get a girlfriend?
When are you two getting married?
When are you having a baby?
When are you going to have another kid?
When are you going to have another kid?
When are you going to retire?
When are your kids getting married?
When are you going to be a grandparent?
OY!!!

You might try "So, when are you going to kick off and die?" for people you are particularly pissed off at. It's only following the progression

FngKestrel · 01-29-2005, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lurkette

So, when are you going to get a girlfriend?
When are you two getting married?
When are you having a baby?
When are you going to have another kid?
When are you going to have another kid?
When are you going to retire?
When are your kids getting married?
When are you going to be a grandparent?
OY!!!

My grandmother has asked the girlfriend question so many times now that she's moved onto the married question even though I'm not dating anyone.

I think she's getting impatient. She's pushing 100 though, so it's understandable.

jstory · 02-02-2005, 11:42 PM

I get so sick of my family asking me the same question, dude i suppose its something we will just have to live with.

jstory · 02-02-2005, 11:43 PM

At least its not as bad as the people who get asked "so when are you going to get a job"

Suave · 02-03-2005, 12:25 PM

I have the same problem, but I just laugh it off normally. My grandma gets hilariously untactful when she's drinking, and if my aunts or uncles say "Why don't you have a girlfriend?" I just go "Why should I?" which pretty much shuts them up for the rest of the night.

I think it's based on the whole akwardness of family gatherings though. You're related, have known each other for years, are completely different generations and possibly have little in common. They rack their brains for ways to sound interested in you or start up conversation, and the best they come up with a lot of the time are those asinine questions that everyone despises.

nohitters · 02-08-2005, 07:23 PM

I definitely wouldn't worry about it. For the longest time I was trying as hard as i could to get a girlfriend. After I was lied to by 3 different girls I started to think. If you get hooked, you lose so much free time its not even funny. My buddies and I get together almost every weekend to play poker, Halo 2, box, etc.... and If I had a girlfriend, I would have to miss it all. My suggestion is to just wait until all of your friends get dragged away by those damn little devils we call women or you stop having as much fun with them.

Peace

spindles · 02-08-2005, 07:33 PM

Organise a mate to come to a family function as your "partner". That'll either shut em up or give them something different to talk about.

FngKestrel · 02-12-2005, 11:42 AM

Update on my dear old grandmother.

I'm visiting her for Chinese New Years. Keep in mind I don't have a girlfriend. First line of questioning is when am I getting married. About a minute later, she says that she's already picked out the chinese name for my child! Yikes.

01-27-2005, 02:37 PM	#1 (permalink)
IC3 Poison Location: Canada	Girlfriend/Boyfriend = Accomplishment in Life? Guys & Gals, Is having a girlfriend or boyfriend in life looked at as an accomplishment? Whenever i see family members it seems to be the first question out of thier mouths, "Where's your girlfriend" It drives me fucking insane, Is being single these days some kind of crime? My own family makes me feel like some kind of outcast, It also makes me feel like an idiot because all the cousins on my mothers side have boyfriends/Girlfriends....Then there's me. I have accepted the fact that i will probably be single for a long time to come, But it makes me not want to go and see family because i think they look at me differently from the rest of the family...Atleast they make it seem like they do. I'm not the type of guy that will go to the bar and sweet talk a girl, It's almost like you have to pretend to be somebody that your not and tell a girl what she wants to hear just to be able to sit next to her and get to know her. I rather be me and the girl be herself and just talk, But that doesn't work very well. Nothing against any of the females here on TFP..I am not disrespecting any girl here or anywhere else, But so much is centered around girls that it can almost be intimidating, Like the Toronto Sun's Sunshinegirl (Newspaper) "If you want a shot at her" Like WTF is "if you want a shot at her" The media makes girls out to be some kind of Trophy for men, Which i think is very disrespectfull..to me anyways. My teenage years were just like any normal teenager's was, I partied, I smoked, I drank and had sex with girlfriends..But it seemed like as soon as i hit 20 it all went downhill. 6 years later with no girl in my life, Family always asking when i'm gonna have a girlfriend and no motivation to be someone i'm not to impress a girl. So i feel like i'm looked at as a failure to my family and friends. Or am i just thinking to much & to hard? __________________ "To win any battle, you must fight as if you were already dead" -Musashi Last edited by IC3; 01-27-2005 at 02:41 PM..

01-27-2005, 02:41 PM	#2 (permalink)
Coppertop Getting Medieval on your ass Location: 13th century Europe	I was in your shoes. Now it's "When are you going to get married?" And I am sure that after that it'll be "When are you going to give me grandkids?" That's just the way it goes it would seem. Last edited by Coppertop; 01-27-2005 at 03:38 PM..

01-27-2005, 04:38 PM	#7 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	Feh - people are nosy and rude. They expect everyone's life to follow the same pattern, and it's a mark of a lack of imagination that they can't find anything else to talk about besides when you're going to get with the program and act like they expect you to. Live your life the way that makes you happy, and do things in your own time. And when they ask you "Where's your girlfriend?" say "Oh, I locked her in the trunk." __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

01-27-2005, 05:04 PM	#9 (permalink)
skier Rawr! Location: Edmontania	Fuck them. There is absolutley no reason you have to validate yourself to them because of their preconcieved notions about society. If you are comfortable about not having a girlfriend, that is absolutley your business and you don't need to make any sort of excuse to your family/friends. __________________ "Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim

01-27-2005, 05:08 PM	#10 (permalink)
IC3 Poison Location: Canada	For the most part i am happy single, I do what i want to do. There are times when i wish i had a partner though..That doesn't take long to fix though But in today's world it's very hard to make it on your own, I want to make it on my own and prove to myself that i can do it, but i also don't wanna live struggling on my own to pay the Bills, Rent & Food..and other needs. Ahh well..Time will tell __________________ "To win any battle, you must fight as if you were already dead" -Musashi Last edited by IC3; 01-27-2005 at 05:10 PM..

01-27-2005, 02:56 PM	#4 (permalink)
la petite moi Filling the Void. Location: California	Don't let people bug you into having a girlfriend- when they ask about your personal life, just start asking them personal questions back. "I see you're in the throws of a divorce; have you found a new girlfriend/boyfriend yet?" Well, maybe not. But still, if they harass you, just look at them like they are retarded and respond with: "No, why?" If Grandma or other similar relative asks, they most likely aren't trying to pry, but respond with: "No, I don't. I'm trying to improve myself more before I get involved with anyone." You can add any kind of recent accomplishment too. You have plenty of time to get a girlfriend, and take your time.

01-27-2005, 03:35 PM	#5 (permalink)
Pip Likes Hats Location: Stockholm, Sweden	At least you don't get the comments about your "biological clock", or your mom yapping about how all her friends have grandkids now. My favourite so far is this one however: "Isn't it about time you got a boyfriend? No? A girlfriend then?" (My mom, got to love her.) I suppose they just want you to be happy. I'm glad my relatives aren't too obsessive about it though.

01-27-2005, 04:24 PM	#6 (permalink)
Hardknock Republican slayer Location: WA	I'm in the same boat man, I've been married for 8 years and just last year we really started getting "where's the gramdkids" vibe. personally, I'd love to indluge them it just isn't the right time with work and all. Concentrate what makes you you and don't devote all your time to nabbing a mate. It all comes in due time.

01-27-2005, 05:03 PM	#8 (permalink)
StanT © Location: Colorado	My parents are devout Catholics, my wife and I are pretty darn heathen. We got married by a judge at the courthouse. 2 daughters and a gazillion years later, I still get asked when we're going to get married in a church. "I'm not sure she's a keeper, yet" usually shuts them up.

01-27-2005, 07:20 PM	#11 (permalink)
Stiltzkin Junkie	I like Lurkette's advice, she knows what she's talking about __________________ The most important thing in this world is love. Last edited by Stiltzkin; 01-29-2005 at 10:28 AM..

01-27-2005, 07:52 PM	#12 (permalink)
settie Junkie	I agree with skier. Live life the way you want. And Lurkette: lol! I am so using that the next time my uncle asks "where is your boyfriend?" :P

01-27-2005, 10:37 PM	#13 (permalink)
IC3 Poison Location: Canada	Ya..I just might say that Lurkette to see the looks on thier faces lol __________________ "To win any battle, you must fight as if you were already dead" -Musashi

01-28-2005, 02:48 AM	#14 (permalink)
Demeter Psycho	Some people are programmed to ask those stupid questions without thinking about it. I had an aunt ask me if I was dating anyone yet. My man had only passed away 6 weeks previously. That had better have been a mindless remark.

01-28-2005, 03:04 AM	#15 (permalink)
Schwan A boy and his dog Location: EU!	It's a social thing. The society you live in expects you to have a steady, monogamistic relationship. I don't think there's anything to get worked up about. You might just as well be angry that people drive fast or that some steal. No point. Just go about your business and don't worry about the samll stuff.

01-28-2005, 06:07 AM	#16 (permalink)
Rodney Observant Ruminant Location: Rich Wannabe Hippie Town	I didn't have any steady relationship at all until my late '20s, and I didn't have any _healthy_ steady relationships until my early '30s. Everybody's different. I eventually got married to somebody who's _a lot_ like me, but not so much that we get on each other's nerves. It's solid, and I'm glad I didn't commit to anything else just to make people happy. At one point, my mother asked me if I was gay! Better to stay single all your life -- much better -- than to settle for less than the person who really suits you. If he/she doesn't come along, that's the breaks. Just make friends and dont' worry about relationships. My wife is in a women's group that meets weekly to talk about sprirituality and their lives and such matters, and about 50 percent of the group isn't real happy with their marriages -- and these are the people who've been in marriages 10-20 years, have kids, and _aren't_ thinking of divorces. Between making money, raising the kids, and exhaustion, there really isn't anything in their marriages except, frankly, a practical working relationship. And a lot of _these_ people are the ones who are bugging you.

01-28-2005, 09:35 AM	#17 (permalink)
drakers Psycho Location: IOWA	I didn't have any girlfriend until I met my wife when I was 20 years old, so I know how it feels to just be by yourself for a long time. But it was worth it because I found the right person to spend my life with.

01-28-2005, 08:19 PM	#19 (permalink)
gondath Insane Location: Alton, IL	Get a partner only if you want one. Don't care what anybody else thinks. You have to be happy with your own life. Even if you think you don't need or want anyone, you might end up meeting someone by chance anyways. I think though that it's the mating game itself that has kepy you single, from the way you have described finding a girl. It can be hard to rise above the ranks of other eligible males to achieve a girl. Just try to play the game in your own way. There's no sense being a different person and become someone you don't really want to be. Keep your eyes open and let life happen.

02-02-2005, 11:42 PM	#22 (permalink)
jstory Crazy	I get so sick of my family asking me the same question, dude i suppose its something we will just have to live with.

02-02-2005, 11:43 PM	#23 (permalink)
jstory Crazy	At least its not as bad as the people who get asked "so when are you going to get a job"

02-03-2005, 12:25 PM	#24 (permalink)
Suave Twitterpated Location: My own little world (also Canada)	I have the same problem, but I just laugh it off normally. My grandma gets hilariously untactful when she's drinking, and if my aunts or uncles say "Why don't you have a girlfriend?" I just go "Why should I?" which pretty much shuts them up for the rest of the night. I think it's based on the whole akwardness of family gatherings though. You're related, have known each other for years, are completely different generations and possibly have little in common. They rack their brains for ways to sound interested in you or start up conversation, and the best they come up with a lot of the time are those asinine questions that everyone despises. __________________ "Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato Last edited by Suave; 02-03-2005 at 12:30 PM..

02-08-2005, 07:23 PM	#25 (permalink)
nohitters Tilted	I definitely wouldn't worry about it. For the longest time I was trying as hard as i could to get a girlfriend. After I was lied to by 3 different girls I started to think. If you get hooked, you lose so much free time its not even funny. My buddies and I get together almost every weekend to play poker, Halo 2, box, etc.... and If I had a girlfriend, I would have to miss it all. My suggestion is to just wait until all of your friends get dragged away by those damn little devils we call women or you stop having as much fun with them. Peace

02-08-2005, 07:33 PM	#26 (permalink)
spindles Mine is an evil laugh Location: Sydney, Australia	Organise a mate to come to a family function as your "partner". That'll either shut em up or give them something different to talk about. __________________ who hid my keyboard's PANIC button?

02-12-2005, 11:42 AM	#27 (permalink)
FngKestrel Junkie	Update on my dear old grandmother. I'm visiting her for Chinese New Years. Keep in mind I don't have a girlfriend. First line of questioning is when am I getting married. About a minute later, she says that she's already picked out the chinese name for my child! Yikes.