I need opinions - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

FailedEagle · 12-09-2004, 12:51 PM

I hope I chose the correct place to put this thread. I'm in a very difficult position and need help making the "right" choice.

I started my job almost 5 years ago when I was 16, working as a cook. I have moved up through the ranks to assistant manager. Along the way I've made friends that have worked there as well. One such "friend" is a guy we'll call John.

John and I have gotten along pretty good in the last 5 years, we've become pretty close friends. He's 2 years older than myself, (I'll be 21 on the sixteenth). I've always know he's got problems, mostly dealing with anger. He's unstable, and when he goes he goes. (He's six foot three, and prolly weighs 190-200, very strong).

He went out with a girl for 4 years and recently broke up with her. She is 21 and the sweetest girl anyone could ask for. She has stuck with him through thick and thin, he's cheated on her 3-4 times and she found out about it and still stuck with him. Through all the arguements and all his anger, she still stuck with him.

Now, this girl we'll call her Sue, is who he's dating now. We just recently found out that they have had sex. Sue is 17, (Which is legal in our state). She was best friends with John's step-sister, so this has obviously severed their relationship. No one approves of this step that he has taken, however, it was his step to take. It has pretty much broken their family apart. John lives with his step-brother in a duplex, and I guess that isn't working either.

His ex and I talked for like 2 hours the other night, and she explained that she thinks he is manically depressed, she is over him and realizes that he won't ever change because he doesn't want to change and possible doesn't even realize he has these problems. She also works with us, (as does his step-mom, step-brother, step-sister, current girlfriend, and uncle . . . . yeah, I know)

Now I'm not sure how to handle the entire situation but this shit's starting to boil over. What are your takes?

Do I talk to John? Is that what a good friend would do? Should I just leave it alone? Apparently he's been talking shit behind my back recently, but he came over the other evening and seemed to be reaching for help, but perhaps it was one of his plans to "draw me over to his side". Would it be wrong for me to just let things work out for themselves? Would I be selfish to do that?

These are the questions running through my head.

Lebell · 12-09-2004, 12:59 PM

I see the back-ground information, but I don't understand the question.

Boiling over? In what way?

What are you looking to handle?

Otherwise, it seems to me that you are observing a train wreck in slow motion and can't do a damn thing about it, except possibly offer a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.

Coppertop · 12-09-2004, 01:04 PM

Wait, I'm confused: who's Tim?

FailedEagle · 12-09-2004, 01:18 PM

Sorry, I edited it, If more elaboration is needed, I'll attempt to do so.

dksuddeth · 12-09-2004, 01:43 PM

You're the friend in this 'train wreck', right? Be the friend, not the counselor. If 'John' asks you for your opinion, give it. If he needs to just vent(not in a physical way obviously) then listen to him. Otherwise, you're risking an awful lot if you venture in to the middle of a family affair.

Rodney · 12-09-2004, 06:07 PM

I agree with the guy above, but if John's venting is nothing but an elaborate self-justification (none of his troubles are his fault), then you have to actively disagree. Otherwise, he's going to assume that he's got your support to go on the way he is, may even be actively trying to get it from you. This may be a little scary, but if you don't disagree, you're just digging yourself in deeper because he'll try to suck you in and involve you even more.

FL8ME · 12-10-2004, 09:00 PM

If you're his true friend, you have to tell him straight away what he needs to hear, not what he wants to hear. You have to tell him what he's doing is ruining a lot of things, and if he can't take you being the friend you think you are, then screw him. He's dead weight.

12-09-2004, 12:51 PM	#1 (permalink)
FailedEagle Crazy	I need opinions I hope I chose the correct place to put this thread. I'm in a very difficult position and need help making the "right" choice. I started my job almost 5 years ago when I was 16, working as a cook. I have moved up through the ranks to assistant manager. Along the way I've made friends that have worked there as well. One such "friend" is a guy we'll call John. John and I have gotten along pretty good in the last 5 years, we've become pretty close friends. He's 2 years older than myself, (I'll be 21 on the sixteenth). I've always know he's got problems, mostly dealing with anger. He's unstable, and when he goes he goes. (He's six foot three, and prolly weighs 190-200, very strong). He went out with a girl for 4 years and recently broke up with her. She is 21 and the sweetest girl anyone could ask for. She has stuck with him through thick and thin, he's cheated on her 3-4 times and she found out about it and still stuck with him. Through all the arguements and all his anger, she still stuck with him. Now, this girl we'll call her Sue, is who he's dating now. We just recently found out that they have had sex. Sue is 17, (Which is legal in our state). She was best friends with John's step-sister, so this has obviously severed their relationship. No one approves of this step that he has taken, however, it was his step to take. It has pretty much broken their family apart. John lives with his step-brother in a duplex, and I guess that isn't working either. His ex and I talked for like 2 hours the other night, and she explained that she thinks he is manically depressed, she is over him and realizes that he won't ever change because he doesn't want to change and possible doesn't even realize he has these problems. She also works with us, (as does his step-mom, step-brother, step-sister, current girlfriend, and uncle . . . . yeah, I know) Now I'm not sure how to handle the entire situation but this shit's starting to boil over. What are your takes? Do I talk to John? Is that what a good friend would do? Should I just leave it alone? Apparently he's been talking shit behind my back recently, but he came over the other evening and seemed to be reaching for help, but perhaps it was one of his plans to "draw me over to his side". Would it be wrong for me to just let things work out for themselves? Would I be selfish to do that? These are the questions running through my head. __________________ Head over to Nonsense to sign up for the newest round Of the Trivial Racing Image Game. Hurry. Last edited by FailedEagle; 12-09-2004 at 01:16 PM..

12-09-2004, 12:59 PM	#2 (permalink)
Lebell Cracking the Whip Location: Sexymama's arms...	I see the back-ground information, but I don't understand the question. Boiling over? In what way? What are you looking to handle? Otherwise, it seems to me that you are observing a train wreck in slow motion and can't do a damn thing about it, except possibly offer a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. __________________ "Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis The ONLY sponsors we have are YOU! Please Donate!

12-09-2004, 01:18 PM	#4 (permalink)
FailedEagle Crazy	Sorry, I edited it, If more elaboration is needed, I'll attempt to do so. __________________ Head over to Nonsense to sign up for the newest round Of the Trivial Racing Image Game. Hurry.

12-09-2004, 01:43 PM	#5 (permalink)
dksuddeth Junkie Location: bedford, tx	You're the friend in this 'train wreck', right? Be the friend, not the counselor. If 'John' asks you for your opinion, give it. If he needs to just vent(not in a physical way obviously) then listen to him. Otherwise, you're risking an awful lot if you venture in to the middle of a family affair. __________________ "no amount of force can control a free man, a man whose mind is free. No, not the rack, not fission bombs, not anything. You cannot conquer a free man; the most you can do is kill him."

12-09-2004, 01:04 PM	#3 (permalink)
Coppertop Getting Medieval on your ass Location: 13th century Europe	Wait, I'm confused: who's Tim?

12-09-2004, 06:07 PM	#6 (permalink)
Rodney Observant Ruminant Location: Rich Wannabe Hippie Town	I agree with the guy above, but if John's venting is nothing but an elaborate self-justification (none of his troubles are his fault), then you have to actively disagree. Otherwise, he's going to assume that he's got your support to go on the way he is, may even be actively trying to get it from you. This may be a little scary, but if you don't disagree, you're just digging yourself in deeper because he'll try to suck you in and involve you even more.

12-10-2004, 09:00 PM	#7 (permalink)
FL8ME Upright Location: Japan	If you're his true friend, you have to tell him straight away what he needs to hear, not what he wants to hear. You have to tell him what he's doing is ruining a lot of things, and if he can't take you being the friend you think you are, then screw him. He's dead weight.