Nagging
 

Everything was fine. I picked her up from work, we were going to get gas and then something to eat, and watch Mad About Yous. You know, nice, quiet, wholesome fun, just the two of us.

She goes off about some small thing, which leads to another small thing, creating a bigger thing. I sit and I listen and I listen and I listen. I don't really want to aggro the situation further. We get gas and she seems fine again, asking me what I want to eat. I've lost my appetite...for a good long while. We go home, I'm tired, I hit the sack. I wake up around midnight, she's asleep on the couch. I get up, she asks me if I am done sleeping and I say yeah, so she switches to the bed. But before she lies down she feels the need to yell some more.

I sit there, and I take it. Because I love her, and I know that if I said something, it would just ignite more nastiness. I take my verbal beating and she goes to bed.

19 times of 20...no, make that 29 times out of 30 when someone in this household criticizes another person, it's her criticizing me. Sure she does things that annoy me, but for the most part I let them slide because I love her and it's not that big of a deal. Guys, for the most part, aren't as intense, it seems, as girls. We can relax, we can take it easy, we can chill without intensely hostile verbal repetitive communication.

Of course, not all female need it, and some men do. So I'll try not to let the stereotypes take the wheel here.

Instead, I'll ask you to take the poll, honestly. I'd like to see how this cookie crumbles. (I know the poll veers towards heterosexual relationship with the whole male/female thing, but this is rather crucial to the subtle point I may or may not be making.)

I know what you mean my brutha! My wife isn't so bad with the nagging, it happens but not constantly. Mainly driving sets her off, she tends to critisize my driving then when I tell her to knock it off she denies doing it. She does things driving all the time I find questionable but I don't say anything because I don't care. Hey I'm still breathing, we didn't hit anything so why cause trouble? When she gets mad though she REALLY gets mad. She can be mad for days. Myself and I think most guys just don't have the energy to stay that mad. I mean, I'll get mad for maybe fifteen minutes and its over. I'm done and move on. Ask me later and I probably won't even remember it. If I'm REALLY mad over a large issue it might last a day. Once I've slept I'm over it. The wife however will hold on to a good mad FOREVER! I just don't care that much. It takes way too much energy and time. I usually just take it and aquiesce. I'm gonna do what I want anyway and fighting is only going to drag it out. I know I'm right and thats good enough for me! :) Maybe guys life views are somewhat simpler. I've got food, I get laid, money in my pocket, beyond that I want as little grief as possible so I don't go looking for it.

i think it goes both ways equally. i think the nagging isnt just plain simple for the hell of it nagging...its probably rooted to some other issue and is used as an outlet. some choose to nag while others express themselves in other ways.

im currently in a relationship that is nag free...yeah...i feel that it is only because we have such great communication.

in my previous relationship i could never understand the constant nagging about meaningless things. i always had the "my excuse is never good as your excuse" double standard thing going on. she was always justified in her actions where my justifications were just absurd.

AMEN! Brother StephenSa.

"Nagging" is in the eye of the beholder. If you hear it as nagging, it's nagging. If you hear it as contribution and valuable input, it's contribution and valuable input. The same words, being delivered the same way.

That said, I voted "I'm male and she does most of the nagging"... Because usually I'm not able to hear it as contribution and valuable input.

I nag my wife about certain things and its always the same things over and over. For example, she absolutely hates calling people that she doesn't know, but sometimes she has to, so I usually nag her to do it until she does it. She nags me for keeping our place clean, but I usually try to tell her to look at how much better I am at it now, and that its a process, not an event. I think nagging is pretty normal.
I get nagged by all types of people like my parents, professors, friends, but at some point it becomes really annoying. My ex used to nag me all of the time, so much so that I actually began keeping records of each time she nagged me and charted it by day on a graph. After a while, I shared this information with her. Lets just say, shes my ex.

For me, it ususally goes in one ear and out the other. She will nag something to death, but until she pushes the right button, I don't seem to hear her. I hate being nagged in any way shape or form, makes me not want to do shit for the nagger.

ROFL!

That's hilarious man :p

Yeah I nag.

However since men are so aware of what brings on the nagging then they should not do things to cause it.

This is my take on the situation.

I voted we dont nag, but before you guys decide to kill me for an untruth, let me clarify - I think we nag each other about the same amount.

I didn't think it was possible for someone to nag that much but my wife is the proof. Each day brings a new topic, at least it did until she ran out of topics. Now its just a rerun of the old stuff, but still a new one each day.

The difference between us:

I ask her about something, I get an answer, I move on.

She asks me a question, I give an answer, she asks more questions, I give more answers, she complains about my answers, I stop answering, she complains that I'm no longer answering, I give up, she complains that I give up, I ask her what she wants me to say, she complains that I don't know what to say, etc, etc, etc, etc.

I AM A BITCH. Sorry, had to say that. I nag my boyfriend constantly, even though I feel awful about it. I just always have to vent about everything, and am very vocal. To me, he seems very apathetic about certain topics, though that's probably wrong. He listens to me nag him all the time. I feel sorry for him.

Dude, I'm such a nagger... it pisses my boyfriend off to no end. I try to control it though. It usually happens when I've had a bad day or something, so he understands.

Nikki has hit the spot on this one. My wife nags me constantly, and I deserve every damn minute of it that I get. She hates nagging, but thank God she does, because I'm a much better person for it.

Only a person who loves you would put out the painful effort to work that hard for something.

I'd try telling her, "Hey, I appreciate your contribution and value your input, but please shut the fuck up already", but I am not so sure how much she would appreciate my contribution and input. Ok, I get what you mean, but that's more along the lines of "if this were a perfect world"...

The poll needs one more option-

We argue equally.

My wife and I rarely argue but most of our friends do and they seem to do so equally well. Especially in the longer relationships, friends I have know for twenty years or more, it just seems to equal out after a time. (And worsen usually.)

my wife sometimes seems to nag me, but it is usually because i have (or havent) done something, and it pissing her off. usually there is a root cause, and that is what i always try to take it back to to sort it out.

i think it has a lot to do with the different ways women and men deal with things - women are better generally at vocalising whats on their minds perhaps? i personally am a "brooder" - i let anger simmer for days in my head - but i much prefer the way my wife is upfront about things. i left my clothes on the floor, she tells me she is pissed about it, end of story. if it was me, i would get angry about it, not say anything for 4 days, finally blow up and say a load of things i didnt mean because i was so angry, and then spend another week making up. so its all equal i guess, ultimately, just a part of the rich tapestry of an intimate relationship!

My SO doesn't nag me. I don't nag her. It's because we talk a lot. Everything, even the small niggles, get worked out before one of us has a chance to pounce on it.

My wife never ceases to amaze me. Every day she seems to find new and irrelevant things to nag about.

One of the best was when she complained I never just go up and fondle her anymore. So about 2 hours later I went into the bedroom to do just that. She was infront of the mirror complaining about her spots and squeezing them. Then she farted.

Walking out while shaking my head seemed to be the only option left open to me :D

Are you married? If so, how long?

Same. We're not married and have been dating for 5 years. (Might as well be married sometimes though considering we live 5 minutes from each other when not at school :lol: )

my wife doesn't nag although she seems to have her own way of letting me know when things bother her!

I think the dynamics of a relationship change somewhat once you are actually living together, day-in day-out. It is interesting that you've been dating for such a long time and do not share an apartment or house. Not like there's a deadline or anything, just curious.

Well, I'm nearly 22 and she 21, so there's plenty of time for that...you know, college and all.

I can see where the dynamics might change, but I honestly don't think they should change too much in a relationship with constant communication. At least, not in a situation like ours. What I mean is, while we don't live together technically speaking, when we're not at school we see each other pretty much every day and the only real difference between the amount of time we spend together then and if we were living together is that we don't sleep in the same bed. Otherwise, we don't see each other when either of us is working and pretty much do all the rest of the time. We ate meals together probably 75-80% of the time this past summer while we were home. Naturally, when we're at school it's a bit different since we go to school about 2 hours away from each other.

Now, I don't think that our relationship is typical of most, but I don't think that's attributed to luck or anything like that. I think most of the time people move in with each other too early, get married too early, and do pretty much everything too early. And the sociological statistics back me up on this as well. People who get married over the age of 25 have a 24% less chance of divorce than those who get married before that age, and for those who live together before marriage, I have read of studies that show up to an 80% increased chance in divorce and never a study that shows a decrease.

My point is that I think we don't nag or anything because we take things very slowly. Many people, I think, have a wonderfully romantic view that love conquers all, or love is all you need, but it's just not true. This past 5 years, instead of working on things that come up at the same time as living together, have been spent learning about each other's habits and interests in a relaxed environment with no pressure to find hasty resolutions. I may not live with her, but I know how she does laundry, how she cooks, what kinds of foods she likes and dislikes, what types of shows she watches, what kinds of things she reads, what kinds of decorative styles she likes...etc. Yet, even then, there's still always more. No, it's not possible to know everything one may need to know in advance, but I think it's very important that even now we discuss what kinds of environments we might like to live in, what kinds of names we might like for our children, etc. I think that gives you an idea the extent to which our communication goes when we are discussing these things for no reason other than to learn about each other, and I think it helps tremendously that these things are discussed BEFORE they need to be. And that's just the major things, but it extends to minor subjects as well.

So, what I'm getting at is that it's all in the communication. It's not like we don't get upset or annoyed at one another - of course we do - but it's rarely real anger and rarely lasts more than a few minutes. Most of the time it's just her getting annoyed by me being annoying or me getting frustrated at her clumsiness. But, as stereotypically cheesy as it may seem, I don't think either of us would want the other to be any less who they are now in that regard.

Anyway, I'm starting to ramble...sorry. This is one of those topics that I tend to go off on a bit because it really pains me sometimes to hear about various situations that arise in some people's relationships.