ixion

I'm going through a bit of a tough situation right now, she was the one that got away before we ever really had a chance. It's making me miserable. I found a corny poem that sums up the situation better than I would be able to describe it:

She was the one, that lit my fire,
the one, who made my desire.
I never knew how love felt,
until I looked at her, and had my heart melt.
It would have been great to hold her,
but I had fear, that had no cure.
I never did tell her, my inner most feelings,
I just couldn't, I was always reeling.
Then one day she said, I love you,
but I wasn't sure, could it be true.
I asked her if she had meant it,
but she went quiet, like she had exposed a secret.
When she finally did answer, she withdrew,
saying she didn't mean to say I love you.
So I missed my chance, her fear had cracked,
but did I have courage, no I lacked.
Maybe if I had been brave, I'd of received a kiss,
but I wasn't, so I missed out on that bliss.
Now she's moved on, but I can't forget,
it burns inside, I'm full of regret.
But there's nothing I can do,
I was the one who never said, I love you.

Source.

What I'm wondering now is, if it didn't work out was it never meant to be? Does anyone have any similar experiences or suggestions for moving on?

Cynthetiq

really had a chance? what you walked past her in the hall? you never got the nerve to ask her out? she was friends of a friend and moved away?

Not that any of those answers matter..but I'm sorry if you think that it felt good to just dream about it, well it's even better when you do something about it.

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Coll Storm

I just removed your poem, because I need to be very direct.

1: How recent was this situation?

2: Is she involved with anyone?

The reason why I'm asking is simple. If the situation is that recent, and you have all this regret about not saying anything back to her...

Why don't you go after her? If you really love her that much ( and from the sound of it... it's a mutual thing ) then you should stop at nothing to get her back.

Unless you're stalking her... then that's just sick!!!

ixion

OK I guess I need to post a bit of background info: This is a recent situation, I met her about 2 months ago, and we became friends. She was really flirting with me for about a week (about a month ago) we didn't get together because of conflicting schedules, etc. So after that week we started talking less and less. Now we hardly talk, and she's with another guy. So... I suppose there's not much I can do now. Hindsight is a bitch, I should have jumped when I had the chance.

Cynthetiq

sorry. you snooze you lose. plain and simple.

be on the look out for the next opportunity and instead of not doing anything about it... do something.

slugo

or keep in touch as friends and when she breaks up with the other guy, you'll be there ready to pick up the pieces.

but don't do anything yourself to bring about that result(the breakup), as that would be bad karma(or whatever underlying universal principle that you choose to believe is at work)

and if that never happens, and she is happy, you can be happy for her. after all, if you care deeply about her, that's all that'll matter.

and in the meantime you might meet someone new that stirs the same feelings, for there are plenty of people out there, and you'll know from experience not to miss your oppurtunity.

maybe she'll have some cute friends to set you up with

ixion

Thanks for the advice slugo! I didn't look at it that way, but it makes perfect sense. I guess I had a bit of one-itis. She has a really unique personality and is very intelligent and I'm very picky, girls like her are few and far between in this city, but I'll keep looking.

slugo

well, just trying to help. and we all get that one-itis alot, so don't feel bad.
y'never know what's coming around the bend, so just keep your eyes open.

Cynthetiq

slugo, good points.

but the best part you mention is to keep your eyes open.

I was VER bitter when I broke up with who I thought "the one" was. I didn't date for many years after that. It closed my eyes and heart to seeing what was around me, that even when I did finally meet a nice girl, I went through all the motions until I realized that's exactly what was going on. Until one day out of the blue...

here's an excerpt from another post of mine:

Esco

I played high school football and she played volleyball for another high school(6 hours away). I would travel to her school and exchange stares, she would travel to my school and do the same. We would give each looks all the time but would never, ever approach each other. This went on for 2 years before a mutual friend finally introduced us. We got to spend one short night together(not quite that way). The next day she came to see me off and to say she was moving in 2 months. I never got to see her again.

She was so beautiful and such a sweet gal. I had the oppurtunity to establish a two year relationship but instead only got a night together ... which I guess is more than others. But still, one of my biggest regrets ever.

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PhatnS2pid

I'll deal with YOU first. A lot of people lack the ability to just go "HEY <insert name>, would you like to <insert activity> with me <insert time frame>?", and for numerous reasons (cluelessness being a big one). Being an ass and going "never had a chance? yaddah yaddah, you should have blah blah" and communicating with a holier-than-thou tone helps no one.

-edit: Just re-read that and realised it came off as a little harsh. I'm not trying to attack you, just giving a little differing point-of-view criticism (but I'm not going to change my text either ). Just wanted to explain a bit so I didn't inadvertantly start a fight with you.

As far as "it's even better when you do something about it", no, it's not. In a small number of cases it is, but most people have horribly overblown expectations of others and of situations and become disappointed as all hell (assuming she says yes) once their dream is realised.

Now as for the topic poster, "never meant to be" is not the kind of phrase I would ever use. It implies that there's some higher power controlling your ability to get it on with people. I'm a religious man, but using fate in any context other than a poetic one normally just leaves people room for excuses and easy cop-outs.

I'd say what another person said in that if you can, try to contact her again and see what she says. Since you know each other a bit, it should hopefully not be too difficult. If you either can't or don't want to for some reason, to get over her, you COULD use rationalization (cop-outs) such as that fate idea you threw out there, but again, I'm not a big fan. I'd say focus on the present and future, and check out other prospects for your affections. Even if you don't find any right away, you'll at least be keeping that aspect of yourself occupied away from thoughts of her.

ixion

That's not really what I meant... I guess need to explain things more when I throw out ideas that are going through my head. When I said 'never meant to be' I was really thinking something like this: 'it seems to me like we would really make a great couple, but do we actually have really incompatible personalities and I'm not realizing it?' I've been talking with her a bit lately, and I think this might be the case.