klep

hello,

i dont know if this sort of thing is allowed but i'd quite like to just type about all the crap ive had the past month or so.


so a month ago my grandma died. my other grandma on my mother's side died when i was like 5 so i never knew her (she died in a fire when she dropped a lit cigarette when she fell alseep in bed smoking it) making this the first proper family death to have affected me. the grandma on my dad's side who died a month ago had breast cancer about 9 years or so ago. she got rid of it but never got better really. i dont understand why. she never stopped being depressed and was always on varius drug combinations. She went from being very youthful for her age to very old and frail. a month ago my parents got a call saying she had collapsed and to go to the hospital. they thought it was just one of her panic attacks but still, they left promptly. mum came home about an hour and a half later crying. i asked what was wrong and she said that my grandma had had a stroke and died. i sat with mum for 5 mins then went in my own room and cried for 15 minutes. then i slept 2 hours and i felt better.

fast forward to the evning of that same day. i talk to my girlfriend about it. she is very supportive but is obviously upset. it seems odd she'd be upset about a woman that she has never met so i ask what's wrong. she tells me that she doesnt think we're going to work out when we go to uni (in 2 weeks time) and that she thinks it may be better if we break up. we've been going out for 3 years 4 months so it's a big deal.




over the next 2 weeks my girlfriend continues to have doubts about us working out at uni. i'm seriously thinking we're going to end (there's a post i made about this in the sexuality forum). i'm seriously bummed about it but totally hoping we will work out. we decide to give it a go. a good month or so at uni to see if it will work out.

mean while in these 2 weeks i had my grandma's funeral. never been to one before and it wasnt pleasant. good thing was i got to see cousins who i get on very well with but dont see often.

so summary of the 2 weeks leading up to uni:
grandma dies
girlfriend shows first reservations about not wanting to be with me when we go to uni
attend grandma's funeral (not all bad but still depressing)
girlfriend shows even bigger doubts about working out at uni.



so now i actually go to uni. i got in to the one i wanted (kent in Canterbury) and did it with good grades (ABB at A-level) so im happy im going to the right place. all my guyfriends came out with me to town for a last time in quite a while before i went so that was cool. we all got merry and went our seperate ways. i'll miss them all but leaving friends behind is something everyone has to go through so i guess i cant whine about this too much but still, it's not cool leaving them all behind.

4 days in to my first week at uni my girlfriend phones and compltely ends it with me. ilove that girl and to be told she doesnt want to be with me anymore is the most depressing thing in the world. i spend 40 mins cryin to my sister about it. i'm 5 hours from home and havent made any decent friends. my friends back home are busy and not on the net to talk to. i feel very alone. i feel far worse than when my grandma died than when my girlfriend left me (i dont knwo if that is wrong or not really). atleast when my grandma died i thought it was best for her and everyone else but when my girlfriend dumped me i just think its the worst decision ever made. it feels so wrong.


the past week i've not beem in contact with exgirlfriend. her phone broke and she didnt have the net so coudlnt contact me. ive been trying to move on. today she finally got in contact via msn and all my feelings i had the night she broke up came flooding back and i said alot of nasty shit that i wish i didnt.



to conclude
in the past month my grandma has died and ive been to her funeral
ive left all my friends behind and gone to a uni far from home
my girlfriend broke up with me after going to uni so i had very few people for support
have had a subsequent fight with girlfriend and am finding it very hard to get over her



now what i guess im asking is whether im being a pussy about this. i know everyone loses people close to them when they pass away, i know everyone has harsh break ups and i know everyone loses friends when they go to uni so am i crying about all this for no good reason? i'm just so down at the moment because it's all happened in such a short time frame i think and unfortunately this is the time when i need to be very happy and outgoing to make new friends but it's so damn hard. im sure if all this went on when i was at home id be fine as i had friends for support butnow im here i cant talk to people abotu this stuff.


anyway, reply telling me i need to quit whining or whatever, or dont reply. i dont really knwo what i expect in reply to my post but it was kind of therapeutic typing it.

cheers

2sheds

that's a rough month, dude. i don't think anyone will fault you for feeling low.

mourn your losses. keep the lines of communication open with your family and your old friends. these days, with email and chat and such, your loved ones are just a keyboard away.

you've just started college. you may have no idea how much your life is going to change over the next few years. i know i was suprised by how different i was after my first year at school.

a year from now you'll remember your grandmother's passing and be sad. but you'll also be anxious to get back to school and be with your friends again.

personally, i did things a little differently. i followed my high school girlfriend to the college she went to. the relationship ended a semester and a half later. but then i met the woman i ultimately married.

anyway, i've rambled enough at this point.

__________________
Depression is just anger without enthusiasm. It’s having an empty beer bottle but no one to throw it at.

SaltPork

klep, you're what, 18-19? Be happy that you've lived life to that point without a major loss of a loved one. You are fortunate indeed. I'm not taking away from your grief, it's still very difficult to get through.

On the GF, losses like that are hard, but a 3-4 month relationship is still very short. There will be other women that you will meet and fall in love with, hopefully that was the last one that will break your heart.

Friends...hmm, that's a tough one. You'll make friends-good friends-in time. Meanwhile just hang out with people that have similar interests, go to parties, etc.

None of these is earth-shattering on their own, but piled all together...hoooo-boy, not so good. Hang in there, pal, things will get better. You can't bring your grandma back, but you can remember the warm memories you had of her. You will find a new GF, probably one that makes your heart sing...when you find that one, you'll know. You will always have friends where ever you go, they just aren't always in the most obvious places.

Everyone goes through all of it and we all survive. None of it's easy...just don't dwell on the past.

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It was like that when I got here....I swear.

klep

thanks guys. nice to know i'm just in my lowness. only thing i want to clarify is with wrkime. "but a 3-4 month relationship is still very short". i can't tell if you misread what i wrote as being "three to four months" or if you write '3-4 months' as an abreviatiuon for 3 years 4 months but just to clairfy i went out with my girlffriend for 3 years 4 months. whilst this may not seem liek that long of a time when you're older and married or whatever, when you're 18 threee years is really quite a large chunk of my life so far. certaoinly the majroity of my adolescent life has been spent with her which is why it hit me so hard and cut so deep. had it been a 3-4 month relationship i doubt i'd be that bothered.

having said all that, maybe you did read what i said fine and still consider it to not be too long of a time which isfair enough.

cheers you two.

Thomas

isis

Nah, even short relationships can take a toll. Especially if you've gone through a downer such as your grandmother dying. Don't sell your unhappiness short based on the length of your relationship. If you love this girl, then obviously you are going to feel hurt.

I'm going to offer some better words in the morning for you, its too late and I don't have good advice at the moment - but know you're not alone. I've gone through the same thing with shorter relationships and I know how hard it is.

agball

I feel for you man, unfortunatelly I find in life that bad luck comes in spurts, as does good luck. Be patient things will turn for the better soon. As far as your X goes, relationships are tough to get over, you are not alone, but it sounds to me like she has found someone else. Be patient it will only get better!!!

__________________
"A friend with weed is a friend indeed"

Suave

I don't know how any of you can consider a relationship over 3 years long to be a "short" relationship, and I'm going to assume you misread it. Anyways, that's some harsh stuff, but to be a bit cliche, bad things do normally seem to come in groups (I promised myself not to say "in threes"), as do good things. You're probably in for an emotional windfall at some point in the not-so-distant future.

chromanin

My condolences, you've caught a rough break for sure. On the brighter side, at least your g/f was honest about her feelings
and you won't be wasting time & opportunity under a pretense of still being together. You seem like a cool guy, so I'm certain those opportunities (read: girls who like you) are just around the proverbial corner.