la petite moi

So this is the five billionth question I've asked on this board about marriage and the like, so...

If a boy proposes to the girl with a ring, what does the girl give the guy? Does she go out and buy him a ring after marriage proposal? Or does the guy buy his own?

Basically, who all buys the rings?

bitrunner

Well I know I bought all the rings. But we looked for wedding bands together and decided what we wanted.. Do you want your wedding bands to match? If so you might want to buy them together.

Also did the ring he bought you come with a matched wedding band?

la petite moi

He hasn't gotten me a ring yet; we're just wondering what is the right thing to do. He is probably going to propose to me with a ring I haven't seen, though we could probably go later and pick one out for him.

spindles

I don't think it is tradition for the guy to get anything at engagement from the girl.

My wife and I both shopped for her engagment ring together - better to get something she actually wants to wear rather than something I think she would like to wear.

We also got our wedding rings from the same jeweler, to make the engagement ring/wedding ring match (and we do have matching rose gold weddings bands - mine is just bigger).

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Bill O'Rights

The "right" thing to do is what suits you and your fiance. A little advice though. 1.) Let him pick out his own ring. My ring from my first marriage was so uncomfortable that I hardly ever wore it. I picked out my own ring for marriage #2, and I rarely take it off. 2.) you guys are young...very young. Don't bust the bank on your engagement ring. The money will be put to better use in other areas of your lives. There will be time later on for the "niceties" in life. Now, I'm not saying to pick your ring out at a bubblegum machine or anything, but rather avoid Tiffany's.

Oh...and by the way...congratulations.

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la petite moi

Heehee, thanks. We're rather excited, and we're totally hoping to make this work. We've already established that our rings will NOT be expensive- and he says that his family knows a jeweler, so that may work in our advantage. =) nwlinkvxd already knows about my style and where I work (Starbucks), so he knows that some huge rock or uncomfortable ring will not be a wise choice. As for him, we're not sure what we'll do.

Suave

You two seem comfortable enough that you don't need to rely on tradition (just from what I've seen on the boards anyways). From what I know of tradition though, the lady gets the engagement ring and a wedding band, and the guy just gets a wedding band when they're exchanged at the wedding.

Cynthetiq

I proposed to skogafoss in Iceland and I spoke to her in Icelandic (neither of are Icelandic we just love the place and people...)

It is the tradition in Iceland to exchange rings (simple bands) as a sign of being engaged. The ring is worn on the left hand for the man and when they wed the ring is switched to the right hand and the same goes for the woman's ring.

Since that was where I proposed I offered that we get matching rings to commerate the moment, but the offer was only good for this particular trip. We bought rings and I have worn a ring ever since we got engaged as that signified my own engagement.

Once we got married the ring moved hands, and now my actual wedding ring is on my left hand, and my Icelandic ring is on my right.

It's all a matter of what you chose, if you'd like to follow proper ettiquette, you can follow Emily Post's book, but I'm of the opinion that it's as proper as it fits for the two of you.

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FatherTed

Yeah, thats about it in Ireland.
You girls have got it sorted. You get a nice shiny ring with huge diamonds and we get . . . . . . You

raeanna74

Hubby actually did pick out my rings but we'd windows shopped for a while before and so he knew what I liked and didn't. I really do like mine. I know hubby didn't break the bank on it but it's been sturdy and perfect for me. I've not seen any other's quite like it either. It's twined white and yellow gold with 3 diamonds on the engagement ring and 1 on the band. The two fit together. Hubby didn't really want to bother with a ring but there was a man's wedding band in my Dad's family and he'd gotten the band. It was plain smooth yellow gold so we got it enlarged to fit hubby. For a while after we got married he was working changing oil at a dealership so a ring was somewhat in the way and he didn't wear it. Now it doesn't fit right so we'd have to get it resized. At first it irked me that he wouldn't wear it but that was cause I was a fearful newlywed. Now I know I can trust him and he doesn't need a ring to ward off other unsavory women. Get what fits you. If he's afraid to pick out something FOR you then get it together. Who really cares how that goes except for the two of you. No one will really even know unless you tell them either.

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la petite moi

But the biggest question I was asking is who pays for what? When the wedding rings are bought, who pays?

ShaniFaye

with my first husband....the engagement ring I got was one that was passed down in the family so there was no cost there.....as far as the wedding rings went...I bought his 44 bucks at service merchandise...34 bucks for mine and he paid for it.

Dave and I are looking at matching rings and we will pool our money together and pay for them

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raeanna74

Traditionally the man pays for your rings and I think his too. But It's totally up to you how you do it. If you're ok with pooling your money or paying for his ring, etc. then do it. It'll help him out.

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Cynthetiq

we did. it's YOUR choice. It's a we purchase. I wanted a particular ring as did Skogafoss. We earmarked a budget and we paid for it ourselves.

If you want him to pay for it, then make him pay for it. Ultimately the money comes from the same tree because at some point in time it's not his money or your money but OUR money.

If he pays for it then he doesn't have additional funds for after the wedding for other things.

we didn't want any aggravation from the parents about what we wanted so we didn't accept any money from them.

Want a headache? let them help you...it may work out in the end, but IMO I couldn't be bothered.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Cynthetiq

since you are also going to ask a mutitude of other questions about your future wedding, why not start reading Modern Bride, or TheKnot.com? You'll at least be able to bring something to the table to discuss instead of asking a one sided question...

there's no right or wrong way to get married... it's all up to the individuals...

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

kulrblind

In our case, we bought each other's bands... mind you, it was all a common pot of money at that point, so it was rather moot.

bitrunner

Like I said, I ended up buying all the rings, But I did not spend too much on the wedding rings so it was no big deal. Check out https://www.iweddingband.com thats were I got my ring from. Better price than I could find it local, and they had my size in stock and ready to ship.

Suave

Bride's parents pay for everything. Problem solved.

combatmedicjen

It doesn't matter who buys the rings. In our case, I bought xepherys a promise ring (which later got resized and turned into his wedding ring) and my own wedding ring, while he supplied the engagement ring.

I do believe that men's engagement watches are all the rage now. Strange, but whatever. Do what you want.

la petite moi

Problem with that is that my parents will not approve of what I'm doing.

bitrunner

My wife did try to buy my a watch as well, but I couldn't stand paying so much for a watch, when I don't wear the one I have!!

raeanna74

And here is the crux of the matter. You do what works for you. We did not use the standard wedding march (I believe funeral march from a certain opera - my memory is now hazy) and used Trumpet Voluntare. We used both our full names and full parents names for the invitations. Both sets of parents helped with the reception and the rehearsal dinner. We didn't have the guys wear tuxes - bought them double breasted suits from a the company that supplied suits for the traveling choral groups at college. Ended up being around $60 I think, per guy and they got to keep the suits. We did things as we felt best. We tried to be considerate of everyone and not ask any one person to do more than the normal that can be expected from the respective roles. I didn't have a bachelorette party but my 1 of bridesmades and my Maid of Honor lived about 8 hours away so it wasn't reasonable to ask for one. We had our own little "pizza" party the night before. Just keep it stress free, delegate, spread the responsibilities out and do what YOU want, even if it means eloping.

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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

Cynthetiq

my parents bought me a watch and gave it to me about 3 hours before we got married

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

BonesCPA

My understanding on etiquette of things - If a man proposes to a woman, then he gets her a ring. If a woman proposes to a man, she gets him a watch (currently the tradition.) The proposee does not have to get the other anything in return. (The whole concept of giving something ties into the whole concept of this is a legal agreement - one party proposes a "deal" and offers compensation to complete the deal.)

As far as payment of for the items - "traditionally" the proposer pays for the ring/watch with their own/family's funds. However, since we are now in the 21st century, it is whatever everyone is comfortable with - and there is always financing.

And as others have said, at this point in your life, don't break the bank. That is what 25th anniversaries are for.

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gar1976

Shit, I know what the girl better give the guy first....

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beofotch5

i am scared to look into this

SecretMethod70

That was unnecessary and completely offtopic.

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Alyssa

Wow! I actually just got engaged this past weekend. My...fiance (It's hard to say that without a little giggle) picked out the ring. It's a princess cut diamond on white gold. This wasn't the ring that I had always wanted, infact I always liked the three stone ring. But you know what, after seeing him on his knee looking up at me would make me feel happy to wear anything he would have picked out. He wishes he had more money to buy me what I wanted, but I'm perfectly happy with what I'm wearing right now (and can't stop showing it off to practical strangers on the street)

He was a little shocked when I told him about the Wedding Ring...he thought the engagement ring was the wedding ring and you just took it off on your wedding day and put it back on during the ceremony. He replied, "You mean you get two rings?" He then asked when he gets his ring, I told him during the ceremony...he sighed, I think he wants his own ring to show off right now.

Cynthetiq

congrats...

I got a ring after I proposed to my now wife I love my rings...

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Averett

Congrats Alyssa

There's nothing to say you can't go out and get him his own ring! It doesn't have to be a huge gaudy ring, you could just go out and get a simple yellow gold band, something he could wear in the meantime, until you two get married and he gets his wedding band.

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maleficent

Tell him not to be scared... the wedding ring is usually a gold band, more than likely, the engagement ring he bought has a companion ring to go with it... It's usually a fraction of the cost the engagement ring...

Oh and Congratulations to you ... That's so exciting for you.

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Redlemon

That is very cute. I remember my wife, who is a very serious person, just occasionally zoning out and staring into space in the first couple of weeks as she would suddenly remember that she was engaged.

And congrats!
Get him a claddagh ring. My wife gave me one, and I wore it until the wedding. Remember, for an engagement, it is left hand, and the heart points toward the wrist.

onodrim

I'll just echo what many others have said here already - do what works for the two of you. Figure out what is realistically affordable and go from there. It's <b>your</b> wedding, so don't worry about what's "right" or "wrong."

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pocon1

I picked out my wife's engagement ring. It is pretty small, because we were just finishing college at the time. We bought our wedding rings together, because we share everything in our marriage. I got a plain band, she got a ring which fits against her engagement ring and brackets the marquis cut stone with a pair of small baquette diamonds. Recently she bought me a titanium wedding band, but I returned it because it did not feel right. However, I bought her a plain gold band for her birthday because she just started a nurse program and you cannot wear stones or other designs that might scrape or hold biological stuff in the hospital. Needs to be able to clean easily.

tibbs

I bought her the engagement ring by myself. She wanted a 3 stone ring but, this being her third marriage, I kinda felt like that'd be like a Super Bowl ring. Ya' know, a big diamond for each win. So I just got her a solitare. It's smaller (1/3 carat) cause I wanted to spend the money on quality. It almost flawless. Still expensive as hell though.

Then she wanted to use a "wrap" for the wedding ring, But I've always felt that a wedding ring should be a simple thing you don't take off for anything. Something you will scrub the toilet wearing. So we bought her a wrap and a smaler 2mm wg band ti finish the set.

I must say, it looks really good and the band never leavs her hand.

I just got a titanium band.

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