honey_bear

I hardly ever find a girl I can actually like. About two years ago I found someone that had everything I was looking for. We got along great and started to hangout almost every day. No type of relationship ever happened between us, but there are always very high tensions. After about a year of being friends we started to argue constantly. Every time we talked it would turn into a game of hate. We probably stopped talking to each other 6 or so times because it got so bad, but each time we couldn't stay away from each other and eventually got to be friends again. About a month or so ago we really got into a bad argument and now she claims to never wants to talk to me again. She has told friends of mine that she can't stand to be around me because it really hurts her - even when we aren't directly interacting. I understand that enough is enough ... all the arguing needed to stop. She is one of the most amazing people I have ever met, and she thinks the same of me. I really wish we could be friends again. I miss having her as part of my life.

I do not know if anyone here cares, or has any advice, but I really needed to briefly talk about it.

zen_tom

So what are/were your arguments about?

X3N0

My biggest question is what the arguing is about, and what is the cause of all the hate. If you figure that out, you might find a way to root out the problem all together and maintain your friendship.

You may just need to give her some time away from your relationship. This could give her the time to calm down, and feel more comfortable around you.

Whatever happens, happens. No regrets.

Best way to live, I'm trying to stick to it.

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honey_bear

90% of our arguments are about whether or not we should get involved with each other. How this has gone on for two years, I don't know.

I'd like to give her some time away, but we work with each other and have the same friends, so when one of us hangs out with the group then the other person won't be there - very annoying. It's rare I go a single day without seeing her at least once.

zen_tom

And who stands on which side of the argument? Or do you swap over?

honey_bear

It goes back and forth. We're both very fickle.

arf

Well I would suggest to try and reconcile. After that start a serious relationship, since by the sounds of things you both are thinking about it. If it happens it happens, if it doesn't well at least you tried.

Averett

If you argue so much about getting together, maybe you need to take that as a sign that it's not going to happen. If you want a friendship, you'll let it go.

If a relationship is going to happen, it will. You don't need to talk the subject to death to the point of fighting.

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

honey_bear

First off, thanks to all who have repiled. It's always nice to hear what others think.

Averett: We both know nothing will ever happen between us - we gave that up a long time ago. Now i'm simply trying to get our friendship back together. We both have an understanding that we won't discuss a relationship anymore, but whenever we get around each other we just feel anxious, depressed, and just generally bad. That's the main thing that's in the way of friendship.

I think my general plan now is to just talk to her even if she doesn't respond. A 'hey' when I see her and a 'bye' when she leaves might help out?

water_boy1999

It's none of my business, but would you mind sharing why the relationship would never work? If she is this totally amazing woman as you say, and you have this great friendship when you are getting along, then why not?

You say tensions are high. Sexual tensions? So......you think she is amazing, you are attracted to her, you are capable of having a friendship, but for some reason you have both decided that there will never be a "relationship"?

If she is hurt all the time when you are there, interacting with each other or not, then perhaps I am just missing some of the details.

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honey_bear

Yes, it's a great friendship ... when we get along. We're both unstable, emotionally scarred, immature, fickle, and bipolar.

I need her as a friend again.

Mary__Jane

Next time you see her, walk right up to her and say, "I need you as a friend again."

I think that a good many relationship problems come from pride... being too proud to be the vulnerable one... being too proud to admit that you really like someone... not wanting anyone else to know that you're the one who caved.

Try being as honest as possible... just lay your cards on the table and see who wins the pot. You never know, she might want to split it.

jaded

talk to her about how you feel and apologize if necessary. maybe she feels the same way but is just reluctant to be first one to break the ice. if you feel shy opening up to her face to face, write to her. in either case, if she is really amazing and a good friend as you described, she would want to become friends again. if not, maybe she doesnt feel the same way about you as you do about her, or maybe the past wound could never be healed, then at least you can get an answer and move on with your life, with or without her.

Stiltzkin

<i>Why?</i> This makes no logical sense.
Again, <i>why?</i> This doesn't make any sense either.
Sure, or you could just kiss her, because I'm pretty sure that's what you and her both want, and see what happens?

Forgive any brash assumptions I may have made if they are wrong.

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